41. Chapter 41 #2
I hold on tightly to the pole near the doors, trying to ignore the body odour coming from the man wearing a suit behind me. Hating every second of having this awful-smelling man pressed against me, silently hoping his smell doesn’t rub off on me, all I can do is close my eyes and count the stops.
Ugh, maybe this day wasn’t going great after all because everything was reminding me of the Walters brothers. Even this stinky man in a suit, although it was nothing compared to the ones Oliver used to wear.
But it does remind me of how I used to run my fingers over every inch of his expensive fabric, the increase in my heart rate when I got closer to revealing his Calvin Klein boxers, but most of all, unlike this unhygienic man, Oliver released pheromones that descended from heaven itself.
That man smelled like a God.
The smell of fresh soap stuck to his skin when he was fresh out of the shower, mixed with his expensive woody cologne, never failed to get me drunk.
I have never been one to drink or do drugs, but getting high off Oliver was an addiction I was willing to have for life.
Even his sweat smelled God-like, made me want to lick it off him.
If I concentrated hard enough, I swear I could smell him and forget all about my riding buddy.
By the time the stop before mine came, I opened my eyes, looking at myself in the reflection of the door and saw tears in my eyes.
I wasn’t doing a very good job of forgetting the man of my past when I reached into my bag for my mirror and a tissue to fix the mess before it ruined my makeup.
Just as I’m about to put my mirror away, I see a familiar head of curly brown hair.
Snapping my head around startles the people around me, including Oscar the Grouch next to me, but I could have sworn I saw…
then I do see a child wearing a Mario shirt, but I tell myself the little boy I’m searching for isn’t the only one in the world to have a Super Mario obsession; most kids his age did.
My stop comes, and I jump off before people bulldoze their way on.
Now standing on the platform, I search through the windows for another glance at that little boy again, but nothing.
Once the underground departs, I shake my head.
This is silly; I knew more than anyone that Oliver would never willingly take public transport anyway, and I deem myself crazy as I aim to exit the station.
On route to the care home, I’m spiralling on the inside.
I could have sworn…I was wrong to think I could go at least one day without thinking about them.
I can’t deny how much I miss them; I miss Theo and his bright, innocent aura that I swear could cure the world’s problems; I miss Oliver, that stubborn, Surly Bastard I’m… still in love with.
I miss living with him, and no matter how hard I try, the memory of them continues to haunt me. I don’t even realise I reach the care home when I feel tears trickling down my face.
I’d even passed the new block of flats next to the care home without trying to steal a peek. It had been under construction for months now, though my concern right now was to sneak inside and make a beeline to the bathroom, finish the last of my tears and touch up my makeup.
“Luna? When did you get here??” Tracy gasps, running into me exiting the bathroom. I take a big sniff and smile at her.
“A few minutes ago, sorry, I was just dying for the bathroom,” I lie. She raises her eyebrows. Seeing right through my ruse, she just pulls me into a brief hug, then leads me towards the children.
Tracy knows what I need is distraction, and who better to do that than my little loves, ready to pump me with all the serotonin I could need, and of course, the moment I walk up into their communal bedroom, they do just that.
The room fills with children of various ages screaming my name before I can even get my coat off.
They all come racing towards me, arguing over who gets to hug me first. In the end, my body crashes to the floor, and I have all ten children on top of me, laughing and giggling at our homemade dog pile.
Their infectious laughter makes me join in immediately as I manoeuvre around to give each of them an individual squeeze and a kiss on the head, then Tracy works her way through pulling them off me, one by one.
I lay on the floor until there’s one child left, the little koala, also known as Mei. Despite being crushed by her brothers and sisters, she held on for dear life with her body clinging to me.
“Hey, Mei Bear,” I whisper, pulling the two of us up in a seating position and stroking her hair.
“I miss you,” she blurts in broken English. The three words pull at my heartstrings; as the youngest here, she has had it the hardest.
Learning English isn’t easy, and the closest friend she managed to make was no longer here; she was back to only communicating with me.
She did try with the other children on and off.
Though she and I had been stuck at the hip since I quit that job.
Which is why I make no attempt to peel her off me as the other children sit on the floor in front of us and all tell me about their week.
A while later, I’m sitting alongside the children at the arts and crafts table.
The children tell me all about how happy they are that it’s adoption day tomorrow, the reason we’re making lanterns today - well, that and for the Chinese New Year celebration we’ll have in a few weeks.
Helping each of the kids out and keeping them busy while Tracy and Randall make a start on lunch.
Then I shed a few more tears as Oscar, the oldest here, tells me he’s being adopted tomorrow, and he expresses how happy he is despite how much he’ll miss it here.
I remind him that he’s always welcome here and that I will be there for his adoption tomorrow, as Tracy calls the kids for lunch.
The older kids and Randall are making sure everyone washes their hands, and Tracy gently grabs my elbow to stop me from clearing up.
“Sorry, I didn’t warn you about Oscar. We found out about this a few hours ago and didn’t want to overwhelm you after this morning,” she apologises.
“Don’t be, this is a happy occasion. I already told him I’d be there tomorrow morning.” I sat with a smile.
“Sorry about this morning, I just needed a moment,” I admit as Tracy pulls me into a surprise hug.
“Don’t you ever apologise for that, not after everything you do here for the kids and us. You know we’re here for you to lean on when you need it, right?” she declares, pinching my chin. I nod back in response, not feeling brave enough to speak without tears appearing again.
“Well, better get these kids fed; I’m gonna fix you a plate. Take some time for yourself while they eat,” she adds gently.
“Thanks, Trace, I’ll be in soon.”
She nods, giving me a pat on the shoulder and walks away.
I spent the next twenty minutes cleaning up the explosion of glitter, PVA and chopped pieces of paper, then neatly put all the lanterns in a cardboard box to keep them out of reach whilst they dry.
Once the mess is cleared, I put the foldable table away, so the kids have more room to play after lunch is done.
It’s my every intention to join the others, but my body pulls me towards the hallway, and I end up sitting down on the bench, not far from the entrance.
I don’t feel like eating and decide to take full advantage of a small break from the kids as I stare at the wall of memories, filled with photographs of all the kids who’ve been here from the start, when this place first opened years ago, way before I was born.
The wall displayed them through the years as they found new homes and the few times they came to visit.
I think about the sense of family this place has, and today, all I can think about is when it’s my turn to find my family, to have what LJ and Macy have, what Gran and Ji-ji had…I think about the family I found, but couldn’t have.
I bury my head in my hands, trying to pull myself together, so confused as to why I feel so emotional today, when the entrance doors to the care home burst open, and the sound of rapid feet soaks up the hallway.
Though I don’t turn to look until my name is screamed at the top of tiny lungs, suddenly a particular Mario-themed outfit comes into view, my heart stops, and I slowly rise to my feet.
The pulse in my ears goes haywire, my eyes grow blurry, and after stumbling forward a few steps, I drop to my knees just in time for a pair of slightly longer arms than I remember to choke their way around my neck, and his little face buries itself in my neck, and we crash on impact.
Then came tears.
Sobbing in sadness, in relief.
Oh god, I hold him so tight it hurts, just to make sure it’s really him.
“T-Theo…” I gasp, and finally, I feel like I can breathe for the first time in months and softly stroke his curls.
“I m-missed you so much,” he stutters. His grip around me gets tighter, giving me seconds before my air supply cuts off - like I care. Neither of us tries to break apart.
“I-I missed you too s-sweetie,” I whisper back, pulling back just enough to plant a hard kiss on his cheek, diving back into the hug. Too afraid that if I let up, he might disappear.