40. Talk to me, Azizam #2
"Jadeth Stonebriar was my first love. He made himself my whole world, so much so that I couldn't look beyond him.
He came into my life at a difficult time.
My mother had just died in a battle with the goblins and I was drowning in grief.
I was barely able to function, merely five decades old.
I was adrift, trying to make sense of the injustice that life had dealt me.
He came into my life like a knight in shining armor.
His quiet strength was the pillar of support I could finally rest against. He was the tether that tied me to reality.
He infiltrated every aspect of my life, made himself an integral part of my existence.
He became my crutch, in dealing with the grief of losing Mother.
Only, I didn't know at that time that it came at a great cost. My freedom. "
Snow had stopped singing as if sensing the poignant memories plaguing my mind.
She swoops down perching on my shoulder, rubbing her downy head against my cheek.
Offering me silent comfort. I turn toward Azael whose expression has grown stony.
But his eyes blaze with a fire that threatens to consume me, so I focus on the violets blooming nearby instead.
"I was naive to think that possessiveness equaled love.
And that's what Jadeth turned into slowly.
A possessive beast. Initially he was quite reasonable and understanding.
But as time went by, he became more controlling.
Monitoring my every move. He didn't like me talking to anyone else.
Even with the maids in the manor I had grown up in.
He only allowed Isla, my handmaid at that time, to retain close contact.
"I tried to chalk it up to the newness of our relationship, but it only worsened over time.
He grew cold and distant. Refused to let me feed off him when I tried to oppose him in any way.
I once tried to seek an indirect source of essence because I was starved and he acted like I had wronged him, cheated on him.
He made me feel guilty, so much so that I never tried to seek another again.
"Afterwards he punished me by starving me some more. Even made me think I deserved it. By the time he fucked me I was glad for his attention.” I glance at Azael’s thunderous face but look away, reliving those memories.
“I foolishly thought that it was his version of love.
Angry love, but love nevertheless. That he couldn't bear the thought of losing me.
He used to convince me with sweet words.
He could be very persuasive when he chose to be. "
I feel a menacing aura oozing from Azael so I spare another glance, but I wish I hadn't.
The tendons on his wrists and arms are taut with the way his fists are clenched.
His shoulders rise and fall fast with rapid inhales.
Murderous rage graces his handsome face.
I'm not sure if I should continue so I ask quietly, "Should I continue or have you heard enough? "
"Continue. Please." He utters in a voice like crushed rocks.
"I'm not sure if you're ready to hear the rest. It only gets worse." I offer to spare him.
His blazing sapphire eyes turn dark, "You lived through it, Azizam. The least I could do is listen."
Nodding, I absently stroke Snow’s feathery wings, who's perched on my palm. I'm going to need her soft presence to act as a buffer against the harshest memory.
"The Stonebriar clan was supposedly a clan of gargoyles.
I had never heard of them, but I was a sheltered young succubus who didn't know all the factions of supernaturals residing in Mytherra.
Jadeth said he was the last of his line, an orphan, another thread that connected us.
And I believed him. I was devoted to him, after all.
"But over the span of a year, his personality changed drastically.
Gone was the reasonable, loving gargoyle I fell for.
He became paranoid and unhinged. Tried to keep me under house arrest, not even letting me step outside in the gardens.
I was tired of living like a prisoner in my own home.
But whenever I protested he used to punish me or threaten me.
Said bad things could happen if I left his sight.
That he'd employ others to make sure I learned my lesson, should I betray him.
I can practically hear Azael’s pounding heartbeat but I keep my gaze off him.
"I was scared, hurt and angry. Isla was the only companion I was allowed, but even she was monitored closely.
Then one day things came to a head. I had sneaked out into the garden to cuddle with a hare and her babies.
She had recently burrowed on my property and I was excited.
I heard Jadeth shouting at the attendants.
He had upended the entire manor in search of me.
"I rushed inside in panic only for him to backhand me then drag me by my hair to our room.
I struggled the entire way but he was too strong.
My magic was also not this strong. He had starved me for a few days so I wasn't able to fight him off.
A mad light glinted in his eyes as he forced himself upon me, tearing at my clothes.
I couldn't budge him off as he held my arms and legs immobile.
He'd turned his body to stone to smother me with his weight and was about to rape me when I let go off my morals and kissed him, intentionally sucking his life force into me.