59. Finding The Way Back
Rhazien
The last few days have been an endless battle against an invisible enemy.
I am paralyzed by the fear of losing Aleiraah—my reason to live.
With each of her faint breaths, anguish carves away at my soul.
She looks ethereal, elusive as a mirage, her ruby-red hair suddenly laced with gold.
My Love is changing before my eyes, while I remain frozen, unable to reach her. It is an excruciating feeling.
I press my lips to her pulse, reassuring myself that blood still thrums in her veins—that I haven’t lost her. My hunger for her blood is building again, and I fear losing my mind to the agony of her absence.
The unexpected arrival of the babies tempered our grief for a while, but the joy of their birth was soon eclipsed when Aleiraah did not wake. I had desperately hoped that by some miracle she’d wake up once the babies were here.
I can’t imagine being a father to our children without her by my side.
They are a gift that I never envisioned since vampires cannot procreate naturally.
Young vampires are sired by a bite from a powerful elder vampire, and I never gave it much thought––having children of my own.
But the four little darlings are as much mine as their biological sires’.
I only wish we had welcomed them under happier circumstances.
Why can’t we catch a break? Lifetimes of suffering should be enough. Why must we endure this trial? Why was I too late in reaching her? Brave soul that she is, she rescued herself and us. She has been saving me—saving all of us—since the very beginning.
Snow perches on Aleiraah’s barely moving chest. The little bird chirps like chiming bells—haunting, yet peaceful. Like something divine, almost sacred.
But the sense of peace is shattered as Aleiraah suddenly stops breathing.
“NO!” I shout, raw fear digging its icy talons in my heart.
The healer hurries over, sending healing energy into her still form, but the golden tethers dim. Chaos erupts. Everyone rushes to Aleiraah’s side, grabbing hold of her to force the fading tethers to stay connected to our mate.
I grab Aleiraah’s hand, willing her to live. She can’t leave me behind.
Come back to me, Love. I can’t exist in a world which you no longer are a part of.
Aleiraah
The tide recedes, leaving behind shells at my feet, like glittering jewels. Forgotten, almost like me, wrapped in seafoam.
I stare at the pretty shells for a long moment, lying around my feet, and notice my flat belly with a jolt.
Where did the babies go? Someone once said that they loved me…
Before I can fully grasp that thought, it’s snatched away by a sudden breeze.
I gaze at the horizon as a sense of melancholy wraps around my heart.
Even with the warm sand beneath my feet, a chill spreads through my body.
The sea breathes in a slow, eternal rhythm—pull and release, accepting and letting go—as though it’s trying to teach me how to let go.
Here, my soul hums oddly—neither anchored nor adrift. It feels fractured, suspended, waiting for a decision I refuse to make. I wonder if I can return to my life.
At times I hear snatches of conversation. My name uttered in desperation, by anguished voices. I think it’s my anchors but it’s all fuzzy.
It still feels unbelievable that I’m a soul demon. I thought I was just a succubus with limited powers. Fate must have been laughing at my naiveté.
Seven lives. Seven lovers. Seven males whose souls are stitched into mine so deeply that even death couldn’t sever the bond.
I remember them laughing with me under unfamiliar stars. Dying with me. Loving me fiercely, foolishly. I remember promises whispered over lifetimes—that we would always find each other again. That no matter how many times the world burned us down, we would rise together.
And I remember the betrayal just as vividly.
The way they looked at me when I needed them to believe, instead they gave me judgment. Righteous anger dressed in cruelty.
My chest tightens, breath catching painfully. The ache hasn’t dulled with the passing tides. Understanding their reasons doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I know my powers are bound to them.
Soul demon. Anchor-bound.
Desire, connection, resurrection—without them it’s all unfinished business.
And yet…here I am. Hesitant, yet hopeful.
What if I never go back?
The thought slips in quietly, seductive in its cowardice. This shore, standing by an erosive sea, asks nothing of me. No forgiveness. No confrontation. No reopening scars that still bleed when pressed.
Here, I don’t have to see remorse in their eyes or acknowledge that it’s sincere while forgetting my own pain. Here, I don’t have to decide if love can survive what they did to me.
Remaining in this lonely paradise would be…peaceful.
I close my eyes, letting the sea spray kiss my skin, and for a heartbeat, I consider it.
Then I scoff softly.
Since when have I ever been afraid of pain?
I open my eyes again, jaw tightening. I’ve faced gods, monsters, death itself—over and over, across millenia. I’ve loved recklessly, knowing it might destroy me. I’ve survived betrayals that should have shattered my soul completely. Only for it to be strengthened time and again.
I am no coward.
If this is another trial—another crucible meant to temper me—then I shall face it too. Whether that path leads me back to them, or away from them forever, I will choose it.
The waves lap at my toes as if in silent agreement.
Crouching, I pick up a seashell. A dainty golden pink one seeping sand and salt water. Rubbing the smooth surface absently, a memory flits through my mind.
I laugh in the sun, dodging my mates on a pink sandy beach by an azure sea.
I duck under Silas’s grabby hands ready to tickle me, only for Azael to swoop in and fly me toward the ocean.
Zien snatches me away with vampire speed, hauling me over his shoulder until Archie’s wolf ambushes us, making him falter.
Alistair seizes the moment, plucking me away with pretty flowery vines.
I tuck a bright blue bloom behind my ear, cheering him on as he sprints down the shore.
Suddenly, Rinn’s ticklish tentacles wrap around me.
Giggling, I wriggle free, only for Archie and Silas to pounce, getting sand everywhere.
As I laugh and try to push them away, Baz plucks me from the cuddle pile.
Declaring himself the winner, he flies into the indigo sky with me dangling from his claws.
I chuckle, climbing onto his dragon’s back with the wind in my hair, bursting with pure happiness.
Frigid water snaps me to the present. Suddenly, I am neck-deep in the ocean.
Wasn’t I just at the shore?
I try to turn back, but my limbs feel weighed down with stones.
The icy water rises, almost swallowing me.
The harder I swim, the deeper I sink, until the freezing waves close over my head.
I gasp for precious air, thrashing for purchase where there is none.
Panic takes over. I hold my breath as a strong current drags me under.
My heart thunders, as my lungs struggle for air.
In the oppressive darkness reminiscent of the abyss the Grimoire trapped me in, the soft chime of a bell resonates. It’s faint at first but then grows louder.
Renewing my efforts, I try to follow the sound that feels familiar. Like it could lead me home. With that thought comes a sudden clarity, that I need to let go.
I stop struggling, and let myself sink.
Only instead of descending further into the cold depths, I float. Peace ripples through the tumultuous waters as the soothing chime grows louder.
Gasping, I break the surface of the water and take a huge gulp of breath.
A tiny bird, glowing like moonlit snow, flutters above me. Its frantic chirps are the very bells that guided me back to the surface.
It swoops low and touches its beak to my forehead and it’s as if a gong sounds in my head. I gasp, as the fading memories sharpen again and I’m no longer lost.
“Snow!” I draw in a sharp breath, smiling incredulously. She flaps her beautiful wings, elated to see me.
“Chirp!”
“You came to show me the way back?”
“Chirp! Chirp!”
“Thank you, Snow! Let’s head back. My mates are waiting.”
“Chirp!”
Ifrinn
No! No! No!
Flame stopped breathing! Why the fuck did she stop breathing?!
I press my ear to her still chest making the snow fairy fly off.
There’s no heart beat!
“Flame, please!” I pat her cold cheek, willing the warmth from my hand to seep into her skin.
Azael pushes the healer aside and presses his palms to Aleiraah’s chest, muttering a desperate “no.” Her chest glows as he pours in his faint manna. He isn't at full strength, but he is giving everything he has.
I start rubbing up and down her arms, trying to keep her body warm, and a sob catches in my throat.
“You can’t leave me, Kitten!” Silas sobs, sitting on the bed with her feet nestled in his lap as he tries to rub warmth back into them.
Alistair has collapsed on his knees with an utterly broken expression and I yell at him, “Do something! Take more of my powers! Don’t just sit there!”
Baz stands with his hands over his head, rocking on his heels, devastation marring his features.
Rhazien is trying to breathe air into her lungs, like human healers.
Archie sits by the bed in his wolf form, letting out a mournful howl. I can’t stand it.
As despair threatens to bring me to my knees, the snowy bird lets out a powerful chirp—resonating like a gong being struck—and a ripple of pure energy spreads through the room.
Aleiraah gasps loud and long just as Rhazien lifts his head. Her eyes flutter open. Hazy aquamarine.
I forget to breathe.
Time stands still. The golden tether snaps taut. Fiery warmth rushes into my chest, spreading through my core, as if my soul is binding to hers with the intensity of a thousand suns.
After what seems like an eternity but is only a few moments, Aleiraah croaks, “Why is Archie’s wolf mourning? I didn’t die."