60. Love Again
Aleiraah
The mansion I once called home, somehow repels me. There’s a disquiet I can’t quite shake off. Even the land feels tainted—with everything that’s happened.
Rozalin had been waiting at the threshold, and the moment she caught sight of me, the half-giantess ran at full speed and swung me up in her arms, all propriety forgotten.
“Hey…I am ok.” I reassured my friend, smiling.
“I was so worried, Aleiraah!” Her voice broke and I patted her back, feeling a little teary myself.
My anchors hovered at a distance, careful males who felt the smallest misstep could shatter the fragile ground they’d regained.
After spending around a week and a half in the Nephilim kingdom, I had decided it’s time to return home.
Butter had attached herself to me like a barnacle during my time there. Her bright and cheery presence had mended my heart greatly. She spread love as if it cost nothing and with Snow hopping around, the tiny buttermoth was always giggling and babbling away.
But as I settle into my old life, the days seem arduous. It doesn’t feel like home anymore. I don’t enjoy strolling in the gardens, the last memory spoiled with Raine’s presence.
And the mansion itself holds so many bad experiences, from the time of Jadeth until the Veilmoon. It’s like all the good memories have hidden themselves away and only the ugly ones rear their heads.
Thankfully, my anchors make no demands of me. In my mind I have started thinking of them as my anchors.
Not mates, not husbands, but anchors.
Because they tether me, despite our complex history. They held onto me, prioritized me over themselves.
They watch me constantly. As if afraid I’d disappear like a bubble in the next breeze.
I feel their anxiety through the invisible bonds.
The golden threads had vanished one day when I had been playing with Butter back in the Nephilim castle and all seven of them had come running, terrified out of their minds.
Only seeing me alive and healthy had assuaged their fears. After my reassurance that the tethers were still intact, just invisible, did they settle. For the next few days they hadn't let me out of their sight much to my chagrin.
Here at home they try to appease me in all ways possible. Bringing me my favorite food all the time. Trinkets from exotic places that I love collecting. Commissioned new weapons for me, hoping I’d spar with them.
They never pressure me to visit the babies. Though an unused wing has been converted into a nursery, I steer clear. I know that despite everything, they don’t hold it against me—the fact that I cannot look at my own flesh and blood.
Guilt eats me alive, keeping me awake as my mates take turns soothing the crying infants. The little soul demon tried reaching out to me. I tried comforting my baby girl by thoughts alone, but she demanded my physical presence. And I simply couldn't.
After I woke, Zenith forced me to face reality. He revealed the true nature of my babies and how my anchors suffered while I faded away bit by bit in limbo. I still can’t believe I have four healthy younglings—or that my anchors chose my survival over theirs.
I had panicked and hyperventilated until Zenith dropped Butterball in my lap and her adorable ramblings had calmed the storm inside me.
Wonder and disbelief had me staring at Zenith with my mouth hanging open, as he wryly informed me that I had birthed a dragonling! An impossibility. I was curious how Baz was nurturing the babe.
It had increasingly amazed me when Zenith disclosed that all the babies had mixed traits with my gentle Alistair’s powers weaving through them.
Zenith had stood by my decision to not hold the babies.
His silent support had meant a lot. Especially as I was not ready to meet them yet, even though I was drowning in guilt for being an absent parent.
And possibly a bad mother. But I was afraid that once I held them, instead of love, I’d feel only bitterness. And no child deserves that.
It was fascinating that Silas’s bite mark made having cubs possible. I was equal parts excited as well as dreaded the day they would shift. Silas will have to permanently stay in the tree branches just to keep track of the toddlers.
And Baz would perpetually patrol the skies, once my dragonling shifted.
And lastly but not the least, my tiny faeling, who’s a latent soul demon. I felt the familiar energy when I saw her cradled in Azael’s arms for the first time.
I desperately wanted to hold all four of them. But my misgivings stopped me.
A sharp cry has me spilling the water on the floor instead of pouring it into the birdbath for Snow.
Without thinking I rush out of my room and my instincts automatically lead me to the nursery.
The baby girl crying at the top of her lungs is none other than the latent soul demon. I’m ashamed to realize that I don’t know any of my babies' names.
What kind of a mother am I?
I come to an abrupt halt. My anchors are scattered around the sprawling room, looking distraught. Only Azael holds the crying baby, swaying gently as he rubs her tummy.
Their eyes snap at me, surprise evident on their sleep deprived faces that I am finally here. In the same room as the babies.
“Umm…I heard her cry.” I fidget awkwardly and a curious childish mind brushes against mine, making my breath hitch.
“What is it?” Zien asks in alarm, scanning the surroundings frantically.
Shaking my head, I step closer, peering at the red-faced infant.
Her eyes are the same color as mine, and when our gazes connect she whimpers as if in pain, tears streaming down her rosy cheeks.
Her mind brushes mine again, seeking comfort and I lift her from Azael’s arms wordlessly, cradling her close to my chest.
It’s as if Pandora's box opens––only a deluge of warm feelings floods my entire being. Instead of the dreaded bitterness, all I feel is overwhelming love and a fierce need to protect.
I blink back tears, rubbing soothing circles on her soft spine and slowly sink to my feet, right there on the floor.
Huge sobs shake my frame as the sweet darling’s mind brushes mine again, wondering why I’m sad. She had been calling for me all this time and since she couldn’t find me, she had been sad too.
“Oh, baby!” I whimper, feeling as my heart is being cut open. “Mommy is so sorry. I’m here now.”
I stay on the floor cradling her delicate body in my arms until I feel like I can reign in my emotions a little. When I look up, I find seven hardened males wearing tearful expressions.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, but they all shake their heads, wiping their faces discreetly, some even breaking into watery smiles.
“Bring me the babies,” I demand, as the babe in my arms stares at me with big aquamarine eyes. I trace her cute button nose and chubby cheeks.
Zien brings me the baby girl with silvery eyes and faint scales shimmering below her skin. He places her in the crook of my opposite elbow and I marvel at her delicate features.
“Baz…” I trail off, looking up at my strong dragon, stunned.
“I know, Starling.” He chuckles as a couple of tears spill from his eyes. Archie pats his back, smiling big.
“Sweet baby. Did you come out breathing fire?” I croon and she looks at me with upwardly tilted eyes, giving me a toothless smile a moment later.
My own answering smile is blinding.
Rinn cradles a baby in his arms and Alistair carries the other one, looking at me expectantly.
I position the dragonling and the soul-fae on my lap because I can't bear to part with them.
I take the baby from Rinn first, cradling her head and she sneezes adorably, making me laugh.
“Such a pretty little darling! Once you grow furry, Daddy will only live in the trees, hmm?” I tickle her belly, making her laugh.
I hear rather than see Silas sob, as Baz pulls him in a hug.
As I position her on my left shoulder, Alistair hands me my fourth baby. I cradle him in the crook of my elbow. He has Silas’s hazel eyes. Both cubs resemble Silas more than me.
The baby boy sniffs the air, his tiny nose scrunching cutely and I can’t help but giggle, “Yes, sweetheart! I am your Mommy. I smell like home, hmm? Bet you were the one doing all those acrobatics inside my belly.”
He gurgles happily, grabbing his toes and my heart melts all over again.
I’m drowning in babies, and I realize that I haven’t felt happiness like this in a long, long time.
One sunny afternoon, I’m sitting by the lake pondering my life choices since the babies are taking a nap, when a long shadow blocks the sun.
“Your beautiful skin would burn, Azizam.” Azael draws near as I squint up at him.
“You are shading me.” I shield my eyes against the light as he crouches before me, more than a head taller.
“And I always will.” He says quietly and I think it’s time I asked what everyone has been wondering but too preoccupied to ask.
“What happened to your wings, Azael?”
He looks away, swallowing hard. I cup his strong, lean cheek and turn his face back toward me.
“They are gone, Azizam.”
“Oh, Azael…” I gently stroke his cheekbone, my heart hurting for him, and his eyes droop.
He presses his palm over my hand, leaning into the touch. “I’d rather lose them a thousand times just to feel your touch.”
“Don’t say that. They were an intrinsic part of you.”
“I don’t mind,” he says, staring with piercing intensity. “I feel sane again. I realized later, I was losing myself to a slow corruption of my soul.”
He continues as I frown, “Duat showed me what I’d become if I kept going down the path I was on.” His expression turns severe, reminding me of what Anubis shared. That version of Azael was terrifying.
Then his gaze softens. “I have you now, and that’s all I’ll ever want. Besides, I was able to save something much more valuable in exchange for my wings.”
“Can you…still use your manna?” I ask hesitantly, wondering if his healing abilities suffered.
“Not as well as before,” he says, then adds in a low, vulnerable voice, “Do you think less of me now, Azizam?”