CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
CASSY
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My hospital room is filled with people, and while it’s overwhelming and I feel like shit, I’m just grateful to be safe.
Josh found me.
Despite Dad holding my hand, and Scarlet sitting on the bed beside me, my gaze keeps finding its way over to Josh standing with his arms crossed at the foot of my bed.
He won’t look at me directly, yet he resembles an unmoving tree.
“Thank you for saving my daughter,” Blaze says, squeezing my hand. “I don’t think I could pay you enough for finding her.”
“You’re paying me plenty.” Josh’s voice is dark. He finally looks at me and I can see all the unspoken words on his face.
We need to speak, but now is not the time.
I don’t want to hear him say goodbye either. The way he held me, even though I was half out of it, I could feel him and hear him.
My chest tightens with the need for him to come closer and touch me. Once Dad arrived, he stepped away, and the loss was palpable. Maybe I’m imagining it, but I’m sure I saw Josh shake his head, feeling the same way.
But where do we go from here? I told him we need to be professional now. Josh was just doing his job, and me reading anything into him saving me like some romantic hero would be immature.
The last thing I need to hear while I’m in this fragile state is more of his regrets. Yet when the trunk was opened and I saw Josh’s face and felt his arms lift me out and carry me to safety, something changed within me.
Not because of his strength and ability to protect me—let’s face it, he almost failed at that tonight—but it was the fear and intensity in his eyes as he reached for me that I’m having trouble ignoring.
The way he held me was like I was the most precious thing in the world. Yet here he is, once again standing at a distance, refusing to show how he feels.
Or I’m dreaming all of it.
I hate this push and pull of confusion, and I’m angry at him for making me question myself.
Blaze turns around properly, letting my hand go to face Josh this time. “You must be tired, and I’m sure you need to regroup with your team. No need to stick around, Josh. Go home.”
No.
“Read the room, Blaze.” Scarlet rolls her eyes.
My chest tightens, and I feel myself paling as I swallow, waiting to see what he does. My free hand squeezes the thick hospital sheet, and he catches the movement, then lifts his eyes to mine.
The world disappears as we stare at one another. Then my heart sinks as he glances away and turns to my father.
“I’ll leave if Cassy is okay with me going,” Josh says, unmoving.
Oh.
I don’t want him to go. I want...I want Josh to wrap his arms around me and tell me he feels something. Something more than desire.
More than the need to fulfill his duty.
I want him to love me.
Dumb.
God, I’m such an idiot. Ugh. He’s just doing his job, making sure I feel safe. My eyes dip from his as shame rushes through me.
“Right,” he suddenly says, and I glance back up. “Well, you look fine. I’m glad we got you home safe.”
What?
What the hell just happened?
My eyes widen and I glance at Scarlet in question, but she’s staring at Josh while Dad is oblivious to it all.
“Josh,” I croak, then clear my throat, wishing we could just talk and clear the air.
He holds up his hand. “No thanks needed. Just doing my job.” Ouch. “You’ll get my invoice next week. Take care of yourself.”
Take care of myself?
Is he fucking kidding me?
My heart pounds as I grapple with what to do or say. Is he just going to leave? Walk away?
I’m hurt.
I’m mad.
And fuck him.
“Thanks again, Josh. I’ll pass your details on to a few friends, if you don’t mind.” Dad says, as Josh runs a hand over his face and my heart shatters into a million pieces.
Tears sting my eyes, but I won’t let them fall.
Fuck him all over again.
“Yup, great. Thanks Blaze.” Josh nods at my father. Then he casts me one more glance, forces a smile on his face and then, with a simple nod, he walks out.
Out of my life.
Forever.
“What the hell was that?” Scarlet growls quietly beside me. “What in the ever loving—”
“Stop Scar. It’s over.” I let a tear fall and brush it away angrily.
“Hey.” Dad rubs my arm. “It’s all over now, it’s over. Isaac is in custody and the US Marshals have said they’ll do everything possible to connect him with those other murders. This time he will go away for a long time and never be released, Cassy.”
His previous sentence was only twenty-five years, so we always had hanging over our heads that with good behavior, he’d one day be released.
Now, that was unlikely.
But at what cost? More lives, and more scars on my damn soul. He touched me again. Intimately. In places that he shouldn’t have.
“Thank fuck,” Scarlet says. “Oh, sorry Mr. Cartwright.”
“Girl, we invented the word fuck.” Dad laughs.
“Well, fuckity fuck fuck fuck then.” Scarlet smiles down at me. “That psycho is gone.”
I smile, then turn my head and close my eyes, still feeling some of the drugs make me sleepy. Plus, I don’t want to be awake right now.
“Blaze, you go. I’ll stay with her.” I hear Scarlet say.
“You sure? I have a radio interview at six in the morning, but if Cassy needs me, I’ll stay,” Dad replies.
“Go. I’ll sleep in the chair and make sure she has everything she needs. The doctor said she can go home in the morning unless there are any complications.”
Home.
Alone.
I know I’m safe now that Isaac is back behind bars.
Josh was only in my life for less than a week, but he’s taken a piece of me with him.
A piece I never gave him permission to take.
A piece he never wanted and one I don’t think I’ll ever get back.
Goddamn it.
Why did I have to go and fall in love with Josh Hawke?