Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
Taril sits on the cot, a plate of food in front of him, when I open the door to his room in the brig. He looks up at me with a small smile and a weak wave, and I return both.
“Do you mind if I come in?” I ask, waiting in the doorway for his answer.
“Sure,” he says, and dusts his hands off over the plate before sliding it to the side. Before I step through the doorway, I spot the chair Weston slept in all that time ago. I drag it into the room and close the door behind me.
If he comes down and waits outside the door, he won’t have anywhere to sit.
I plop into the chair and cross my ankles in front of me.
“How are you doing?”
If I look as uncomfortable as I feel, he doesn’t seem to notice.
Sig said Taril has caused no problems, but I know how it feels to be captured, the things that Dane has said recently, and I know it is possible he isn’t taking it well.
The abrupt change from being a Voyager for so long, accompanied by being unworthy of the waters, isn’t an easy combination to handle, especially alone.
“I’m alright. Honestly, this is better than I ever imagined, even being locked down here. I was half expecting to be beaten within a thread of my life.”
I shake my head. “It’s not like that here. It isn’t the picture Dane painted for all of us.”
His brows raise. “So none of what Dane said is true?”
“No, it isn’t.”
His shoulders sink. “Wow. I don’t know, I just…started to have doubts.”
Taril was doubting Dane? How did no one notice? I think back to my very few interactions with him, and I never picked up on anything.
Probably because you were with Dane.
Taril never would have wanted me to know if he was doubting him, especially if it looked like he would try to leave the Voyagers. But did it happen before or after I left?
“That’s part of why I came down,” I say. “I know you don’t know me very well, but despite how close I was with Dane before, I wanted to make sure you knew that none of it was true. It isn’t at all what he told us, and I know that now.”
He nods slowly, picking at the fabric of the blanket. “I assumed as much when no one hurt me, and they fed me. Jorn stopped by earlier and talked to me, and that helped piece some things together.”
“Sig said you know him from before.”
“I do. We were friends growing up. We didn’t find Dawnlin together, but we were both at camp for a while before he disappeared.
” He shakes his head before looking up and meeting my gaze.
“I didn’t think Jorn would ever do what Dane said Weston and the Castaways were doing.
It never made sense to me. But I didn’t argue. I just kept trying to find the waters.”
I lean back in the chair and my shoulders relax. “You’re taking this all really well. It was not the same for me.”
“Really? How did it go for you?” he asks.
“They didn’t hurt me,” I say. “It wasn’t anything like that. Let’s just say Weston and I had history, so I didn’t believe anything anyone said.”
His head tilts to the side and his eyebrows knit together. “You had history?”
I nod. There’s no point in keeping anything from him now. He’s one of us, and I’m sure he will find out eventually. He’s had doubts about Dane for who knows how long, and he isn’t hostile, and I honestly don’t care if it ever gets back to Dane that I kept that secret from him.
I’m glad I did.
“I met Weston before I found the waters. Twice,” I wince.
“But you didn’t tell Dane.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Why?”
“I can’t really explain it. Something deep down told me not to. Sometimes I think maybe it was the magic, or maybe I just sensed something was off. I kept it a secret, but that didn’t mean I trusted him when I got here. I actually fought him every chance I could.”
Thinking back on it now, I see how I played right into Dane’s lies, and interpreted everything Weston and the Castaways did in a negative light. I can see how he tried to protect me and take care of me, even though I fought him with everything I had.
And even after I did all of that, even after I treated him so badly, even after I physically hurt him, he still kept coming back, kept breaking through my tough exterior and defiance to show me I could trust him.
“Seems like everyone has secrets.”
I nod slowly and swallow the lump forming in my throat. “How are things back at camp?”
“Honestly? Really odd. Everything just feels…uneasy. It’s the worst that it’s been since I came to Dawnlin.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s never been fights or any turmoil between us, but Mara has been on a tirade since she says she saw you. Did she really see you? I didn’t know if I could believe her or not.”
“She did,” I say. “It wasn’t on purpose. Roley was in trouble, and I was trying to help, but she attacked me when she did.”
“Ever since that day, she’s been searching for you now more than the waters. She keeps telling everyone you’re a traitor, and trying to convince them you’re as evil as Weston. I didn’t know you that well, but again, I had my doubts.”
My stomach sinks. Mara was my friend. Is my friend.
How could she turn on me so easily? If she ever found the waters and we had to take her back to the brig, she would take even more time to acclimate than I did.
I shudder at the thought of what she would try to do to Weston on the beach if that day does come.
“Do people believe her?” I ask.
“Dane shuts her down quickly, so no one really responds to her. He keeps reminding her we don’t harm our own. He was pissed she hurt you.”
I expect to feel something, some warmth and happiness at hearing anything confirming Dane’s affection toward me, like I felt when I knew he was still searching for me, but I don’t.
He’s caused too much harm to people I care for, lied about too many things from the moment I laid eyes on him, and all of that overshadows any feelings I may have had for him.
“How has Dane been with all of this?” I ask.
“Not good,” he says. “He’s…different. It’s like something flipped inside of him when you left. I don’t know how to explain it, but camp hasn’t been the same.”
Has Dane really been that affected by my absence?
We were friends, and he made me feel desired and excited to live, something I’d never felt back in Blackwood before.
But anything between us always had a time limit, and he knew that.
We discussed it on the cliffs when he brought me to see my first sunrise.
He has no way of knowing that when the island denied me the healing waters, I wanted to stay, to abandon my duty and my kingdom, and live with everyone here. But now? After everything I’ve learned, after all the deceit and most importantly realizing what I would give up, I don’t want that anymore.
Dane knows none of it. My disappearance to the Castaways is the same as if I had just gone back to Blackwood, with or without the waters in hand.
So why is he reacting so oddly?
“I’m sorry. I can imagine all of that has made it difficult to search every day.”
“I’ve just kept to myself. It’s kind of my way, anyway,” Taril says and leans back against the wall. “How are things here?”
I let out a breath. “They’re actually great,” I say. “I’m sure Jorn already told you.”
“Do you trust him?”
Weston. That’s the question, isn’t it? Do I trust Weston?
“I do,” I say, admitting it to myself just as much as I am admitting it to him.
“More than Dane?”
I nod. “I don’t trust Dane.”
“So you never tried to come back?”
To him.
Taril’s unspoken words echo in my head.
“I did at first,” I say. “That’s part of the reason I came in to see you. I wanted to make sure you weren’t trying to do the same.”
He shakes his head. “There’s nothing for me at camp anymore. I found the healing waters, and didn’t get them. What’s there to go back to?”
His eyes glimmer, and I feel a sense of understanding from him.
He knows how things were back at camp before I was taken, and now, sitting here in front of him, telling him I am no longer a Voyager, and I don’t trust Dane, he knows what I’m saying.
No matter what happened between Dane and me before, it wasn’t enough to overcome the lies and manipulations he had me under.
I give him a small smile. “I understand. How is Roley? I didn’t really get to check on him after Mara attacked me.”
“He’s been quiet. Hasn’t really talked much, especially with everything Mara is saying. I don’t think he agrees with her, so he’s just keeping to himself.”
“He’s a kid,” I say. “I can’t imagine how he’s feeling with all this change.”
I watch the way Fin became one of the crew here so quickly, his resilience and childhood innocence keeping him from truly being able to carry any anger or resentment toward anyone. I hope Roley still has enough of that to be able to stay strong and make it through everything going on back at camp.
“When do you think they’re going to let me out?” Taril asks, his face turning hopeful.
“I don’t know. That’s up to Weston, but probably soon.” I stand and drag my chair to the door, opening it and sliding it on the other side. Before I step through, I stop and turn back to him.
“Hey Taril?” He looks at me, waiting for my question. “After all this time, how did you find the waters?”
He thinks for a minute. “I already told you I started to question things, especially with how Mara and Dane have been acting. I honestly thought about you a lot, Lennox. You were basically the newest Voyager, and you disappeared so quickly. Finally, I just got frustrated and started looking out for myself, and making up my mind about everything that was going on.”
I listen, seeing myself in a lot of his story, but what he says next is what sets my mind off into a spiral.
“Then one day I decided not to trust Dane anymore, and I asked the island for a map.”
“So did I,” I say, unable to keep myself from smiling.
“Looks like we really do all have secrets.”
“We do,” I say. “But they helped get us here, so I don’t consider it a bad thing.”
“Thanks for coming to see me, Lennox,” he says with a small smile.
“Of course. Hopefully, I’ll see you out there soon.” I jerk my head toward the deck, just before closing the door.
I turn quickly, expecting to find Weston standing in the room, waiting for me, but it is empty.
He kept his word. Even after my teasing, he still didn’t hover. He trusted me and believed I could handle myself. My chest tightens, but the feeling quickly turns heavy as I think about everything I just learned from Taril.
Something more is going on with Dane.
Could it have to do with the dust? Is he becoming more erratic because it is dwindling further, and he still doesn’t have any answers? Unless he’s told more of the Voyagers, Weston, Sig, and I are the only ones who know it is almost gone and that he doesn’t know how to replenish it.
The news of Dane’s odd behavior only makes me firmly believe what we already knew. Sig is right; I am the only one who can get close enough to Dane. I thought I wanted to be sent back so I could get away, to return to my life as a Voyager, but now I know what I need to do.
I need to go back, and I need to take the dust, not just for me, but for as many of us here who want to return. Without it, no one even has a chance. My crew doesn’t deserve to be held hostage on the island by Dane, no matter what his reasons.
I don’t care if I have to put myself at risk to try to get it back, to give some of us the chance to return.
I’m the only one who can, and I’m running out of time.
I need to talk to Sig.