Chapter 41
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Weston lets Taril out of the brig the next morning, and Sig starts him on his tour of the ship, just like she did with me. Except Taril doesn’t try to escape.
Turns out, he actually knows more of the crew than just Jorn. Fern gives him an enormous hug as soon as he comes on deck, and Eirlik claps him on the shoulder with a wide smile, and you can’t help but feel a sense of contentment watching the reunions.
I’m halfway through my chore as Sig points out the areas of the deck when the mop lifts out of my hands.
“This isn’t yours anymore,” Weston says, and drops it in the bucket next to me.
“Thank the gods,” I say, extending my arms over my head and bending side to side.
Despite doing this chore for months now and building my strength every day, it still is tough work and I’ll be glad to be rid of it.
I bend at my hips, dangling my arms to the ground, feeling my low back pull.
I groan quietly with the stretch and hold it for a few seconds more before straightening and turning toward him.
Weston clears his throat, his eyes averting quickly as if I caught him watching, and I roll my lips in, trying to hide a smile.
I gesture toward the bucket, ignoring the tension now settling between us. “Is this the chore you use to break all the newest Castaways?”
“More or less,” he says. He glances toward the opposite side of the deck, where Sig is still showing Taril around.
“Should I go hide the mop?” I ask, reaching out for the handle.
“No, princess, that was just for you.”
I can hear the smile in his voice, and my mouth falls open.
“What do you mean, it was just for me?”
His lips turn up in a smirk. “You had to learn I was in charge somehow. Plus, I had to tire you out so you wouldn’t try to escape.” He glances down at me, his smile widening. “That didn’t work as well as I planned.”
Pain erupts on my tongue as I bite down hard, trying not to give away any indication on my face that I’m remembering what happened that night, and just how he stopped me from escaping.
I was right though, he was trying to exhaust me.
I cross my arms over my chest and look out over the deck, watching everyone who is out today, just as he is.
“You’re an asshole.” There’s no malice in my tone, because I know I don’t believe it anymore.
He chuckles softly. “I never said I wasn’t, princess.”
“I told you to stop calling me that,” I say, glaring up at him.
His gaze meets mine, his eyes glimmering as his lips twitch, trying to stifle more of a smile. “And I said no.”
“Ugh,” I grunt and turn away again. “You’re lucky we aren’t in Blackwood. You wouldn’t be able to tell me no then.”
The smile falters, and I catch his throat bobbing from the corner of my eye.
“You’re right. I guess I am lucky we aren’t.”
My fingertips tingle as the energy between us changes. What was meant to be playful and teasing, turned tense and uneasy in an instant. Did I upset him with something I said? I need to change the subject quickly, if only to help ease my discomfort from feeling like I hurt him.
“So, what’s my new task? I assume Taril is going to finish the rest of it this morning.”
“I haven’t figured that out yet,” he says. A bird call rings out across the deck, and I look toward the mast to find Fin, hanging upside down by his knees off the cross beam; his hands curve around his mouth as the sound erupts again.
“It might include wrangling that monster because I am exhausted.” He runs a hand through his hair, and I try not to track the way his muscles flex through his sleeves. “I can only play so much hide and seek.”
I laugh and watch as Fin swings back and forth, changing the sounds he makes every few seconds.
“Do you ever wish you could have a family?” My gaze stays locked on Fin, and it only takes a moment to realize that I voiced the thought out loud. I clamp my lips shut, trying not to look over at him.
“I have a family,” he says, and nods toward everyone out on deck. “It’s more than any family I would have had back in Blackwood.” He raises his right hand and flashes me the ring on his finger, and the significance of it settles over me.
While it’s not expressly forbidden in our laws, most of the higher-ranking guards never marry or have families. Their commitment to their position and protecting the king and queen, and in my case, the princess, takes up most of their time and focus.
Weston has never taken the ring off, and still, after all this time, holds true to his oath as First Guard.
Maybe he’s had no intention of taking a wife or having children.
My throat tightens, and I keep my eyes trained on Fin.
The thought of Weston never being a father after he clearly cares deeply for those around him is hard to swallow, especially knowing the reason he is doing it, to protect the king.
To protect me.
I need to change the subject, to rid my mind of the thought of Weston being with someone else, having a family with someone, or never at all. I don’t want to think too deeply about the way all the things those thoughts are making me feel.
I nod toward Fin. “It was easier when he had an entire island to run around on. I’m sure being only on the ship is hard for him.”
He strokes his jaw for a moment. “Maybe I’ll take him to the Oasis more often so he can at least run around.”
“I thought wrangling the monster was going to be my job?” I joke.
“There’s no way I’m sending you off to the island, alone. Nice try, princess.”
I roll my eyes, but I doubt he saw. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”
Just when I think he’s about to say something, Fin calls out, “Mister Weston! Look at me!”
Without another word, Weston crosses the deck to Fin, and catches him as he flops off the beam, flipping Fin over his shoulder. Fin sticks his arms and legs out to the sides and shouts of excitement and encouragement erupt from his little body as Weston spins him in a circle.
Weston may be exhausted, but Fin would never know it by the way he smiles and laughs as they play together. I watch for a few moments before Sig and Taril step up beside me, pulling my attention away and back to what I actually need to accomplish today.
“It’s all yours,” I tell Taril, gesturing to the mop handle. Sig starts to walk away but I call out before she can make it too far. “Hey Sig, can I talk to you? Alone?”
She raises an eyebrow and looks between me and Taril. “Meet me in my room once you’re done,” she says, then turns and heads down the stairs.
I give Taril a quick explanation of the chore and point out what I had already finished this morning, then head straight to Sig’s room.
The first deck is quiet, so I quickly open the door, sliding inside and closing it behind me.
I lean against it, my shoulders stiff as I try to muster the courage to tell her what has been running through my mind since I spoke to Taril yesterday.
She takes one look at me and her eyes narrow. “What’s going on?” she asks.
“I need to go back to the Voyagers,” I blurt, keeping my voice low in case anyone walks by her room at this exact moment.
“Say that again?” she says, taking a few steps closer to me.
“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not that.” I let out a breath and start again, trying to keep up the confidence that is wavering now that I’m actually voicing the thoughts. “I need to go back to the Voyagers. You were right before. I’m the only way to get close to Dane.”
She quirks her head. “This isn’t some twisted way to get back to him for good, is it?”
“Honestly? It was. But it’s not anymore.
” She shoots me a look, but all I feel is relief.
Now both Sig and Weston know what I had planned, but they also know that I no longer feel that way.
Camp isn’t my home anymore. This ship is, at least while I’m in Dawnlin, but more than that, it is the people that I care about who have been harmed and wronged.
I won’t leave them, and I will do everything to help every Voyager who walks through that portal.
My shoulders slowly rise under her hard stare, all the explanation tumbles from my mouth.
“I may have overheard you trying to convince Weston of your plan to send me back, and I thought I could use that to get back to them. I told you about the dust because I wanted you to send me back faster, and I just wouldn’t return. ”
She crosses her arms, obvious annoyance written across her face.
“I know, I know.” I sigh. “But that was before, and now I know the truth. I don’t want to go back. Not for good, anyway. Only long enough to get the dust from Dane.”
“If you’re fucking lying to me, I’ll come after you myself before he even can,” she says, her eyes narrowing, and I know exactly who she is referring to.
I roll my eyes. “Sig, do you think I would tell you if I was going to stab you in the back? I’ve had enough of that from Mara.”
She huffs a laugh. “What made you bring this up again? Why now?”
“Taril said something yesterday that got me thinking. He told me that since I left, Dane has been…different. Erratic. Emotional. We’ve already seen it both times we ran into him on the island.
That isn’t at all how he was with me, and it makes me think there’s something more going on.
I’m worried the dust is almost gone, and if we don’t get it now, we’ll lose the chance for any of us to get back. ”
Her eyes glaze over as her focus drifts away from me.
“I need your help, Sig.”
She snaps out of her daze and her eyes meet mine. “What should we do?”
Pushing off the door, I cross the room toward her. Now that we’re actually thinking about this, I really don’t want anyone to overhear. “You need to convince Weston to let me go back,” I whisper.
She shakes her head. “He won’t listen to me. I’ve tried.”