Chapter 43 #2
He turns away suddenly, walking to the wall and reaching up to wedge the torch into it. Striding over to me, he stops just a pace away and dips into a deep bow.
“What are you doing?” I mutter, watching him rise back up again before extending his hand forward.
“May I have this dance?”
My stomach flips as I stare at his outstretched hand, waiting for mine to take it, and I shake my head rapidly.
“You don’t have to do this. Really, I’m fine.
” I try to step past him, to get out of his proximity and back to our task, but he steps in front of me, blocking my exit and closing the space between us.
His fingers brush the underside of my chin and gently lift until I have no choice but to meet his gaze.
“Princess,” he murmurs. My chin quivers and the tears finally fall down my cheeks as I blink up at him. His eyes flicker between mine, looking past all the hurt and loneliness, searching for something. “Dance with me.”
Hand shaking, I place it in his, and he grips it firmly.
Dance customs from every kingdom were drilled into me since I was a child.
I knew the steps, the formalities, but all the lessons fall away the moment he reaches out with his other hand.
He slides his fingertips down the back of my arm and across my palm, my skin tingling in their wake, as he slowly lifts my hand and sets it to rest on his chest.
I can’t breathe.
Gone is the smirking, overbearing asshole captain who tested me and pushed me as often as he could.
In his place is Weston, the man who saved my life, who made sure I survived, who taught me to swim and disarm an opponent, so I felt safe.
The man who let me hate him, just so I didn’t hate myself.
The man who is so clearly upset that no one showed up for me, and even though he has absolutely no responsibility for my emotional state, he is shouldering that hurt, anyway.
When he wraps his hand around my waist and takes the first step, my instincts take over. With every step he leads, I follow as we turn around the cave in a simple waltz, the only music the gentle lapping of the lagoon and distant roar of the falls.
I can’t look at him. I don’t want him to see how much this means to me.
He can’t see everything I’ve been trying to hide since the moment he kissed me, since I found out about all of Dane’s lies, since he said it would never happen again.
I don’t want him to see how I’ve fallen for him, and how much it hurts, feeling like nothing will ever come of it.
The princess and the First Guard.
Some would say, maybe in another life, but we are in another life, and he still won’t allow himself to feel what deep down I think he feels. I don’t want him to see the devastation building inside, knowing he is just another thing my duty has taken from me.
Instead, I close my eyes and try to hold on to this moment for a little longer.
He must notice, because without warning he spins me multiple times, the rapid, continual spins that force me to open my eyes and focus back on him so I don’t fall over. On the last turn, he pulls me toward him, our chests colliding as he holds me tightly.
Our steps transform into a sway, completely abandoning the formality of the waltz.
My chest heaves against his, growing more rapid with every movement as his arm relaxes, tucking closer into our sides, and his chin settles into my hair.
Flames light inside me, the heat consuming me from the inside out as I melt into him, resting my cheek against his chest and feeling the pounding of his heart beneath.
Nothing else exists outside of this cave, not the threat of the Voyagers, not Dane, not the worry that we’ll be trapped here. I just want to forget it all, and live in this moment for as long as we can.
Time passes, slowly, quickly, I’m not sure.
“What are you thinking?” Weston says, finally breaking the silence. His voice rumbles through his chest, low and deep, like he’s trying to keep others from hearing, despite being completely alone together.
I can’t tell him my real thoughts, the ones I am holding captive deep inside, but I know what I need to do.
I swallow the lump forming in my throat and fight the sinking feeling in my stomach. This is it, this is the time. I can’t back down now.
“I need to tell you something,” I say, lifting my head from his chest and taking a small step back. I can’t be this close to him as I try to gather my courage and calm my pounding heart.
“Yes, princess?” His gaze drops to my lips, and I catch the corner of my bottom lip between my teeth. Eyes darkening, they stay trained on my mouth as his hand tightens, the pressure pulling me infinitesimally closer.
I inhale quickly and unleash the words in a rush of breath before I can change my mind.
“I need to go back to the Voyagers.”
We stop moving instantly, and his eyes snap to mine. All the molten warmth found there a moment ago has disappeared.
“Let me explain before you say anything, please?”
His muscles stiffen under my touch, and I know I’m losing my chance, so I let the words spill out, trying to at least get him to hear them before he completely shuts down and denies everything Sig and I are hoping for.
“I know you said no to Sig before, but I really want you to rethink this. The dust is running out. I know we keep looking for it, but you’ve been looking for twenty years and haven’t found it. The only chance any of us have at getting home is getting that pouch from Dane.”
His face draws tighter and fury flashes in his eyes at the mention of Dane.
Shit.
“I know you don’t trust him,” I splutter, “and now I don’t either. But that is all the more reason for me to go back and try to take it from him. We can’t let him strand us here. You know I’m the only one who can get close enough to him to take it.”
“No,” he growls, his hands dropping away from my body as he steps backward.
“Weston, please,” I beg, my skin suddenly feeling cold in every place we were pressed together.
“No,” he says again, his voice harsher than before. He doesn’t even acknowledge that I called him by his name, unlike the last time it happened.
“Taril said things were different at camp, that Dane was behaving oddly.”
“You told me nothing Taril could say would make you want to go back,” he says, and a chill slides up my spine.
He’s right, I said that, and I had no intention of going back when I made that statement. But now, after hearing from Taril and talking to Sig, I just don’t think we have a choice.
“I know what I said, but I think something is going on. I need to go back now. If I don’t try, we’re going to be trapped here.”
“I’ve been trapped here for twenty years, princess. I’ve made my peace with it.” His voice rises and his lips turn down in a scowl.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” I say, my voice rising to match his. “If you had, you wouldn’t keep searching. You wouldn’t keep holding onto hope. You’re still trying to get home. Let me help!”
“You’re not going back.” He brushes past me, crossing the cave toward the torch, but I’m not letting him shut this down that easily. I follow right behind him, refusing to back down.
“Why? Give me a good reason.”
“Because I said so.”
Reaching out, I grab hold of his vest, yanking him to a halt. He turns and faces me with an aggravated sigh, planting his hands on his hips as he glares down at me.
“That isn’t even close to a reason, Weston! I don’t understand what more I need to do for you to believe in me.”
“Believing in you isn’t the issue,” he huffs and turns back toward the wall again.
“Then let me go back,” I say, yanking on the leather again. I need him to listen to me, not to just brush me off with an already made up mind.
“No.”
“Why. Not!” I yell.
“You just need to trust me!” he roars, whirring around and towering over me. I stagger backward at his anger, as his yell bounces off the walls of the cave, but it isn’t just his outburst that startled me. There’s something more, something I feel like I still don’t know.
Something he’s still hiding from me.
“I do trust you,” I say, my voice dropping, but my anger still makes the sound tremble. “But now I think there’s something you aren’t telling me.”
He stays silent and runs his hand through his hair, his gaze fixated on the ground beyond me.
“What aren’t you telling me, Weston?”
“Just drop it, princess.”
“How am I supposed to trust you when I feel like you’re hiding something more from me?”
Closing the distance, his hands find my face, palms cradling my jaw as his fingers dig into my hair. My mind flashes to the last time he held me like this, and my lips part, expecting his face to drop to mine, taking my breath away.
But he doesn’t move. He holds me in place, an internal war raging behind those teal eyes.
“You’re not going back,” he murmurs, more calmly but just as directly. His thumb strokes my cheek as his eyes dart between mine, pleading. The anger is gone, and my knees weaken when I realize it’s been replaced with something that looks a lot like fear.
Why is Weston afraid of me going back?
“I just need you to trust me…Please,” he begs, bringing me back to the last time we stood in a cave, and he was pleading with me.
I trusted him then, and look at everything that happened, everything that changed. Why would this be any different? Whatever he isn’t telling me, maybe he has good enough reason.
“Alright,” I breathe, and relief flashes in his eyes.
His thumb continues to slide over my skin, and I silently beg him to lean in, craving the feel of his lips on mine, even if it is only the merest of brushes.
I’d take anything after tonight. With one final stroke, his hands fall away from my face, and he steps back, snapping the taut cord and bringing me back to the reality that he won’t kiss me again.