Chapter 43 #3
I clear my throat and avert my eyes. He may have told me no, but this conversation isn’t over. He can’t decide to take this hope away from me, away from everyone else in the crew, and keep everything a secret.
“If you’re going to make this choice for everyone,” I say, glancing back up at him, “they deserve to know.”
His head hangs slightly as my words sink in.
“I know,” he mumbles.
“It can only come from you. They trust you.”
He lets out a deep sigh and meets my gaze. “I know. I will tell them.”
“Soon.”
He nods and looks away. “I will tell them soon.”
The sky is just beginning to lighten when Weston and I step back onto the deck.
Neither of us speak a word to each other after he agrees to tell the crew.
Instead, we search the rest of the night in silence, giving my mind plenty of time to race through all the thoughts and possibilities for the future, and what it means to give up now.
Weston heads toward the armory to unload his weapons and holds a hand out to me at the bottom of the steps. Pulling my bow and quiver off my shoulder, I hand them to him and he takes them wordlessly, disappearing down the hallway.
Footsteps approach from behind, and I glance over my shoulder to find Sig cautiously descending the steps. She catches my eye and I tilt my head toward the showers, the first place I normally go after a night of searching.
Weston shouldn’t suspect anything.
She follows behind, and we slip into the room, Sig closing the door firmly behind us. It’s empty, still too early for most of the crew to be up and moving yet, except for whoever is at the lookout today.
I step inside the stall and the water starts; the sound providing a decent cover for our whispers.
“What did he say?” Sig says, her expression hopeful. I level a look at her and watch as her face falls when she realizes she already knows my answer.
“He said no.”
Her jaw works, her gaze falling to the floor as she nods and clears her throat, trying to hide the emotion clearly welling up inside her.
“I know you tried. It’s not your fault.”
“No, Sig, you don’t understand. I’m still going.”
Her head snaps up, the hope returning to her face. “What?”
Weston told me to trust him, begged me to, and I do, but I can’t live with myself if I give up and don’t try. This may be the only way I can truly help the Castaways, and I’m the only one who can do it.
There is no other choice, but he doesn’t have to know.
“He may have said no, but this is our only chance. I think our plan will work. Now we just need to figure out how to sneak me off the ship.”
“Are you sure? This isn’t a game. He will figure it out, and when he does—”
I shake my head. “I will deal with him when that happens. The bigger issue is you. He will be furious with you.”
“I’ve had twenty years of dealing with that man’s emotions. I can handle his mood.”
Taking a step closer, I grip her arms tightly and drop my voice even lower. “He can’t follow me, Sig. You can’t let him. It will ruin my chances if he tries to come after me.”
She lets out a huff. “I may need to enlist some help on that.”
“Do whatever you need to do. Just wait until after I’m gone, so no one gives it away.”
I’m sure Jorn would help with whatever Sig needed. They might be the only ones who can actually get through to Weston and convince him to let me do what needs to be done.
“Agreed,” she says with a nod. “When are we doing this?”
“I don’t know. We need the right opportunity, but we need to be ready.”
She clasps my shoulders, drawing us closer. The earnest confidence in her face fills me with warmth and anticipation.
“You can do this, Lennox. I know you can.”
“Thanks, Sig. No matter what happens, I’m really glad I met you.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” she says, shoving me off so I almost stumble back into the stream of water. “We’re still trapped here, remember?”
I chuckle. “Hopefully not for long.”
We figure out more details in the next few minutes before deciding to separate. Time is ticking, and the longer we talk about it, the more risk we have of anyone walking in and overhearing us.
Once she leaves, I strip down and stand under the warm flow of water, letting it ease the tension in my neck and back, even if only slightly. Now that I’m alone, I can sit with my thoughts and our plans.
Weston’s expression when I said I needed to go back to the Voyagers replays in my mind, over and over again.
The shock, the hurt, the anger. Tenderness wasn’t something he often shows to people, but he showed it to me tonight.
He cared about my past and wanted to do anything he could to right it.
I think he feels some responsibility for it, because maybe if he’d been there, my father would have been different.
But if he’d been there, there would be no Weston, not the way there is here.
Even though he still pushes me away.
The way he held me, the way he looked at me, was only what I’ve ever read about in books, the way I’ve always wanted a man to look at me, and be unafraid to touch me. He could have kissed me, and now, I don’t know if he even wants to talk to me.
But more than that, I need to mentally prepare myself for what is about to come.
After telling him I trusted him, disappearing and going back to the Voyagers, back to Dane, will hurt Weston.
I don’t want to hurt him, not after everything he’s done to keep me from being hurt, but it is the sacrifice I have to make.
I’m doing this for him, for everyone here who deserves the chance to get home. Dane can’t keep holding us here against our will, and he can’t find out about the location of the waters.
So, I have to try, not just for me, but for every single Castaway that had their hope and life taken away.
I close my eyes and let the water fall, remembering all of my training, both physical and mental.
I can do this. I can convince Dane that I’m back, that the Castaways kept me hostage, and that I wanted to return to them.
If I can convince Dane, Mara will have no choice but to follow, and if she doesn’t, at least Weston taught me how to disarm someone if she tries to stab me in my sleep.
Now I just need to find the strength to walk back into camp, to be with Dane the way I was before, and most importantly, figure out how to leave Weston behind.