Chapter 57
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
Knowing that Weston is just on the other side of that screen makes my skin tingle as I peel myself out of my Voyager clothes and step into the tub.
The sharp burn of the water is welcoming as I sink my shoulders below the surface.
I wasn’t planning on having time to collect my thoughts before Weston forced the inevitable conversation on me, but I’m thankful for it.
So I take my time, soaking in the tub, letting the heat break down every single tremor in my muscles from the fight earlier this evening as I go through everything I learned, and find the right words to explain what happened.
Dane convinced me that Weston was a monster, and the Castaways were complicit in his schemes, when, in fact, it has been him all along. He’s the one who had been biding his time, waiting for someone to find the healing waters so he could take them for himself.
To heal my mother, the woman he loves.
A hole opens in my chest as I remember what Dane said. It was too easy for him to trick and manipulate me, all because I wanted to be loved. I fell right into his hands, a willing pawn that fell prey to all his words and touches.
Did I do the same thing with Weston? Have I misinterpreted every look, every touch, every conversation? Are my feelings for him real, or is he just another man who has tricked me into loving him because he gave me a scrap of attention?
I hate that Dane’s words have affected me this way, casting doubt over everything I felt for someone else and making me question myself.
He’s cruel, his intentions made that clear, and he should not have any effect on me from this point forward, but I can’t stop the echo of them in the back of my mind.
Footsteps reverberate off the walls, drawing my attention.
He’s pacing.
I’ve been sitting here immersed in my thoughts long enough for the water to cool, and Weston must be getting impatient.
I can’t avoid the conversation any longer, and I won’t run away.
Going back to camp may not have been easy on everyone I left behind, but my intentions were real, and I was coming home.
I couldn’t let the opportunity to help everyone here pass by. He needs to understand that.
I grab a sponge off the small table next to the tub and douse it with soap.
The water sloshes slightly as I sit up and scrub my skin raw, washing away any reminder of everywhere Dane touched me.
I dunk my head under the surface and wash my hair, rinsing the suds from my waves and running some oil through them before I step out of the tub.
Weston is still pacing, and thank the gods no one lives under his room because the angry pounding of his feet would wake even the heaviest sleepers.
I towel off quickly, squeezing all the extra water from my hair, and grab hold of my sleep shirt, slipping it over my head. The fabric feels soft and fresh against my clean and sensitive skin, and my shoulders relax with the comfort.
I made it home. No matter how badly this conversation goes and how angry he is with me, I’m where I belong.
I need sleep after the whirlwind that has been these past few days.
If it wasn’t for the anticipation of this fight with Weston, I’d walk straight over to the bed and collapse into it, letting the exhaustion overtake me.
Please don’t let me have any nightmares tonight.
I barely make it past the screen before Weston turns on me, his pacing immediately halted and his eyes wild.
“What were you thinking?” he says brusquely.
After all the grumbles and stares, he’s finally ready to talk.
“Someone had to do something,” I say firmly, squaring myself to him and crossing my arms over my chest. His eyes flick down to my thighs, where my movement pulled the hem higher, so it brushes the top of my exposed skin. They slowly trail back up to my face and my body feels like it is on fire.
“We were doing something. We have been for years,” he grinds out.
“We are out of time! I at least needed to try. I couldn’t have lived here for eternity if it ran out, knowing I might have been able to do something and didn’t. I tried to ask you, but when I brought it up, you shut me down, so I did it on my own.”
“I told you to trust me!”
My own anger grows, matching his, as I remember an important detail I need explained. In the cave, Weston told me to trust him, but I knew he was still hiding something. Now I know, but I want to hear it from him. Weston knew Dane had come here for my mother, but he said nothing.
“Trust you?” I snap. “Let’s talk about trust, Weston.
I knew there was something more you weren’t telling me.
How can I trust you after you kept something like that from me?
How could you? You knew Dane was here to save my mother, and you knew he was using me!
” Now I’m yelling, my volume rivaling his.
“I was trying to protect you! I didn’t want you to ever find out, because I knew it would crush you. I begged you to trust me, but you didn’t.” A flash of hurt flickers over his eyes, but it’s gone almost instantly.
“I would have trusted you if you’d just told me!”
“You know you wouldn’t have. You wouldn’t have believed me without questioning everything all over again.”
My head shakes harshly, like I’m trying to force his explanation out of it. “That was the excuse you used last time. You can’t use it again.”
“What do you want me to say, princess? You don’t trust anyone unless you figure it out on your own. I can’t help that my dumbass friend fucked up and hurt you. All I can do is try to prove to you again and again that you can trust me, that I will always be there for you.”
“But you didn’t tell me, Weston! You didn’t give me a chance to trust you!”
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t expect you to go running back to him after I fucking ordered you not to!” He flings his hand toward the island, then scrubs it through his hair. His frustration with my decision is palpable, but I can’t contain mine any longer.
“You can’t order me to do anything.”
“On this ship I can.”
“Fuck that, Weston. No. You can’t. If you’re going to treat me like a princess here, then I’ll be the fucking princess.
If you’re going to push me away and leave me to figure things out on my own, fine.
But you can’t just change your gods damn mind whenever you want to be the captain instead of the First Guard. It doesn’t work like that!”
I’m grateful his desk is between us, preventing me from getting too close to him, because at this point I don’t know if I’d pull my dagger on him or drag my body against his.
“I took an oath, princess. I can’t just break it.” His voice drops low, and my stomach goes with it.
Everything changed the other night the moment I uttered his title, reminding him of the oath he took as the First Guard.
He shut down, pushing me away, and I couldn’t help but feel his title and his relationship with my father was more important to him than whatever shreds of feelings he had for me.
“So, this has all been about your duty? About my father? You’re just following orders?” My jaw clenches as I bite out the words and try to choke down the knot in my throat.
He storms around the desk until he’s toe to toe with me, and I have to crane my neck back to keep his gaze and hold my ground.
“It may have started that way, but it’s not now, and you know it.
Since the second I pulled you out of that water, this has been about you and only you.
I watched you die, and fought to bring you back, for your father, for my kingdom, for my oath.
But the moment you took a breath, and I looked into your eyes, it was over.
Everything changed. It was all about keeping you safe, and keeping you away from him. ”
His hands are clenched at his sides, like it’s taking all of his strength to keep from reaching out and touching me.
Angry tears prick at my eyes. My teeth are clenched so hard that my jaw pops.
“I don’t believe you,” I grind out. “If it was, you wouldn’t have pushed me away. You wouldn’t keep talking about your duty and my title. You would have told me how you felt!”
“What do you want me to say?” he yells as he throws his arms out to the sides, the motion an act of vulnerability, like he’s trying to finally open himself up to me. “What do you want to hear, princess? That every time you challenged me, or fought me, or yelled at me, I fell fucking harder?”
He steps forward and I step back, our gazes locked, the minuscule space between us crackling with energy like a thunderstorm ready to erupt.
“That every time I watched him manipulate you and take advantage of your mind and your body, I wanted to tell you everything? Do you know how hard it was to stop myself from giving him another scar to remember me by?”
I swallow hard, and he takes another step, which I match.
“Would you believe me if I said I couldn’t stay away from you, even before I brought you back to this ship?
I finally felt like I could protect you here, but you pushed and pushed, defying me at every moment and trying to get away.
I felt like a complete asshole trying to pull you back in, but I did it anyway, because I knew that was the only way I could control how out of my mind I was with worry every time you left. ”
My mouth goes dry and my jaw falls open as I watch him lay everything out between us.
“I would have fallen in love with you, in whatever place or time the gods granted me, but it wouldn’t have changed the fact that I could do nothing about it. Either way, I would have to watch as someone else captured your attention, or was promised your hand.”
My chest heaves as I gasp for breath.
Love. Weston loves me.
Before I can say anything, he keeps speaking, his gaze falling to the floor as a sullen expression overtakes him. His voice drops just above a whisper, and I feel it echoing in my chest.