Blast Off (Planet Double Dick #1)

PART ONE

Rachel

“This is my favorite show.” I snuggle up to Jeremy and pop a salty crisp into my mouth.

“Yeah, you always say that.” He scrolls on his phone.

“It’s true.” I giggle. “I can’t get enough of the scandal and gossip. The way these couples treat each other, it’s shocking.” I pause and kiss his stubbled cheek. “Thank goodness we’re not like that.”

Ding dong.

I glance toward the front door. “You expecting anyone?”

“No.” Jeremy kind of shrugs and continues scrolling on his phone.

“I guess I’ll get it then.” I tut and stand, dropping the bag of crisps onto the table.

Our first home is small, it’s only ten strides to the hallway and then the door is right in front of me.

I pull it open. Our young, single neighbor, Sandy is standing there with flushed cheeks and with what looks like a coffee drip on her white t-shirt.

She’s usually immaculately made up, as if she’s off out on the town even on a Sunday.

Her eyes have a strange wildness to them and a strand of hair is hanging over her right ear, the rest piled into a high, somewhat dishevelled ponytail.

“This.” She waves something in front of me. “He needs to see this and I need to know what he’s going to do about it.”

“What is it?” I peer at the white stick.

“A pregnancy test.” She looks over my shoulder. “Jeremy! Jeremy, get out here!”

“I…but…?” Confusion swarms within me. What is going on?

“Jeremy, get out here, you’re going to be a father,” Sandy yells.

My vision blurs and I grip the doorframe. I’m aware of a presence behind me and turn to see Jeremy in the shadows. The color is draining from his cheeks and his mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water.

“Think you can ignore me now.” Sandy hurls the pregnancy test at him. It skims my cheek before rattling to the floor. “Think you can fuck me and then pretend it didn’t happen? Huh? Well it did, and now you have to wake up and face the music.”

“But I…” Jeremy looks frantically from Sandy to me then back to Sandy.

I’m going to be sick, I’m sure of it. My stomach rolls and it’s as if my knees are suddenly too weak to hold up my body.

Sandy and Jeremy.

Fucking.

Behind my back.

Thoughts collide in my brain and painful, sharp emotions roil. It’s as though I’m being stretched and contracted over and over again.

“Rachel, she’s lying.” Jeremy reaches for my arm. “It’s not mine. I—”

I shake him off. “Don’t touch me.”

“Rachel, it’s not what you think,” he whines

“It’s exactly what you think, Rachel.” Sandy shoves her hands onto her hips. “Your perfect boyfriend here, the one you are always bragging about. How loyal and trust worthy he is…huh…guess that isn’t the case.”

“But?” Why are they doing this to me? It’s as though a thousand darts have landed in my heart, piercing it, wounding it, cracking it wide open. Jeremy was my forever.

Until a few seconds ago.

“Rachel, I don’t know why she’s saying this. I don’t know what to—”

“Don’t you dare start that shit,” Sandy shouts and wags her finger. “You really want me to get a paternity test done?”

“I…er…” Jeremy shoves his hand through his hair. Something he doesn’t do because the gel makes it stand up as though he’s been electrocuted.

“Last month,” Sandy says jabbing her thumb in the direction of my car. “When you had to…”

“Go on a business trip for a weekend.” I swallow, my throat suddenly dry. “And we’d had a bit of a row before I went.” My jaw clenches and I turn to Jeremy. “An argument about never emptying the dishwasher was enough to make you jump into bed with our neighbor?”

“It wasn’t like that.” He takes a step back as though trying to remove himself from the situation.

“Oh no.” I clamp the door wide open. “Don’t you dare, you’re out, get out now. I don’t want to see you.”

“But…we can fix this. And Sandy, you can get an abortion. I’ll pay if that’s what’s necessary. Then we can all forget about this.”

The atmosphere tenses, it fizzes. We both stare at him hardly believing our ears. Does he really think he has any say in that?

“Get. Out.” I practically snarl.

“And after that comment, don’t fucking come knocking on my door.” Sandy tilts her chin and a tear slips free.

For a split second I feel sorry for her.

Then I remember what she’s done. How she must have flounced round to the house, knowing I wasn’t there.

Big tits over-spilling one of her tight little vest tops and red lipstick sticky and pouty.

No doubt with a jam jar in hand, the lid stuck on and only Jeremy’s manly strength can undo it. She’s tried that trick a few times.

“Rachel, I’m not leaving, this is my home too,” Jeremy says with the tiniest hint of authority.

“It was when you were a decent guy, a trusted boyfriend.” I swallow a thick lump of pain that’s appeared in my throat. “But now…now that’s changed. I want you to leave. I don’t want to look at you.”

He frowns and reaches for his jacket even though the day is warm. He always wears his shoes in the house, something that permanently bugs me, so after picking up his wallet and keys is set to remove himself from my life.

Because that’s what this is.

There’s no going back.

He’s ruined everything.

Just like Harry did.

Cheating fucking bastards, both of them. Why can’t I find a nice guy who can keep his dick in his pants? Can it be so difficult?

He steps past me, his jaw tight and stands in front of Sandy. “Can we talk about this?”

“No.” She shakes her head and dashes at a stream of tears. “Not right now.”

“When?”

“Maybe later.” She sniffs.

“But I’ve got nowhere to go. She’s kicked me out.” He nods at me. “What can I do?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake grown a pair of balls.

” I slam the door on both of them. What a douche-bag!

How could I not have seen it before? No backbone, hell not even a vertebrae.

He’s a damp squib, a good body, sure, and an amazing fuck, kinky too on occasion which suits me well, but personality, fidelity, what a total loser.

I run my hand along the wall for balance and make my way to the kitchen.

I fill a glass of water and drink it down in several big glugs.

It’s a mistake and I throw the water straight back up into the sink.

I put the faucet to full blast and soak my hot face over and over by cupping my hands.

I’m shaking from head to toe. My world has been turned upside down in a few seconds.

“I’ve had it with men.” I snap. “Forever. They’re all a waste of time.”

I turn off the water and dry my face. My body barely feels like mine and I stomp into the living room and then up and down the stairs. I punch a cushion and then spot his book and reading glasses. They go straight into the bin beside the bed. Actually all of his shit can go in the bin.

After grabbing three refuse bags from the kitchen I speed up the stairs again and start with his bedside drawers. Underwear, socks, t-shirts, then a bunch of hair gels and aftershaves.

Soon his side of the wardrobe is also empty and the bags are bulging. I don’t bother lugging them downstairs and instead fling open the window and toss them out. They land on the lawn with a satisfying thump.

“Hey!”

I spot him lurking beside his car, which is obviously where he’s been sitting. Waiting.

For what?

For me or Sandy to let him in?

“That’s my stuff,” he yells up at me.

“I know, that’s why it’s no longer in my house.”

“It’s my house too, my name is on the deeds remember.”

“Not for much longer. My next job is to call my lawyer and then a realtor to get this godforsaken place sold.”

“But I don’t want to sell it.” He whines. “I just put up that Ikea wardrobe, took me ages.”

“Tough shit. I do want to sell. And without my salary you can’t afford it.” I slam the window knowing that last word will bite him on a soft spot. He hates being reminded that I earn more than him with my job at the bank.

My phone rings and I hoist it from my jeans pocket. It’s Sophie.

“Hey girl, what are you up to? I was thinking of a chardonnay down at Gibby’s.”

“I’ll be there.” My voice is as tight as a violin string.

“Er…you okay?”

“No, not by a long shot. I’ll see you there in ten. Get a bottle if you arrive first.”

“Sure thing.”

I hang up and then quickly send a message to our group chat. I need the gang so I reach out, or rather grab, Mel and Tammy too.

Call to Arms

My neighbour is pregnant

Father – shitty bastard Jeremy

Wine to excess needed

Instantly a flood of shocked avatar faces and hugs and angry emojis arrive making my phone buzz and vibrate.

My girls will have my back, hell more than that, if I took four spades and asked them to help me bury his body they’d ask how deep to dig the hole.

We always have each other’s backs. Girls have to. Good men are few and far between and none of us have hit gold yet. I’d thought I had…until Sandy showed up half an hour ago.

It takes me all of five minutes to slap on some face powder, swipe on glossy lippy and switch my Sunday sloppy outfit to dark denims and a red t-shirt with a vintage Pepsi logo on the front.

Gibby’s is a ten-minute walk away, I’m the closest so I arrive first and order two bottles of white wine. Thankfully there is a spare booth at the back and I slide into it, knocking back wine as I go.

My day flew out of the window, so much for making a lasagne and putting on a movie. Hell, it’s not just my day that’s gone out of the window, it’s the rest of my life.

The backs of my eyes tingle and I blink to stop the tears forming. Jeremy is not worth the tears. The heartache I can’t stop, but the tears I can. Waste of bodily fluids.

Sophie is first to arrive with her blonde curls bouncing wildly. She pulls me into a hug. “Where shall we bury him?”

I laugh though it’s a strained sound. “I hear there is a good spot down by Runnymead Forest.”

“Yeah, wet and peaty.” She sits with a frown and reaches for one of the big glasses of wine I’ve poured in preparation. “Tammy and Mel are going to be livid.”

Tammy and Mel are twins, both stunning in a pixie kind of a way, Tammy with short pink hair and Mel, the same style but with blue highlights.