River
The last place I want to be is home.
I’ve been dreading this moment since Pandora’s little stunt in the sauna, and while I may have let that slide to the back of my mind, I haven’t forgotten it. How could I, when I know what’s coming next?
It shouldn’t matter.
I’m not a kid anymore.
I’m nineteen years old.
I’m a capable fighter.
I should be able to hold my own against my old man, and the truth is that I could if I tried. But going against a lifetime of being trained to simply take what he’s dishing out feels like too much.
That, and he’s still a part of the Pavone organization. If I stop his beatdown with one of my own, he could do more than ruin my future with Pandora’s family. He could run me out of New Bristol.
My father’s car isn’t in the parking lot, but that’s a small comfort because he could return home at any moment.
I’ll at least get to see my mother, who would otherwise be hiding so she’s not privy to whatever’s going to happen when he gets home. She’s never once stood up for me. While I can’t completely blame her for not wanting him to turn his anger on her, I still resent her for it.
There are reasons Rachel and I both fled to Pandora’s at any given opportunity. No matter how terrifying Giulio Pavone is, he at least never laid a hand on me.
Until, of course, he did.
I’d lost a finger as a result.
Then I’d come home and suffered the worst beating I’d ever been subjected to, one that had laid me out for weeks.
I grit my teeth.
If that happens again, I only have Pandora to blame—
No, that’s not true. I deserved her revenge. After what I was part of…
My stomach roils with discomfort and regret.
I sigh and get out of the car, heading into the apartment building. I take the stairs to the second floor, then go down the hallway until I’m standing in front of the front door. It’s locked, of course, and I half hope to find that my key no longer fits in the lock.
I couldn’t be that lucky.
The door opens easily, and I step inside into the dimly lit foyer. The air is heavy, the tension nearly palpable even though I don’t see anyone there.
“Hello?” I call out, reluctant to draw attention to myself but unsure of where my mother is.
I frown, noticing that the house is messier than usual.
There are beer cans all over the coffee table, and there’s a subtle smell in the air that seems to be coming from the kitchen.
I head over to it, grimacing at the stacks of dirty dishes.
That’s strange.
I head deeper into the house, keeping my steps loud so I don’t startle my mother. But I don’t see her, and when I knock on the bedroom door, there’s nothing.
Maybe she’s napping, but a deep sense of unease fills me as I knock again.
Nothing.
“I’m coming in,” I say, then I push the door open.
No one’s inside.
The covers on the bed are thrown back instead of being as tidy as usual, and alarm bells start to ring in my mind.
I grab my phone from my pocket and call her number.
This number is no longer in service.
What the fuck?
What’s going on?
I open up the closet, but it’s half empty. I only see my father’s clothes.
My mother is gone.
Before I can really register that fact, my dad’s voice sounds from the doorway to the bedroom.
“So you finally had the balls to show back up. I didn’t think you’d man up and show.”
He’s holding a beer in one hand, but he’s not drunk. He likes his control too much to let himself get lost in drinking too much. What he does, he does deliberately.
He takes a sip from the can of cheap beer.
My father is about as tall as I am, with a strong jaw and wide nose.
I inherited a lot of my looks from him, which means I spend a lot of time avoiding the mirror unless I’m in the mood to punch something.
His shirt is disheveled, but it’s not from lack of care.
It’s from whatever he was doing prior to coming home.
I try to remind myself that I’m an adult, not a child, and that I don’t have to take his shit.
Except I do, because he’s paying for everything. I’m at his mercy when it comes to my future. I’d thought about throwing in with the Bouchards after I graduated, but that’s off the table now.
I exhale slowly, trying to decide the best way to handle this.
And failing.
“You made it pretty clear that I didn’t have a choice,” I snap at him, my hands clenching into fists at my sides.
He chuckles harshly. “Yeah? And you’re still that much of a pushover?”
He’s goading me. I know that. He wants a reaction from me, and I’m trying my hardest not to rise to the bait.
“I wanted to see my family for Christmas,” I say, even though we both know that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Bullshit,” he says with another drink of beer.
“Where’s Mom?” I ask him. “What did you do to her?”
“Me?” he asks with a chuckle. “I didn’t do shit. She walked out.”
That doesn’t sound like my mother, who’s always been afraid to do anything by herself. If she’d left, she would’ve at least told me. Wouldn’t she?
“That’s bullshit,” I tell him. “What did you do?”
He sneers at me. “Watch yourself, Rafael. Your useless whore of a mother left. She left me, and she left you.”
I grit my teeth.
I don’t believe him, but I’m not going to get the truth out of him.
“But it’s good that you’re home,” he continues. “It means we can have a chat about Pandora Pavone.”
“We could’ve had that chat over the phone,” I mutter.
“If you hadn’t ignored your phone, that might’ve been possible,” he counters.
I grimace, but I know he’s just fucking with me because he never would’ve let that happen. “You wanted me home for that… conversation.”
He doesn’t smile. “Because you apparently don’t learn your lessons. I fucking told you to stay away from the Pavone girl.”
The Pavone “girl” is a fully grown woman, perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but I don’t tell him that.
He wouldn’t listen. And Giulio Pavone certainly wouldn’t listen either because she’s his everything.
I wonder what it would be like for my parents to love me that ferociously.
“And to be rude to her? What the fuck were you thinking, River? I thought I raised you better than that, but you went and got stupid on me when you were thinking about chasing pussy,” he continues.
Chasing pussy.
Like that’s all Pandora is.
My vision turns red around the edges, and when his fist lashes out at me, I catch it in my hand and shove him back, hard.
He drops the can of beer he’s holding, and the liquid splashes everywhere. He swears, stumbling back.
I caught him by surprise, but I don’t think that’s going to happen again. He’s not that old, and he’s still fit. He has to be, to continue to do his job for the Pavones. I don’t know the exact details of what that entails, but it pays well enough that he can afford to send me to Dyschord U.
It’s because of him that I learned how to fight, even if I have been a coward about using what I know to protect myself.
Not this time.
There’s no reason to hold back anymore. He can’t take anything out on Mom instead of me, and the future is up in the air as it is.
Who knows if we’re going to survive this school year, let alone the next.
I don’t care what my father takes away from me, as long as I never have to deal with another punch from him ever again.
If Blaze can stand up to his father, so can I.
My father throws another punch, but I’m ready for this one, too.
The street fighting has been paying off, because my reflexes are faster than ever. He might be used to playing dirty, but so am I.
“Don’t push this,” I warn him in a low voice. “Because I’m not going to take it anymore. I’m not a kid that you can push around.”
He scoffs at me. “You need to take your punishment like a man.”
“I am a man!” I snap at him. “I’m an adult who can take care of himself, and that’s why I’m never going to let you lay another hand on me ever again.”
Staring at me, he studies my expression for a moment. He must realize that I’m dead serious, which only makes him laugh. The sound is harsh, and I brace myself for another blow.
It doesn’t come.
“Get the fuck out of my house, Rafael,” he tells me. “And if you think you’re ever getting another cent from me—or the Pavones—you’re more of an idiot than I thought. You should get out of New Bristol while you can.”
“That all you got?” I challenge him. “A few punches and a petty threat? I don’t need you, old man.”
This time, I’m the one who throws the punch.
It catches him in the jaw, and he stumbles back from that. “You’re fucking dead to me,” he snarls. “Now get the fuck out before I show you what it means to fuck with me.”
I realize I don’t mind the idea of being dead to him.
I wish I’d had that realization a long time ago.
I shoulder-check him and storm out of the bedroom, and the beer can hits me in the back. I ignore it, leaving the house and slamming the door behind me.
The car is in my name, one of the few things that my mother had done right by me, and I’m grateful for that much, at least.
I send a text to Pandora.
River
My dad might be calling your dad about me. I’m dead to him now, apparently.
I don’t know why I’m texting her about it. I’m going to head back to Dyschord. I have the rest of the year to come up with a game plan for how to get through the next three years. The street fights pay well, but not that well.
Whatever.
I’ll figure it out.
Pandora
Huh. Okay. You want me to put in a good word?
River
I’d like to not end up dead in a ditch somewhere, so that’d be nice.
I’m heading back to Dyschord. Want to grab food before I go?
I want to see her.
So badly, I want to see her, even though she’s partially the reason I just had that showdown with my dad.
Honestly, it was less climactic than I thought it would be, though if I hadn’t defended myself, I have no doubts that it would’ve turned out worse.
Black eyes would’ve been the least of my problems.
I wonder where my mother is.
Did she finally get the courage to leave him? To walk out and leave him behind forever? The fact that she hadn’t contacted me at all stings.
It more than stings.
It downright hurts.