Chapter 10 #2
“And keep it interesting,” Japheth said, his voice rising with enthusiasm. “It’s not that we’re boring together. We’re really good together. I want to be clear about that. But imagine, if you and I do a little number, then you and Rebekkah are riffing, and then we all come together!”
“Pew! Pew! Pew! Fireworks, right?” Rebekkah added, her hands mimicking a jazzy explosion.
Ronald chuckled, looking mildly amused, “Okay, I’m listening.”
Rebekkah leaned in, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper and taking on a hint of her committed but unconvincing Polish accent, “We’re also very generous when playing. Like, you can take the lead sometimes.”
“Or go solo,” Japheth offered, trying to sound casual.
“And we’ll just watch,” Rebekkah finished, her eyes wide with sincerity.
Ronald raised an eyebrow, tossed the basketball back and forth once between hands and took a tentative step toward them, “You want me in your throuple?”
“Throuple, triple, lop-sided triangle,” Rebekkah rambled. “We’re actually thinking of calling ourselves Trinity.”
“I’m not big on labels,” Ronald said, rubbing his jaw, “but if I had to choose, I’d say I’m pansexual.”
Japheth shook his head slightly, an involuntary spasm of confusion rippling through him, “What?
“My sexual, romantic, and emotional attraction isn’t based on gender or sexuality,” Ronald explained with a shrug. “So, like, I’m down to get with both of you. You’re freaky. In a good way. I think.”
Rebekkah’s eyes went wide, not quite sure what to make of that, “We’re not…”
Japheth, practically choking on his words, tried to clarify, “We’ve never…”
“Why not?” Ronald asked, shrugging and starting to dribble the ball. “You’re both cute.”
“We’re virgins!” Rebekkah blurted out, her face red.
Ronald stopped dribbling, staring at them in disbelief, “For real?”
Japheth shifted uncomfortably, “We have very full and real inner romantic and sexual lives…”
“You do?” Rebekkah asked, her eyebrows arched in surprise.
“Look,” Japheth continued, his face flushed, “we’ve just never, you know, done the deed.”
Ronald’s grin widened, his amusement palpable, “I’m lost. So, you want me in your throuple that has never had sex and never has sex?”
Rebekkah, now thoroughly flustered, blurted out, “We’re a band. We want you in our band!”
“No sex?” Ronald asked, sounding genuinely disappointed.
Japheth hesitated, tilting his head, “Mmm…”
“Mmm-mmmm,” Rebekkah said firmly, shaking her head.
Ronald dribbled the ball absentmindedly, “I don’t know…”
“This is a huge opportunity,” Rebekkah pressed. “You know how WWJD never announced a winner for the 1999 WWJD Not Short on Talent talent show?”
Ronald crossed his arms, “I was robbed.”
“They want to choose a winner,” Japheth explained quickly. “And they want that winner to be us. Like, all three of us together!”
Japheth and Rebekkah stood frozen, their hopeful gazes locked on Ronald as the rhythmic sound of the basketball bouncing on the pavement punctuated the air.
For a moment, the tension was thick, each beat of the ball representing the ticking time bomb of their combined dreams. Then, the court fell silent, save for the muted squeaks of Ronald’s sneakers as he paced back and forth.
“I can’t,” Ronald finally said, his voice firm, but not unkind.
Rebekkah blinked, stunned by Ronald’s sudden change in demeanour. She was so sure they had him. “What do you mean, you can’t?” she demanded, her voice quivering slightly.
Japheth, standing next to her, felt his hope deflate like a punctured basketball. “But… why?”
Ronald sighed, wiping the sweat from his brow and glancing at the basketball cradled under his arm. “Look,” he said, as though trying to let them down gently, “I love to sing, and I clean up on the court, but… why should I join your band? What’s in it for me?”
Rebekkah jumped in without missing a beat, “You’d get a weekly radio show…”
“Fame!” Japheth added dramatically, stretching the word and painting it across the sky with a broad sweep of his arm.
“And that Kia Rio?” Ronald asked, his eyebrows raising in hopeful anticipation.
Japheth cringed, “They’re, uh… not sure about the car.”
“What?!” Ronald looked genuinely taken aback, like this could be the deal breaker.
“I know, it’s criminal,” Japheth sympathized, shaking his head, “but it’s still a great opportunity!”
Ronald spun the basketball on his finger, a casual, fluid motion. “So, why me? Why now?”
“Ronald, we know this is gonna sound crazy,” Japheth began, his voice sincere, “but we think Jesus has a plan for us. He wants the three of us together. We don’t know why, but we gotta have faith. There's a reason Jesus is bringing us together now.”
Ronald brought up his other hand, halting the spinning the ball, and stared blankly at Japheth, “Who?”
Rebekkah gasped, “Jesus! Wait, have you never heard of Jesus?”
Japheth gave her a knowing look. “Rebekkah, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
She nodded with fervor, “Salvation time!”
Japheth stepped forward; his voice filled with a missionary-like zeal, “Ronald, Jesus is like the coolest, best friend that you never see.”
“Like a ghost?” Ronald asked, his brow scrunched in confusion.
“He’s always with you,” Rebekkah chimed in, “when you’re sleeping and when you’re awake!”
Ronald smirked, folding his arms, “Like Santa?”
Japheth blew out a breath, seeing this was going to be harder than he thought. He kept his tone serious, “He makes everything we do in life have meaning. Like, we’re not just doing things for ourselves; we’re doing them for Him!”
“Why?” Ronald asked, the skepticism clear in his voice.
Rebekkah chimed in, passionately, “Playing basketball alone? Nope! You’re doing it with Jesus!”
Japheth nodded eagerly, taking up Rebekkah’s lead, “Why shoot hoops and sing to yourself, when you could shoot hoops with Jesus?”
“Three-pointers! Dribbles. Drabbles!” Rebekkah enthused, nodding vigorously, “Whatever else happens in basketball, but with Jesus!”
Ronald narrowed his eyes, squinting in mild confusion, “What team does he play for?”
Japheth paused, trying to keep his exasperation in check.
He glanced at Rebekkah, who began to hum.
Soon her humming evolved into something more: it was a melody, a catchy pop tune.
Japheth immediately understood, if they couldn’t convince him with their words, they’d have to do it with a song.
He launched into the lyrics with complete conviction,
“He’s into crucifixion. To Jerusalem,
He’s sent to be killed.
I feel a premonition.
He’s gonna die on that skull-shaped hill.”
Without missing a beat, Rebekkah took over on the next stanza,
“He’s into revelations,
raising people from the dead.
Leave your rowboat, leave your nets now.
‘Follow me’ is what he said!”
Then in a haunting chorus, Japheth and Rebekkah braided their voices together in a harmony that was melancholy but heartfelt,
“They made Him take His clothes off
and the sky began to rain!
He screamed out, ‘God forgive them,
and I’ll take away their pain. Come on!”
Unable to help themselves, they began doing the choreography they had blocked out in Rebekkah’s basement/rehearsal hall the week before as they assaulted Ronald with their exuberant mission work via song,
“Upside, inside out,
He’s livin’ la vida santo!
He’ll lift you up when you’re down,
Livin’ la vida santo!
His crown was crimson red,
But above it shone a halo!
He will raise you up,
Livin’ la vida santo! Come on!
Livin’ la vida santo! Come on!
We’re livin’ la vida santo!”
Japheth took a knee and painted the imagery with his hands as he launched into the next verse,
“Woke up in Galilee, yeah,
By a funky fishing boat.
He took my heart, gave away my money,
He must’ve slipped me a parable.
He never drinks the water,
just walks on it instead.
Once you’ve had a taste of Him,
You’ll never end up dead!
Eat and drink of me, he said. Come on!”
Rebekkah took Japheth’s hand and it happened too fast to see exactly how they’d managed it, but in a kind of ice-skating flip and twirl and spin, they were both back on their feet and shimmying their shoulders as they advanced on Ronald step by step,
“Upside, inside out,
He’s livin’ la vida santo!
He’ll push your sins right out,
Livin’ la vida santo!
His crown was crimson red,
But above it shone a halo!
He will raise you up,
Livin’ la vida santo! Come on!
Livin’ la vida santo! Come on!
We’re livin’ la vida santo!
Gotta be la vida santo!
Gotta, gotta, gotta be la vida santo!
He’ll make you take your clothes off
And get baptized in His name!”
LISTEN to Livin’ la Vida Santo
Ronald, caught up in the absurdity of it all, laughed and joined in, though he clearly had no idea what exactly was going on. “I love this jam,” he said, interrupting their flow, “but I never heard that version. Your new lyrics are dope. A little dark, but dope.”
Japheth stopped mid-harmony; eyes wide, “New lyrics?”
“Yeah, you know. The original goes…” Ronald grinned, and he started singing Ricky’s original lyrics, “She’s into superstition. Black cats and voodoo dolls…”
“Witchcraft!” Japheth yelled, clapping his hands over his ears. “Rebekkah, you told me you wrote that song!”
Rebekkah shrugged sheepishly, “I sort of… sampled the melody.”
“That was no sample,” Ronald shook his head, laughing. “That was ripped!”
“Yes!” Rebekkah cried out, lifting her eyes to the sky. “I stole it! Heavenly Father, forgive me. I was just trying to clean it up!”
“Make it white?” Ronald quipped.
“No!” Rebekkah protested. “Make it Christian!”
“You made it creepy,” Ronald deadpanned, “but still catchy.”
Japheth sighed, rubbing his temples, “Rebekkah, I can’t believe this… you’ve been lying to me about writing our songs?”
“I’ve been… sampling,” Rebekkah admitted.
“Stealing,” Japheth corrected.
“Sampling melodies but I’m doing it for Jesus!” Rebekkah said defensively. “I’m changing the lyrics to be Christian! Is that so bad?”
Japheth paused, then shook his head slowly, “I don’t know. It’s… ethically ambiguous. I need to pray on it.”