6. Weinus, Weinus & Ware LLC
Weinus, Weinus one leg bent over his knee and the other tapping his sneaker to some imaginary beat, “And find a lawyer who says it’s okay for us to steal secular music and Christianize it.”
Japheth grinned, “Look at you! Getting down with the Christian lingo. A few days ago, you didn't even know who Jesus was and now your little light is growing into a full-on flame!”
“Don’t get too close,” Ronald quipped, eyes sparkling with a mix of humour and mischief. “This forest fire might scorch ya!”
Japheth swivelled in his chair, excitement bubbling up, “I’ll take my chances. Me and you. Wow. Bandmates. A few days ago, I thought you were outta my league and now look at us–lawn chair lounging lizards.”
Ronald raised an eyebrow, “Lizards?”
“Yeah, like, chilling in the sun, not a worry in the world. I’m just trying out nicknames for our friendship,” Japheth explained.
“Rebekkah and I call each other partners in prayer. I want that with you, too. If Trinity is gonna go all the way, we gotta be tight. No secrets. I want to know everything about you. What makes you tick.”
Ronald chuckled, cracking open another root beer, “What makes me tick?”
“Yeah, I know you love basketball and music but that’s what you do professionally now. What about your hobbies?” Japheth turned his lawn chair to Ronald and leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees.
“Let’s see… I watch Roswell. Mostly because I think the aliens are hot.”
Japheth didn’t miss a beat, “Max, Isabel, or Michael?”
“Why pick?” Ronald shrugged. “I think aliens are naturally pansexual and polyamorous like me.”
Japheth nodded, like this was the most reasonable explanation in the world, “Fair. But if I had to choose, I’d pick Max.”
“With long hair,” Ronald added, as if it was obvious.
“Yes! When he cut it, he went from dreamy to…” Japheth stopped mid-sentence, something clicking and grinding his share with Ronald to a stall. He sat back in his chair and started whistling the Roswell theme song, hoping his distraction was distracting.
Ronald sat up in his chair, “Wait, does Rebekkah know?”
“Know what?” Japheth deflected but it was a deflated attempt; he was tired of a life of constantly masquerading.
“Japheth, it’s okay. You can be exactly who you are with me. Self-determination is very empowering. I’m asking if Rebekkah knows that your favourite alien is Max?”
“I mean…” Japheth trailed off, biting his lip.
“So, no?” Ronald smirked.
Japheth squirmed in his seat, “I’ve hinted and basically said it without saying it, but she’s… pretty clueless.”
Ronald let out a deep belly laugh, “Love that movie!”
Japheth beamed, feeling the deep camaraderie that was quickly forming, “Me too! We are nailing this new best friend thing. Is that okay? Sorry, that was presumptuous.”
Ronald took a long sip of his root beer and shrugged, “Yeah, since there’s no nailing going on here, I’m down for a bromance. You’re weird. And sweet. I know a bunch of stuff you don’t know, and you know a bunch of stuff I don’t know, so it’s good. We’re both gonna grow by spending time together.”
“You are so deep,” Japheth marvelled, wide-eyed.
“Yeah,” Ronald leaned back, looking nonchalant but secretly pleased.
Japheth rested his head back on the chair; his root beer balanced precariously on the armrest, “Do you know much about nephology?”
Ronald lowered his sunglasses and squinted at Japheth, “Umm… nope!”
“Me neither,” Japheth admitted, with a grin that suggested this didn’t bother him in the least. “It’s a branch of meteorology that studies clouds, their formation, development, and dissipation,” he waved a hand toward the scattered clouds above, “but that never really held my attention.”
Ronald shrugged, “What does?”
Japheth’s eyes gleamed, “Pareidolia.”
Ronald blinked, “Okay… lay it on me because I have no idea what you’re talking about. Is this more Jesus talk?”
Japheth sat up, pointing at the clouds with renewed energy, “Kind of! Pareidolia is a gift for seeing things in everyday objects. I don’t just see things. I see the big guy–Jesus!”
Ronald chuckled, “You see dead people?”
“In clouds, for instance!” Japheth was fully animated now, practically bouncing in his chair. “I’ll just come out here on my front lawn every day around 3:03 to get ready.”
Ronald gave him a sidelong glance, “That’s… precise.”
Japheth nodded earnestly, “He’s a busy God!
I’m not gonna keep Him waiting. So, I’m out here every day at 3:03 p.m. unless I have an early shift at Saddles ‘n’ Spurs.
This isn’t like a weather thing. Rain or shine, blue skies, overcast, I’ll see Him.
He arrives around 3:15, 3:16, and then He’s generally gone again by 3:17.
I think He’s really trying to tell me something. ”
Japheth placed his hands on his knees and leaned even further toward Ronald conspiratorially, “My favourite Bible verse is John 3:16. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
Ronald raised his root beer in mock salute, “And you’re sure it’s not just indigestion from lunch?”
Japheth didn’t miss a beat, “I’ve been seeing Him every day since I was thirteen.
Sometimes it looks not so much like the face of Jesus in the clouds as…
well, a helicopter, a garbage truck, an eggplant, or Gonzo the Muppet but you know, those last two are very similar.
He takes on different cloud incarnations. ”
“Have you ever taken a picture?” Ronald asked sitting up in his lawn chair keen to see one of these eggplants or Gonzo pics though Jesus would be cool, too, especially if it got Japheth so jazzed, there must be something to it. He wondered what a picture of a ghost would look like.
“A picture?” Japheth hesitated for a second, looking a little sheepish. “Well, there was this one time…” He suddenly squinted at the sky, “Hold on Ronald. He’s coming into focus now.”
Ronald leaned forward, scanning the sky, “What? Where?”
Japheth pointed fervently, “There He is! Do you see it? Right there! No, just to the right. Yeah! Jesus Christ! Hello Lord!”
Ronald squinted hard, “That cloud?”
A gust of wind suddenly swept through the yard, rustling the trees, the branches swaying with a sudden surge of movement.
Japheth jumped to his feet, knocking his root beer over, “He’s on the move! Ronald, smash that root beer and let’s go. I’ve never seen Him move this fast. Come on! Take it with you, we have to go now!”
Ronald, thoroughly bemused, grabbed his drink, “Uh, okay, right behind ya!”
As the wind whipped around them, Japheth sprinted across the lawn with surprising speed.
The sound of trees rustling trilled in the air as they both rushed after the rapidly moving cloud.
A child’s abandoned kite, ripped across the empennage, fluttered in frustration against the branches of an oak tree where it had lodged itself in a catastrophic and harrowing final flight.
“This is fantastic!” Japheth shouted over the wind and over his shoulder at Ronald, “Maybe you’re gifted with pareidolia, too.”
Ronald, still trying to see what Japheth was so excited about, muttered, “I’m not quite sure what I’m looking at… is that big billowy part his…”
“Yes!” Japheth exclaimed, “His beard! You do see it!”
The tempest tired, the clouds calmed. Ronald hesitated, then nodded, “Feels like the wind is dying down… is He… is He pointing?”
Japheth’s eyes widened in reverence, “Ronald, where two or three are gathered in His name, there He is! In our midst. I think our combined pareidolia gifts have really made this vision strong today.”
Ronald paused, eyeing his root beer suspiciously, “Was there anything in this root beer?”
Japheth shook his head, “What? No! This is being high on Jesus! He is pointing, isn’t He… at that billboard?”
Ronald followed Japheth’s gaze, and sure enough, the cloud formation seemed to align with a billboard off in the distance. “Yeah, He’s pointing right at it.”
Japheth’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning, “This is fantastic! I’m really blessed that Jesus visits me every day. I mean, most people never experience God. But I see Him every day. And on schedule. And now you do, too!”
Ronald nodded slowly, glancing at the billboard, “Is this a sign…?”
Japheth practically shouted, “Yes! Weinus, Weinus, & Ware, Esquire. Jesus pointed us right at a lawyer’s billboard!”