Chapter 9
Nine
Hayden
When it was time for Killian to put Luna to bed, I saw myself out.
This whole day Killian has just been going over what I’ll be doing in California and my arrangements for when I get there. He said I shouldn’t be there long, two to three days at the most if everything goes well.
I don’t want to and I tried to tell him I need to get out of this, but he just hung shit over my head. Like I can’t live without the rush or the adrenaline. I needed some sort of stimuli in order not to go crazy.
By the time I pull into my estate, it’s hitting 9. The lights inside are all mostly turned off except for the one in my and Jaclyn’s bedroom.
Jaclyn is still awake, of course.
Probably writing since that’s what she does whenever she has a flicker of alone time which hasn’t been much because of how much I’ve been gone.
The kids are probably all in bed by now since their bedtime is 8 p.m..
I didn’t mean to stay this long, again. I never do but sometimes Killian’s meetings run over or an issue comes up that Killian sends me to fix.
The wounds on my knuckles reopened, they started bleeding a little bit from how I’m clenching and unclenching my fists constantly throughout the day.
I lock my car when I get out of it and walk through the front door of our house. The house is quiet, the kind of thick, eerie quiet that says more than yelling ever could.
I walk upstairs to my and Jaclyn’s room, passing by the kids’ rooms and just going straight to her.
When I open the door softly, Jaclyn is sitting on the bed with her legs crossed, wearing one of my old t-shirts and a sad look on her face as she types on her laptop.
She doesn’t look up at me as I close the door behind me.
“Hey,” I say as I take off my shoes.
Nothing.
Her fingers tap against the keys, but slower now. More like she is pretending to focus.
I unzip my jacket and let it fall onto the bench. I move towards the bathroom and catch myself in the mirror. Messy hair from how many times I’ve run my hand through it. My hands scraped with blood from the wounds that reopened.
“You’re bleeding again.” Her voice finally breaks the silence. I don’t answer right away. I just walk towards the bathroom and start washing away the blood. “Hayden.”
“I’m fine,” I mutter.
“That’s not what I asked.” I look up and she is now standing, laptop shut and forgotten.
Her arms are crossed over her chest and her eyes are locked on mine like she is trying not to lose her shit.
“You said this would stop,” her voice trembles with controlled anger.
“After the last time… after the last time I would expect you to learn your lesson about coming home like that.”
“It’s from yesterday. I didn’t do anything today-”
“But what’s going to be your excuse when it does happen again? When one of the kids sees the blood on your hands?”
“They won’t. I told Killian I’m done but I have to do one last job in California-”
“You’re leaving?” she asks, her voice cracking, making me look at her.
Her eyes are wide. “I didn’t say-”
“You didn’t have to.” She laughs coldly and shakes her head.
“God, Hayden. We just started to fix things last week. Things started to feel normal but then you leave practically all day. You end up seeing Killian more than the kids and I. And now you want to run away to another state to play mafia cleanup?”
“You think I want this?” I snap, turning off the tap. “You think I like sneaking around and coming home in someone else’s blood? You think I don’t hate lying to you?”
“Then stop!” she yells. “Stop choosing him over us!”
“I’m not choosing him,” I groan and walk closer to her. “I’m just trying to protect you.”
“By pushing me away?” she shoots back. “By making me lie to our kids about where their father is every single night? That’s not protection Hayden, that’s abandonment with a prettier coat.
” Her words cut deep, deeper than I wanted to admit.
I stare at her, at the flush in her cheeks and the fire in her eyes, the pain beneath it all.
“I told you before and I hope this is the last time I tell you but you’re making me feel like I’m not enough for you Hayden. It’s like you don’t love me anymore.”
I furrow my eyebrows and walk up to her, putting my hands on her face. “I do love you, what are you talking about?”
Tears form in her eyes and she backs away from me. “The Hayden I loved, wouldn’t make me feel this way,” she whispers. “I hate this. I hate who you’ve become when you’re with him.”
And that’s when I snap.
I grab her by the waist and yank her against me, kissing her hard, not soft or gentle.
It was messy and angry and laced with everything we didn’t know how to say without starting a war.
She fights at first, shoving at my chest and trying to push me away but her fingers curl into my shirt and pull me closer.
We’re both breathing hard from the sudden shift and the echo of our argument in the air still. I should’ve just walked away and let us both cool down. But the second I saw fire in her eyes, red, rimmed, furious, and fucking beautiful, I snapped and couldn’t control myself.
I need to feel her and have her in my arms and remind myself that she’s still mine, I still have her.
She shoves me hard. “You think you can come home like that and just pretend it’s fine?”
“No,” I mutter, my voice low and rough. I back her into the wall and cage her there with my hands on either side of her head. “I think I need to shut you up before we both start saying things we’ll regret.”
“Fuck you,” she spits.
I grab her face and kiss her like I’m starving. Like her mouth is the only thing that can burn away the rot and poison inside of me.
“You’re so goddamn stubborn,” I groan against her lips. “Maybe I need to fuck the attitude out of you.”
She moans, even as her nails claw my arms. “Don’t be gentle.”
“I wasn’t planning on it.” I spin her around and shove her towards the bed. She stumbles, but doesn’t get on the bed. She glancing over her shoulder at me. That look alone has my dick rock hard, throbbing behind my zipper. “
“And if I don’t?”
“I’ll fuck you right here.” I walk closer to her, pressing my hips against hers. “But either way, I’m not leaving until you’re begging me to stop.”
She climbs on the bed slowly, like she wants to test me. Jaclyn pauses and looks back at me, her ass arched just enough to drive me insane. I lose the last bit of self control I have left and am on her in seconds.
I grab her hips and pull her back towards me. My mouth latches onto her neck and I yank her shirt up and over her head. “You missed this, didn’t you?” I mutter as my hand slowly makes its way to the spot between her legs. “Missed me making you forget why you’re mad?”
“I’m still mad at you,” she hisses, her voice hitching as my fingers brush against her soaked underwear.
“Then take it out on me,” I whisper in her ear. “Scratch me, bite me, tell me you hate me while I fuck you like you’re mine.”
“Hayden-”
“I said tell me,” I say while rubbing my fingers against her pussy through her underwear.
“I hate how good you fuck me when I’m mad at you,” she breathes.
“That’s what I thought.” I rip her underwear off, no time for slow.
No time for sweet or gentle. I need to be inside her now.
I shove my pants down just enough to free my dick, line up behind her and slam into her in one brutal thrust. She gasps, her fists clenching the sheets.
“Take every inch like a good girl,” I groan, rocking into her. “Even when you hate me.”
“I don’t-”
I shove her head into the mattress, cutting her off before I start going hard and deep. My hips slap against her ass with every thrust. My name falls from her lips between curses and muffled moans. Her body moves with mine, meeting me every time like she needed this as badly as I did.
Our anger was gasoline. Her body was the goddamn fire and I was burning.
“You’re mine,” I groan, gripping her hips tighter. “No matter how messed up we are, you’ll always be mine.”
She whimpers, collapsing slowly on her stomach. I lean over her back and press kisses to her shoulder blades, still thrusting slower now, deeper.
“Let me fix it,” I whisper. “I’m going to fix this.”
She doesn’t answer, but she turns her head and catches my mouth in a kiss so raw it shatters me.
And when she cums, shaking and crying out my name, I follow. I cum inside her hard, clutching her like she was the only thing anchoring me to the fucking earth.
We collapse onto the bed, tangled and ruined.
Still angry.
Still broken.
But we’re not walking away.
Not tonight at least.