Chapter 17
Seventeen
Hayden
I took the first flight home after they cleared me from the hospital.
Jaclyn stayed with me the entire time, and didn't leave my side. Killian and Rowan came by but Jaclyn is the one who stayed every single second of every day I was under observation. Jaclyn and Killian barely talked. Killian made sure I was okay before he would leave the room.
I got the chance to finally catch up with Rowan since I’ve been ignoring his calls. He made a joke and said, “The only way to get you to call is if you are dying, shithead?” which I laughed at.
Jaclyn FaceTimed the kids and they were all happy to see me. Natalia and I chatted for a little bit as well.
But now I’m back in Lombardy, finally. It’s been two days since I’ve been back home and when I walked through the front door I got attacked in hugs from my kids and even though the wound ached, I had the biggest smile on my face when I saw my kids because I thought for a second I was never going to see them again.
Jaclyn did all the right things when trying to take care of me but I told her I wanted her to relax and not worry so much.
She said, “I'm just happy that I didn’t lose you.”
“You will never lose me,” I said before pressing my lips against hers.
Life has been calm and I’ve missed the calmness while I was off doing Killian’s dirty work.
But that all stops today.
I sit across from him. He didn’t offer me a drink when I showed up. Didn’t crack a joke or make a jab about my aim being off.
He just stared at me with that same unreadable expression he’d perfected over the years.
“You took a bullet,” he finally says, his voice low.
“No shit,” I mutter. “Right under your name.”
His jaw ticks. “You found the mole.”
I nod. “He’s dead.” Silence stretches between us, heavy and final. “It wasn't clean or quiet. He put one in me before I could even finish the job.”
Killian leans back in his chair and looks at me like he is doing the math in his head, weighing numbers, costs, losses.
“You’re lucky you didn’t bleed out.”
“I did bleed out,” I argue. “Just not enough to stop me from flying home in one piece.”
His eyes narrow. “You’re not here to debrief.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m done.”
His expression doesn’t show anything. Almost like he saw this coming.
“You’ve said that before, Hayden.” He looks at me knowingly.
“Not like this,” I say. “Not when my wife has to tell my kids why I was in a hospital bed with a goddamn tube in my side. Not after seeing Jaclyn’s face like she was so close to walking away from me.”
Killian goes quiet again. The kind of quiet that makes men squirm. But not me.
I’m not afraid of him.
I know how he works and have grown closer with him and his family over the years.
Only thing I could ever be afraid of is losing the thing that is most important to me, and that’s my family.
Jaclyn and the kids.
“I’ve done everything you’ve ever asked,” I continue. “I’ve kept your secrets, fought your wars, and dragged myself home from every mission you threw me into. I did it out of loyalty and out of debt-”
“Don’t lie to yourself, Hayden.” He raises an eyebrow. “Everyone, even Jaclyn knows why you came back to me and that’s because I gave you a reason to keep fighting. Fighting was never enough for you, you always needed and wanted more. You are your father’s son.”
“Rowan put a bullet in my father’s head. I’m nothing like my father.”
Killian stares at me for a moment too long.
Before he nods silently.
“I need you to make a promise to me.”
“What?”
“If I beg you to come back you have to promise me you’ll send me away. I can’t lose Jaclyn or the kids and I can’t keep going back to this life for a small amount of adrenaline. I need to have a calm life with Jaclyn. I’ve already put her through hell and I can’t keep doing this to her.”
“You really care about her, don’t you?”
“She’s the chaos and comfort. A storm and shelter. And every version of me that’s worth saving lives in her eyes. I feel more than just love for her. I’m devoted to her for life.”
Killian looks at me with pain in his eyes, like he understands.
He told me a little bit about his past relationship with Luna’s mom. I know he gets it and he wishes he could have her to cherish and hold.
He’s devoted to her even though she isn’t here.
Before he can respond, his office door opens.
A small blur of black hair and pink barrels into the room.
“Daddy!”
Luna.
Killian’s daughter.
Almost eleven years old and the only person in the world who can make him look soft.
“Luna, che fai qui, amore mio?” he asks, turning towards her. His voice lowered into something warm. Almost gentle.
“I drew you something.” She beams, holding up a crayon-covered paper. “It’s you, me, a doggy, and mommy.”
Killian chuckles and pulls her onto his lap, brushing a strand of her hair from her eyes.
“I see. A ferocious guard dog?”
“No, silly. A snuggle dog.”
I watch him as his expression melts with every word she says and for the first time in a long time I don’t see a Capo. I see a father.
I’ve seen Killian and how he acts with Luna a bunch of times. He softens and acts like a person instead of a closed off asshole.
“You’re a good one,” I notice.
“I’m trying to be. For her,” he says while staring down at her.
“I meant what I said Killian. I’m done.” I stand.
He gives me another nod. “Then go home, Hayden. Go to your wife and kids.”
And just like that it was over.
The empire, the job, the rush.
I leave it all in that office, with a little girl drawing snuggle dogs and a man who finally understands that we won’t live in this world forever.