TWENTY-THREE
Rose
W hen we’re inside my apartment, Nate takes a seat in an armchair and I sink onto the sofa with my hands between my knees. Daisy weaves between my legs, blissfully unaware of the temperature of the room.
“So…” Nate says again, setting his jaw. “Were you afraid your parents wouldn’t allow me to dinner if they knew who I was?”
“Yes,” I respond quickly, looking at the floor. My mom probably would have canceled if she found out. It’s the truth, and I hate it.
“Are they going to, like, disown you if we stay together?”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not that bad, thankfully. But…” I take a long breath. “I wish I could explain it to you.”
“Try,” he says simply, firmly.
I lift my head, lick my lips, and sit back. I have to start at the beginning because this goes far, far back. “My grandparents—on both sides—were very wealthy. They came from old money in Europe. Very proud. Believed in keeping a pure family line…whatever that means.” I rub my forehead, not meeting his gaze. “When my parents met, it was the perfect match in their parents’ eyes. My mom’s a Hearst, and my dad’s an Astor…distantly related to John Jacob Astor who sailed as one of the richest men on the Titanic. These are two families who had generated an insane amount of wealth and so much respect in their communities. They knew my parents union would help them go places . And they have. They’ve built a billion dollar corporation over the course of their marriage, and they’re so proud of it.” I chance a glance at Nate. He’s watching me intently, but he’s expressionless. “I think my parents—my mother especially—really credit their success and happiness to the perfect match they entered into. It worked so well for her.” Daisy hops up onto my lap and stretches her back. “My parents love each other. And I think they truly believe that their similar backgrounds are what make that love so easy. And of course, parents want the best for their children, right? So, they named their first two children after kings and then they named me after my great-grandmother.” I take a deep breath. “But ironically, I feel like I’m actually the Rose on the Titanic who just wants out.”
There’s a long pause before Nate speaks. “And I’m your Jack.”
“Bingo.” I shake my head and close my eyes. I hate that I’ve introduced him to this mindset. “I’m afraid they’d never truly accept you. It would be a lifetime of nights like this one.”
“Yeah, but I’m not dating your parents.” Nate shrugs. “If they’re going to be rude to me, I can handle it.”
“But that’s not fair to you, Nate,” I plead.
“No, it’s not,” he agrees. “But I can deal with it.”
I frown and run my fingers through Daisy’s fur. I don’t want him to deal with it.
Nate’s voice comes low and even. “What do you want?”
I lift my eyes to his. There’s only one answer, and it’s easy. “You.”
I expect him to smile, but he just takes a deep breath and says, “Then I have to ask, why did you have lunch with your ex-boyfriend on Friday and not tell me?”
Shoot. This is such a mess.
I sigh and shift on the sofa. “He showed up unannounced with meals for both of us. I didn't eat, but I couldn’t get him to leave.”
“Did you try?” He raises a slightly agitated brow.
“Yes!” I plead. “Yes, I did! And I don’t know, maybe I didn’t try hard enough, but you know I have a hard time standing up to people. We talked about this.”
“This is different.” He frowns.
I lower my eyes to the ground again.
Nate sits forward and clasps his hands together. “Look, I’m not the jealous type. I’m not going to sit here and make assumptions. But even if you didn't eat, you still had to sit with him, and he made you uncomfortable. I wish you would have told me.”
“I know.” I glance up and nod quickly. “It won’t happen again.”
Nate shakes his head and regards me carefully. “Were you afraid to tell me?”
I chew on my lip. “It really meant nothing. It was short. He didn’t stay long, so I just thought maybe it wouldn’t matter.”
“Well, I’m a firm believer in communication and honesty,” he says. “Even if it meant nothing, it still seems like something you shouldn’t keep secret.”
“No, I completely agree.”
There’s a pause before he speaks again. “This is the guy who almost crashed his car with you in it, right?”
“Yeah,” I half-whisper.
Nate looks a little pale in the face. He shifts in his seat and his jaw twitches, but he takes a deep breath. “I’ll be honest. The thought of you spending any time with him doesn’t sit right with me.”
“Oh, me too,” I agree quickly. “I wish he’d quit showing up.”
“So…” He eyes me carefully. “If the guy demands lunch again and won’t leave you be, just text me.”
I look out the window. “I should have been firmer with him the first time. I shouldn’t have to have to ask you to save me from that.”
Nate’s voice softens. “You know I’d be there though, right?”
He’s being too kind about all this. I kept this from him and then invited him over to be ridiculed and insulted by my parents. The weight of my actions begins to sink in quickly and a lump forms in my throat. I’ve never been so ashamed. I try to hold it in, but a tear drops onto Daisy’s fur.
“I’m so sorry…” I whisper, casting my gaze down and wiping my cheek.
There’s a shuffle as Nate crosses the room and sinks onto the sofa next to me. He takes my hand as Daisy jumps off my lap, annoyed at the intrusion.
“Rose,” he says softly.
“You shouldn’t be so nice to me,” I sniffle.
He lets out a short laugh. “Why shouldn’t I be nice to you?”
I continue staring at our hands in my lap, watching the way he runs his warm thumb gently across mine. “If I would have pulled something like this—had lunch with an ex—when I was with Malcolm, he probably wouldn’t have spoken to me for days.”
“I’m not Malcolm.” Nate’s voice is deep and disapproving.
“I know…” I shake my head as another tear escapes. “You’re you. And that’s the thing…” I take a rattling breath, wishing I could hold back what I’m about to say, but it pours out. “You were so happily married. I’m sure she would have never treated you this way. I mean, you had a child with her. You went through it all, and you were strong together. And she got ripped away and now…” I sniffle, “you’re dealing with me, and I feel so immature and I’m making a fool of myself, and you just…deserve better.”
Nate takes a deep breath and sits up taller. “Rose.”
My lip trembles.
He breathes again and hooks his finger under my chin, lifting it until my eyes meet his. “Do you know why I’m dating you?”
His expression is tender. So tender, I look past his shoulder and shrug. “I guess you thought I was pretty. And Kara seems to like me.”
Nate raises his brow and almost smiles. “You think I’m dating you because Kara likes you?”
I shake my head and look down again. “I really don’t know.”
He takes both of my hands in his. “When Amber died, I never thought I’d feel that spark with someone again.” He swallows. “I didn’t think it was possible. I was broken for a long time. It probably explains the grumpiness you so affectionately disliked when we first met.”
I stare down through tear-rimmed eyes and study the paths the veins take across his hands.
“But what I failed to realize was that there isn’t just one kind of spark in the world.” He pauses. “I’m not going to ever get the same spark I had with her again. But there’s a different spark with you.” He waits until I look at him again. “And it’s growing. It can grow just as big…bigger even…if you trust me, talk to me, and respect this thing we’re building.” A small smile touches his lips. “And if you want to know why I’m dating you, there are so many reasons. You’re determined to follow your dreams, you make me laugh, and you’re so darn sweet I can’t stand it. I see the girl who shed her fancy heels for a pair of boots because she trusted me and realized she was missing out on something new and exciting and real .” He runs his fingers through the hair that’s fallen in front of my face. “And yes, I’m also dating you because you’re absolutely gorgeous and I’ve wanted to take you in my arms since the first time I stepped foot in your office and you glared at me with those stunning blue eyes.”
I swallow the new lump in my throat. No one has ever said anything this sweet to me. Nate is breaking me open in the best way, and I feel myself slipping— falling —off a cliff I had no idea I was holding so tightly to.
With a small exhale, I lean in and press my lips firmly to his. He’s surprised at first, but it takes him just a second before he kisses me back and tenderly lays his hand against my jaw. Another tear runs down my cheek, but this time it’s not because I’m ashamed. This time it’s because I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot with this man.
“I’m sorry for the expectations your parents force on you. That’s not fair,” he whispers as he pulls back. “I understand it now.”
“I just don’t want to disappoint them.” I lay my hand over his, and he links his fingers with mine.
“And you don’t want to discover that they were right all along,” Nate reveals the fear I’ve tried to ignore for so long.
“There really isn’t a way to know,” I reply slowly.
He squeezes my hand in his lap. “Might sound cheesy, but you just have to follow your heart.”
I smile gently at him, at those kind blue eyes. “My heart wants you .”
He leans in and kisses me again, then tilts his forehead against mine, softly, quietly. When I open my eyes, his are squeezed tightly shut and he bites his lip.
“So, where do we go from here?” I ask quietly.
He opens his eyes and retreats with an exhale. “I’m not sure what to do about your parents, honestly.”
My response is quick. “That’s my job. I’ll talk to them. I think my dad will be ok. It’s my mom…”
“They don’t know about Kara, do they?”
I shake my head.
“Next time we’re there, we can figure out how to bring it—”
“No, no,” I interrupt. “I’ll take care of it. I’ll tell them.”
He nods and looks at his watch. “Speaking of…”
“Yep.” I stand. “You need to get back to her.”
He rises and pulls me into his arms to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. “I’ll text you when I’m home.”
“Ok.” I tilt my head to look him in the eye. “Thank you for talking this through with me.”
He smiles and tucks my hair behind my ear. “Always.”