The In-Between
“Emy, it’s time to get up.”
I opened my eyes and let the dim colors rush in, then sat up and looked around. “I wanna keep sleeping.” I tried to lie back down, but Ari’s hands shot out to catch me.
“You’ve been sleeping for sixteen hours.” She kept me upright while I gazed around.
“Where’s Dennis?” I croaked. My clothes from yesterday were clean and neatly folded in his chair, but he wasn’t in the room.
“He had to take care of something,” she said, shifting nervously. “He’s here, though.”
I felt the sheets until my fingers closed around Frankie’s soft arm. “I wanna go back to sleep.” I tried to lie down with him, but Ari stopped me again.
“I know hun, but you need to get up. You’re not supposed to sleep this much, remember?
Dr. Kelsey used to always tell you that.
And now that you’re a vampire, this is definitely too much.
” She took Frankie and set him aside, then gave me a glass of water.
“Drink.” She dropped some pills in my hand.
My medication. My crazy meds. I swallowed them before handing the glass back.
“This room is really creepy.” She shuddered.
I got Frankie back and played with his ears, staring across the room.
“Do you want any food? Or blood, I mean?” She frowned when I shook my head.
“You never drank yesterday. You should have blood. I’m assuming you need more by now. ”
“I’m not thirsty.” I set my cat down and climbed from the coffin. “I’m gonna take a shower.”
“I guess I’ll fix this, however it goes. I still can’t believe he has a coffin for a bed.” She kept mumbling while she smoothed the sheets and fluffed the pillows.
I thanked her and left the room, then entered the bathroom for my usual morning routine. A few minutes into my shower, Ari entered the bathroom.
“I have to go to class,” she said. “Will you be okay while I’m gone?”
“Yeah.”
Hopefully, it was true; I was disoriented, my surroundings were hazy, everything was confusing and words were becoming hard to understand. I was slipping into the in-between stage of episodes. I would probably end up with another memory gap tomorrow.
“Are you sure?” She waited until I gave a quiet ‘mhm.’ “I’m really sorry, Emy. I’m so sorry for what I did.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything.”
“I said horrible things and then I left.” Her voice was quivering. Mine was somehow steady.
“It’s really okay. I’m feeling better. Go to class before you’re late.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? Like really sure?”
“Positive.” I forced my voice to stay natural. The mask of water helped, because apparently she believed it.
“Okay.” She hoisted her backpack over a shoulder. “Are you sure you’ll be fine if I’m gone? ‘Cause I can—”
“Ari, go to your midterm. I’ll be fine. Stop worrying.”
“Okay. I love you. Call me if you need anything, and I fucking mean it. I’ll keep my phone on vibrate so I can slip out or finish the test early if I need to. I don’t have to triple check for mistakes like I usually do.”
“Bye, I love you too.” I waved over the shower door as she said a reluctant bye and left, once again leaving me to my wandering thoughts.
I finished up in the bathroom, wrapped a towel around myself, and crept down the hall to retrieve jeans and a hoodie from Ari’s bag—I wasn’t in the mood for my own clothes today. I took them and went back to the bathroom.
The mirrors were fogged up and hard to look into. I shut the door and wiped some fog away. Nothing was there. No reflection, no shadow, no sparkles or shimmers where my face should be. It was surprising, despite the fact I knew it would happen. Everything seemed so surreal.
I whirled when something dashed past the sink.
I crossed the room to where the figure had been and touched the wall, feeling for traces.
Whatever it was, it was gone now. A steady ringing was growing in my ears.
And then something moved in the mirror. I kept my eyes on it, watching the shadow for new movement.
My heart was pounding and the ringing was growing.
I had no idea if this was real or my imagination.
I quickly got dressed, never taking my eyes off the figure, and left in search of someone to keep me company. My mind was going blank. I had no idea where Dennis had gone. Or Sean, or Mateo. My senses were too muted to listen for heartbeats or footsteps. I didn’t even try.
I stopped in the kitchen and stared at the corner. It was empty, save for some cabinets along the polished wall. I walked over and sat down, scooting so my back was to it. I pulled my knees up and stared ahead, keeping tabs on anything that moved.
My paranoia increased as quiet voices picked up from across the room. Or maybe they were somewhere outside. Or possibly in my head? There were two men talking and I didn’t understand. I didn’t like this conversation. It was confusing.
“Vixen?”
I jumped at Dennis’ voice. I stared at him, trying to process the word. He was frowning.
“…hi,” I murmured.
“You look so out of it.” He waited for a response. I kept staring. “What are you doing?”
“…I don’t know.” I answered as honestly as I could. I had no idea what I’d been doing all day.
“Why are you over here?”
“I don’t know.” I gripped my knees tighter, fighting the urge to look past him. It felt like something was coming for me.
“So, this is the corner?”
“Huh?”
“Never mind, it doesn’t matter. We’re going somewhere.” He took my hands and hoisted me up. I didn’t ask where we were going, just followed to the living room and headed for the door. “Don’t you want shoes?” He stopped me partway.
“Oh.” I hadn’t noticed I was barefoot. “Sorry.” I laced into a pair of boots while he told me not to be sorry. I followed him outside to the car. It was already evening. I buckled my seatbelt and waited. He glanced at me as he started to drive.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded and leaned against the window. He kept stealing glances my way, but I kept staring out the window. I was trying not to cry again. I was trying not to think about things and hoping wherever we were going didn’t require interaction. The thought of talking to people was terrifying.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
I jumped and almost hit my head. I’d forgotten he was there. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I leaned against the window and pulled my hood up.
“Did you take your meds today?” Dennis asked. He immediately regretted it when two tears rolled down my cheeks. I nodded. I hated that fucking question. I wanted to go home. “I heard you got a job at the bar,” he tried again.
“Yeah. I start tomorrow.” I stared straight ahead while I tried to hold it in. I curled up in my seat, cradling my knees and maneuvering my sleeves past my hands. I balled them into fists and tried not to break down. I did that yesterday. I didn’t need to do it again.
Dennis was silent for the rest of the drive. But the second I saw where we were going, I dropped my legs and bolted upright.
“No! No.” I pushed my sleeves up and unbuckled my seatbelt. “What the hell makes you think you have the right to bring me here? I’m not going inside and you can’t make me.” I tried to open my door but it was on child lock.
I’d been here too many times before. Too many emergency check-ins and interventions and psychiatry appointments I didn’t need. It was all shit I didn’t need.
“You’re going inside. I’ll make you if I have to.
” He pulled the keys from the ignition and got out, leaving my door locked.
He shut his own and came around to my side.
I shied away from the door. Maybe I could go out the other door and run home.
I crawled halfway to the other side before he dragged me back and out of the car. “You’re going inside.”
“No the fuck I’m not!”
“Yes, you are.” He picked me up and hoisted me over a shoulder while I twisted and kicked.
“No! I’m not fucking going inside! I hate this place, you can’t make me go in! This is involuntary and it’s fucking illegal!”
“This isn’t a three day hold, it’s one appointment. There’s nothing illegal about it.”
“How the fuck did you even make this appointment? You don’t have access to my medical…” The realization hit as he dropped me on my feet. “Did Ari do this?”
Rage took over as I realized it must’ve been her. She was the only relative with access to my medical care. She was the only person in the world I trusted enough to sign off on.
“Yeah. She made the appointment and asked me to take you. She knew you would fight and she’s not strong enough to drag you in here anymore.”
I knew exactly what he was talking about; every time I got depressed, she was the only person who could talk me into leaving the house.
And anytime I needed an intervention or urgent appointment, she had to fight me to go inside.
The only reason I ever went in willingly was because I didn’t wanna hurt her.
He was right, though. She wouldn’t be able to hold her own now that I was immortal.
“We’re not immortal.”
“I don’t wanna go in.” I was scared. I hated hospitals. Especially mental ones. This was a regular medical building and not an emergency one, but I’d spent enough time in psychiatric emergency care that the two felt interchangeable.
“We’re trying to help you.” He steered me toward the door.
I reluctantly let him. My fear and anger were turning to anxiety. I wanted to run away or curl up in a ball in my corner somewhere. Any corner away from this building.
I flinched as the automatic doors slid open. Dennis led me through the waiting room and to the short line. Dr. Kelsey was in Newark, meaning I’d be getting a new psychiatrist today. I’d never had a routine doctor in this town before.
I fidgeted while my stomach twisted in knots. There were too many people around. I couldn’t handle this. It felt like everything was pressing on me and all of them were staring and I didn’t like it.
“This is weird.” Dennis was the only one actually watching me. “I’ve never seen you this anxious before.”