Chapter 40 Izzy
IZZY
Even with the doubts I’d had falling asleep last night, waking between these two men, and remembering what we’d shared, put an instant smile on my face. I practically glowed, humming happily as I went about my morning. Except, I shouldn’t have been happy, given what had happened to my room.
“Why are you so damned happy?” she demanded.
“Why shouldn’t I be?” I shouldn’t have goaded her, but I couldn’t help it, the look of confused anger on her face was priceless.
“Your room!” she blurted.
“So, you’re admitting you destroyed my room, destroyed school property?” I caught her in my trap.
“N-n-no,” she stammered. “Of course I didn’t!”
No, you had your pet dragon do it. A dragon who was absent today. That seemed odd. Vyns was the only one guarding Saldrea. He hadn’t broken it off with her yet.
Despite that, I smiled wider, which infuriated her even more. It was a bad idea, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Please take your seats!” Professor Svokol called over to us.
Class wasn’t set to start for another few minutes, but he probably wanted to deescalate what was about to happen.
I headed for the stairs up the raked seating and Saldrea followed. When I turned down a row of seats, she kept close.
“I think someone’s obsessed with me,” I mock whispered to another student as I passed. They only stared wide-eyed at me, probably shocked that I’d be taunting someone like Saldrea.
“I’m not…” Saldrea began, then must have realized how silly she looked following me.
She scoffed. “Whatever…” then she turned and found her own seat.
I took one as far from her as possible.
Rook came over, since he was my appointed tutor for this class.
“That wasn’t smart,” he whispered while making a pretense of showing me something on his computer.
I shrugged. “What’s the worst she can do?” I whispered back.
Her sylph companion could read your mind and find out you’re mated with a beastfolk, then have him killed and you imprisoned. How’s that for a worst-case scenario? And it spoke volumes that he hadn’t even dared to say it out loud.
Oh… right.
Do you think she knows? I glanced over at Saldrea.
Her trio of followers had only just arrived.
Saldrea was still glaring at me, but the other three didn’t seem to care much, chatting amongst themselves.
I knew Neyalim was an undine. Of the other two, one had darker skin with a metallic sheen, like Professor Svokol, so she was probably a dwarf.
Which left the one with the perfect tan, pale blond hair, and eyes of deep blue as the sylph.
Luckily, she hadn’t been around when I’d been teasing the princess earlier. Thank God!
I think you’re far enough away. At this distance she might be able to glean some surface thoughts, but nothing too deep. Still, stay the fuck away from her. She’s bad news.
Why did I get the feeling Rook was talking from experience?
Have you and she…?
Yes, a long time ago. It was horrible. It was clear from his tone he didn’t want to talk about it.
Oh.
What had she done to him? Though, if she could read minds and even control people… the options weren’t good.
My smile faltered.
Saldrea must have seen my dismay, and she finally smiled.
Fine. Let her think she’d won.
And I probably shouldn’t show any feelings for you, Rook added. Lest they try to read my thoughts as well.
Good idea.
Though… what feelings did he have?
If he heard that thought, he didn’t respond.
Good.
Because, as much as I’d thought I might want to let Rook in last night, now… in the harsh light of day… I wasn’t so sure.
If he didn’t want me that way, I should probably give him some space… right?
I didn’t know.
I wasn’t sure about anything when it came to relationships anymore. My whole foundation of trust no one and men are good for one night only, was crumbling. Myel’s bond had forced me to consider the possibility of a long-term relationship.
What would that be like?
If it was anything like last night, but all the time… that wouldn’t be so bad. I’d been smiling just a moment ago because of how connected I’d felt to Rook and Myel.
It had felt good.
But… now that that joy had faded, doubts creeped in.
Could I really be what they needed? I was only one woman, and a pretty messed up one at that.
I had my fair share of issues. And I was a needy woman as well, with nothing to my name in this world.
I needed their help to get by, but did I need them emotionally?
I was trying to open up to Myel, but it hadn’t been easy. Even our walk on the beach last night, which was supposed to have been a chance to talk and get to know each other, just turned into another make-out session. Then we’d both been sidetracked by Vyns showing up.
And Rook…
I had a feeling he didn’t want anything lasting, just another “fix” of being with me and Myel. But addiction wasn’t something to build a relationship on.
Apparently even after the best sexual experience of my life with two — seemingly — caring men, I could still question whether I was worth any of that.
Fuck.
Why did I have to make everything so complicated?
Though, to be fair, my life was pretty damned complicated right now.
Rook lent me his computer so I’d have something to take notes on but otherwise left me alone after that to allay any suspicions Saldrea might have about him. Either that… or he really did need some space after last night.
I probably should discuss it with him, but talking emotions with a guy wasn’t my strong suit. So I angsted about it instead.
By the time class was over, I was questioning everything. And I really did feel horrible that I didn’t have a room to go back to.
Saldrea must have seen this, since she left me alone after class, a smug smile on her face.
Vyns however…
“Hey, you okay? I heard what happened to your room.” He seemed upset. “I can’t believe Koar would do that. He’s not a bad guy, just… a little too loyal to the crown.”
Whatever, I didn’t want to talk about the dragon.
And since I felt crappy about not having a room to go back to — well, I did, but it was Rook’s, and I wasn’t looking forward to talking to him — I wanted a distraction.
Though, if Vyns hadn’t left Saldrea’s service yet, could I trust him? I’d given him that ultimatum only yesterday — God, it felt like weeks since then — but still…
Yes, I could trust him. He knew about me and Myel, and Saldrea clearly didn’t, so he hadn’t told her. He’d kept our secret despite how worked up he’d been when he’d found us last night.
So… maybe…
“Can we just… walk for a while?” I asked.
He nodded, though as he took my arm and we began to walk, he seemed different, sullen.
“Thank you, for… not telling Saldrea on me,” I began.
He grunted.
“Do you trust me?” I asked, curious.
He sighed. “Last night was a shock and I’m still working through it. I… I understand your situation now and why you have to be with… that man, but…”
“You don’t like it?”
“I…” He sighed again, heavier. “It means, if I leave Saldrea to be with you… and she comes after me, she is going to find out about it. I’ll have to protect you and him.”
I hadn’t thought of that.
“Oh.”
“I’ve done what I can to hide it, even from Saldrea’s sylph friend. I left campus last night and took the Sigil Point into Yrensil. I got a sylph there to block the memories. You’re safe.”
“But if you leave Saldrea…” I followed that thought to its conclusion. “She might get all pouty and vindictive and dig into my life even more.” Definitely not what we wanted.
“Exactly,” he said. “She’s already getting desperate. Before she left just now she demanded I get some secrets from you. She wanted me to console you and find out why you were so happy after your room had been destroyed. She knows something’s up.”
I didn’t much like the idea of a desperate Saldrea. She’d already torched my room, what would be next?
“I won’t tell her anything, though,” Vyns said resolute, his tone filled with the grim determination of someone facing down the gallows.
“But what happens to you when you don’t give her what she wants?” Nothing good.
“She’ll just fire me,” he said, voice somber. “After she beats me up a little to vent her frustration.”
I didn’t have to ask if she’d do that, as crazy as it seemed to me. She would.
Fucking Hell.
“And I’ll have few prospects after that,” Vyns added softly.
Yeah, right. Piss off a princess and few others would hire you for fear of garnering her rage as well.
“And as much as my family never really cared about me and I shouldn’t care what happens to them, they’ll lose their standing and be hard pressed as well.”
Because Saldrea wouldn’t stop at just him, his family would have to pay for his actions. Yikes!
“I see.” I shrugged. “We could give her something… something meaningless or false.”
Vyns sighed. “That would only piss her off more when it came out as untrue. Better to just… get it over with and get away from her now.”
“And after?” I asked. “Could you… stay here?”
He blew out a long breath. “Don’t know. Probably not. Might need to lay low for a while.”
Oh… wow.
“And you’d still do all of that… for me?” I asked, voice small. All my insecurities welled up. They’d already been close to the surface after agonizing all morning about Rook and Myel.
Vyns stopped us, shifting in front of me, hands on my shoulders, gaze intent on mine. We’d made it to the relatively deserted north end of campus, by the dominion pitch.
“I’ve always said I’m all in with you.” He hesitated only an instant before adding, “My spirit needs your spirit. It’s as simple as that. I’ll do anything for you.”
Oh.
But the way he said it…
“Is this like a mate bond?” I asked.
The contorted look on his face said yes, but he didn’t want to admit it, though I didn’t know why.
“It’s a thing among seraphim,” he said softly.
“When you meet the one you’re meant to be with, both of your spirits will sing with the truth of it.
” He pursed his lips, looking away. “But you’re not a seraph, and honestly I have no clue how it will work with you.
I’ve never heard of a seraph feeling this way for a non-seraph.
” His gaze dragged itself back to mine. “And I’m guessing your spirit isn’t… singing?”
There was a flicker of hope in his eyes, so faint it broke my heart.
I sighed. How did I put this? “Vyns… I like you. You’ve been so good to me.
I honestly don’t know what my spirit is doing.
I don’t know what I’m feeling half the time anymore.
My life is a mess, and I don’t know which way is up.
Maybe my… other bond is playing tricks? Maybe I do feel something, but I just don’t know what it feels like? ”
“You’d know,” he whispered as the hope in his dazzling blue eyes wavered and faltered, fading away.
“Maybe I just need more time?”
Because I did feel… something? I think? Some faint pull to Vyns. But it wasn’t strong enough for me to call it anything.
He gave a soft, sad smile, even as his eyes dimmed. “Maybe.” Then he drew a long breath. “It doesn’t matter. I feel this way for you, and I can’t ignore it. Even if we’re only friends, I’ll always be there for you.”
“Because your spirit demands it?”
He shrugged. “Is that so bad?”
No… no it wasn’t.
“Thank you, Vyns,” I whispered. Then I stepped in, went to my tip-toes and kissed his cheek. “I just need some space to figure things out right now, okay?”
He smiled, his hand drifting up to touch his cheek as I stepped back.
“You really are being an angel about all of this,” I finished with a wry smile.
He laughed. “I know that means something different in your world… and I’m flattered.”
I stepped in again and hugged him. Wow, he was solid. And he smelled divine, like cedar in a warm summer’s rain: natural, pure. Still, I hoped he didn’t think this was anything more than a friendly hug.
“Thank you,” I said again, against his hard-as-rock chest.
He hesitated before his arms wrapped around me, soft, gentle, cradling me.
“I don’t suppose we can go shopping one last time before you quit?
” I joked… sort of. It also wasn’t a joke, since I had nothing, only the clothes on my back.
One last raid of Saldrea’s fortune would be nice.
Though, even if we didn’t, this week’s allowance had come in, so I’d be able to recoup a little of what I’d lost.
“She’s cut me off,” Vyns said, somber, sighing.
Ah, yeah, that figured.
“I’m going to tell Saldrea I can’t work for her anymore,” he said, sounding scared and relieved all at once.
I was glad but also terrified for him. Saldrea wouldn’t take it well, and he was losing everything he had… except for me…
Which meant… I would be all he had. He’d need me more than ever.
That hit me hard. The weight of that pressure constricting my chest.
Pressure I didn’t need.
Well, fuck.