Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
PHOENIX
When I finally arrive at Daegel’s estate, the sun has already breached the sky, slowly stretching its long rays across it, painting it in the most beautiful hues of reds, pinks and oranges while it hangs lazily just above the horizon.
Daegel’s finishing the last sequence of the essential Ezkai drills he does every morning when I walk up to his estate. He’s shirtless, a thin layer of sweat glistering on his skin.
For an Ezkai, he has damn smooth skin. Barely any scars, or marks of battle.
“Princess,” he says, turning to face me. His eyes widen with surprise. “It’s good to see you.”
My steps halt a few feet away from him. I clear my throat.
So many questions.
So many fucking questions run through my mind. I want to ask them all, and force him to answer me truthfully. Would I believe him, though?
The rift between us is so wide, I don’t think we can reach each other anymore.
Yet, the desire to close it is hard to overcome. The invisible string connecting us forces my feet forward until our bodies collide.
One of his hand runs through my hair, while the other rests on the small of my back as he holds me close to him. His eyes hood as he looks down at me.
I miss this. I miss being close to him, feeling his strength against me.
We fit so well. Why has it been so hard recently?
“I miss you,” he murmurs.
A shiver runs down my back. I rest my forehead on his sweaty, hard chest.
“I know,” I whisper. “I miss you, too.”
We stand like this for a couple heartbeats. I allow myself to close my eyes and enjoy the moment of peace that’s been so hard to find these days.
“I’m so cold,” I murmur after a while. I pull away and look up at him. No question dances in his eyes. That’s when I know he understands what I mean. I tap the middle of my chest. “In my soul. No matter what I do, I can’t get warm.”
“During the Culling, our souls separated from our bodies for a brief moment and entered the world where spirits of the gods reside,” Daegel explains softly. “It’s the aftershock from the experience. It’s extremely taxing for Decarios to attempt such a thing.”
I tighten my grip around his waist. His presence is soothing.
“Were you terrified, too?”
He nods. After a pause, he adds, “I was terrified for myself, and for you, Phoenix. I don’t know what I would have done if you were…one of those who didn’t make it back.”
I lick my lips and press my cheek against his chest. His heart beats in a steady rhythm, and soon the warmth from his body starts seeping into mine.
The guilt is heavy on my chest. I’m glad he can’t read my emotions.
I had not thought about Daegel at the Culling. While I was in the experience, or before it. Even after it…
Instead of focusing on that, I push it away and change the subject. “How do you know all about the Culling? About what happened to us?”
“Caligos have spies everywhere,” he says simply. “When they chose me as their champion, they committed to doing everything in their power to ensure my win. That includes preparing me for every part of the trial.” When I don’t answer, he adds, “Your patron was supposed to do the same, Phoenix.”
I can’t do this right now. The cold that grips my insides is hard to bear as is. I need to find a way to warm up. Otherwise, something within me will never be the same.
So, I tip my chin up and look at his lips. Daegel takes the cue within a heartbeat and brings his mouth to mine.
When he kisses me, my head goes light. It’s as if I’m floating amongst the clouds.
Daegel’s lips are desperate as they chase mine from one kiss to the next. His hands are hungry as they roam my body, pushing me against him as if he’s scared at any moment I’ll vanish. Or walk away.
I can’t blame him for it.
I cling to him, digging my nails into the taut skin of his back just as desperately. I need him as close to me as humanly possible. My soul aches to merge with his, as if that’s even possible.
Daegel breaks the kiss to say, “I miss you, this, us, so bad it hurts.”
Breathless, I blink and nod. His lips find the sensitive skin of my neck and I tilt my head back with a moan. I bury my hand in his hair, and grip the back of his neck with the other hard enough to break skin.
Daegel grunts, his hardness pressing into my stomach. The Ezkai leathers I wear serve as a barrier between us. One I’m eager to shed.
It’s as if Daegel can read my mind.
His fingers are quick to unhook the corset I wear while his lips continue to explore my neck, earlobes, and my jawline. He leaves a trail of soft kisses that send a shiver down my spine.
When he rips the corset off me and throws it aside, I gasp. He doesn’t bother removing the undershirt—he rips it in half and I scramble out of it.
My breasts are heavy, and the cool morning air caresses the sensitive peaks in the most pleasant way, until Daegel’s hand cups one breast and he sucks a nipple between his lips. He swirls his tongue around it. I’m ready to melt in his embrace.
“Daegel,” I murmur. He nibbles on the nipple, which draws a sound from me, somewhere between a moan and a desperate whimper. “Not here…People—your people will see us.”
“I don’t care,” he growls against my flesh. “And they won’t.”
But he does move us out of sight. One moment, we’re standing in the open, and the next my back hits the trunk of a plum tree.
“Now they definitely won’t,” he murmurs over my mouth.
We lock gazes. I lick my bottom lip. The air between us is charged with longing, and tension. I’m grateful I’m wedged between him and the tree. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to stand straight.
He caresses my cheek, eyes roaming my face. “I love you. You know that?”
I nod. “I love you, too.”
He nods to himself, lost in thought for a moment. And then, his mouth crashes into mine and I’m pushed against the tree so hard I can barely breathe.
His clever hands find the buttons of my leather pants and he undoes them with ease. Daegel shoves them down my hips and goes to his knees in front of me to help me out of them.
I stand completely naked in front of him, breathing hard, my back pressed to the trunk. Daegel’s eyes take in my naked flesh, so much adoration and desire in them it takes my breath away.
Then he grabs the back of my thigh and tosses it over his shoulder. My core burns with the need to feel him. To have him.
Daegel inhales and moans, “You smell so good it’s almost painful.” I gasp when he runs his finger through my folds. “I love how wet you get for me, princess.”
I don’t get to answer, because the moment his mouth closes around the throbbing bud, all thoughts scatter from my mind.
Masterfully, Daegel flicks his tongue over my clit until I fist the hair at the back of his head. He alternates between sucking, and licking, toying with me until I start rolling my hips with desperate need for release.
The tree bark against my back is harsh, scraping my skin with each movement. But I don’t care. The pain mixed with sweet pleasure feels too good. It’s exactly what tips me over the edge, into the oblivion, as with one last flick of Daegel’s tongue over my clit I’m consumed with pleasure.
His tongue gently coaxes me through my orgasm, until I’m a whimpering mess in his hands. Daegel pulls away, licks his lips, and rises to his feet.
“My favorite meal of the day,” he murmurs against my neck.
I grip his shoulders, and buck my hips against his. I may have had a mind-blowing orgasm, but it doesn’t mean I’m satiated.
“I need you inside me,” I whisper into his ear. “Please.”
I don’t need to ask twice. He pushes his silk pants down his hips, and his hardness springs free. My throat goes dry at the sight. With ease, Daegel lifts me by the hips and I wrap my legs tight around his waist.
Our eyes meet. He aligns himself against my opening. Slowly, oh so slowly, he stretches me and sinks inside. I rest the back of my head against the trunk and close my eyes as I savor the sensation of our bodies finally connected.
“No, princess,” he says, voice rough. “You open those pretty eyes. And look at me.”
I do as he asks. We’re so close we share a breath. The eye contact…it’s such an intimate thing. With each slow, deliberate thrust my chest fills with warmth. Finally, my soul isn’t aching with freezing cold.
The longer we remain locked like this, our bodies intertwined, the closer and closer I feel to him, until finally the tension that’s been building inside me snaps. My toes curl, and I cry out from the intensity of the pleasure that spreads from deep within me to every inch of my body.
But I keep my eyes on his, and watch him come undone with me. It’s a beautiful sight, the way his jaw goes slack, his muscles taut as he moans and spills himself, buried deep inside me.
Never before have I had anyone look at me the way Daegel looks at me. All-consuming.
We remain in this position for a while. Absentmindedly, I run my fingers up and down his back. Daegel showers my cheeks with gentle kisses and makes his way to my neck.
With his teeth, he scrapes the sensitive skin there. Nips at it. With the tip of his tongue, he traces a path down to my breasts. The alarm bells blare in my mind, even through the remaining fog of pleasure.
I’m not fast enough to react.
A gasp escapes me when Daegel’s sharp teeth sink into the plush flesh of my breast. The pain forces pleasurable tingles to spread over my skin, and my core throbs despite me being satiated with two orgasms.
“Daegel,” I sigh, and pull on his hair.
With a pop, he lets go of my skin. There’s a red mark, a bruise already forming. I don’t have the energy to fight him about it, not after the moment we just shared. My limbs and my soul aren’t cold anymore. All thanks to Daegel.
But leaving the mark…
“You’re mine,” he murmurs. “I want you to remember that when I’m not there with you, princess.”
He kisses me, but I pull away. “We’re supposedly not together. If Vera sees this, she’ll know it was you. She’ll drop me as her champion.”
Daegel doesn’t look one bit guilty or worried about it. I unwrap my legs from his waist and he slides out of me.
“Would it be so bad? If you had to drop out?”
My stomach drops, all the butterflies and warmth gone in a blink of an eye.
“We’ve been through this already,” I mutter and push past him to go find my clothes.
The undershirt is ruined, so I don’t even bother putting it on.
“Phoenix.” Daegel turns to face me. “Please, I don’t mean it in the wrong way.”
“Really?” I whirl around, the corset in my hand. “In what other way do you mean it, then, huh?”
A muscle in his jaw ticks. “I want to keep you safe. That’s all.”
I scoff and shove my arms into the corset. My hands tremble from anger as I do the hooks all the way up. I shake my head. “Do you think I’m so weak I need your protection? I can manage myself well enough with a big, strong man looking over me protectively.”
Daegel doesn’t say anything.
“I can’t believe you got someone to convince me to drop out, even after I explained why it’s important for me to participate in the trials,” I say.
A few steps away, I find my leather pants.
Furious, I shove one leg in. “Jax? Really? And when I ask you about him, you go and punch the guy?! What the fuck is wrong with you, Daegel? Sometimes I feel like I don’t recognize you anymore. ”
I shove my other leg in and pull the pants up my hips.
“Phoenix, there are certain ways Caligos do business,” he says, voice hard. “Jax knows that.”
“Oh, so you’re Caligos now?” I challenge him.
He says nothing. We stare at each other for a couple of long moments.
“You’re fucking unbelievable,” I say and shake my head. I finish buttoning my pants. “I’m unbelievable, too, to come here, risk Vera finding out—”
“Why do you care what I do with Jax?” Daegel cocks his head to the side. “Do you like the guy?”
I pause. The darkness that settles in his features, the way his eyes change…unsettles me.
“What?” I scoff. My heart races in my chest. “What the fuck do you mean? I can’t stand the guy! I can’t believe you’d send him to convince me to drop out!”
Daegel’s shoulders slump with relief, but from his gaze I can tell he’s not a hundred percent convinced. He closes the distance between us in a couple of strides.
“Phoenix, I don’t want to lose you,” he says. “I want to keep you safe. That’s the only reason why I keep begging you to drop out, why I hired Jax to help me convince you.”
“I’m capable of protecting myself. Why don’t you drop out, and stand by my side, huh? Why don’t you let me be the General, and I’ll make you my Taaslord?”
Daegel presses his lips into a thin line and says nothing.
Something clicks in my mind at the cold silence.
This is never going to end.
I will not change his mind, even if loves me.
If we’re to survive this, and have any hope of keeping our relationship intact, it would have to be at my expense.
Either I sacrifice my ambition and step aside so I can support him. Or there won’t be a future for us.
Should I? Relationships are all about sacrifice. That’s what love is all about. Without sacrifice, there’s no unit, no team. Just two people living their own lives.
“Phoenix, please. Let me keep you safe. Don’t throw away our future together when you don’t have to.” Daegel’s words are gentle, pleading.
I’m not sure I can sacrifice. It would mean betraying my family, their memory. It would mean King Francis would continue to rule unchecked in Wetra while Caligos do the same here in Ekios.
Without answering, I turn around and leave.