Chapter 52
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
PHOENIX
A week goes by. My torturous training with Kazh continues. No invitation to the Trial of Truth arrives.
Frustration is not the right word to describe what I’m feeling.
Sweat drips down my face and over my eyes. I am squatting low on my right leg, the left one stretched out in front of me. I’ve been holding this pose for forty minutes.
Forty.
Damn.
Minutes.
Every muscle in my body screams, and I grind my teeth so hard my jaw hurts.
Kazh circles me, humming a tune I can’t recognize and tapping her cane in a rhythm that hits a nerve inside me every single time. I’m about to loose my shit.
“Control yourself. Keep your fucking emotions in check,” Kazh says casually. She doesn’t even look at me. “Your nostrils flare as if you’re a dragon ready to smoke someone out. Get yourself fucking together.”
The tapping stops for a moment. I almost lose my balance and topple forward when she smacks me with the cane at the back of my neck. My exhale is ragged. I really, really try to not let the rage inside me explode.
“Wild. Untamed. Absolutely no impulse control,” Kazh murmurs under her breath. “A disgrace.”
She’s doing everything to drive me to the very edge, and push me right over it. I bite the inside of my cheek and taste blood on my tongue.
The rhythmical tapping continues. After a few torturous minutes that feel like hours to me, Kazh says, “Now, get into a sleeping flameyngo.”
For a second I doubt I can pull myself out of the position I’m currently in. My muscles are locked, and I can’t move. Kazh whacks me with the cane over my naked ankles and I hiss in pain.
“Get into a sleeping flameyngo. Now.”
With a long exhale, I force my body to move. I’m shaking and trembling as I straighten my right leg and pull the left leg up and bend it at the knee. Once my right leg is straight, I place my left foot flat on the inside of my right thigh, above the knee.
“Hands,” Kazh says.
I open my palms and turn them to face the sky and bend my elbows until they’re aligned with my waist. Stretching my right leg after such a long time feels like heaven. I would cry from relief and joy if I wasn’t so furious.
“Gaze up. Why do I have to tell you what to do? You know by now, you stupid fuck.”
Kazh whips me with her cane three times over my naked thighs. I lift my chin up to face the sky and close my eyes. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. My skin is full of bruises, and my muscles ache. Inside me a storm rages.
I want to quit.
Quit this stupid training.
Quit these stupid trials.
Quit this stupid crusade of vengeance.
Despite that, I peel my eyes open and look at the damn blue sky stretching high above me.
Inhale.
Exhale.
“During the Trial of Truth, you’ll be facing the worst enemy ever,” Kazh says. She hasn’t mentioned anything about the next trial yet. I’m all ears, ready to gobble all and any information she has to offer. “Yourself. Only if you conquer that, will you be able to conquer the rest.”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
My muscles twitch at that damn sound of the cane hitting the stone.
“Do you know what you need to be able to do that, child? Ironclad discipline of the body, and utmost control of your emotions and thoughts. One wild thought, one slip of emotion at the wrong time, is enough to damn you.”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Once more, my muscles scream and I start to shake with tension. I’m on the verge of getting a cramp in my left calf.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
“During the Trial of Truth, you’ll be entering the spirit world to face your biggest enemy. There is no fucking space for failure when you’re on the other side, do you understand me?”
My heart flutters.
Fear seizes my chest, and I’m unable to breathe. This moment of distraction is enough to ruin it all. I lose my balance and fall forward on all fours. The stone scrapes my knees and I hiss.
Kazh stops.
Slowly, she approaches me. I pant, too scared to look up at her. I don’t need to see the disappointment in her gaze.
“Oka Oya, maybe she should take a short break before you continue? My chef prepared your favorite tea, peppermint leaves fresh from the garden.”
I lift my eyes to find Vera standing in the doorway. I don’t know how long she’s been here, watching me train. Kazh taps her cane right in front of my face. I don’t have another choice but to lift my gaze to her face.
The moment I do, I know what’s coming next.
“You have to earn a break.” She cocks her head to the side. “You think this will be as easy as passing the Ezkai Academy? I’m not an instructor you can fuck to help you get through your missions and graduate. With me, you’ll have to earn every single thing.”
I can’t believe this bitch.
I scramble to my feet as quickly as I can and square my shoulders. We stand face-to-face. Kazh watches me with all-knowing eyes.
I’m boiling with rage, my cheeks and neck aflame. “I didn’t fuck my way through the Ezkai Academy! I earned my place in the Order!”
She shakes her head and cackles like an old crone. “Sure you did. Just as you earned your keep with the Royal Guard, heh? When both your parents served the king for decades. A nepo baby, that’s what you are. An entitled brat who uses everyone she can to get ahead.”
That’s a low fucking blow.
My palms curl into fists at my side. I’m trembling at how hard I try to reign in my emotions. “You know absolutely nothing about me, or my parents, or what kind of person I am, you old crone.”
Kazh’s gaze dances with amusement.
Vera’s voice is full of warning. “Phoenix, you can’t speak to her like that!”
Kazh clicks her tongue. “You know what will get you killed in the end? Not the more experienced Ezkai. You. You’re reckless and led by rage, losing control is your ultimate flaw.
You posses an ability not many Decarios do, the power to kill without touch.
You’ll end up burning yourself out and burning everything in your path, everyone around you, if you don’t learn how to be in control. ”
I’m done.
I’m so fucking done with all of this.
All of them.
Kazh trying to break me.
Vera trying to control me.
Jax always mocking.
Daegel, keeping fucking secrets again and again, and trying to manipulate me into letting him win.
Throwing my hands in the air, I scream, “I’m done! I’m done listening to your fucking insults and treating me as if I’m a bomb waiting to explode and take all of you down with me! You’re my mentor. You’re supposed to believe in me, not try to break me!”
Vera’s lips part in shock. She’s horrified.
“My duty is to shape you into an Ezkai worth serving as the General,” Kazh says. “Your temper tantrum only proves what I said—you’re untamed, wild fire. Absolutely not fit to be the General, not even close!”
Her words are sharp as daggers. And they slice through my chest with ease.
“Then why have you agreed to help me, huh?” My words are full of venom. “Why have you accepted me as your mentee if I’m so fucking weak?”
Kazh sneers. “Maybe I made a mistake. I thought that if the spirits of the gods let you survive the Culling, you were worthy. But maybe they made a mistake, too.”
I’m surprised at how much her words hurt. Frustrated, I growl and stumble towards the studio.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Vera asks.
Over my shoulder I spit, “None of your damn business. If Kazh thinks so little of me, if I’m such an unworthy champion, then she can go find another mentee. I’ll be fine on my own!”
I rush up the stairs and into my room as fast as my body allows. My mind is too loud, I can’t think straight. I want to scream and cry all at the same time.
Resting my hands on my hips and breathing heavily, I look around my empty bedroom. I need to blow off some steam or I’ll crumble to pieces.
It’s a good thing I know exactly how and where do to that.
I head downstairs, but the moment I throw the door open, my steps halt. An Ezkai stands there with a familiar envelope in his hand. He gives it to me, salutes, and leaves.
I don’t need to look inside to know what’s there.
My invitation to the Trial of Truth.
It’s happening tomorrow morning.