Chapter 54
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
PHOENIX
When I get back, everyone’s asleep.
I try to get some sleep, too. But anytime I close my eyes, my thoughts grow so loud I can only dream about falling asleep. My body can’t stop trembling from all the adrenaline. I try very hard not to think about what just happened.
I toss and turn for hours in my large, empty bed. The mattress that was once comfortable now feels hard as a rock.
The sky’s still dark when I finally give up on getting sleep and roll out of my bed.
I bathe in cold water and get dressed. I find an outfit hanging on the wardrobe door that Vera picked out for me.
It’s a two-piece black suit, all sharp, straight lines and metal sequences that look like armor.
Even though I’m wearing a fancy suit, I look like a warrior.
It’s a small comfort, but comfort nonetheless.
Vera knows me well. I hope this is a sign she still supports me as her chosen champion.
Without waiting for the morning or anyone to wake up, I leave for the Trial of Truth.
I wander the streets of Jaakii until the sun rises and it’s time.
I’m too nervous to eat anything, and exhaustion makes me restless. When I arrive at the Ezkai Castle, four Ezkai meet me and escort me deep inside it. The second trial is supposed to take place away from the public eye. No one will be there, except for the monks monitoring the process.
I must be honest, the fact that there won’t be a crowd of nobles and Ezkai watching my every move while I face my inner darkness takes the edge off. If I do fail, I would rather do it in private where nobody can witness my shameful fall.
Finally, the Ezkai escorting me come to a stop in front of a large round door. I have no idea where within the castle we are. If I had to find my way out, I’d be lost. The silence in the empty hallway rings in my ears.
I don’t feel ready to face whatever waits for me on the other side of the door.
Maybe I made a mistake. Kazh’s harsh words ring in my mind. I close my eyes, and exhale, trying to push away all the thoughts.
I shift my weight from one foot to another, growing restless with each passing moment. My heart pounds heavily in my chest, and it’s hard to resist the itch to fidget. I flex my gloved hands and roll my shoulders.
I would be more than happy to slay a damn dragon right about now.
Looking back at it, it was so silly of me to worry about the first trial.
At least during the Trial of Wisdom I had my bow, and my skill with an arrow.
I miss the weight of it on my shoulder and in my hand.
I would rather slay a hundred dragons, and other Ezkai, even more experienced than me, than face whoever is behind those closed doors in front of me.
Finally, footsteps echo in the hallway on my left. Three monks round the corner. I don’t recognize them—they’re not the same monks I met during the Culling, or the first trial.
Once they approach us, they offer the appropriate greeting to the Ezkai and me. Without saying a word, one of the monks looks at me with a pleasant smile and then walks up to the round door.
There isn’t a handle on the door to open it from the outside. But the moment the monk stops in front of it, it slowly opens to reveal a pitch-black room. The monk turns around to face me and gestures for me to enter it.
Alone.
I hesitate only for a second before I force my feet to move forward. I don’t look at the Ezkai nor the monks as I pass them and enter the room. It’s truly pitch-black—not a single window, torch, or candle. When the door closes behind me, darkness so thick it takes away my breath engulfs me.
Panic rises inside me.
The thundering of my heart in my chest is the only sound in the room. I shift, the material of my suit rustling loudly. It’s so disorienting. It’s as if I’m sealed away from the rest of the world in a tiny container. Or an alternative universe.
Nausea grips me and I fight the urge to throw up at the thought of it. What if…what if this is the spirit world?
I focus my attention on the breathing and push the images from the Culling away from the front of my mind. I must remain in control of my emotions and my body.
I’m a Decarios, an Ezkai, a trained soldier.
At first, each breath is ragged, and I can’t get enough air into my lungs.
But soon, my heart stills and my breaths come to me easier, penetrating deeper.
With each breath, I welcome the calm and peace into my mind and body.
With each breath, I say goodbye to the worry and fear, ridding my body of their poisons.
I’m still as the darkness itself. I’m part of it.
Once I’m calm, it hits me that I have no clue about what I’m supposed to do here. I look around, but see nothing. It matters not whether I have my eyes closed or open, it’s all the same. I don’t dare to take a step forward. What if the ground is not there? It’s safer if I remain where I stand.
I don’t know what I expected when Kazh told me I’d have to face myself during the Trial of Truth. But this was definitely not it.
I stand in the darkness for what feels like forever. The longer I stand there, though, the harder it gets. With each passing moment, the darkness closes in on me, pressing on my skin, penetrating it to reach my flesh and the marrow of my bones.
Something wraps around my ankles and playfully brushes over my calves, as if it were a dog’s fluffy tail. What the actual fuck? My back stiffens.
I’m not imagining it.
It’s not my mind playing tricks on me.
Something cold and airy is touching my ankles and calves. I stop breathing and listen. Nothing moves in the darkness, not a single sound.
A long moment passes. Whoever—whatever—is at my feet doesn’t move. I’m not sure if I should either. What if it agitates the thing and it strikes? I can’t fight something I can’t see. What the fuck is going on?
It dawns on me then that this must be the damn trial.
Standing here in the absolute darkness and silence with my senses sharpened and trying to keep my mind and emotions completely under control.
It sounds right. Keeping my mind from losing it in this pocket of darkness where the time and the world doesn’t exist is a challenge. One many might fail to pass.
I can fucking do this.
Now that I know what’s going on, I can focus on nailing this shit. I can keep myself sane even if they keep me in this damn darkness for a fucking week. I square my shoulders and lift my chin. Kazh made me sit on that damn rock for hours on end for a reason.
This is a piece of cake.
My newfound confidence is exhilarating and energizing. Finally, I feel like I can handle what’s thrown at me. The sensation of something being wrapped around my ankles is gone. I wiggle my toes in my shoes and flex my calves. I was just imagining things before.
Slowly, I lower myself to the floor and fold my legs underneath me neatly.
Just as I do every time I start my training with Kazh.
Taking on this position gives me comfort.
My pant suit, while sharp and structured, has enough room for me to feel comfortable.
I straighten my back, place my palms on my thighs, and exhale a long breath.
A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. I can fucking do this.
That same airy coldness brushes over my shoulder. My whole body freezes. I glance around the darkness trying to see who the fuck is here with me.
Nothing is here…
I blink and something is here.