Chapter 14
The day of Charlie’s memorial, Josie chose her outfit carefully, aware that she’d probably never wear the clothes again.
It was a strange thought to have circling in her brain, knowing she’d forever associate this particular dress and sweater and pair of shoes with losing her brother, but she knew she would.
She went through her morning routine with detachment, barely aware of styling her hair or eating a piece of toast for breakfast. Adam had insisted on driving her to the service, and Josie didn’t argue. She wasn’t in any frame of mind to do much more than dress herself.
On the ride, she stared silently out the window of Adam’s SUV, relieved that he left her to her thoughts, but grateful for his solid presence beside her. When he opened her door and helped her out of the car, her legs wobbled, and her entire body shook.
“I’ve got you,” he said gently, looping an arm around her waist.
She squinted when the brilliant sun hit her face and stared up at the clear, blue sky, wondering how such an awful day could be so beautiful.
Per the advice of the Navy chaplain and the funeral director, even with no body to bury, she’d opted to have the memorial service at the Veterans cemetery in order to have full military honors performed.
There would also be a grave marker with Charlie’s name placed in the rolling field of green next to his brothers and sisters in arms, where he would be remembered alongside them.
Josie knew this was what he would have wanted.
The outdoor seating area was full, with dozens of other people standing.
A place had been reserved for Josie, along with Adam, Cam, Jake, and their families, up front.
Adam escorted her there, and she took a seat next to Fiona, who looped her arm through Josie’s the moment she settled herself in the chair.
Josie had called her aunt and uncle, the only family who’d been willing to take in Josie and Charlie after their parents’ death, but they had retired to the Carolinas and weren’t up for making the trip back north. So, she was alone.
Except she wasn’t. With Fiona on one side and Adam on the other, she knew she wouldn’t face this day, or any of the awful days to come, on her own. Just as the chaplain was about to begin the ceremony, Ellie bounced off her chair next to Adam and stood before Josie.
“Can I sit with you?” she asked.
“Ellie,” Adam said between clenched teeth.
Josie put a gentle hand on Adam’s knee. “I’d like that,” she said as she leaned forward to scoop Ellie onto her lap.
The girl snuggled against Josie and patted her shoulder with a small hand. Josie wrapped her arms around the warm body and held her close. The girl’s soft blond curls, scented with strawberry shampoo, brushed Josie’s cheeks, and despite the ache in her chest, she found a moment of comfort.
Jake’s eulogy for Charlie had the entire group laughing and crying.
He told funny stories about their antics over the years, especially while on leave overseas.
He mentioned that Charlie had been there when Jake met Fiona, and then when he’d married her.
He shared how Charlie literally saved his life by pulling him from the wreckage of a building after it had been hit by an RPG, and then saved him again later by getting Jake help when he’d spiraled into a very dark place.
“There is the family we’re born into and the family we choose. Charlie and I chose to be family, and we were in every way that mattered. Fair winds and following seas, brother. I’ll miss you.”
Jake’s voice broke as he finished, and by then tears were streaming down Josie’s face.
When Jake sat, she could see his shoulders shaking as Fiona wrapped her arms around him.
The mournful sound of Taps and the jolting crack of the rifle salute filled the air, and then someone placed a folded flag into Josie’s shaking hands.
“I’ll help you hold it,” Ellie whispered, and Josie could only nod.
When the service ended, Adam lifted Ellie into his arms. Josie clutched the folded flag to her chest.
“Would you like a few minutes alone?” Adam asked.
Josie nodded. She knew Charlie wasn’t here, not his body, not any part of him, but she still had a few things she wanted to say.
The voices behind her faded as the mourners returned to their cars. Josie tilted her face to the warm sun and squeezed her eyes shut, picturing Charlie wearing one of his rare smiles.
“I can never thank you enough for being the one constant in my life, Charlie. You were the only person who ever made me feel safe. No matter how awful things were, I knew I’d be okay because you’d make sure of it. I hate that you’re gone. You deserved so much more. More time, especially.”
She sniffed and cleared her throat.
“I met someone, Charlie. Well, that’s not quite right.
He’s someone we both already know, but I’m dating him now, and I really like him.
It’s Adam. We’ve been working together on this great project, the one I told you about in my last email.
I don’t know if you got to read that one.
Anyway, he’s been wonderful to me. He makes me feel safe, too, and he makes me feel special. I think you’d be happy for us.”
Josie opened her eyes and brushed the tears from her cheeks.
“I hate that I have to go through the rest of my life without you, but I hope you’re at peace, Charlie. I love you.”
With the flag still tucked close to her heart, Josie made her way toward the parking lot where she knew Adam waited.
When a tingling crept up her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, she turned around. In the distance, she saw a tall figure under the shade of a large oak tree. He wore dark sunglasses and a baseball hat. Hands stuffed in his pockets, he stared at Josie. She froze.
While he was too far away for Josie to see his face, hidden as it was by the hat and sunglasses, his stance felt familiar. The way he tilted his head felt familiar. Everything about him felt familiar.
“Charlie?” she whispered.
No, this man was too thin. But she hadn’t seen her brother in months. He could have lost weight. Hope flared in her chest as she took a step forward.
“Josie?” Adam called from the parking lot.
At the sound of Adam’s voice, Josie glanced over her shoulder, and when she looked back at the tree, the man was gone.
She blinked at the empty space. Was she hallucinating now?
Seeing ghosts? No, of course not. Her logical brain kicked into gear.
Most likely, that man had been visiting the cemetery and came upon the funeral.
He probably stopped by the tree because he didn’t want to disturb the mourners.
With Charlie on her mind, Josie’s imagination had simply run a little wild and made a connection where there was none. Sighing, she walked to the parking lot.
Adam searched her face. “You look pale. Are you okay?”
She nodded, unwilling to admit she thought her dead brother had been standing under a tree a few yards away. Still, a sliver of unease lingered until the crowd at Jake and Fiona’s house provided a welcome distraction.
Later that night, as Adam drove her home, Josie thought once again about the man under the tree and his uncanny resemblance to her brother.
“Adam, can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” he answered.
Josie hesitated, but finally gave voice to the question that had been on her mind. “Missing and presumed dead,” she said.
“It’s a hard one to accept,” Adam said.
“How sure are they? I mean, without a body, how can they be sure he’s dead?”
Adam glanced at her, sympathy clear in his expression. “They’re sure, Josie.”
His voice held a note of finality to it. Josie nodded. When she fell silent and turned to stare out the window, Adam placed a hand over hers.
“Why do you ask?”
Josie sighed. “It’s nothing,” she said, shaking her head.
Adam didn’t push, he simply caressed her palm with his thumb, the gesture soothing and intimate.
“It’s just that I saw someone at the cemetery today. He looked like Charlie. Well, almost like Charlie.”
As soon as the words were out, Josie wished she could take them back. She sounded ridiculous.
Adam squeezed her hand. “For weeks after Allie died, I saw her everywhere. At the grocery store, in the pick-up line at the kids’ school, in the car driving next to mine. I did a double take every time I saw a small blond woman.”
Josie turned to look at him. When he glanced at her, sadness filled his eyes.
“It’s so unfair,” she whispered.
“It is,” he agreed.
Adam pulled the car to Josie’s curb, and as was his habit, circled around to open her door.
When they reached her front door, he pulled her against him.
“Will you be all right tonight?” he asked, his breath warm on her cheek.
Head nuzzled into his neck, she nodded.
“Call me if you can’t sleep.”
“I will,” she promised.
Josie fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, but in her dreams, Charlie called to her, begged her for help. When she woke in a panic, certain she’d heard his voice, she grabbed her phone from the nightstand.
3 am.
She wanted Adam. She wanted his solid presence beside her.
She wanted his strong arms around her, wanted his heat, his scent, his touch.
But it was 3 am, and although he’d said to call, she couldn’t bring herself to wake him.
Instead, she spent the next several hours staring out the window until the sky turned pink with the first hint of morning.