Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Beck
Present
The second Sloan said she was going to the cemetery today; I knew in my heart I needed to be here for Sutton, even if she might hate me for how I acted.
Seeing her again after so many weeks is like a punch to the solar plexus.
Leaning against a weeping willow tree, my chest still aches at the thought of her not being mine. I watch Sutton from a distance, just staring off into space, I know I made the right choice in coming here. I fucking missed her.
Sut looks completely disconnected from herself and her surroundings. I’ve never seen her so distraught before. Not even when I first met her all those years ago, when she always stood in the shadows at parties we attended.
I’ll protect Sut, like I always do. Hold her up, so that she can fall apart in my arms. She’s my best fucking friend. I know I can be what she needs.
I’m slowly working on getting my head back on straight. That’s all thanks to Sloan.
She has spent many days at the gym with me, helping me work through my heartbreak. We’ve developed a sort of friendship. I teach her self-defense and she gives me lessons on love.
Whenever we’re together we talk for hours. Sloan confided in me that she had an abusive ex and was terrified to move to Pittsburgh to start over. But she still hasn’t told me where she ran from though.
I can tell just by how skittish Sloan gets, that she definitely ran from someone dangerous because I catch her looking over her shoulder more often than not.
But our talks have helped me understand that I had to start looking at my relationship with Sutton from a different perspective.
Her bringing August to meet her grandmother but not me, should’ve clued me in on how she was feeling but I was too far gone.
I have always loved Sutton and I will always protect her.
Though I can see now what Sutton meant about our paths being different.
When I first met her, she was timid and untrusting, kind of how Sloan is. I’m a fixer. A protector. Sutton seemed broken when I met her, and I wanted to be a safe space for her. I want to continue to be that for her, but I don’t know where we stand in our friendship.
Us being friends allowed Sutton to heal her past wounds, allowed me to shield her. But our dynamic, where we felt so comfortable and safe with each other and the I love yous, may have blurred the lines.
Regardless, love isn’t always enough to sustain a relationship and sometimes comfort becomes enabling. Sometimes it allows us to repeat patterns that actually need to be broken in order to move forward and I didn’t realize that until recently.
Somewhere along the line, things changed between us.
Sutton bloomed into this incredible woman; built herself back up from her roots to her petals and flourished. Sut doesn’t need anyone to save her anymore––she saved herself.
So, while I’m not sure yet if August is right for my friend, I’m going to trust her heart,
because Sutton always seems to find the good in everyone. I’m going to be here for her while she navigates this new path that she’s chosen for herself. Because Sloan and Quinn are right. Sutton deserves happiness more than anyone we know.
I watch as Sutton walks up and drops a purple rose on her grandmother’s grave. Khaos sits, leaning against her leg to offer his support.
Sutton’s lips move but I can’t tell what she’s saying.
A gentle breeze blows through her hair and she places her hand over her heart as a lone tear streams down her face. It’s as if she felt her grandmother in that moment.
When she turns around to head toward the cars, Sut spots me. Immediately taking off running toward me.
My heart instantly soars. She needs me on her worst day. Not him.
The second she’s in front of me I’m pulling her into my arms. A contented sigh leaves my body, at the feeling of Sut back in my arms.
“It’s okay. I’m here. I got you, Sut,” I whisper in her hair, squeezing her tighter to me as she silently sobs in my arms, shoulders shaking.
Looking over her head, I notice August sitting, whispering with Quinn and Sloan. Every so often he’d look back at us with what seems like sadness in his eyes.
“Come on, let’s get you out of here,” I comfort Sutton, kissing the top of her head and trying to turn her toward my car.
“I’m…” she croaks out.
Sutton glances back toward the hole in the ground, shoulders slumping forward, and then turns to follow me.
“Watch your head,” I warn, as I help her get inside the passenger seat.
“What are you doing?” Quinn asks so softly from behind me.
I didn’t even hear her walk up to me. Quinn glances first at Sutton, who’s staring straight ahead, and then back to me.
“I’ll keep an eye on her.” I tell Quinn quietly, “I’m going to take her home and tuck her into bed with Khaos and Mayhem.”
“Okay. I’m going to go pick up some takeout and then we will all be over soon,” Quinn says, looking at me hesitantly and then back to Sut.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you can’t just try and swoop in and rescue her like Prince Charming, Beckett. Her and August are together. You better not take advantage of her vulnerability right now or that black eye you had a few weeks ago won’t be the last one you have. Do you hear me?” Quinn snaps.
“August has to get back to tour, doesn’t he? He isn’t going to stick around to take care of her.”
“That’s not right, and you know it. August loves her. He has begged her to allow him to stay and to be here for her, but she doesn’t want From Troy to lose their big chance,” Quinn says defensively, getting in my face.
“Don’t make me out to be the villain, Quinn. I’m just taking care of our girl,” I explain firmly.
“We can all take care of our girl,” she states, pointing at Sutton. She’s still staring off into space while sitting in the front seat of my car, ignoring the argument between Quinn and me.
August walks up to the door and leans in. "Sunshine, come home with me. What are you doing?"
"August, I love you, but I can't right now. Please just go finish the tour. Let the guys know I'm so sorry. I just… I can't right now," Sutton hiccups on a sob.
"Forget about the tour, Sunshine. I love you," August whispers, pulling her tiny hands into his gently.
"No, August. Go follow your dreams. They were always your dreams anyway," Sutton sobs out, shoving him away.
"Sunshine…"
Sutton turns her head and stares out the window with a faraway look in her eyes.
"Sutton, please don't push me away." August's voice cracks with anguish.
August leans in and kisses the side of her head. "I love you, Angel. Please don't give up on us."
August opens the back door and pats the seat for Khaos to hop in.
“Take care of Mommy while I’m gone. I’ll be back for both of you,” August whispers into his fur. He kisses him on the head then softly shuts the door.
I feel like an onlooker witnessing a vulnerable moment that I shouldn’t be.
Sutton only sobs harder. My heart breaking at how tormented she looks.
August turns to face me. "You better not lay a finger on her, Beckett. Sutton and I are not over," he demands.
"I'm going to keep her safe, like I always do. In whatever way Sutton needs," I declare.
"I will be back for her," August vows before hesitantly walking away.
“Do. Not. Take advantage of my best friend. So, help me Gods, Beckett. Sutton loves him. She loves him so much that she will let him go, so that he can make his dreams come true," Quinn growls at me before walking toward Sloan.
There is no way in hell I’m allowing Sutton to grieve alone.