Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Sloan
The sound of the water running has me slowly fluttering my eyes open. For a second, I forget where I am. My heartbeat and my breaths start to pick up in a panic. Why is there water running?
I sit up from the warm cocoon I fell asleep in, when Mayhem pokes his head through the blanket, I just accidentally tossed over top of him in my panic. I forgot he was here. That means…
I exhale a deep breath and take a moment to center myself.
Beck is in the shower.
Not James.
Why would a random white rose just be sitting on those stairs?
James always used to leave me white roses.
Growing them on his property was something he prided himself on.
I was never allowed in the garden, but he always made sure there were fresh roses in the house for me every few days or left on my desk at work.
Always white. James refused to grow any with color.
He said it tainted the pureness of them.
I’d felt like someone was watching me when I was standing on the staircase of Beck’s apartment. And then that rose appeared.
There’s no way James found me. How could he when I didn’t leave a trail? I brought cash with me when I left except for— Fuck. I wasn’t even thinking. James would’ve gotten an alert that I bought a plane ticket with the credit card. But it wouldn’t show where I flew out from, would it?
I’m spiraling into a panic attack when footsteps pad into the living room. I realize I still haven’t even gotten up from the couch.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Beck asks cautiously.
I hear him but I can’t form words.
His large hand grazes my chin, tilting my head up to look into his eyes.
“Little Dove, you’re worrying me.”
Blinking rapidly at him, “I… What if…what if he found me? I have to leave, Beck.”
I go to jump up off the couch but in seconds, Beck is lifting me in his arms, cradling me. He sits back down on the couch where I had been sitting, holding me in his arms.
Why does he feel so good? I never felt like this with James. And Beck is a force, so much taller and thicker and stronger than James. Why am I not afraid of Beck like I am James?
“Talk to me, Little Dove. No more running,” Beck requests.
“I… My ex… James used to grab me too hard, leaving bruises. Sometimes he’d shove me down, grab me by the hair and scream in my face. I had to hide so many marks he left.” Beck goes rigid behind but he holds me tighter in his arms.
Beck’s unyielding strength gives me the courage to open up a little more to him than I did before.
My voice starts to crack. “I was afraid of J-J-James. I had to walk on eggshells all the time, especially when he got d-d-drunk. Sometimes I still feel like he’s watching me, like he’s going to f-f-find me.
There are times I feel like I c-c-can’t breathe.
I’m paralyzed in fear like he still has his hooks in me.
I hope I never s-s-see him again for as long as I live.
” I struggle to get the words out to Beck.
Trying to fight back the sob that wants to break free.
Beck is a statue behind me. Anger coming off of him in waves as Beck growls out, “You never deserved that, Sloan. No man has any right to ever lay their hands on you. He will never touch you again. I swear to you he won’t get the chance.”
“You can’t promise that, Beck. What if James found me? The rose… Maybe I need to leave. I never should’ve stayed this long,” I whisper with tears streaming down my face.
“Yes, I can, Little Dove. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. Do you want to be on the run and have to look over your shoulder the rest of your life? No, it’s time you take your power back.
It’s time you learn to protect yourself.
Let him find you after we’ve trained together.
Let me train you so that you are prepared with an arsenal in your back pocket.
An arsenal that James won’t see coming if he finds you and I’m not there to protect you myself,” Beck almost begs. So much determination on his face.
“How am I going to be able to take down a guy though? He was always so much stronger than me and he always made me feel so weak. If he wasn’t beating me down with his fists, James was breaking me down with his words,” I say ashamed, curling in on myself.
“Sloan. You. Are. Not. Weak. You may be pint-size, Little Dove but you are so fucking brave. So strong for getting out of a bad situation. I will train you as hard as I train our athletes. Train you like I train for fights and add self-defense techniques from the class. Ash even knows some knife training skills that we can incorporate. I’ll have Ash create a nutrition plan for you too, to make sure you’re getting enough nutrients to build muscle,” Beck offers, so adamant in his desire to keep me safe.
“You will not control my diet!” I lash out, jumping up from his lap, storming out of the room into the kitchen to get space.
When I step into the kitchen, I grab a bottle of water to keep my hands from shaking. Beck is still sitting on the couch looking at me dumbfounded. Like I slapped him across the face.
“Umm, I’m not sure what I said that’s upset you,” Beck starts cautiously. “But I’m going to go and give you some space.”
“You said you’d get Ash to create a nutrition plan for me, like I can’t feed myself. My ex monitored my diet like a hawk. You nor Ash will be doing the same,” I growl.
Beck looks completely taken aback by my outburst. He looks at me with understanding for a couple of minutes before he nods and starts to head upstairs to Sutton’s room.
When he gets to the top of the stairs, Beck says, “Komm,” tapping his thigh.
“Pardon,” I shriek.
Before Mayhem hops off the couch and runs up the stairs after Beck, quietly shutting the door once he disappears through it.
He was talking to the dog… Ha… I really am losing my shit.
I’m pacing the kitchen when I get a text from Quinn.
Quinn: You 2 love birds make out yet?
Sloan: Ha, never gonna happen. Had our first fight though.
Quinn: WHAT? WHY? I will come stab that asshole so fast!
Sloan: He wants me to start training with him for his rehab and to better my self-defense skills. Get this, that asshole said he wants Asher to make me a diet plan. Like how dare he try to control my diet!
Quinn: Umm…did he say why?
Sloan: Does it matter? No man will control my diet again!
Quinn: So… I agree… But hear me out… I’m really sorry if your ex was a dick and did that to you.
You never deserved that. No woman does. But…
Beck and Ash train really hard. So hard that they eat double the normal calorie intake most people eat.
I know, because most of our smoothie line is based off their meal plans for athletes to help keep them at peak performance shape.
So if he wants Ash to make you a plan and he wants you to train WITH him…
I think he really is just trying to make sure you’ll be eating enough so you can recover.
Sloan: Ugh…so I’m the asshole?
Quinn: Wounded warrior maybe? Not an asshole. Sending you a hug. <3
Sloan: <3 Hugs. Thank you.
After texting with Quinn, I take a few deep breaths. Running through the conversation with Beck in my head. Beck was really just being thoughtful and I projected and bled my own wounds all over him.
Taking one last deep breath, I make my way over to the stairs and quietly take them up to Sutton’s room. I gently knock on the door when I reach it but there’s no answer.
“Hi…” I start.
“I’m… I’m sorry for snapping on you. You didn’t deserve that. My ex… I couldn’t eat anything unless he approved of it. He ordered my meals at restaurants. Cut me off at parties in front of people. It… Never mind. It doesn’t matter.” I rest my hand against the door.
“I thought you were doing the same thing. It doesn’t excuse my behavior. The second you mentioned my nutrition, my mind immediately screamed no and shut down. I know you aren’t him and that you’re just trying to look out for me. I’m really sorry, Beck,” I apologize for my behavior.
I stand there for a couple more minutes in silence before I realize he isn’t going to open the door.
Turning to head down the stairs, I’m almost at the last step, when I hear two light taps on the door.
My eyes immediately land on the door, but it remains closed.
But I feel like that’s Beck’s way of letting me know he heard what I had to say, making me feel like it will be okay.