Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sloan
It’s a cool, crisp fall Sunday. The leaves on the trees lining the street are painted gorgeous shades of red, orange and gold. The air smells fresh through the open window with the slightest hint of rain from the drizzle this morning.
Asher and Quinn are meeting Beck and I this morning. We’re taking a mini road trip to Ohio for the day to go pick pumpkins and do all the fun fall things. I never got to have days like this. Days with friends, going on little adventures, doing anything festive.
It was never prestigious enough for James.
He wouldn’t be caught dead at a pumpkin patch.
Skiing in Aspen absolutely but never a pumpkin patch or apple orchard.
It didn’t matter to him that I couldn’t ski to save my life.
I never did anything I wanted to do, never did anything so mundane as a day out with friends.
And there wasn’t a chance in hell James was letting me go anywhere with the girls alone.
That’s why I have been looking forward to this day since we started planning it.
I’m dressed in a cute pair of light blue ripped mom jeans that Quinn and I found at the thrift store last weekend. I paired them with a pale blue and forest green flannel over a cream turtleneck. The perfect pumpkin patch attire. Something straight out of a Pinterest board.
I’m staring at myself in the mirror for the first time in a long time. Really seeing myself. Something I promised Asher and Beck I would start doing.
“I love you,” I whisper to myself with my hand gently placed over my heart, “I’m enough.”
I’m appreciating the rosiness that’s back in my cheeks and the light shining back at me in my eyes when I hear a tap on the door that has me almost jumping out of my skin. A squeak leaves me as Beck pokes his head in the door.
“Hey, it’s just me. I didn’t mean to startle you. Wow, you smell good,” Beck offers, gently squeezing my shoulder. “And you look stunning, Little Dove.”
My skin tingles where his fingers graze my shoulder.
When I turn to face him, Beck’s wearing a sky blue and navy plaid flannel with a dark blue pair of jeans.
Jeans that hug his thick thighs just right.
His dirty blond hair is styled messy and a couple days worth of facial hair peppers his chin and cheeks.
Beck looks good with a five o’clock shadow.
Beck looks good all the time and always smells incredible, so woodsy. I sigh to myself.
We kind of look like a couple. And there’s a part of me that doesn’t hate it.
“Thank you.” I smile softly at him. “You look nice too.”
“Thank you.” Beck kisses the side of my forehead. Our eyes meeting in the mirror. “You almost ready?”
“Yep. Let me throw on my boots and I’ll be good to go,” I say excitedly.
Beck’s blocking my way out of the bathroom. His eyes look heated but mine must be haunted because Beck steps out of the way so I can pass. Immediately recognizing that I’m about to start panicking at being trapped, or rather feeling trapped.
“Little Dove…” Beck gently grabs my wrist on my way out of the bathroom.
“Yeah?” My voice breathy but anxious.
Beck tilts my head up so our gaze meets, his eyes are filled with so much heat. “May I kiss you?”
I start to nod my head yes, unable to look away from his gorgeous ocean eyes.
“Your words, Little Dove. I need your words.”
“Yes. I’d really like it if you’d kiss me, Beckett.” I smile softly at him. All anxiety from a few minutes ago melting away.
There’s something about the way Beck speaks to me. So firm, yet so gentle, I can’t help but cave to anything he asks of me.
He cradles my face in his palm, tilting my chin up as he gently presses his lips to mine. Tentatively at first like he doesn’t want to spook me.
He kisses me firmly with the slightest bit of pressure. I wrap my arms around his waist to hold him tighter to me, encouraging him, letting him know I’m not fragile and that I want this just as much as he does.
Beck wraps his other arm around me, pulling me closer. The feel of him cradling me so close, grounds me in this moment. He takes the kiss deeper as we explore each other.
The softest sigh leaves my body and I relax into his hold. I surrender every ounce of control over to Beck as we sink deeper and deeper into this kiss. One that tastes like comfort, as the background world just fades away.
It’s nothing like I’ve experienced before. It’s not a heated kiss. It’s sweet. There’s no rushing. Just two people exploring one another, not needing anything more than this moment of peace and reassurance. This moment of feeling wholly safe in another is something I’ve never felt before.
Kissing Beck is warm and inviting. Like slipping into your favorite sweatshirt on a cool fall day. Like he’s home. Like I could do this with him forever.
The sound of Mayhem barking has us finally separating. I gently press my fingers to my lips, smiling to myself.
That’s the best kiss I’ve ever had. My heart still feels like it’s melting.
We turn to find out what he’s barking at and see that he’s just staring up at us, tail thumping excitedly against the floor.
“I think he felt left out.” I giggle. “I’m going to go put my boots on now.”
Beck laughs, kissing the side of my head, before heading toward the kitchen. “I initially came in to let you know that I made us some lattes and packed some protein muffins to take with us. Q said they’d be here in ten but that was probably five minutes ago.”
He made us lattes.
Such a small thing to do, but it warms my heart every time he does something so kind for me, without me having to ask or having to owe him anything in return. I’m not sure he even knows how much I truly appreciate it.
The only time James ever did nice things for me was before I was his wife.
Looking back on it, they weren’t even really nice.
More so, controlling. Like ordering my meals without even letting me look at the menu.
Making me a black coffee every morning but always throwing out my creamers and trying to make me think I just forgot to buy them.
Putting white roses on my desk at work so others would see how great of a guy James was, but if I got myself flowers for the house, he would throw them away.
James would “clean up after me” if I didn’t clean fast enough for him but act like I owed him something for doing that.
With James it was always something. Always conditional. Always controlling.
I’m sitting on the couch putting my boots on, when Mayhem whimpers and rests his head on my lap, snapping me out of my spiraling thoughts. I will not let James ruin this day. I scratch his head, quietly thanking him for being here and so loyal to me. His presence is like a comforting shadow.
I walk over and pull out a stool at the island, sitting down to take a sip of my latte. Mayhem curls up at my feet on the floor. Sighing at just how good Beck makes a toffee nut latte and how much I love his dog. I take in this moment—being taken care of and feeling at peace.
Beck is such a strong, stable presence. Almost unshakeable. Sometimes I feel like I could lean on him for a lifetime.
“I’m glad you like it.” Beck chuckles.
Blinking rapidly, I snap out of the little bubble of bliss I was just lost in.
“Mmm…it’s so good I might just steal yours.” I smirk, reaching for his jokingly.
“I’d give you mine, if you really wanted it.” Beck smiles softly at me, reaching over grazing his knuckles over mine. My heart swoons just the slightest bit.
There’s a loud knock on the door that has me almost leaping out of my seat.
“Let us in love birds,” Quinn shouts through the door.
Our eyes meet in an instant and we both burst into laughter. My hand covers my racing heart and Beck reaches for the other, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“See you later, Sweet Boy.” I kiss Mayhem on the nose and ruffle his fur through my fingers.
“Be good,” Beck offers, petting Mayhem too before we head toward the door.
“Do I hear kissing?” Quinn screams through the door.
“Would you quit harassing them, Q,” Ash berates her.
“Yes. Kisses to my boy,” Beck responds, winking at me, before he opens the door to Quinn with twinkles in her eyes and Asher wearing a shit-eating grin. “Now wipe those looks off your faces.”
“Hi guys.” I wave awkwardly like we’ve been caught red-handed. I peek out underneath Beck’s arm in the doorway.
“There she is,” Quinn coos, pulling me into a hug and tugging me down the stairs with her. “Tell me everything!”
“Quinn there’s nothing to tell.” I laugh. “I swear we were kissing Mayhem goodbye.”
“At the same time? So, like maybe your arms brushed? Or your lips maybe? Accidentally? For like a second?” Quinn asks like she has the zoomies.
“You really need to go back to the true crime novels. All of those romances are going to your head.” I giggle.
“Ugh, my romantic life is pathetic. That’s why I escape into these dreamy stories of six foot ten men with ten-inch cocks and best friends they like to share their girls with but if anyone else touches her, they’re…” Quinn runs her finger across her throat and then starts giggling.
“Goodness,” I whisper breathlessly, my cheeks probably flushed pink.
“See! So, I have to live through you. Beck’s over six foot and Sut said he’s…” Quinn starts to say.
“I’m gonna stop you right there.” I gently cover her mouth with my hand to avoid hearing her discuss Sutton and Beck together.
Out of respect for Beck and Sutton… Not that… There’s no way I’m jealous…
“You ladies, ready to go?” Asher comes up behind us putting his arms around our shoulders.
“Let’s do it. I’ve never been to a pumpkin patch. I’m actually really excited.” I smile up at them.
“Really? Never?” Beck questions, his eyes softening when they meet mine.
“Never.” I shrug, a little sad.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s make this the best day ever!” Quinn squeals.
As we walk toward the car together, a sense of calm washes over me. This is really starting to feel like home. I get in the back seat with Quinn and stare out of the window, as the guys get in the front, with Asher driving.
My eyes catch sight of a large vase of white roses just sitting on the windowsill in an apartment complex not far up the street, causing me to shiver.
No.
There’s no way.
A gentle grip on my knee has me shooting up in my seat.
“Hey, sorry. You okay?” Beck asks softly, questions in his eyes.
“Yeah…” I gulp, looking back out the window, but I don’t see the roses anymore.
Am I seeing things?
“You’re trembling. Here.” Beck hands me a coffee thermos. “I made you another hot toffee latte since we were going to be outside most of the day. Thought you might want a second one.”
“Thank you.” I smile, grateful. I take the cup from him, gently brushing my fingers against his, just so I can feel a little more grounded. A little bit more connected to him.
“You sure you’re okay?” Beck eyes me cautiously.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” I offer a hesitant smile.
No. I’m not sure actually. Can you tell? I want to scream but try to remain stoic.
Beck looks over at Quinn who’s also eyeing me suspiciously, like neither of them believe me but they aren’t going to push.
“Okay. I’m here.” Beck gently squeezes my knee again before turning back around in his seat.
Quinn reaches across the seat and gently laces her fingers with mine, without saying a word.
Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls starts playing a few seconds later, allowing the remaining anxiety to wash away.
Beck is here.
Quinn is here.
Ash is here.
James is not.
I am safe.
At least I hope I am.