Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Beck
The two-hour car ride to Van Buren Acres in Ohio was weirdly quiet but also kind of peaceful.
Leaves crunch under our boots, as Asher and Quinn walk ahead of Sloan and me to the small red barn where we pay for our entry.
“Wow! This is so cute!” Sloan looks around in awe. Her eyes are lit up and she’s beaming. The ghosts in her eyes from the beginning of the car ride, gone. I still don’t understand where they came from. Sloan looked so elated while we were getting into the car.
“Where do we start?” Quinn asks, clapping her hands together in glee.
“Want to do the hayride first so we don’t have to lug anything on it? I imagine you gals want to take some pumpkins home,” Asher suggests.
“Always thinking ahead, Ash. Love that idea!” Quinn jumps up on his back and kisses his cheek. His reflexes quick to grip her legs when she wraps them around his waist.
Is Asher blushing?
“Get over here, Little Dove.” I reach out for her hand.
Sloan eyes my hand for a second.
“Please?” I ask sweetly.
Sloan grins and laces her fingers with mine.
“Oh my gosh! Are those baby pigs?” Sloan squeals.
“They’re racing. Take me to the piggies, Ash.” Quinn giggles, giving Asher a tap on his ass.
Asher grumbles but takes off in a sprint with Quinn on his back. Quinn throws her head back laughing.
“Jesus, Q. Don’t whip back so hard or we’ll both go down,” Asher gripes.
“Relaaaax, Ash. You got us,” Quinn coos, pulling herself closer to him though.
Sloan and I burst into laughter as we run for the fenced in area where the little pigs are racing.
We all watch as two little brown and white and two little black and white pigs about the size of a corgi dog race each other to the finish line.
“Oh my gosh. Their snorting noises are so friggin’ cute,” Sloan chirps.
“They’re so cute. I wanna take one home,” Quinn squeals.
Ash and I just smile at the girls and how excited they are.
When I turn to watch the last straggling pig cross the finish line, I’m stopped in my tracks at how breathtaking Sloan is. Her guard’s down and she’s glowing with childlike joy. The biggest smile I’ve ever seen her make, lights up her entire face. Those lavender eyes sparkle in the sunlight.
“Little Dove,” I whisper, gently wrapping my arms around her, as she leans against the fence still watching the pigs running around.
“Beckett.” Her eyes meet mine. She’s radiant and relaxed, something I’m not used to seeing from her.
I could get lost in her.
“Your smile is beautiful. You are beautiful,” I barely choke out.
“Thank you,” Sloan says so softly under her breath. Twisting toward me in my arms, she stretches up on her tiptoes, kissing my chin.
I lean down and kiss the tip of her nose. The clearing of two throats from Asher and Quinn have us breaking out of our little bubble.
“You ready for that hayride now?” Quinn asks, pulling Sloan out of my arms and linking their arms together as they take off skipping toward the line.
“What are we going to do with them?” Asher chuckles, shaking his head.
“What do you mean?” I ask confused.
“Don’t play dumb man. You like Sloan. I actually think you’d be good for each other,” Asher offers as we walk and talk, a few feet behind the girls.
“We aren’t together. We’re just friends,” I say in denial.
“Yeah. We see how that “just friends” worked out for you last time,” Asher rags sarcastically.
“Fuck off and mind your business. If you’re gonna run your mouth, you gonna tell me what’s going on with you and Q?” I shove him.
“Chill man. I’m just saying. Don’t leave your head stuck in your ass for six years again,” Asher pushes.
“You’re an asshole. Don’t avoid the question,” I growl.
“Are you two coming or are you about to have a boxing match in the middle of a family farm?” Quinn hollers over to us.
“Coming!” Asher and I both yell back at her, giving each other the side-eye. We slow jog to catch up to them.
After the hayride, we each picked out pumpkins to paint for when we get back to the apartment tonight. They’re safely stowed away in the car because the girls didn’t want to carry them and frankly, neither did we.
We got some apple cider slushies and apple cider donuts to eat on the walk over to the sunflower fields. The donuts are out of this world. I miss training but damn have I been missing out on some things—like sugar.
I walk next to Sloan through the sunflowers, our shoulders brush every so often bringing me back to the present.
My thoughts drift to Sutton and how she always reminded me of sunflowers.
But I’ve thought less and less of her these last couple months.
Quinn mentions her from time to time just to tell us how the tour has been going.
It sounds like she’s doing really good and I’m happy for her.
Khaos is also internet famous, which has been funny to follow on social media.
I haven’t found the need to follow From Troy’s page and I’ve avoided looking at Sutton’s.
But I miss Khaos, and his posts they’ve created for him can make anyone laugh even on their worst days.
Quinn also told me August plans on proposing.
She wanted me to know because she imagines it will go viral with the way he’s doing it.
Always such a flashy fucker. Apparently, August also asked Quinn to tell me so it didn’t send me over a ledge.
I should be pissed at the fucker but I respect that he extended that decency to me.
“This is so good,” Sloan says, sipping her slushie.
It’s adorable when Sloan’s eyes light up when she’s really enjoying something. Her eyes are always telling a story even when her mouth isn’t.
“Yeah, it is,” I offer, my mind still wandering off.
I keep finding things I like about Sloan..
“Hey, are you okay?” Sloan asks softly, tapping her drink gently against mine.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Did something happen with you and Asher? You’ve seemed a little distracted since whatever was going on before we walked over.”
“I said I’m fine, Sloan.”
“Okay,” Sloan whispers, not pushing any further and continues to walk quietly next to me.
A few minutes pass and I’m lost in my thoughts.
Questioning if Asher and Quinn are right.
Do I actually have feelings for Sloan or do I just like the idea of trying to keep her safe?
Is she just filling a void? Are we keeping each other company since we’re too broken, lonely souls?
Maybe Ash is right. I shouldn’t make the same mistakes I did before.
I think I have a thing for emotionally unavailable women. Maybe Q was right, too, about my “issues” as she likes to call them.
Stopping in the middle of the field, I owe Sloan an explanation for my change in mood. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I just… Sunflowers always reminded me of Sutton.” I pause, thinking maybe it’s a bad idea to bring Sutton up.
“It’s okay, Beck. You can talk about her,” Sloan reassures me.
“The more I think about it though, I see now that Sutton wasn’t for me.
Our friendship was easy but I think it was because I always wanted to try and help Sutton.
If I was helping Sutton, I wasn’t having to work on myself.
I wasn’t having to sit with the void inside of myself, if I was trying to make her laugh or make her smile.
It was also a way for me to avoid having to commit to anyone but my career.
“My dad left when I was in my early teens and my mom was a miserable person after that. So, I never really thought relationships could work. I used my career as an excuse to avoid relationships and I sort of used my codependency on Sutton’s happiness to fill the companionship I sometimes wished for.
“I guess sometimes I worry I’m doing that with you, but you also sometimes make me face things that I usually would have avoided. You keep me in line.” I pause to get my thoughts together.
“And now”—running my fingers through my hair—“it’s just standing next to you watching you just take all of this in like it’s magical, stirs something inside me.
It makes me question if maybe there is something more between us than we realize, but I don’t want you to be a rebound?
Is rebound even a thing if you weren’t actually together?
I don’t know. And I also don’t want to be a rebound from your ex.
I just want us to be on the same page because I really liked kissing you this morning and I want to do it again.
But only if it’s something you want too,” I ramble out.
Sloan reaches for my hand, weaving our fingers together.
“I’m so sorry your parent’s relationship tainted your view on what a healthy relationship could be.
I’ve also always been a bit skittish of commitment because even though my parents are still together, they’ve never seemed terribly happy,” she says, her eyes never leaving mine.
“For what it’s worth, I hope to stick around, Beck, I really like it here with you all. But if my ex finds me, I can’t promise anything. I don’t want to be on the run forever. I enjoy spending time with you, Beck. I loved kissing you, and I feel safe with you, more than I have with anyone else.
“I don’t want to label anything between us, when I’m still trying to figure myself out and your heart is still mending.
I’m open to seeing where life takes us. But I also won’t be your second choice.
So please be gentle with my heart and only choose me, if you’re truly choosing me.
I’m not going to be a placeholder for Sut. ” She voices her thoughts.
“You aren’t a placeholder. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.
Sunflowers always reminded me of Sut, but standing out here with you, all I see is you, Little Dove,” I say.
Gently running my fingers through her hair, as I gently press my lips to her forehead.
I linger there for just a minute as I feel Sloan’s tiny arms wrap around my waist, holding me close to her.
This moment––her––feels right.