Chapter 7
“ H ow long will the moping last? Kalliah said from my chamber doors, her hands on her hips. “Because after four days, I’m sick of it.”
Staring at the empty fireplace, I wondered how long it would be before Ian and I talked about the upcoming drop for Storm and Kade. I knew I had been petty. The past few days of silence between us made everyone uncomfortable. We hadn’t had an argument like this in years. In fact, we had only ever had an argument like this one other time, but we vowed never to speak of that day ever again.
“He didn’t mean to imply you weren’t capable, Lan,” Kalliah said gently.
The difficult part about opening yourself up to people and letting them see beneath your mask is they start to see you all too well. It becomes impossible to hide, even when you wish you could.
“I’m sick of the tone,” I snapped. “Don’t coddle me. I don’t need to be babied. If you have something to say, just say it.”
“Fine, you’re being absolutely snobbish and let’s add in selfish as well. Ian’s job is to protect you, and you know that better than anyone.” Kalliah slammed my chamber door shut, locking it behind her before moving to stand in front of me. “You aren’t able to heal yourself. It’s not an insult, it’s the truth. You don’t have magic to do so. So, should you suffer a wound Ian can’t heal, while you are both fighting this unknown enemy, and you can’t return to the castle in time to be treated by a healer, you die. Brookmere is left without an heir and your family’s line ceases.”
“You are an abomination of all Fae kind. A void,” the man’s voice sneered.
Water dripped in rhythm to my slow heartbeat. He’d won again today. I let his words sink into my heart.
I wasn’t worthy of the crown. The throne. A magicless Queen would be a disgrace to Brookmere.
"Lana?” She clicked her fingers, the noise snapping me back to the present. Kalliah hadn’t said any of those things. It was him. His vitriol made me believe in my weakness.
Kalliah and Ian’s words were logical. They were always so logical. Everything they said held true. Yet, I couldn’t let go of wanting to be a part of this. I couldn’t lose this one thing, reminding me I had the power to change our kingdom for the better, even without magic.
“You’re right.” I sighed, completely defeated. “But I do not want to be a princess in a glass cage.”
Kalliah groaned. “I know you don’t. This is unfamiliar territory for all of us and ignoring each other isn’t the way to handle things productively.”
“Okay, okay… I will talk to him, civilly this time.” I nodded, resigned with the knowledge Ian had tried to not only be a good friend, but fulfill his duties as my personal guard. “Now, what do I owe the pleasure of your company, besides coming in to kick my ass about being a snobbish royal?”
She grinned. “You have lunch with the king and queen today. Andras reminded me, while I tried to enjoy the tea I had privately in the Royal Gardens. That man is forever trying to ruin any quiet moment anyone has to themselves.”
Unquestionably, lunch would be another boring afternoon, listening to Andras drone on and on about utter nonsense, just to hear his own voice, as he updated the king and queen on all the happenings in the kingdom. The other royal advisers seemed to have glazed eyes and somewhere to be when Andras got into a mood, ensuring he had the king’s full attention.
“And you’re here to make sure I don’t look like”—I gestured to myself, crinkling my nose at the sight of my wrinkled training ensemble— “this.”
“Obviously,” she said with a devious grin.
I rose from the chaise and immediately moaned. I’d run on my own throughout the back gardens, well inside the hedged enclosures so I wouldn’t need Ian alongside me. I’d thought perhaps it would keep me from sinking further within my mind. Now, the ache in my legs screamed too loud to ignore after such a grueling run. I reached toward the side table where I kept the gift Elisabeth had given me—a salve to rub into my muscles when I first started training. But it had disappeared.
I knelt on the floor, searching around the table to find if I had knocked it over. Kalliah had walked to the wardrobe in my bedroom to choose my dress for the rest of the day.
Scanning under the chaises lined in the sitting area, I caught sight of it. Inching my fingers forward, I latched onto it.
“Get off the floor!” Kalliah chastised. “We don't need you getting any dirtier than you already are. We are cutting it close as it is.”
“You act like I’m filthy,” I argued, slowly pulling myself off the ground and wiping the dust off of my knees.
I sat before the mirror, reaching down to apply the salve to my calves and thighs. Kalliah tugged my hair while laughing at my grimace before quickly braiding it.
While she worked on my hair I could never style quite right, I applied rouge to my cheeks.
The next few minutes were a blur as I finished changing from my training clothes I’d been lazily lying around in, into a teal-green chiffon dress. The pockets were my favorite part of this dress, along with the lace sleeves. It hugged my curves, making me feel like an adult, not a kid playing dress-up.
Another benefit of training had been my body changing from loose skin and more rounded features to toned and tightened muscle, creating curves, which barely existed before. Even my ass finally rounded out perfectly.
Behind us, my door handles jiggled, along with the sound of a key, and we jumped. Ian flew into the room like a fire had been lit beneath him.
“Andras is coming around the corner. I haven’t had time to change,” he panted, his cheeks reddening as soon as he finished the comment.
I scanned his attire, stained with blood.
“What happened?” I jumped from the settee in front of the mirror and ran to him, inspecting his stained, darkened tunic. “Are you hurt? Where is the blood coming from?”
“Elisabeth took care of me already.” He moved away from me, nearing the door and holding his ear to it.
“Where were you? That’s not an explanation of what happened.”
Kalliah took a few steps backward, trying to sneak away. Frowning at the distraction, I caught the guilty expression she leveled at Ian.
“One of you, out with it,” I demanded.
“We were attacked at Kade and Storm’s drop.”
My heart sank. I hadn’t seen Ian because he knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to my face.
“I thought the drop hadn’t been scheduled yet,” I said. Clenching my fists at my side, I tried to maintain a bit of my composure. “I thought we were going to continue our conversation?”
“The conversation was over,” Ian said. “You wanted to continue, not me. If you still want to have a discussion, we certainly can later. The drop is done, and just like we feared, another attack happened.”
I brought my hands to my mouth, steepling them in front of my face. “So, you just ran an entire drop without me.”
“If you knew about it, you wouldn’t have stayed behind. We simply cannot risk you getting hurt during these attacks. I made the executive decision to not include you, for your own protection.” His face steeled with determination, his gaze not leaving mine as he finished speaking.
I stared at him, not recognizing this man in front of me. Ian had never been one to make me feel like I couldn’t make my own decisions, and now, he dared make such a big choice for me. Was this fear? Arrogance? Neither seemed like him.
“So, you’ve taken the position of being a man who thinks he knows what’s best for me, have you? Want to lock me up in my dungeon cell next time since I’m such a flight risk?” I sneered.
The reminder of what I endured as a child flashed across his face, and his shoulders slumped as he reached toward me. “Lan, don’t act like that. I’m not him.”
“No, you just agree I’m unable to provide anything other than being the heir to the throne. A figurehead.”
“If you would stop taking everything as an insult directed at you and think about this, it would be better.” Ian rubbed his forehead, clearly exasperated. “Please.” He reached for me, grasping my hands in his.
My hands trembled, but this time not in fear. In absolute anger.
“I know everyone else thinks I’m weak and broken, Ian, but you've never made me feel that way before. Until now.”
Kalliah quietly slipped out the door, and her avoidance meant she had something to hide. Although she’d merely withheld information, she’d behaved as though I’d have a chance to speak to Ian, knowing full well he’d gone ahead with these plans without me.
Ian didn’t let go of my hands, despite my attempts to tug away for space. “It’s for the best, and it’s only temporary.”
“You betrayed me. How dare you decide how I live my life?”
With a final tug, he let go.
The walls of the palace felt like they were closing in. Another freedom, which right now seemed like the only freedom left, had been taken from me.
I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
Despite knowing we needed more information about our enemy, the choice for me to be a part of the solution remained made for me.
I fled my bedroom, and the pity on Ian’s face. I couldn’t bear it.
Couldn’t bear the truth I’d run from for so long.
In a world where power was currency, what good would a queen be who had none?