Chapter 8
C lutching my arms around my middle, holding myself together, I moved with purpose toward the only other place inside the castle walls providing solace.
Elisabeth’s room.
She’d know what to say, as always. She would pour me a cup of tea, listen, and then turn everything around.
Rounding a corner, I squealed as I ran into someone moving quickly in the opposite direction.
“Elisabeth.” I embraced her the moment I recognized her. “I was just coming to see you.” Despite being two inches taller than her, any hug from Elisabeth made me feel cocooned and safe.
Wherever she had been running to in a hurry, she didn’t push me away to get back to it. Instead, she rubbed my back. “What’s all this now? What’s on your mind?”
We never formally informed Elisabeth about the Hidden Henchman, but something told me she knew, nonetheless. She never pressed or asked about it, though. I refused to confide specific details to her in fear someone would learn of what we’d been doing and punish her.
“Ian and I aren’t seeing eye to eye right now,” I said.
She cupped my cheek. “Everyone argues. I’m surprised the two most stubborn children I know haven’t argued more to be perfectly honest.” Her smile shone bright, but after taking a closer look, I noticed the puffy, dark bags under her eyes.
“Are you all right?” I asked, linking my arm with hers as we continued down the hall.
“I’m just tired, child. I’m not quite as young as I used to be, and I haven't been getting much sleep recently while tending to your father at all hours of the day and night.” Elisabeth patted my hand gently.
“You look more than tired,” I said, offering Elisabeth a bit of space to elaborate.
After all these years with her, I knew if I pressed a little and remained quiet, she'd offer more.
Sure enough, a few paces down the hall, Elisabeth sighed, pausing, and pulling her arm from mine to face me. “I’m worried, Illiana. I’ve never witnessed anything like this before. In all my training and years of experience, I’ve never encountered a sickness which doesn’t respond to my treatments. I’m trying everything I can think of, and nothing is working. I’m unsure what else to do. It’s why I’ve missed our last few weekly tea sessions. I’m so sorry.”
I threw my arms around Elisabeth in another hug, engulfing myself in her calming lavender scent. “I know you will figure it out. You are the smartest person I have ever met. You fix everything.” I drew away, searching for any sign of reassurance.
But there was none.
Instead, I noticed wrinkles I hadn’t observed before, lining her eyes and face.
I leaned my forehead down, resting it against hers. “And regardless of what happens, I know you give all those you heal more than anyone else could.” My lip quivered at the thought. Her failing meant my father would die. I refused to confront that reality.
Elisabeth offered a grim smile, and in a few strides, began rifling through the pockets of her apron. “Enough mushy talk now. Ah, here you go.” She handed me a small vial, one I recognized instantly.
A special concoction, a sleeping potion for when my nightmares grew to be too much.
“I meant to give this to you yesterday, but I ran out of time. Let me know when you are running low. Now, I’m off for a bit of a rest before the next time I am summoned.” She left me with a quick squeeze of my hand as she made her way down the hall toward her room.
An all-too-familiar pattern of heavy footsteps behind me caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.
He has no power over you now, I told myself, aware of what I’d see when I turned.
Still, I pressed my shoulders back, lifting my chin as I slowly swiveled to face the arrogant man who enjoyed telling me what to do.
“Princess Illiana.” The sound of my name oozing from his tongue made me think vile thoughts. Like how I’d like to cut it out. “You are needed in the king’s private dining room.” Andras’s eyes glimmered. “Immediately.”
The king straightened in his chair and cleared his throat, his gaze darting between me and my mother. The three of us sat in uncomfortable silence, much more properly than we usually did, in the sitting area to the right of the formal dining room.
At this rate, the tea would grow cold on the table before anyone spoke.
“Illiana, your mother and I have some concerns we need to discuss. Originally, I’d thought things could wait a bit longer, but it seems prudent to move forward sooner.” He coughed, reaching for a napkin and holding it to his mouth for a moment before continuing. “As you are aware, you’ll soon be twenty-three years of age.”
Warning bells sounded in my mind. The tension didn’t make sense for a birthday party discussion.
“I’m sure you have noticed I have not been feeling myself recently. According to the laws of Brookmere, if you do not have a husband, then you cannot ascend the throne should something happen to me.” My father lifted his chin, preparing to issue one of his decrees.
“Which means, we cannot delay any longer, Illiana. The time has come. You must secure a husband.”
Dread coiled in my gut, crawling along my skin, as my heart plunged to the ground. Marriage had never been discussed, and I certainly had no prospects making themselves known.
I opened my mouth to speak, but my father held up his hand to stop me. “I know what you will say, and although it breaks my heart, for the good of the kingdom, I cannot allow you to wait for a love match who may never appear. We have all dreamt you’d find love,” he said, “of course we have, but we must focus instead on guaranteeing the kingdom’s security. To ensure you are safe and prepared to rule, come what may. You will find a husband, and you will find him now.”
I glanced at my mother hoping to find support, but she only stared at me. Her eyes glistened with pain, but she rested her hand atop the king’s, demonstrating her agreement with this ridiculous idea I marry immediately. Sympathy, pity, or pain, it didn’t matter what she felt. Clearly, I had no ally in her.
“And how am I to find a husband? Shall I skip down the street, for which I am forbidden to walk alone and inquire of volunteers? Any man who may have had an interest had most certainly been scared off with dearest Ruppert by my side. And now with Ian? I am more likely to attract all the eligible women of Ellevail, before any eligible bachelor.” I knew my attitude would get me nowhere, but it seemed like the only thing keeping me grounded while I drowned.
“Nonsense.” He scoffed. “We have long thought the prophecy surrounding you referenced an old tradition of our people. With the circumstances as they are, it seems even more obvious.”
I blinked rapidly, attempting to process the words he said as he spoke. The prophecy. Of course this had something to do with Fate’s dreadful prophecy.
“It has been many, many centuries since the games were held,” he continued. “It will not only aid us in finding a worthy suitor but will be a joyous event to offer our people. I’ve made the announcement across the kingdom as of this morning. The marriage trials have been enacted. The announcement of suitors will begin at a ball next week.”
My heart sank farther than I could ever imagine.
“Marriage trials?” I gaped, open-mouthed, at my father. “A competition? For my hand?”
My father nodded. “We thought it might be better than an arranged marriage so we could find someone with strong magic, someone who is loyal and fair. A Fae who has the strength necessary to protect our kingdom.”
“Because you believe my strength is so lacking ,” I said, sarcasm dripping from my already-raised voice. I swallowed, realizing I had not come to terms with what my parents had allowed to happen to me when they so desperately agreed to the horrific methods of drawing out my magic. The fury for my younger self collided with the anger at being forced into an unwanted marriage. My jaw hurt from how hard I clenched as I snarled through my teeth. “And what happens when the winner of these games realizes he’s married a queen with no magic?”
“His magic will have to be enough for both of you,” my father said. My mother gave him a knowing look, which he tried his best to ignore.
His decision had been made, thought out, and put into motion before he told me, planned so I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
“It’s safe for people to travel here, even though it’s unsafe for me to leave the city walls. Don’t think I’m unaware something is happening to our kingdom, and you refuse to tell me. I shall rule this land one day, and yet I am left in the dark about the troubles we face,” I hissed.
“Illiana,” my father said, his voice hard, unyielding. I’d reached the point where his tolerance ended. Even my mother sat a little straighter. “This is for our kingdom. This is worth the risk as it will guarantee we have a King and Queen in place for whatever may come.”
“I know you dream of love, darling,” my mother said from across the table. She successfully spun the conversation from the discussion of what plagued our kingdom. “But your father and I had an arranged marriage and look how incredible it turned out to be. It took several years, but we have fallen into a deep, understanding love we both treasure.”
I swallowed the scream trying to burst free from my throat. Slowly, I rose from the chair. “If you’ll excuse me,” I said, unwilling to meet my father’s eyes.
“Illiana.” The king’s voice stopped me as I reached the door. “Take heart, my love. This will draw in all kinds of men, and we will be able to discern if they are honorable ahead of time. You will have the choice from the top three contenders after the last trial. This ensures you will not be left with the dregs of this kingdom.”
“The dregs? I am the dregs, Father. The Fates decided I am unworthy of magic, or even a love of my choosing.” I scoffed, pivoting to face my parents. “It matters little what I say in response. The decision has been made for me.”
“The trials begin in a week!” the king shouted as I shut the doors behind me, not even bothering to bow or offer my goodbyes.
A fierce coughing fit sounded from behind the doors as soon as I closed them.
The queen shouted orders to those nearest her. “Get Elisabeth at once. Between last night and this day, the potions are not working,” she said. “Move!”
I rubbed my tightened chest, trying to relieve the pain from the thought of losing him.
He would heal from whatever ailed him. He had always been the strongest in our land, and alongside Elisabeth’s healing abilities, not much could bring down Fae in the castle. Nothing anyone knew of at least. He’d be okay.
He’d be okay.
As I repeated the sentiment, blindly moving through the halls, my mind wandered back to the two of them. They were a source of power for each other, and not the magical kind. The kind of power where one could step in when the other felt weaker. The kind of power stemming from respect and true love.
I’d never experienced anything at all remotely close to such a fierce, protective love, at least not in the romantic sense. I hadn’t even been in love before. Being stuck inside the palace grounds made having a dating life difficult.
There were plenty of awkward kisses with boys, but given my position, and who I pretended to be in the shadows, I could count on one hand how many had ventured past groping me atop my clothing and getting more of me.
But love? Love was a concept I couldn’t explore as freely as I wished. Too many people wanted to use me for my title. Use me for my parents' riches. Use me for the glory of living in the castle, or worse, simply to say they bedded the princess.
Love wouldn’t matter anymore now, no matter how desperately I craved it one day. My marriage would simply be to the victor of the trials. It would be forced, likely to a brute, who cared nothing of my wishes or desires.
I paused at one of the beautiful gold-framed glass windows. The knowledge of losing this choice left me aching for a life unconfined by walls and guards and the pageantry of the Royal Court.
My mind filled with all the desires I had never voiced as I continued down the endless halls and out of the side entrance, near the kitchen. Down the steep hill, I headed toward the training grounds, not even realizing where my feet lead me. Perhaps my soul knew a bit of swordplay would help clear my mind.
With all the freedoms taken from me, I needed to be somewhere which reminded me my lack of magic didn't leave me without options to protect myself.