Chapter 18
D rip.
Water leaked through two stones in the upper right-hand corner of the dark dungeon, deep below the palace floors.
I noticed it after a year of coming here. It never changed.
Drip.
Slow. Steady. The water continued, constant. Sometimes, if I could remember to look for it, I’d know if the visions in the room were real or simply images I was made to believe.
Only sometimes, though.
Drip.
“Illiana.” His voice cooed in a mocking, taunting sort of way.
He knelt in front of me, tugging my head back by my hair so I was forced to stare into his eyes, lip twitching, hate spewing from his every pore.
I wanted to be brave. I wanted it to stop. I would be seventeen tomorrow. My “sessions” hadn’t stopped for five years.
Five long years.
The joy and exhilaration he achieved from what he did to me, how he tortured me, never faded, never faltered.
His eyes haunted my dreams. The way they seemed black, as if there was nothing inside of him but empty, cruel nothingness.
This man, who somehow hid his darkness around all others, even my mother and father.
Trusted. Honored. Revered by the Court.
Andras Braumlyn.
Royal Adviser.
I hated him.
Betrayer. Liar.
“Illiana, you must understand a queen with no magic is worthless. Give in to me. I am the only one who can help make you strong.”
He tugged harder when I didn’t respond. Our faces were so close, the stench of his breath inescapable.
“Your father is counting on me to fix you. He’s too disgusted to do it himself.” He threw me down. My body lay prone on the dirt-covered stone floor of this torture chamber. Pushing myself up on my elbows, I turned.
“That’s a lie!”
No, no. Ian was here. No.
“You’ll speak when I want you to,” Andras shouted, and a thud sounded like he’d kicked at something.
“Ian,” I whimpered.
“It’s okay, Lan. You’re okay.”
I heard his voice, but when I looked up, he was too far away. Andras could do anything to him, and I’d never reach him in time.
Although he’d tormented me with visions of hurting Ian, my body trembled uncontrollably. Something had snapped and Andras had him here. Really here this time, not the illusion which he normally subjected me to.
“Is it real?” I whispered.
I waited for the code phrase we kept secret. The phrase we came up with when I couldn’t overcome the fear and panic.
“Real as roses,” Ian whispered softly as tears fell down my face.
I didn’t want it to be real.
“Quiet, both of you,” Andras snapped. “Illiana.”
A ring of blue fire quickly formed a circle around Ian.
“Stop it!” I shouted.
“Use your magic to snuff out the flames, or Ian will burn, badly. Perhaps even die.” Andras chuckled. “It would be tragic, but he’s just a guard’s offspring. He’s replaceable.”
“Ian!” I screamed, tears streaming down my face as I crawled toward the growing flames. “I don’t have magic. I don’t have magic. I can’t make it stop.”
“It’s okay, Lan.”
Even staring death in the face, Ian didn’t seem afraid. He never looked away while I sobbed. I held my hands to the fire, screaming, pleading with nature desperately, turning vile as help remained elusive.
Ian didn’t even hiss when the fire started climbing higher and began moving inward and reached his legs.
“Weak. Pathetic.”
Ian sucked in a breath as the fire rose so high it formed a wall between us.
“If you will not do what you’re told, then I will force you to take magic from elsewhere.”
My head snapped to Andras. A dagger rested in his hand, a black substance coating the tip, dripping once onto the floor.
Andras lunged for me, grabbing my neck and straddling my legs as he choked me on the ground.
Ian yelled my name, but it seemed far away. Too far away. He was trapped and so was I.
Andras twisted the blade across my chest slowly. Pure, unadulterated hate radiated from his body, his eyes gleaming in anticipation. “I cannot wait to see the fun we’ll have pulling out your magic when you’re older. Just a few more years.”
I struggled against him harder, but I’d been down here for so long already, my body and mind faltered. Too exhausted to fight like I needed to.
“Ah, ah, ah. This will only hurt for a moment.”
His sneer turned into something so much deadlier. A smile, a wide grin, filled with malicious glee spread across his face. He sliced my lilac nightgown open, across my ribcage and dug deep with the blade against my skin.
The knife bumped over the ridges of three ribs as I screamed, feeling the skin break.
“Tsk.” He made a noise with his tongue. “Deeper.”
He thrust the dagger inside of me. A surge of something attacked me, flowing toward me, but I wouldn’t give in. I couldn’t.
Ian was here with me. I was not alone. Andras Braumlyn wouldn’t defeat me.
“I am Illiana Dresden, and I am stronger than the darkness within me.”
I screamed again as he put more weight against the blade.
Screaming, I shot up from the bed.
My body shook as hard as it had that night. Trembling, terror coursed through me.
Sweat drenched my bed linens, dripping down my arms, my forehead. I was alone.
My head snapped back and forth, scanning my room, grasping the sheets in my hands, to ensure it truly had been a nightmare.
I wasn’t there.
Ian was safe.
I wasn’t in that room with Andras.
Tremors overtook my fingers as I pulled my nightgown up and brushed the tips along the jagged, angry-looking scar, which never fully healed, across my ribs.
Never again.
The scar throbbed. Years later, I continued to use a salve on it from Elisabeth, but the pain seemed stronger today.
I rose from the bed, wincing as the pain threatened to bring me to my knees.
Elisabeth would help. She’d have something.
Stumbling, I shielded my eyes from the brightness in the room as the sun streamed through my light-emerald curtains.
Suddenly, my door flew open.
Ian ran in with Kalliah on his heels.
I tripped moving toward him, and he wrapped me in his arms.
“I’m so sorry it took me so long, Lana,” Kalliah said. “You wouldn’t wake, and I had to find Ian’s new chambers.”
I nodded, holding out my hand and she took it. I squeezed hard in thanks, not trusting my voice would work properly now.
“You’re safe, Lan. You’re safe. It was a dream.” Ian held me, brushing my hair away from my face.
We stood there, together, like we had many times before. When the last remnants of horror shook from my body, I looked up.
“My scar hurts. I need to see Elisabeth,” I said, my throat raw from screaming. “Is it too early?”
Ian shook his head. “No, no, it’s before breakfast, but you know she’ll always see you.”
Kalliah walked away, only to return with a thick, velvet, rose-colored robe, one I could move about on the top levels of the palace freely and not be deemed inappropriate.
I slipped into it, clutching it around me. The sweat had stopped, and my body shivered as it returned to a stable state.
“I’ll take her,” Ian said. “Thank you.”
Kalliah hugged me. “I’ll be here to get you ready for the day when you return. I’ll make sure I get some dandelion tea from Perdot, too.”
I smiled at her as we exited my chambers.
Elisabeth’s room wasn’t too far, thankfully. It had made it easy all the years she healed me from my Hidden Henchman work.
“What was it this time?” Ian whispered.
“The last time.”
Ian stiffened, gently leading me down the hall. When the nightmares escalated to such a degree, he knew relief wouldn’t come easy.
We moved in silence, Ian rubbing my arms every few minutes until we were in front of Elisabeth’s door.
I grabbed his forearm, remembering I hadn’t updated him on Frederich’s comments from the previous night. “Before I forget, we need to look into Frederich’s town, Starhaven. He claims they’re unaffected by things happening at the border for some reason, even though they’ve been battling it the longest.”
“What?” Ian seemed surprised by the statement.
“I think if we were to get answers it might be a place to start.”
“I need you to think about you right now, Lan.” He knocked on Elisabeth’s door. “Save the rest for when you’re feeling better.”
“Too much is happening too quickly.”
“I know. Still, try to feel better before planning out more missions, yes?” He poked at my side as Elisabeth opened the door.
She took one look at me and dragged me into her room.
“See you after teatime,” Ian said.
Elisabeth didn’t ask a single question. She hurried around her room, pulling out one of the tattered chairs for me at the small table near the fireplace. I’d spent so much of my life at this table talking to her, the familiarity had me settled before I even had to explain why I was here.
“I’m sorry to bother you so early,” I said.
“Hush now this instant. What happened, sweet girl? What is it?” She sat beside me, taking my hands in hers.
“My scar is hurting despite the salve. I was hoping I could ask for more, and perhaps something stronger for the pain today.” I rubbed my hands together anxiously. I hated admitting I couldn’t handle the pain.
Elisabeth’s eyes hardened. “Of course. Of course, I have just the thing.”
She rose, moving to the cupboards stacked upon cupboards, filled with all of her supplies. She pulled out a few items and a mixing bowl, and I immediately recognized the salve ingredients. Once combined, she let it sit and reached up toward the middle of the cupboards, removing a small vial. Its brown container held a black stopper on top, which she removed, then tapped twice before dipping into its contents.
She walked back to me. “Head back, tongue out.”
I obeyed and she released three droplets of the liquid on my tongue. It had a tart flavor and I reacted as I would if I’d sucked on a lemon.
“That’s for the pain.”
Absentmindedly, I massaged my ribs through my robe.
Elisabeth busied herself, putting the ingredients away and warming her black kettle over the small fire blazing in her hearth. Elisabeth had a fire burning every morning, even deep in the summer months. It was another constant in my life that soothed my soul.
She let me sit, observing in silence. Inside the walls of Elisabeth’s room seemed more like home than almost any other place inside the massive palace.
I smiled watching her work, remembering sitting in the chair as a child doing the exact same thing.
“Did you think when I pestered you as a young Fae, with a million questions about healing, you’d be watching the marriage trials play out years later?” I asked.
She snorted. “I didn’t think you’d ever get married. At least not until some ruggedly handsome man came riding through the gates on a white steed, claiming to be your mate.”
I laughed at the thought. If only love were so easy. Ian had been right about one thing—mates were myths, legends, and wishing my life away for mine was pointless. As sacred as the blessing would be.
“I suppose I always did hold onto silly notions of love.”
Elisabeth stood before me, brushing back my wild, morning hair. “I never said that, child.” She frowned, jumping when the kettle whistled.
Fussing with teacups and sugar, she finally returned and sat down across from me. “Love is a gift, whether it’s a true love match, or a love grown from respect. Love blossoming from friendship is written of nearly as much as the romantic notion of true love, or even the myth of mates.”
“I’m guessing it means you’re rooting for Ian in the trials.” I eyed her over the gold rim of my rose teacup.
Elisabeth chuckled. “I haven’t seen enough of the rest of them to make any sort of informed decision. But.” She paused slightly. “You and Ian have loved each other through circumstances no children should have faced. There is nothing stronger than the kind of bond you share. Whether he wins and your friendship develops into romantic love or not, you know no matter what, he will always be by your side. His winning wouldn't be the most devastating outcome.”
“You sound just like him, you know. But what of his sacrifice? What of him finding his own love?”
“If he’s decided this is what he wants, let him do it. It’s not your choice, it’s his. Who are you to say how or whom someone shall love?”
I fidgeted in my chair. I’d never even considered him entering. He’d made his decision on his own. His choice. “I don’t like how logical you two are.”
She laughed again. “You never did. Now, onto more serious matters. You’re not sleeping well.”
I could hide what happened from her, but it wouldn’t help in the long run. “The draught isn’t working as well. For some reason, the nightmares have been worse and more frequent these past few weeks.”
She pursed her lips. “I can increase the dose of some of the ingredients, but it would leave you vulnerable in your sleep. Meaning, it would be harder to wake you should something happen. With Ian not by your side, I’m not sure now is the time to take the chance. Especially with so many rakes running about.”
I spat out my tea, laughing. “Rakes.”
She made a humming sound. “I’ve seen how some of them eye you.”
“I’ll be sure to keep them in line,” I said.
We were interrupted by a knock at her door. Elisabeth answered and spoke in hushed tones.
“I hate to cut this short, my sweet, but your father is asking for me.”
My expression grew somber. I nodded once. “Go, I’ll clean up here.”
She took my teacup from my hands. “I have to warm some herbs. I have time.” She grabbed my arm, and tugged me down toward her, placing a kiss on my cheek. “Everything that’s meant to be, will be. Trust in your fate, my sweet child.”
Telling her it was the absolute last thing I trusted wouldn’t do anyone any good, so I simply nodded.
“I’ll bring the salve, and some pain drops to Kalliah later.”
“Thank you,” I said before I walked out, feeling better than I had this morning by far.
I retied my robe and ran my fingers through my unkempt hair. Kalliah would have a huge task, transforming this mangled mess into some kind of decency for the day.
I smiled, rounding the corner of the hallway before the royal library, and stopped.
Toward the end, on one of the alcove benches lining the windows, sat Kade.
His hair fell forward into his face, but he hadn’t removed it. Instead, he sat perched, unmoving, except for his gaze, which shifted back and forth, scanning a book resting on his lap.
Of course he sat perched there, flawless as a statue, while I looked like I’d lost three rounds against a razorven. Swallowing down the obnoxious amount of desire growing in my gut at the sight of a sexy man reading, I cleared my throat to announce myself.
“I wouldn’t have guessed you were a reader,” I said.
He didn’t even bother looking up from his book. “How else does one learn all there is to know?”
The last time I saw Kade, his tongue was down my throat, and now he couldn’t be bothered to look up and acknowledge my presence.
I moved closer and tilted my head to the side, taking in the title. “The Forgotten Kingdom?” I asked before releasing a laugh.
That seemed to get his attention. His gaze scanned over me, the heat of it caressing my skin like he could see beneath my robe and straight through my nightgown. “You know it?”
“I read it as a teen,” I answered, my voice thicker than it had been a moment ago. Books were what I’d used to escape from everything, especially from what happened with Andras. They’d saved me almost as much as Ian had. “It’s not a bad fairytale.”
“Mmm,” Kade said. “They say all fairytales and folklore are based on a bit of fact.”
“Oh? So, you believe there’s an evil sorcerer trapped between this world and a forgotten kingdom, not a soul can see, or remember, do you?” I teased, daring to take another step toward him.
Kade flicked the book closed, tossing it on the seat cushions in front of him before rising from the alcove. He closed the distance between us as his shadows pooled at our feet, slinking their way up my body. “You look like you want something from me, Little Rebel. Another kiss perhaps?”
“You wish. I was merely on a walk.”
“In your robe. Rebel suits you in more ways than one if this is the case,” he said. He raised his hand, running a finger quickly over the knot I’d tied in the belt before dropping it back down to his side.
“You need to be careful with your ‘little’ play on words. I know I haven’t said it yet, but I’m hoping you can keep certain things to yourself. My extracurricular activities are no one's business but my own.”
“Which ones?” he whispered, his shadows jumped excitedly, quickening my heartbeat, as one stretched up and played with the bottom of my mangled hair. “The ones involving supplies, or my lips on yours?”
I shoved at his chest and waved his shadows away. “You know what I mean.”
His lips curved upward in a devilishly handsome grin. “What if I need a bargaining chip? I could use the Hidden?—”
I covered his mouth. “Not here.”
Startling myself, I jumped back slightly, desire shooting through every part of my body the moment my hands pressed to his lips. The cool spring morning couldn’t compare with him so near, warming me from the inside out, his shadows moving closer once more.
“Seems like it’s good information to have. I could call in a favor, say winning one of the trials. Preferably the last one.” He winked.
I wanted to enjoy the light tone he used, but something slithered beneath my skin— dread. He’d been clear he wanted the crown. What if getting close to me was the way he planned to get it and then use my secrets as leverage on top of my lust.
“Blackmailing me?” I asked, livid. “You’re despicable.”
“I never claimed to be anything but.” He left his book behind as if it didn’t even matter and shifted around me, sidestepping my body. “See you soon, I’m sure.”
I watched him retreat, his shadows trailing behind him. I pushed the chasm of hurt and swirl of emotions back into the box hiding all my unwanted emotions. I didn’t have time to feel hurt by a man I couldn’t figure out.
It had only been a kiss. Thankfully .
But now? I refused to let it be anything more. Kade Blackthorn might be utterly irresistible, but danger oozed from his very being. With my secrets in his back pocket, I’d do well to not give him anything else to use to his advantage.
Like my damned heart.