Chapter 32
N ature seemed to be extremely blessed from the festival since it rained for two days straight.
Not a light summer drizzle, but the kind of relentless rain, which made it impossible to do anything. The kind of rain, which was wonderful for the first day, to curl up and read, but by the second day, drained the happiness from you.
It didn’t rain like this often in Ellevail, but when it did, all one could do was wait out the storm. The growing season had officially begun.
With all of the unknowns about who to trust in the palace, Ian had sequestered me to my room until the final trial began to keep me safe. The order drove us absolutely mad, and Kalliah and I were more than a little stir crazy.
Two days wasn’t much in the long run, but it seemed like an eternity. Especially when the people you cared for were busy hunting down the evil infecting our land, while you were forced to sit idly by and do nothing.
One positive thing did come from being sequestered from everyone, and everything. It had given me some time away to work through the emotions overwhelming my mind. Soon I would have to make a decision, which would change the course of my life and all of Brookmere. Even being away from Ian had helped put things into perspective. While I missed him, after seeing him almost every day for years, I craved Kade more.
It didn’t make sense, but I missed him, and his damned shadows.
However, there was still something I just quite didn't trust about him. There were so many unknowns about him, and I had a hard time reconciling how then my heart could be so attached.
Yet, my body longed for him in a way I couldn’t understand. It felt almost torturous to be apart from him, anxious energy shifting inside of me in a way I couldn't comprehend.
But should I take such an enormous chance on a strange emotion? What would he say if he knew I didn't have magic? He came here for a crown. I believed that, and if I believed what he said the night of the festival, he came for a queen as well. But what would he think of a queen who couldn’t be his equal, especially in power and magic? He may believe I was born to rule, but how would I keep this ruse up once I ascended the throne. It was all too much to think about.
These were the marriage trials. My choice had to be the best one for my people, since it was, well, forever. There would be no second chances.
Kalliah sighed loudly from the chaise in front of the window, reminding me of her presence. Flopping her arm from her chest to hang off the side, she groaned loudly. The rain had stopped, and a sliver of moonlight peaked through the clouds, illuminating her face as she sat up.
“All right. I’m going to call it for the night. I fear if I stare at the Forgotten Kingdom for one more moment, I am going to become forgotten myself. We have a big day tomorrow.”
I swallowed. A big day was putting it mildly.
“I’ll be by in the morning with breakfast. Hopefully tomorrow the sun will be shining, and we can at least go outside. Otherwise, I’m not sure where they’ll hold the trial.”
I quickly jumped up from my chair and gave her a long hug before she left. “Thank you for keeping me company these last few days. Fates know I would be lost without you.”
Pulling away, she smiled at me. “And I would be lost without you, too, my friend. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night, Kalliah.”
She picked up our dirty dishes from dinner as she exited, securing my chamber door behind her.
I settled onto the chaise Kalliah had left and stared out of the window for a few moments more, knowing I needed to get ready for bed soon, too. These next few days were going to be long, and I needed to get some rest while I still could.
Rest seemed impossible, though, since my mind wouldn’t cooperate and settle. Perhaps a bath would relax me before trying to sleep. I still had some of the calming salts Kalliah had gifted me on my last birthday. They always seemed to help.
I changed out of my clothes, pulling on my heavenly, silk-lined robe, not bothering to tie the sides as I moved toward my bathing chamber. A quick knock rattled my chamber doors, and I folded the sides of the robe to cover myself. Kalliah must have forgotten something. I sauntered over to the door to open it for her.
But it wasn’t Kalliah waiting there.
It was Kade.
“May I come in?” he asked.
I blinked twice, shocked to find him at my chamber door instead of the balcony.
He glanced sideways at the empty post Ruppert should have been occupying and shifted on his feet. Was he nervous?
Nodding, I shooed him into the room and peeked down the hall. Ruppert appeared, and I jerked my head back. He must have been returning from his hourly rounds. I quickly shut the door behind Kade.
“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” I made sure my robe was tightly secured around me if we got interrupted. “Do you have news about the darkness?” I whispered, not wanting to be too loud.
Kade stared at me, his brow furrowed.
“Are you worried Ruppert will hear?” I asked. When he didn’t answer, I grabbed his hand and led him to my bedroom, shutting the door to get more distance between us and the hallway.
He finally snapped out of his trance and grabbed my hand to pull me to the edge of my bed, while he sat, keeping me standing before him. We were fairly far away from the door, not as if it would have any effect on the Fae hearing Ruppert possessed. Perhaps Kade’s shadows could cloak our voices as well as our bodies.
“I think I’m losing my mind,” he whispered, pulling me close to his chest.
My body unconsciously relaxed, molding to his as best I could, even if my mind still panicked.
“I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s as if my shadows need you just as much as I—” He cleared his throat and then sighed, running a hand over the back of his neck. “As much as I need you.”
He wrapped his hands around my waist, and I leaned back to stare into his grey eyes.
Kade needed me? Perhaps he did have stronger feelings for me than I thought. Maybe he initially came here for the crown, but perhaps he could be here for me , too. I didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t look away.
“With the final trial being tomorrow, I had to see you and know what you were thinking. I had to know if you felt what I do. These trials have been more deadly than I anticipated, and if something were to happen.” He paused, his throat bobbing as he collected his thoughts. “I-I wanted to spend one last night with you if this is all the time the Fates will allow.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “If I’m not what you want, right now, or tomorrow, then I accept that as well. I just needed to see you to know.”
While I wasn’t certain if I was ready to make a decision about my future, I was more than ready to have my fill of Kade Blackthorn again.
Fates knew I’d been consumed with thinking about him, too.
I smiled as I leaned in closer to whisper in his ear, “Take off your clothes.”
His expression shifted into a sultry smile immediately upon hearing my words. “So bossy.”
He slowly removed his black tunic, the muscles of his arms bulged as he threw it to the floor. I’d lick all over his beautiful tattoo tonight if I had my way.
Painstakingly slow, he began to remove his pants. I bit my lip, watching him watching me, his eyes darkening slightly. It was impossible to miss how hard his cock was as it sprung free.
Not wanting to wait a moment more, I relieved myself of my own clothes, throwing them haphazardly on the floor.
“On your back,” I ordered.
Kade smirked. “As Your Highness commands it.” He moved across my bed, obeying, and lying on his back.
His shadows seeped from his body, surrounding the bed. “We don’t need ole stick in the pants out there knowing about your, how shall we say this? Nightly activities.”
So, his shadows could block out sounds… interesting.
I couldn't take my eyes off of him, this man who had captured my attention from the first time I laid eyes on him. To appreciate how breathtaking he looked, waiting for me. Wanting me.
No fear. I’d have no fear. Not tonight.
He sucked in a sharp breath when I finally made my move, crawling up the bed toward him. I reached out, running my palm over his rigid and incredible cock before I lowered my mouth onto him. Fates, he was so hard and wanting.
I allowed myself a few moments to pump him inside of my mouth, my hands cupping his balls gently, massaging. He moaned already, even though we’d only just gotten started.
For the first time in my life, I felt like an equal. It didn’t matter if I had magic or not.
“Fates, your mouth is everything, Little Rebel.” His groan, this time more drawn out, his hips moving as I worked him in and out of my mouth. He gripped my hair. “I will not last much longer if you keep this up, and my plans for you involved more than spilling down your throat during the first minute of our time together.”
It was all he needed to say before I made my next move. I wanted to be bold, to try everything I’d always wanted and hadn’t been able. I sat backward on his chest, peering over my shoulder once before I lowered myself on his length. I wanted to ride him, to take all of him, but he was so big. I slid down slowly. Painfully slow. Allowing myself to adjust to him as he slid inside of me.
His hands roamed over me and down to my ass, grabbing it as much as he could. “You are a perfect, stunning creation.”
He finally slid all the way in, and I paused, feeling how full and perfect we fit together. Then, I rode him. I moved on top of him, hard, bringing my hands up to massage my breasts. I lost grip of reality, simply existing in a place of needing and wanting more. More of him. More of this. Harder and harder.
Kade shifted, propping himself up on a forearm, not letting me move all the way off of him as he pulled my hips down, my back toward his chest. I hadn’t experienced this angle before. Tits and daggers, it was so damned good.
I’d rarely been vocal before, but with Kade, I couldn’t stop the sounds spilling from my mouth.
He brought my hand to my core.
“Show me how you like it,” he said into my ear. “I want to see you make yourself come with me inside you.”
Oh, fates. If it wasn't the hottest thing anyone had ever said to me.
I obeyed him gladly, rubbing myself in time with his thrusts. Small, slow circles around my clit, as he continued to grind his cock inside of me. He grabbed my breasts and played with my nipples. Shadows swirled around us, gliding over me more urgently.
I moved faster. Faster. Kade met my every pace. My legs shook, trembling along with my body, aching for release.
Kade gave my ear a playful nip. “That’s it, Lana. More.”
I continued, moaning as the pressure built to a high I thought would destroy me.
“Harder,” I commanded, unable to catch my breath.
“Let go for me. Show me you’re mine and let go.” Kade’s words triggered my release. I exploded around him.
“Fates, yes,” he moaned, holding me tightly while he let me ride out my pleasure. His cock pulsated inside of me as my own throbbing began to ease. He didn’t chase his own release, though, not yet.
He pushed my body up once I caught my breath, leaning forward, and I gripped his thighs.
“Kade,” I hissed as he ran a strong hand down my spine. I would finish what I started now and bring him his own explosion of pleasure. I needed it as much as I’d needed my own.
I rode this beautiful man for a few minutes more. My head tipped back in pleasure as the fullness inside overwhelmed me.
As Kade found his release, his hands tightened on my ass. “Lana,” he cried my name like a prayer.
There would be a bruise. A bruise, for once, I would want to remember. A bruise I wouldn't want someone to heal.
As our breaths evened out, I slowly eased myself off of him, turning so I could see his face once more.
We laid together in silence for a long time, just basking in the sense of calm surrounding us. Some of his shadows rested on my body, while others whipped around us, cascading through the air.
He nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck, pulling me closer to him. He began pressing sweet kisses along my bare skin and gently caressing my ribs. He didn’t stop when he reached my scar, instead, running his fingers along the raised flesh as if he could heal it somehow.
That damned scar left from Andras.
Suddenly, I knew it was now or never. I had to tell Kade everything. I needed to. Regardless of how much I didn’t want to lose this moment.
“Kade,” I whispered, steeling my nerves. “I have to tell you something.” My heartbeat quickened and threatened to catapult from my chest. I was about to reveal more of myself than even my father knew. The only person who really knew everything was Ian. This man would hold the broken pieces of my life, and I hoped he didn’t break them even more.
I sat up and took his hands, biting my lip, so nervous to say these next few words. I hadn’t ever told another soul my secret. Ian had been there. It was how he knew. But to speak of what happened, it would take everything.
“Before tomorrow’s trial, I need you to know something.” I paused as he nodded for me to continue. With a deep breath, I let go, “I have no magic.”
Kade’s brow furrowed. When I didn’t continue right away, his eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak. I held up my hand to stop him. If I didn’t keep going, I might not be able to get through this conversation. I bit my lower lip, steeling my nerves to continue.
“And this scar?” I ran my fingers over my side. “It’s from Andras.” My voice quivered, but I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. I refused to give him this power anymore. I wanted to let it go. “I was tortured for years by Andras under the guise of him trying to coax my magic out of me.”
Kade’s jaw clenched, his shadows rushing out of him and darkening the room. His eyes shifted from the alluring grey, to black, as I’d witnessed a handful of times before.
“He’d take me to the dungeons, this horrible corner dripping with water, as though no one cared that this part of our castle decayed beneath us. Sometimes he’d hit me. Leave me hungry for days. Sometimes…” I swallowed the lump in my throat. My eyes grew misty, but even if I spilled tears, I’d continue on. “Ian told his father, but before he could do anything, his father died suddenly. We both think it was Andras.
“Once his father passed, he’d bring Ian down and hurt him in front of me. Other times, he made me believe Ian was dead because of me. He sent me visions and made me believe what I was seeing was real when it wasn’t. I lost myself so many times.”
Kade reached for me, but I pulled away. His touch would stop me from talking. I needed to finish.
I’d never bared my soul like this. To tell of the torture Andras had inflicted upon me, and Ian. The years of pain and anguish we were forced to endure. I could feel the anger radiating from Kade’s body as his shadows collided and smashed into each other around us. Tears began to drip down my face.
“One night, he made me believe Ian was burning alive. I could hear Ian shouting, trying to reach me to tell me it wasn’t real, but I couldn’t hold onto it. When I fought back, Andras took this dagger, which had something around it and stabbed into my side. He lost control of himself, and when he came to, he left us there, free to go. Ian carried me to Elisabeth, and she helped us. He never took me again. He’s made my life a living hell but has not physically tortured me since that night.”
My lip quivered but I finally let out a long breath. Kade held my gaze, blackness in his eyes and all. He shifted, moving slowly, stretching out his hand. This time, I let him touch me, and as soon as I didn’t fight it, he grabbed me, pulling me toward him into a hug.
A long hug. I sobbed against his chest as he stroked my hair, not rushing me or asking anything while I mourned what happened all over again. His heartbeat steadied, and eventually, its rhythm allowed me to breathe again. It allowed me to compose myself once more, sitting up slightly and wiping away the last of my tears.
Kade’s eyes had faded back to their beautiful grey as he stroked my cheek with the back of his knuckles. “How was he allowed to be near you?” he asked, now I had gathered my strength again. “How is he allowed to be a Royal Adviser?”
“Andras has some sort of influence over my parents that I don’t understand,” I answered, rubbing at the lessening ache in my chest, finally relieved of the pressure of carrying such secrets for so long.
“I swear, the next time I see him, he’s dead.”
I shook my head. “Kade, no. He can’t know you know.”
He frowned and stared at me, trying to make peace with the fact he couldn't just murder the Royal Adviser of Brookmere. “He needs to be punished, Little Rebel. Besides it being treason, he hurt you. He’s tried to manipulate you, even though he’s clearly failed, seeing the woman you’ve become.”
“I worry about him doing something to Ian,” I said. “I can’t worry for you, too.”
“As I promised you in the bath,” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead, “when you’re ready, revenge will be yours.”
He took my hands, and the weight of everything lessened. He hadn’t run out on me, and still sat here talking it over with me. Perhaps this would be okay.
“As for no magic? I’ve seen you—” He paused, realizing he had never seen me do anything. He shifted but didn’t let go of me. “That’s why you couldn’t heal yourself when you got stabbed.” He frowned, likely going through memories of our time together as if I may not be telling the truth.
Finally, he shook his head. “I’ve never heard of any Fae being born without some kind of magic, let alone the heir to the royal throne.”
Tears pooled in my eyes. This time from fear. I didn’t want to be wrong about trusting him. “You have to promise you will not tell anyone. No one can know. We have worked so hard and so long to keep this secret, and I can’t have anyone finding out now. Not when my father is so sick. I know this might make you feel differently about me and what you thought you were getting yourself into. These marriage trials are for just that—marriage. Not a date or two with a princess. This is forever. These trials are for the crown, to be King of Brookmere. I didn’t want to lie to you, in case you decided a magicless queen isn’t what you were looking for.”
My head hung low as I tried to control my breathing, growing more rapid by the moment. Panic at what he might say, what he might do, overtook my body.
Kade took my chin in his hand, tilting it up to face him. He leaned in and kissed me. Softly at first, but it grew into a fiery, breathy mess of want and need. Our tongues crashed together as my hands gripped the back of his hair.
Kade drew away and pressed his forehead against mine, pulling me onto his lap, as I wrapped my legs around him. Thankfully, we still had a sheet between us, or with one small motion, he would have been inside of me once more, and we wouldn’t ever finish this conversation.
“So, all this time, all of those fights and battles, you do all of that without magic?”
“I’m not weak,” I said sternly.
Kade chuckled at the audacity of my words. “Weak? Lana, you are a force. You are a damned brilliant fighter, a rebel with a heart of gold, who puts her kingdom before herself. You are filled with vengeance for those who have been wronged and are sexy as hell while doing it. Fates, Illiana.” Pushing a fallen strand of hair behind my ear, he seemed like he wanted to say more, but stopped himself.
His gaze moved to my lips. “Whatever comes, you are the most unexpected and beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. I crave you constantly. I need you constantly. I want to be selfish with your time. I don’t want you anywhere near the other contenders. Yes, it includes Ian, even if I know you are only friends.”
He kissed my forehead and held me close. “I’ve never been selfish with anything in my life, and I find myself wanting to be with you.”
It wasn’t a promise of love, or devotion, or even an indication of what he would do tomorrow. If he’d fight to win. My heart tightened in anticipation.
What did that mean?
I crawled out of his lap and reached for my nightgown, which had been hidden under a pillow, pulling it over my head. We lay on my bed, and he rubbed my back, soothing the anxiety riddling my body, his shadows still swirling around us.
Those shadows and the warmth of his body provided the safety I had been wanting for so long. The safety I craved. The safety I had lost when Elisabeth was murdered. The safety that not even Ian could provide, even after all of our years of friendship.
A feeling given to me by someone who I barely knew. One I had known for mere weeks.
A stranger who now held my darkest secret and could destroy my life in a moment.
As he rubbed my back, pulling me into his body, I had the thought perhaps he wasn't such a stranger at all anymore.
Perhaps, he was the kind of man I could trust with my heart, and my kingdom.