Chapter 11
When Benji dropped Sierra back at the ranch house at six the next morning, he didn’t try to kiss her or touch her, only climbed out of the truck and walked around the hood to open her door for her. “You gonna be okay?”
‘Yeah.’ Sierra tucked her hands into the pockets of her blazer. ‘Thanks, Benji.’
‘Call me if you need me?’
It wasn’t a statement, issued offhandedly. It was a plea, one that Sierra wasn’t sure how to acknowledge after the night they’d spent together. She wanted to say, ‘Who else would I call?’ but knew that it would have been unfair to Benji. So, she just nodded.
He waited for her to step away from the truck before closing her door.
Nina and Mav were huddled under a blanket on the porch swing, waiting for the sun to rise, their coffee mugs steaming in the crisp morning air. As he walked back around to the driver’s side of the truck, Benji raised one hand in a friendly wave.
But as he drove off, Sierra was glaringly aware that once, not so long ago, he would have followed her in, maybe taken a hot shower with her before joining the family on the porch for coffee. And although Sierra was terrified of giving him false hope, she missed that – missed him. Desperately.
Maverick watched Sierra as she walked up the front steps, her heels in her hands, her clothes dishevelled, and even though she understood that he wasn’t conscious of doing it, he roped one arm around Nina as if he needed to protect her from whatever mood Sierra might be in.
She tried not to let it hurt, tried not to internalize that she had become the person in her family that everyone tiptoed around. ‘Good morning.’
‘Morning,’ Mav returned with a slow nod.
Sierra lowered herself down onto the top step and inhaled deeply. She felt better. She had slept deep and long in Benji’s arms despite the makeshift bed. Even her hangover, although present, wasn’t commensurate with how much booze she had ingested. It was one more thing she’d have to thank him for.
She leaned against the porch rail in silence as she looked out over the ranch and gathered her thoughts.
How did she begin to apologize for her reaction to Mav and Nina’s happy news?
How did she explain to them how her soul had screamed with rage, drowning out the happiness she should have felt?
How did she tell them that happiness hadn’t been in her emotional repertoire for a while now?
But it was only when Nina pushed up off the swing, came and sat beside her, and draped the blanket over both their shoulders, that Sierra whispered, ‘I’m sorry.’ And there wasn’t really anything else to say.
‘Don’t be.’ Nina passed Sierra her mug of coffee. ‘I understand, Si. That’s why I was waiting to tell you; I wasn’t sure how.’
‘There’s no right way,’ Sierra said quietly.
‘No, there isn’t.’
Sierra let her head fall on Nina’s shoulder. ‘I’m so happy for you.’ Because he was listening, she abstractly waved a hand in Mav’s direction. ‘For both of you.’ She sighed. ‘I can’t wait for there to be a new baby in the family.’
When her eyes burned, Sierra refused to let the tears fall. Enough. She had allowed herself her pity party, and now she would celebrate with Mav and Nina.
‘Si …’ Nina hesitated.
‘Say it,’ Sierra whispered. ‘I can handle it.’
‘I know I haven’t lived through what you have, but I’ve been through some stuff too.’
Sierra turned to stare at her. ‘Oh my God, Nina, I know that. I—’ She shook her head.
‘I know that,’ she repeated lamely. Nina had been sexually and physically assaulted.
She had come to Hunt Ranch to recuperate, and had met Maverick, but Sierra still remembered the haunted look in Nina’s eyes.
And the media assault. And the day that Mav had been shot …
‘I don’t want to say all those stupid things people say to comfort others. I’m sorry. It’ll get better. One day at a time …’
Sierra only nodded.
‘But I’ve come to realize that a lot of people say those things because they’ve been there too, and they’ve come out the other side.’ Nina wrapped her arms around Sierra’s waist. ‘So, I’m sorry. It’ll get better. One day at a time.’
Sierra sighed in relief. She didn’t pull away.
She accepted the hug, shifted so that she could return it.
It was a comfort, actually. To think of this as a horrible, horrible stage of life.
To contemplate that there was a future Sierra who had passed through that suffocating grief and survived, a future Sierra who laughed and danced for fun again and not because everyone was watching her every move as if she were a glass ship in a storm.
‘I’m really glad you’re joining the family, Nina.’
‘Me too.’
‘My brother could really use a better half.’
Behind them, Mav grunted, making both Sierra and Nina giggle.
When the front door creaked open, Sierra turned to see Markus coming out.
He was dressed in stylish, striped pyjamas, his tripod and a camera with a ridiculously large lens held awkwardly in one hand.
He paused, cocked one hip, and in a voice still thick from sleep, said, ‘Nobody informed me that we were cuddling.’
Nina opened one arm by way of reply, and Markus didn’t hesitate to sit on her other side. He sat down with them and then leaned forward to set up his tripod.
‘Don’t you have enough photos from here?’ Sierra asked, fascinated that Markus could shoot the sunrise from the same spot day after day after day.
‘Enough, sure. But I don’t have the shot from this spot.’
‘The shot?’ Sierra enquired.
‘Yeah. When I have time to take repeat shots from one location, I set up in the same place at the same time. And I wait. And one day, something will sneak into the frame that I know I’ll never recapture. And when I have a shot that can’t ever be replicated, I move on.’
‘Like what?’ Nina asked.
Markus leaned forward and looked through his camera lens.
‘Well, the balcony of my apartment had a really great view overlooking West Hollywood, and every morning when I’d wake up, I’d go and set up.
Just sit with my coffee and wait. For two years, nothing really interesting happened.
The traffic below, the same people hurrying to work, the yogis moseying to get their sweat on.
And I’d get a few good urban lifestyle shots.
But then just last month, I’m sitting there, not really paying attention, and I accidentally kicked my tripod. ’
‘And you got the perfect shot?’ Sierra asked.
‘No. I snatched out a hand to grab it,’ he said, and comically mimed making a huge dive for the tripod.
‘I caught it just as it hit the balcony rail, and I turned my head. And right there, just around the corner, was a nest. And this gigantic pigeon was sitting there, giving me the stink eye for interrupting her morning snooze. So, I unclipped my camera from the tripod and took a picture of her, and she moved – just climbed off the nest. At first, I thought it was because I’d scared her, but then I looked at the nest again, and there was a single egg. And it was moving.’
‘It was hatching?’ Nina asked.
He nodded. ‘It took a while. But I got the whole thing on film, including when his first little leg pushed through the shell.’ Markus stole a sip of Nina’s coffee. ‘The shot. One that will never be matched from that precise location.’ He laughed sadly. ‘At least not by me.’
Sierra nudged him with her foot.
Nina reached forward to rub his shoulder.
Markus continued, ‘So, I’m waiting for the shot.’ He leaned forward to look through the lens. ‘And in the meantime, I get all of these perfect dawns.’
Nina sighed happily. ‘It is perfect; isn’t it?’
‘Yeah.’ Markus snapped a few shots as he talked. ‘I gotta say, I didn’t get it when you first came out here. I like the city. I like the noise and the energy. But … I don’t know. It’s growing on me. The peace. The quiet.’
‘Wanna try and ride a horse?’ Nina asked, her dark eyes glinting.
‘Hell no.’
‘You never know,’ she argued. ‘You might like it.’
‘Nope. I’m sticking with Sherlock on this one,’ Markus insisted.
‘Sherlock?’ Sierra queried. ‘Sherlock Holmes?’
‘Horses: Dangerous on both ends and crafty in the middle,’ Markus explained.
Sierra laughed appreciatively. ‘Well, you don’t have to ride to appreciate the ranch. And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here.’
‘Me too,’ Nina affirmed. ‘I love having all my people in one place.’
Markus strung his arm over Nina’s shoulders. ‘I’m happy for you, babe.’
‘I’m happy for me too.’ Nina looked over her shoulder to where Mav sat quietly. ‘I’m getting freaking married!’
Sierra noticed that Nina didn’t mention the pregnancy again, and although she felt guilty, she couldn’t bring herself to talk about it either.
Instead, she said, ‘So … speaking of weddings, you really need to finalize the place settings and tableware today if we’re going to reserve the rentals in time.
If we don’t get the order in by tomorrow, latest, you’re going to be stuck with what we have at the resort. ’
‘I know.’ Nina tucked one long strand of hair behind her ear. ‘I’m just having a hard time deciding. You sent me too many options – and they all look so good. At this point, I’m considering just printing them out, putting them in a hat, and pulling one out.’
‘I can help you,’ Markus offered. ‘We’ll get it done this morning.’
‘If you let me know what you decide on while I’m at work, I can place the order before I come home tonight.’
Markus leaned around Nina to look at Sierra. ‘Girl, do you ever take a day off? You’re gone before the sun is up and home once it’s gone down again. Then you cook dinner, and unless one of us shoves you aside, you clean up too.’
Sierra shrugged. ‘I like to work.’ And being still gave her thoughts too much time to breed and multiply. And now, after her breakdown the day before, it seemed as if all those thoughts were bigger, more ruthless than before.
‘I’ve been trying to convince her to hire an assistant for over a year now,’ Maverick chimed in.