Chapter 21 #2
He didn’t say any of that to Mav because he’d wanted the day to be a happy one.
But Benji gifted horses to the right people at the right time because it wasn’t a gift that lost its shine after a few weeks.
A horse was a gift that kept on giving, on rainy days and sunny ones.
It was a gift that gave more with the more work you put into it, and that was a lesson that Poppy needed to learn, a lesson that he’d teach his own kids one day.
So, he and Mav had gone to look. They’d found the listing for a little Gypsy Vanner gelding on a local Facebook group page, and even though they’d both hesitated over the horse’s age, which was hitting nineteen, they’d agreed to go and look because everything else was perfect.
The horse, aptly named Romeo, was a fat piebald who stood at just over fourteen hands tall.
His coat was jet black with random patches of white.
He had a black mane that reached his shoulders and a tail that dragged on the floor behind him.
And, more important than his pretty looks and feathered legs, he’d been a kids’ lesson horse for fifteen years, making him the perfect starter horse for Poppy.
Now, Benji checked Romeo over one last time, making sure that the red ribbons in his mane and the tinsel in his braided tail were firmly in place, and then he hopped onto Diablo bareback and ponied Romeo behind them.
When he came to the ranch house ten minutes later, Sierra was waiting for him outside. She stood on the porch in that familiar casual lean, a huge smile on her face.
Benji’s heart settled in his chest. While he hadn’t mentioned it, he had worried that gifting Poppy her first horse would remind Sierra of all the unfulfilled plans they’d had for their own daughter.
They’d talked about it constantly when she was pregnant.
How long they’d wait before teaching her to ride, how soon they’d cave and get her a horse of her own, how cute she’d look in a child’s western saddle.
‘What do you think?’ he asked as he hopped off Diablo.
She shook her head mockingly. ‘I think you’re a sap, Benji.’ But the moment he dismounted, she walked into his arms and gave him a huge hug. ‘We don’t deserve to have gotten you. But I’m glad that we did.’
He kissed the side of her head. ‘I’m glad you got me too.’
Behind them, the front door creaked open, and Poppy ran out. ‘Uncle Benji, Daddy said you have to come open presents so we can get married!’
She came to an abrupt stop when she saw the horses. Her eyes lit up. ‘Did Santa get Sisi a horse?’ she asked. Before he could reply, she rattled on, ‘He’s so pretty, Sisi! Can I pet him? Can I ride him? What’s his name?’
Benji crouched down. ‘Come here, bub.’
Poppy ran to him. She roped one arm around his neck, but she didn’t look at him. She was completely distracted by Romeo.
Behind them, Mav, Nina, and Markus came out to watch.
‘Your daddy and I were thinking that it’s time you had your own horse,’ Benji began. ‘So, we wrote to Santa, and we asked him if he could figure it out for us.’
‘No. Uncle Benji wrote to Santa all by himself,’ Mav corrected, and nestled Nina in front of him so that he could rope both his arms around her.
Nina swiped away a few tears.
Markus captured everything on his camera.
Poppy turned her huge eyes on Benji. ‘He’s mine?’ she whispered, her shock clear.
‘Yeah, baby. Merry Christmas.’
Poppy didn’t move. She turned back to stare at Romeo. ‘He’s mine? All mine?’
‘He is.’ And because she seemed a little frozen with shock, Benji asked, ‘Wanna sit on him?’
Poppy nodded silently.
‘No riding without your hat, ’kay? Just sitting.
Or, if you dad says it’s okay, he can lead you around.
’ Benji lifted her and walked to Romeo. He placed her on the horse’s broad back, and then held the lead rope firmly, making sure the horse didn’t move.
‘His name’s Romeo,’ Benji said. ‘He’s nineteen.
But he’s really smart. And he has lots and lots of training. ’
Poppy laughed brightly, her surprise forgotten. She flopped forward and draped both arms around the horse’s huge neck in an attempt at a hug. ‘I love him!’ She shouted, ‘Daddy! Neens! I got a horse! His name’s Romie!’
‘Romeo,’ Mav corrected with a laugh. ‘Did you say thank you to Uncle Benji for organizing it with Santa?’
Poppy turned serious eyes on him. ‘Thanks, Uncle Benji. This is the bestest present ever.’ She sighed. ‘I love you.’
Benji’s heart swelled. ‘I love you too, bub. Merry Christmas.’
While Mav took the lead rope to walk Poppy around on Romeo’s back, Nina and Markus following close behind, Benji draped one arm over Sierra’s shoulders. ‘She kills me,’ he said. ‘She’s such a good kid.’
‘She is,’ Sierra replied quietly.
He heard her tone, filled with caution, asked, ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Do you ever …’ She shook her head when her emotion overtook her.
But Benji knew what she was asking. ‘All the time. I imagine her being stubborn, like you. And I imagine what it might have been like the first time I eventually let her on a horse. You on one side, me on the other as we held her in the saddle and walked forward. I imagine everything, all the time.’ He pulled her into his arms. ‘But do you know what the craziest thing is?’
‘Tell me.’
‘They’re all happy imaginings. And I don’t think having kids is all happy, all the time. And, in a way, it’s comforting to know that we’ll only ever imagine who she might have been as happy, healthy, and whole.’
‘Yeah.’ Sierra sighed deeply. ‘Yeah, that’s nice to think about actually.’
Benji didn’t say more, but he had to consciously fight his urge to push, to talk about their future and what it might look like.
Maybe it was just Christmas and the hope it brought.
Maybe it was that he was forty goddamn years old and felt it every time he watched Poppy take another gigantic stride towards adulthood.
Or maybe, it was that he felt Sierra coming back to him and needed to hold on to her with both hands – especially after the run-in with his father and the reminder of where he’d come from.
Whatever it was, it was impossible for him to be with her and not want everything with her.
He was an all-in type of guy.
And he wanted – needed – to be all-in with Sierra Hunt.
But she had said she needed time, and he would give it to her despite his own impatient heart.
So instead of the promises he longed to make to her, he opened his jacket and pulled a flat box from the inside pocket. ‘Merry Christmas.’
Sierra paused before taking it. ‘I left yours on the bed.’
She hesitated before opening it, so Benji brushed her hair behind her ear, said, ‘Don’t panic. It’s nothing intense.’
She sighed, and it broke him that the sound was relieved.
Sierra tore the wrapping paper and opened the box. ‘Oh.’ The sound she made was wistful. ‘It’s gorgeous.’
Inside was a small, ornate dreamcatcher on a leather string.
It was about the size of his hand. The spider web net, originally created by the Ojibwe people to ensure the protective charms of Asibikaashi, the Spider Woman, was woven from a few strands of Ty’s white tail hair, which he’d snipped and shipped to the weaver.
White dove feathers for peace and rose quartz beads for emotional healing hung from the bottom.
‘To protect your dreams,’ Benji said. And although he didn’t say it aloud, he’d gotten it to comfort her in the night in case she didn’t ask him to stay.
They hadn’t talked about it, but his time at Hunt Ranch would technically come to an end in only a week, once Mav came back to work after his honeymoon. And although he desperately wanted to open the subject with Sierra, he was afraid she wasn’t ready.
Worse, he was afraid she was – and that she wouldn’t choose him.