Chapter 16
When I returned to the farmhouse, Mam was in the kitchen grilling bacon with the dogs sitting nearby, staring longingly towards the oven.
‘Morning, Mam,’ I said, my voice overly bright. ‘Stop drooling, you two.’
‘Morning, sunshine!’ Mam said, smiling at me. ‘You’ve timed that well. The bacon will be ready shortly if you want to wash your hands.’
While Mam prepared bacon butties, I made a pot of tea and we were soon settled at the table, tucking in.
‘Did you manage to catch Willow this morning?’ Mam asked between bites.
‘I did and she’s lovely – hard-working, competent, knowledgeable and passionate about horses. My thoughts are that she’s an asset and we’d definitely want to keep her on beyond the transition fortnight, but obviously I’d want you to meet her too as it has to be a joint decision.’
‘I would like to meet her but I trust you on this. If you think she’s good, I’m happy for you to let her know she can stay on. No point in a young lass like that fretting about it.’
‘Okay. Which brings me onto paying her. She knew from the start that there were no paid positions and she begged to be allowed to volunteer so, while it doesn’t sound like the Garstangs were taking advantage, that doesn’t sit comfortably with me.’
‘Me neither and I still think the Garstangs should have paid her. It’s not right to run a profitable business and not pay your staff.’
‘Funny you should mention profitable business. I found out a few things this morning and it seems the Garstangs weren’t exactly honest with us…’
‘We always knew we needed to do more advertising to increase visitor numbers,’ Mam said after I’d brought her up to speed.
‘We weren’t expecting that to be from a standing start but I agree with Jude that it’s an opportunity for a total refresh.
We don’t need to be influenced by anything the Garstangs did.
We can be completely, unapologetically us. ’
‘I love that!’ I smiled at her, feeling inspired by her optimism. ‘It sounds like they didn’t properly invest in the farm – not enough staff, insufficient advertising, lack of passion to make it work. We won’t make the same mistakes as them.’
* * *
After breakfast, Mam and I took the dogs and set off on a walkabout with my iPad.
After our offer was accepted, we’d created a list of things we’d need to do before we opened for business and, over the past few months, had completed as much as we could remotely including arranging for various tradespeople to do repairs.
There were bound to be things we’d missed so this was a chance to add them to the list.
When we returned to the farmhouse for lunch, Maddie had emerged from her bedroom although she was still in her pyjamas and clearly in a foul mood.
As we ate, I tried to engage her in conversation but every question elicited a one-word answer or a shrug while she scrolled on her phone.
Laurie and I had agreed on a phone-free rule for mealtimes and Maddie had respected that until the big personality change.
The repeated battles to try and stop her had worn me down to the point where I’d stopped saying anything.
Once we were settled in, we’d need to establish some new ground rules – especially now that we were living with my mam – and phone-free meals would be one of them.
‘Your nanna and I have been walking round the farm this morning pulling together a list of things that need doing,’ I told Maddie.
‘Sounds riveting.’
I chose to ignore her sarcastic tone. ‘We’ll be finishing it this afternoon. You’re welcome to join us. It’ll be a good opportunity for you to explore.’
Maddie looked up from her phone. ‘Traipse around after you while you write a list or continue unpacking in my new prison? With such tempting options available, how can I possibly choose?’
‘Maddie!’ Mam cried. ‘What’s got into you?’
‘Isn’t it obvious? I don’t want to be here.’
‘I’m sorry you feel that way,’ Mam said, her voice calm. ‘I’m personally delighted to be here with you and your mam. I’ve missed you both so much and I’m really excited about three generations of women from my family running a business together.’
‘I’m not part of the business.’
‘You might not have a financial stake in it, but there’s so much that you could contribute to our new adventure.’
‘Not you too! It’s not an adventure. Adventures are for kids and I’m not a kid.’
I hated Maddie speaking to me with such a lack of respect and I chose my battles, but speaking to Mam like this was completely unacceptable and I refused to stand for it.
‘Then stop behaving like one,’ I snapped. ‘Stop scrolling on your phone at mealtimes and start engaging with the conversations. Stop saying I’ve ruined your life and start embracing the positive new start. And stop it with the attitude because it’s not attractive and it doesn’t get you anywhere.’
I paused to see if she’d respond but she merely glowered at me.
‘You know what, Maddie? The offer to join us this afternoon is off. I suggest you spend the time giving Clemmie and the guinea pigs some attention and, while you’re doing that, you can think about how much better your new life here would be if you stopped fighting it and me and Nanna.’
She pushed back her chair with a sickening scrape across the quarry tiles and stormed out of the kitchen.
‘That went well,’ I murmured.
Mam reached across the table and took my hand in hers. ‘You’re a wonderful mam and you’ve raised an incredible daughter. She’s just lost her way recently but she’ll be back. Mark my words.’
I sighed heavily. ‘Gosh, I hope so, Mam. I’m so weary of it all.’
‘Ready to head out again?’
The morning had been bright but it had clouded over and, stepping outside, I felt the dip in temperature. Mam already had a cardigan on but I dashed back inside and ran upstairs to get mine. As I passed Maddie’s room, I knocked on her door but didn’t open it.
‘We’re heading back out now and taking the dogs. If you go out, can you make sure Clemmie doesn’t escape?’
There was no response so I knocked again.
‘What?’ she shouted.
‘I was just checking you’d heard me.’
‘Yes! Orders heard and understood.’
I couldn’t get a break with her so I pulled my cardigan across my chest and ran back down the stairs.
* * *
Mam and I had finished working our way around the main part of the farm by four o’clock and headed into the café. The drinks fridges were depleted but there were still a range of options, all well within their best-by dates, so Mam and I selected a fizzy drink each and wandered into the kitchen.
There were a couple of metal chairs in one corner so Mam parked herself on one and opened her lemonade while I leaned against one of the food preparation areas and gazed around the impressive kitchen.
‘I think Anna had delusions of grandeur in here,’ I said. ‘Michelin-starred restaurant standard for a farm café. No wonder she never helped on the farm. She had her own piece of paradise right here.’
‘Not so great for the business but a massive bonus for me,’ Mam said, smiling. ‘It’s going to be wonderful baking in here.’
The plan was to follow in Anna’s footsteps with everything we served being homemade on site.
Mam would do the lion’s share of the food preparation but I’d help as I enjoyed baking too.
Although we’d start with Mam managing the café and me managing the animal attraction, we’d work towards a fair split in due course.
We’d anticipated needing part-time help in the café to at least cover the busy periods but that was when we thought the café had customers and that there would be busy periods.
Now we’d need to play that by ear. We still had a lot of thinking to do about the cow cuddling as we’d need extra bodies to make that work.
I left the kitchen and examined the serving area more closely. Anna had definitely shown pride in her workplace.
‘Look at this crockery!’ I called to Mam. ‘It’s gorgeous.’
‘It looks expensive,’ she said, joining me and picking up one of the mugs. ‘I think this is all hand-crafted.’
I hadn’t paid much attention to the plates and bowls in the kitchen cupboards but, taking a closer look now, I was inclined to agree with Mam about them being hand-crafted.
The side plates, teapots, milk jugs, mugs, cups and saucers were all muted shades of blue, teal, green, pink, lilac, grey, coral and lemon.
‘She might have been a fibber, but Anna had good taste,’ I said, running my fingers over the glaze. ‘I love these.’
Mam opened a drawer containing gleaming cutlery and another full of tea cosies.
‘How cute are these?’ she said, holding a pink and blue knitted cosy with sheep on it in one hand and, in the other, a yellow one with a horse’s head on it.
I wandered into the seating area. The walls were scuffed here and there but, other than a fresh lick of paint, nothing needed doing. The café really was lovely. Anna had nailed the country farmhouse aesthetic and created a warm and inviting space.
‘I’m guessing from Maddie’s comments earlier that she hasn’t changed her mind about working here?’ Mam asked.
I shook my head. I’d suggested a summer job on several occasions but she’d either ignored me or rolled her eyes and walked away.
‘That’s disappointing,’ Mam said. ‘What’s she going to do?’
‘I’ve no idea. Lock herself in her room and sulk?’
Mam sat down at one of the tables and nodded to the chair opposite. ‘And what happens after the summer? Any chance she’ll change her mind and go to university after all?’
I sighed as I sank into the chair. ‘I don’t think so.’
That had been an announcement I really hadn’t seen coming.
Laurie and I had both been the first members of our respective families to go down the university route and we’d never have pushed Maddie to follow in our footsteps but it was what she’d always proclaimed she wanted.
Naturally bright and unfazed by exams, she’d excelled at school and, despite the bad influence Carmen and Alfie were on her, her commitment to her studies had thankfully continued into the sixth form.
But just after she started her exams in May, she’d casually announced that she’d changed her mind and wasn’t going to university after all.
‘You’d like to travel?’ I’d asked, struggling to hide my shock.
‘On my own? Yeah, that would be so much fun.’
‘Then what are you going to do?’
‘I dunno. Get a job.’
‘Doing what? If you want to be an animal-assisted therapist, you need a degree.’
‘I don’t want to be a therapist. I don’t want to be anything like you.’
I’d told Mam about Maddie’s shock decision at the time, but I hadn’t shared her final cutting declaration until now.
‘Oh, Grace, I’m so sorry. What a despicable thing to say. That must have hurt.’
‘It did. I cried for two hours. I kept thinking what’s wrong with me? Am I really a horrible person? Am I unlovable?’
‘No! You’re the exact opposite of that.’
‘Then why do the people I love seem to hate me? Why did Laurie want to put thousands of miles between us? Why does my only child refuse to speak to me? None of it makes sense. I never changed who I was and they both used to love that person so what happened to turn them against me?’
Mam shifted to my side of the table and gathered me in her arms.
‘It’s not you, it’s them. I know that’s a cliché but it’s so true.
I know you, sunshine, and you’re exceptionally self-aware – have been since you were knee high to a grasshopper.
If you’d said or done anything to either of them to change their feelings towards you, you’d be aware of it and you’d have rectified it long ago.
This is all them. I know that doesn’t give you any answers, but I hope it gives you reassurance. I’m sure Jude’s said the same thing.’
‘She has. She’s flummoxed too.’
Mam returned to her chair. ‘You know how much your dad and I loved Laurie. We were never worried about you settling down south so far away from home because you had him. I’ll admit that we had reservations about you getting engaged while you were still in your university bubble, but you sensibly waited a few years before tying the knot, giving you the chance to see whether you were just as compatible in the real world, which you clearly were. ’
She paused and shook her head. ‘I genuinely thought you’d be together for life and I’m so disappointed in Laurie.
I think he’s a coward for not opening up about his feelings earlier, for making so many life-changing decisions without discussing them with you, and for disappearing without giving you any answers. ’
‘I’m devastated it’s over, Mam. It’s the last thing I ever wanted or expected and what hurts me the most is not knowing why.’
My mind was racing. Mam’s use of university bubble had sparked something but I couldn’t quite reach whatever it was.
‘That’s not on. I know he was never one for a good old heart-to-heart but you can’t go through life avoiding the heavy stuff.’
No, you couldn’t, but somehow Laurie always had.