Chapter 47
In the café, I selected four butterfly cakes and pushed pink chocolate hearts into the buttercream between the wings before securing them inside a cake box.
I was actually shaking with nerves as I approached Peartree Cottage, the reality of what I was about to say and hopefully do feeling overwhelming.
The last time I’d told a man how I felt about them, I’d been an eighteen-year-old student back at university after the Christmas holidays with a crush on one of my best friends.
I’d trusted him with my heart and he’d looked after it for a long time but, twenty-seven and a half years down the line, it was time to trust my heart with someone new.
Caleb smiled the moment I opened the door. The butterflies did a loop-the-loop in my stomach but the shaking thankfully subsided.
‘Long time no see,’ he said, his eyes twinkling.
‘I brought you something.’ I handed him the cake box.
‘Do you want to come in?’
‘Okay… Actually, no. Would you mind if we go for a walk instead?’
‘Sure. Do I bring the gift with me?’
I shook my head. ‘You can leave it here but can you open it first? There’s something I want to talk to you about and the gift’s kind of relevant.’
‘She says mysteriously,’ he teased as he opened the lid. ‘Butterfly cakes! My favourites!’
‘I heard you didn’t pick any up yesterday so I thought I’d bring you some. I chose those ones especially.’
He looked down at them again, his smile widening, but he didn’t say anything.
‘I’ll put these in the kitchen. Give me a second.’
This time he didn’t close the door on me.
We left the cottage moments later and I led him round the back of the forge as I knew Mam, Maddie and Jude would be watching us out of the window if we headed down the slope. We walked in companionable silence while I searched for a conversation opener, my courage evading me.
By the time we’d reached the entrance to Barn View, I’d finally found one. It was perhaps a little unfair of me but I’d already dropped a huge hint to my feelings with the hearts on the cakes and I wanted him to give me something in return before I rushed ahead and made a fool of myself.
‘Can I ask why you didn’t collect the butterfly cakes yesterday?’ I asked as we stopped and rested against the gate, looking out over the farm.
‘Good question. I told you I love butterfly cakes because they remind me of my grandma, so they’re all about happy thoughts for me. After Laurie turned up, my thoughts weren’t quite so happy. Do you want to know why?’
‘I’d love to.’
‘Because I really, really like you, Grace, and I only realised quite how much when you hugged me. And then Laurie appeared and introduced himself as your husband and I didn’t know what to do about that.
I knew from our previous chats that you were confused about why things ended and I wondered whether he might have finally decided to explain things.
I also wondered whether his explanation could pave the way to a reconciliation so I thought I’d better give you some space.
Suddenly my appetite for butterfly cakes had gone. ’
‘He had no right to call himself my husband,’ I said.
‘I made it very clear how unimpressed I was at that. I wasn’t expecting to see him yesterday.
He turned up uninvited but I’m glad he did because, even though there was nothing he could possibly have said to make me want to try again, I finally found out why he left and I got the closure I needed – the closure I asked the farm for. ’
Caleb smiled at me. ‘You asked and the farm delivered.’
I nodded. ‘I’m sorry if him turning up was hard for you. It was a difficult day yesterday for all of us but essential for moving on. And speaking of moving on…’ I took a deep breath. ‘I like you too. A lot.’
Caleb’s smile widened. ‘Yesterday, I was about to ask you if you wanted to go out for drinks or a meal with me at some point. And then Laurie spoke.’
‘Really? Talk about bad timing! Does the offer still stand?’
‘It does. Would you like to go out with me one evening this week?’
My heart leapt. ‘I’d love to.’
‘There’s something we should probably talk about now,’ Caleb said, raking his hand across his beard. ‘It doesn’t change how I feel but it’s probably best that you know that I know rather than there be any awkwardness down the line because…’
He broke off and looked down, teasing a clump of grass with his foot.
‘Because?’ I prompted, not a clue where he was going with this.
‘I didn’t mean to look but, when we bumped into each other in Tesco, I couldn’t help noticing the pregnancy test in your basket.’
I clapped my hand over my mouth. So much had happened since then that Caleb seeing the contents of my basket had completely gone out of my mind.
‘You think I’m expecting a baby with Laurie? I’m not pregnant, Caleb.’
‘You’re not?’
‘The test wasn’t for me. It was for Maddie and she’s not pregnant either. False alarm.’
‘Oh! I feel a bit daft now. I saw the test and, with you fainting too, I put two and two together and got eleven.’
‘Don’t feel daft. It would be an easy assumption to make but… Hang on! Did you just say that, if I had been pregnant, it wouldn’t have changed how you felt?’
He nodded. ‘I began falling for you before I saw the test and I couldn’t just switch that off. If you were interested in me too, it would have added a layer of complexity to things because Laurie would have been a bit more than the ex, but it wouldn’t have changed how I feel.’
Just when I’d thought it wasn’t possible to like Caleb any more than I already did, he said something like that.
‘In case the hearts I added to the butterfly cakes weren’t clear enough, I should probably tell you that I’m falling for you too and you keep saying and doing things that make me fall a little deeper. But I am nervous. I desperately want to kiss you but my last first kiss was when I was eighteen.’
Caleb cupped my face and gently tilted my head upwards. ‘Then I think it’s time we rectified that.’
My first kiss as a forty-six-year-old was the most gentle, tender, heart-melting kiss I’d ever experienced.
‘And my last second kiss was when I was eighteen too,’ I murmured as I tightened my hold around his waist, pulling him closer to me.
‘Better rectify that too,’ he said, drawing me into a second kiss that left us both breathless.
‘I have another confession to make,’ I said as we set off walking again, hand in hand. ‘I asked the farm to work its magic and make it happen for us.’
He squeezed my hand. ‘I might have asked the farm for the same thing. I told you this place was magical.’
It really was. We’d only been here for a month and already it had given me closure, helped heal my broken family, reunited me with my best friend and brought me love.
It was early days and I wasn’t ready to say I love you just yet but, given the strength of my feelings for Caleb – especially after those kisses – I suspected it wouldn’t be long before we both said those three wonderful words.
* * *
It was past eleven when I crept back into the farmhouse.
Mam had sent me a text to say she hoped it had gone well and would see me in the morning.
Jude had also messaged me good night but I could see Maddie’s light on under her door.
Nova, Skye and Clemmie had followed me upstairs as usual so I let them into my bedroom and put my nightie on while the dogs settled on the bed and Clemmie – now cone-free – perched on the foot of the bed cleaning her paws.
‘You three stay here,’ I said. ‘I’m going to say good night to Maddie and then I’ll be back.’
A gentle knock on my door surprised me.
‘Come in!’ I called.
Maddie poked her head around the door. ‘I heard you getting back. Have you got a few minutes?’
‘Sure. I was just coming to say good night to you.’
I positioned my pillows against the headboard and sat down with my back against them. Maddie closed the door behind her and sat cross-legged at the end of the bed beside Clemmie, facing me.
‘Did you have a good night?’ she asked.
I nodded, smiling at her. ‘A wonderful one. I told him how I feel and he feels the same.’
She smiled. ‘I approve. Did you kiss?’
‘Yes. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.’
She shook her head. ‘I’m cool with you and Dad being over and I’m happy you’ve found Caleb. You deserve someone like him. You deserve to smile like this again.’
‘Thank you. That means the world to me.’
‘You’re welcome. So, three things about my day…’
Tears pooled in my eyes and I clapped my hand across my heart.
This weekend, visitor numbers had increased, my best friend had offered to stay and invest in our business, I’d had a lovely family meal, I’d opened my heart to Caleb and we’d shared several wonderful kisses.
I didn’t think anything could possibly top all that but Maddie sitting on my bed sharing three things just had.
I listened to my daughter recounting three special moments from her day – all of which involved the farm and the animals – and noticed her eyes shining with excitement and the enthusiasm in her voice.
I’d dreamed of having the ‘old’ Maddie back but I realised now that she wasn’t sixteen anymore and the person sitting on the bed was the butterfly who’d emerged from a dark chrysalis – older, wiser and more fiercely determined.
She knew her self-worth and refused to tolerate friends who let her down.
She was able to own her mistakes, learn from them and make things better.
She was willing to call others out on their bad behaviour, like she’d done with her dad, and she’d found happiness once more through being in the countryside, surrounded by animals, and being part of our family. I couldn’t be happier.