Chapter 46
When I returned to the farmhouse after seeing to the horses with Willow on Sunday morning, I was surprised to find Mam already dressed and sitting at the kitchen table with her hands round a mug of tea.
‘What are you doing up so early?’ I asked.
‘I didn’t sleep well. I kept thinking about Adrian. He was such a lovely young man. It’s so sad that he’d think his life wasn’t worth living.’
I grabbed a mug and sat down beside her. Mam had met my friends while I was at university and had seen them on several occasions over the years.
‘I remember you dancing with Adrian at Jude’s wedding,’ I said, adding tea to my mug from the pot on the table.
‘If you can call it dancing,’ Mam said. ‘I spent most of the song laughing. It’s terrible to think that someone so funny who seemed to have such a zest for life was really crying inside. Depression’s a terrible thing.’
‘It is. Jude and I were talking about him on our walk last night and every single memory of him was laughter-filled. It’s heartbreaking to think that he was really fighting a battle none of us knew about.
I’ve worked with so many clients with mental health challenges and I know what to look out for, but I’d never have guessed Adrian was struggling. ’
‘You’re not blaming yourself, are you?’
I shook my head. ‘It’s dangerous to go down that road.
Laurie did it and it destroyed our marriage.
Adrian masked it so effectively. He didn’t want us to know what was really going on and he said in his message that we were the best thing that happened to him so I’m going to hold onto that and see our friendship as a ray of light in the darkness for him. ’
‘That’s a good way of looking at it.’
We sat in companionable silence for several minutes.
‘I had an idea,’ Mam said. ‘What if we have a charity of the year and we direct the proceeds from the bags of goat feed to them? We could start with a mental health charity in memory of Adrian.’
I smiled at her. ‘I think that’s a lovely idea. We should definitely do that. And speaking of money, Jude hit me with an unexpected but brilliant proposal last night…’
* * *
Maddie joined us in the kitchen a little later so I ran Jude’s proposal by her too, eager to make her feel part of the business. Mam and Maddie agreed with me that Jude was part of the family and it would be a privilege to have her join the team and make Hazelwick Farm her home.
‘Did I sleep in?’ Jude asked, doing a double-take at us all seated round the table when she appeared for breakfast.
‘We were all up extra early,’ Mam said, ‘and we’ve been eagerly waiting to do this.’ She stood up and walked towards Jude with her hand outstretched to shake. ‘It’s a huge yes from me.’
‘Really?’ Jude’s eyes shone as she shook Mam’s hand enthusiastically before hugging her.
‘I should probably do the same,’ I said, replicating the handshake and hug, and we all laughed as Maddie followed suit.
‘I feel like I should do a speech,’ Jude said, grinning at us all.
‘Just before Grace left Twyford, I told her blue skies were ahead for all of you and she said they were for me too. I somewhat dramatically said I was struggling to see past the fog and the rain but, since I arrived here, I’ve seen the blue skies.
Thank you for letting me be part of your amazing business and for making me feel part of your amazing family. ’
‘Group hug!’ Maddie cried and we all huddled together, laughing.
* * *
I wanted to talk to Caleb before we opened for visitors. It probably wasn’t the right moment to admit I had feelings for him but I could at least apologise for Laurie’s interruption yesterday and make it clear that, despite him calling himself my husband, he wasn’t and never would be again.
His van was gone after we finished breakfast but I spotted it back outside Peartree Cottage twenty minutes before opening time and took my chance.
Unfortunately there was no answer when I knocked on the door and I couldn’t hear Scampi barking so presumably they’d gone out for a walk or run.
I’d have to leave it for now and hope I spotted him later.
The sunny weather had brought another increase in visitors and, while busy would be an exaggeration, there was a steady flow of people across the day and there were moments where I had a sense of the buzz there’d be when we were properly busy.
‘I love seeing how happy it makes people when they stroke the horses and feed the goats,’ I said to Jude as we watched a dad lifting up a toddler to stroke Samson.
‘Me too. It’s going to be amazing when we start the cow cuddling, seeing everyone so relaxed and at peace with the world.’
‘Ned says he can’t wait for his first ever cow cuddle. Hopefully cows won’t be the only things he’s cuddling next weekend.’ I gave her a gentle nudge.
Ned had been delighted at the invitation to stay and had sounded extra pleased when I told him Jude would be here too. I definitely had high hopes for the pair of them.
‘Let’s hope,’ she said. ‘In the meantime, much as I don’t want to leave, I think I’d better head down to Twyford and get some estate agents to value the house.
The sooner I get it on the market, the sooner I can get it sold and make our partnership official.
I could do with picking up some more clothes and a few other bits and bobs. ’
We agreed that it made sense for Jude to drive down in the morning, returning on either Thursday or Friday depending on when she could get appointments with estate agents.
She had a beautiful old cottage near the village centre and properties like hers were always in demand so I couldn’t imagine it would take long to sell.
Across the day, I kept half an eye out for Caleb and wandered over to Peartree Cottage on a couple of occasions, but his van had gone again.
Hope, Nick and the kids were due to visit after we closed – a chance to meet the herd and fold and to have tea with us.
They wouldn’t stay late so I’d hopefully be able to catch Caleb after they left. Things definitely needed to be said.
‘Best day’s takings by far,’ Mam said when she ran off the sales report for the day. ‘The takeaway cakes have gone down a storm so thanks to Maddie for that brilliant suggestion.’
‘I’m glad it worked,’ Maddie said. ‘More money, less waste.’
Looking at my daughter positively beaming and actively contributing ideas to the business were two things I feared I’d never see and I felt so proud of the change in her attitude.
‘I saw Caleb earlier, by the way,’ Mam said, looking at me. ‘Hope you don’t mind but I invited him for tea.’
My heart pounded. ‘He’s back? Did he accept?’
‘He did indeed. You can thank me later.’
Maddie gave Mam a fist bump and I shook my head. ‘Are you two trying to match-make?’
They both widened their eyes, attempting to look innocent.
‘You wanted to speak to him so this is your chance,’ Mam said.
‘I’m hardly going to blurt out that I like him in front of the whole family.’
Mam smiled. ‘Perhaps not, but you can always walk him back to his cottage afterwards.’
‘He lives a few hundred metres away. I don’t think he needs a chaperone.’
‘You could take the dogs for a walk,’ Maddie suggested. ‘You’ve got this, Mum.’ She leaned across the counter and fist bumped me, making me laugh, and her suggestion was a good one. Walking the dogs could be the perfect opportunity to talk.
* * *
Caleb knocked on the farmhouse door shortly after Hope, Nick and the kids arrived and my heart started racing as soon as I saw him looking extremely gorgeous in smart jeans and a crisp shirt.
I made the introductions and Max declared that he wanted to be a vet because he thought it would be fun to shove his arm up a cow’s bottom – a revelation which pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening.
I didn’t want to keep comparing Caleb to Laurie but I couldn’t help it.
Laurie had been part of my life since the age of eighteen so comparison was perhaps inevitable.
Caleb was amazing with Max and Lola – far better than Laurie had ever been around children.
He had them in stitches as he shared some of the funniest – typically gross – experiences he’d had during his years as a vet.
I already knew my mam, Maddie and Jude liked him a lot but I could tell that Hope and Nick had warmed to him immediately too and that made me happy.
Seeing him interacting with my family and making them laugh reminded me of the side of Laurie that I’d loved so much in the early days but, with Caleb, I knew that there was an emotional beta male behind the laughter – someone who cared deeply and wasn’t afraid to show his feelings.
If Laurie had been like that, things could have been very different but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I was always meant to end up here, without him.
Although it had hurt at the time, he’d been right when he’d said that, for us, it just wasn’t meant to be forever.
When Hope announced it was time to get the kids home and to bed, Caleb said that he should probably go too. Everyone headed outside and Caleb thanked Mam for inviting him and said his goodbyes.
‘Dog walk,’ Maddie hissed at me, but Caleb was already heading up the incline with Scampi and it felt wrong – and perhaps a little desperate – to chase after him while my family were still dishing out goodbye hugs.
Besides, Caleb had mentioned over tea that he’d been to the coast this afternoon and had worn Scampi out with a really long walk, so the last thing he’d want to do was take Scampi out again.
I wondered if he’d turn back to look at me – one of those telltale signs of being interested – but Max and Lola hurled themselves at me at the same time, nearly winding me and, when I recovered, Caleb had already gone into Peartree Cottage.
‘He’s a keeper,’ Hope whispered when she hugged me goodbye.
‘We’re not together.’
‘You will be. I saw the way he was looking at you. He’s a smitten kitten.’
‘He is not.’ But my heart leapt at the thought of Hope seeing what I hoped I’d seen.
‘He is too. A loved-up pup, a lovesick chick, a—’
I placed my hand over her mouth, making her laugh.
‘Just as well you did that,’ she said when I removed my hand, ‘cos I’d run out of animal rhymes.’
When they’d gone, the rest of us returned to the kitchen and cleared away. Wiping down the placemats, I felt a little deflated. I’d had a great day on the farm and it had been lovely to have my family gathered for tea and being so accepting of Caleb, but it hadn’t ended quite the way I’d hoped.
I jumped as Mam placed her hands on my shoulders. ‘Go to him.’
Maddie and Jude were both smiling at me and nodding.
‘I can’t.’
‘You can,’ Jude said.
‘You should,’ Maddie added.
‘But we’ve spent the last few hours together. I can’t just knock on his door and blurt out that I have feelings for him. I’d need to build up to it.’
‘What have you been doing all week?’ Jude asked.
‘Building up to it,’ I admitted, rolling my eyes.
‘Maddie’s suggestion of a dog walk was a great one but you heard him over tea.
He’s already worn Scampi out and it would be odd to call for him to ask if he wants to walk Nova and Skye with me, so I’ve got no reason to see him now. Well, I have but, you know…’
‘It’d be awks,’ Maddie conceded and I nodded, grateful that at least one of them understood.
‘I still think you should grab life by the horns and do it today,’ Jude said.
Mam nodded. ‘If it’s hard to say it, why don’t you show it?’
‘Mam! Planting a kiss on him the moment he opens the door would be even worse.’
She laughed. ‘I probably should have explained that better. I was thinking of you taking some cakes up to him. I made some more butterfly cakes this morning. He didn’t want any after he met Laurie but you could take them to him now with the message that you and Laurie are properly over.
I’ve got some pink chocolate hearts you can add to them. Let the cakes do the talking.’
I grinned at her. ‘That’s genius. And now I’m ridiculously nervous.’
‘Because you care,’ Jude said. ‘And I can tell he does too. He’s your fresh start, Grace. Make it happen!’