CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
The first thing Nyssa became aware of when she woke was that her face was wet.
There was a moment when she thought it was blood. Her entire body went numb, her ears ringing. She’d thought her magic strong enough to save Elowen, but of course, it hadn’t been. She’d failed, and now she was at the mercy of the wolf and the bear, and Elowen was—
Something small and rough traced her temple. The brush of a feline tongue, followed by the recognizable scent of fish.
Nyx.
Nyssa opened her eyes to find her familiar loafed on the pillow beside her head, her tongue out as she leaned in for another lick, and Nyssa almost sobbed in relief. Whatever magic she’d tapped into in the forest had been enough. She was home.
Her eyes slowly glanced around her bedroom, searching for any sign of Elowen. She was alone, but there was a chair pulled up close to Nyssa’s bedside with a thick, knitted cardigan Nyssa recognized as one of Elowen’s draped over the arm. She’s safe. We’re both safe.
Nyssa’s entire body screamed in protest when she attempted to sit up, and a wave of nausea had her scrunching her eyes shut once more.
Witches, she felt awful. She’d thought the magical hangover from stripping Morven of his powers all those years ago had been bad, but it had been nothing compared to this.
Every bone in her body felt like it had been crushed, and even the faint murmur of voices outside her bedroom door made her head feel as though it was going to split in half.
She was going to pull the pillow over her head and block them out when she heard the familiar cadence of Elowen’s voice.
Grunting in pain, Nyssa attempted once more to shuffle into some sort of seated position, only to have Nyx move from her place on the pillow and firmly plant herself on Nyssa’s chest, letting out a loud, purposeful yowl.
The voices outside came to an abrupt stop. Nyssa’s bedroom door creaked open, admitting Liora, Alaric and, finally, Elowen.
Nyssa’s chest constricted at the sight of her. Her beautiful, angular face was covered in small cuts, and there was a deep, yellowing bruise covering her jaw. One of her arms had been put into a sling, and when she walked over to Nyssa’s bedside, it was with an obvious limp.
‘Oh, El.’ Nyssa tried – and failed – to blink back her tears. She was safe, yes, but she was clearly not okay. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Ah, none of that,’ Elowen scolded. ‘If it wasn’t for you turning those things back into figurines, I’d look a lot worse.
’ Her own eyes were glassy as she tucked a strand of Nyssa’s hair behind her ear.
‘What happened to you? Before that? One moment you were fine, and then you just … went into some sort of trance.’
No matter what you try, we shall prevail.
Nyssa clenched her hands into fists as the words Morven had spoken echoed in her mind.
‘… It was Morven,’ she admitted, unable to look at any of her friends as she explained what had happened.
How she’d heard that awful sound, and then Morven’s voice, in her head.
But she kept the burden of his final words to herself.
‘His magic was so oppressive. It was almost too strong, but then … I felt this strange surge of magic. It felt and smelled … familiar.’
‘Familiar how?’ Liora asked.
Nyssa wasn’t really sure how to explain it.
‘It sort of reminded me of the feeling I’d get whenever my grandma would cast, and I swore I could scent her magic, but …
that’s obviously not possible.’ She still caught whiffs of Lisabeth’s magic here, at the cottage, where her old spells and enchantments lingered, but there was no explanation for it appearing out in the woods at the exact moment and spot she needed it.
‘Whatever it was, my body must not have been able to sustain that amount of power, though, which is why I passed out …’ Nyssa turned her attention back to Elowen.
‘Your face is the last thing I remember. What happened after that?’
‘I tried to wake you, but you were out cold. I thought—’ Elowen’s voice cracked slightly, and Nyssa reached for her hand, interweaving their fingers together despite the pain it caused. ‘I didn’t know what to do. I magicked a bed of sticks and leaves to carry you back to the café.’
‘Li and I found you on the edge of town. This one,’ Alaric paused to scratch behind Nyx’s ears affectionately, ‘started making a huge fuss about an hour after you left, and demanded we follow her. She led us to you and El, and we brought you both back here. You’ve been unconscious ever since.’
‘Don’t worry, though,’ Liora added, ‘Gwen, Torin and I have been taking care of the café! And despite Elowen’s insistence on being the one to care for you, we’ve taken it in turns. One of us has been here with you every day.’
‘Every day?’ Nyssa frowned. ‘How long have I been unconscious?’ Nyssa’s stomach twisted at the nervous glances her friends exchanged. ‘How long?’
‘… Almost a week,’ Liora said quietly, and Nyssa couldn’t understand why she looked so uncomfortable until the pieces clicked together in her head.
They’d gone into the forest with her final trial three days away. If Nyssa had been unconscious for longer than that, then that meant …
‘I missed my final test,’ she said simply, her throat constricting at the realization. Despite how conflicted she’d felt about it, she’d still wanted to take the trial. To know that the coven – that the life she’d worked so hard for – was still an option for her.
Now, it never would be.
‘Final test?’ Elowen asked, brows drawing together in realization. ‘You mean the trial with your coven?’
Dammit. With everything going on, Nyssa had forgotten that she hadn’t told anyone but Liora about receiving a date for her final trial.
‘I thought you were still waiting to have the date confirmed?’ Alaric asked.
Well, there was no point in lying about it now. ‘I … received confirmation from my coven shortly after I completed the third trial. I was supposed to take it on the Winter Solstice. I … was going to tell you,’ Nyssa added, her gut churning at the betrayed expression twisting Elowen’s face.
‘When were you going to tell us?’ the elf asked.
‘After we’d completed the ritual.’ And after she’d made her decision on whether she was going to remain in Nighthaven or not if she passed, but Nyssa got the feeling it was best to keep that fact to herself.
‘I’m sorry, I just … didn’t want to give you all anything more to worry about. The test is my burden, not yours.’
Elowen’s jaw clenched. ‘When are you going to realize that your burdens are our burdens?’ She shook her head. Let out a long, heavy sigh. ‘I thought you were starting to trust us as much as we trust you, but I guess I was wrong.’
Something in Nyssa’s chest fractured. ‘El …’
The elf had already begun walking out of the room. Nyssa moved to get out of bed and chase after her, only for Nyx to let out another warning howl and put more of her weight on Nyssa’s chest.
‘I’ll go check on her.’ Alaric was out of the door before Nyssa could protest, leaving her with just Nyx, who began kneading her chest with her paws in an attempt to comfort her, and Liora, who looked about as upset as Nyssa felt.
‘I should have told her,’ Nyssa said.
‘Probably,’ Liora agreed, fingernails scratching at her blanket. Nails that, Nyssa just noted, had been bitten down to the quick. Liora was always so bright, so positive, that it was easy to forget she was impacted by everything going on just as much as the rest of them.
‘Are you okay?’ Nyssa hated she hadn’t asked her sooner. Liora gave her a too bright smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
‘Yes … well, not really,’ she said, ‘but I will be. We all will. And El will forgive you. Just … give her some time.’
Nyssa didn’t want to. She’d spent so long thinking that any kind of problem needed to be fixed as quickly as possible.
That if it wasn’t, it was proof of her incompetence.
Proof that every nasty thing her inner voice whispered about her was true.
You’ve lost her, that voice said now, cruel and mocking.
She sees what a mess you are, and she’ll never look at you the same way again.
Nyssa knew the only way to shut that voice up was to run after Elowen and explain until she understood, until whatever she’d broken between them was fixed. But she knew doing so would only make things worse.
So instead, she focused on Liora. Liora, who had kept her secret despite disagreeing with her.
‘I’m sorry for involving you in this. I …
’ She let out a heavy sigh, suddenly exhausted.
‘I’m messing everything up. Again. I thought I was getting better.
’ Her voice caught, and Nyssa blinked away the tears suddenly forming in her eyes. Dammit, she was pathetic.
Liora stopped picking at the blanket and lay a hand over Nyssa’s. ‘You are getting better. Growth … it isn’t linear,’ the bard said, voice serious. ‘Mistakes are a part of it. They’re how we learn, so that next time, we can do better.’
‘Except there won’t be a next time. At least not when it comes to my coven.’ There was no way they would forgive her missing something so important. It was not only incredibly disrespectful, but also a sign that she wasn’t taking this seriously. And what coven wanted a head mage like that?
Nyssa sighed. Maybe it was for the best that she’d missed her final test. At least this way, she didn’t have to face failing again.
‘There could be,’ Liora said. ‘I … sort of wrote to your coven when it looked like you weren’t going to wake up, to see if they’d rearrange your final test, and they said they’d consider it. Since then they’ve been … very persistent in getting updates on your condition.’
Nyssa wasn’t sure if she felt relieved or disappointed by this.
Honestly, her head was so foggy that all she wanted to do was go back to sleep and not think about any of this for a little while longer.
Nyx, as if sensing as much, moved up her chest so that she could rub her forehead against Nyssa’s chin.
Unsure of what to say, Nyssa eventually settled on: ‘Thanks, Li. You didn’t have to do that for me.’
‘Of course I did. I know how important it is to you. I wanted to make sure you still had a chance to prove yourself, even though I …’ She trailed off.
‘Even though you what?’
After a moment’s silence, Liora let out a weighted sigh. ‘I don’t know, I just … don’t understand why you’d even want to take their stupid test after the way they’ve treated you.’
Nyssa’s immediate reaction was to come to her coven’s defence, as she always had done when her grandmother raised her concerns about ‘organized magic’. But her tongue stuck on the words, her stomach roiling as she kept trying – and failing – to force them out.
‘… It’s always been my dream,’ she eventually said, ‘and I’ve worked so hard for it. If I let go of that, then the past decade of my life has been for nothing.’
‘I don’t think that’s true, and I don’t think you really do, either. You know I’ll support you whatever you decide, I just … hope you consider why you want to take the trial. Is it because you want to, or is it because you want your coven’s approval. Will you do that,’ Liora asked, ‘for me?’
Nyssa’s throat was too tight to offer more than an acknowledging nod.
‘Thank you,’ the bard said simply as she stood up.
‘Now you should try to get some more rest – it’s only three more days until the full moon and we really need you back at full strength if we stand any chance of completing the ritual.
’ She leaned over and kissed Nyssa’s head gently before quietly leaving the room.
As Nyssa watched Liora go, her mind began whirring furiously, thoughts racing round her head.
She had always thought her status with the coven was directly related to how powerful she was.
But if that was the case, then why did she feel more connected to herself and her magic in Nighthaven than she ever had in her covenstead?
It was a question Nyssa didn’t have to consider for long. Not when she’d known the answer for a while now.
It was because the coven wasn’t where she truly belonged.
And it never really had been.