Chapter 6 #2
Rafael leans in close, our lips almost touching, and my body immediately focuses on that. It wants this useless conversation to be over too, so I arch enough that my breasts rub against him. The slight contact sends electricity running down my body and turns on the ache.
“Rafael,” I moan and press closer so I can kiss his throat. Rafael’s fingers band around my neck, but he doesn’t push me away immediately.
“Samantha.” He moves back enough that our gazes lock. “Talk to me.”
Damn him, the softness in his tone is cutting through the sexy haze and pulling at my emotions. My eyes start to water and I blink furiously to keep them from spilling over. I’m not going to cry. I’m all cried out.
“If you don’t want to fuck, just go.” I hate that my voice quivers. Rafael pulls me into a hug, his hand rubs down my back, and I realize I’m gulping in air. I don’t want to talk about this.
The tears spill free and soak his shirt. My whole body trembles and then the dam breaks free. Sobs tear free and I clutch his waist for support. Apparently, there are some useless tears still left.
Rafael lifts me up and walks to the couch. He holds me close and I try to fight the tears, but it’s no use. I cry until I’m empty and exhausted. And he’s still here. I can’t wrap my head around it.
He holds out a packet of tissues and I dry my face and nose. My head aches from the crying and I rest it against his shoulder. The words slip out into the silence.
“I’m dying.”
His entire body tenses and a growl rises from deep within. I wait for the barrage of questions, but he stays silent and only runs his hand up and down my legs. After a while, I keep talking.
“I have a brain tumor. Or actually a big fucking happy family of brain tumors.” I take a deep breath. “There is nothing left to do. No treatment to try. It’s over.”
“How long do you have left?” He chokes on the last word.
“Now? Days.”
This time, his growl vibrates through my body. It’s vicious and deep. “Days?”
I nod.
“You said no to my blood earlier. Was that why?”
“From what I heard, vampire blood doesn’t play nice with cancer cells.”
He stays silent for a long while. “I could turn you. The venom burns through even cancer during the change,” he eventually says.
“No.”
“You didn’t even think about it.” His arms tighten around me for a second and I feel or sense a rattle in his chest. Like he’s biting back a vicious snarl.
“I have thought about it, over and over, during the last three years,” I murmur and this time the snarl slips free.
“Three years.”
“I got the diagnosis the day I met you.”
“And you never told me.”
There’s an accusation in his voice that irks me. “What would have been the point?”
“I could have been here for you. You didn’t have to go through it alone.”
“I didn’t go through it alone!” My voice trembles with fury.
“I have my family and friends. I haven’t managed to go to a single appointment alone since they found out.
Most of the time, I have to chase them out of the apartment if I want some peace and quiet.
Don’t you dare to say I went through this alone. I don’t need your pity.”
“Pity.” He moves me off his lap to get up and paces from the couch to the kitchen and back several times, seething. “Three years, Samantha. Wasted. We could have been together. You didn’t give us a chance to even try to figure things out.”
“It never would have worked between us,” I finally say, and he stops. His eyes are filled with rage and an emotion so deep I don’t know how to name it. “This thing between us, Rafael. It’s two ships passing in the night. The ripples will fade, and then it’s over.”
“And yet, you turned it into a shipwreck that will drown both of us.”
I shake my head. “No, no, no, no. Don’t say that.” He kneels in front of me and forces me to meet his eyes. “No,” I whisper.
“Yes.” He kisses me gently and wipes the tears from my cheeks. “I waited all this time for you, Samantha. I’m not going to let you go. Not without a fight.”
I don’t want you to let me go.
I want a forever with you.
My ship crashed the moment I first saw you.
The words ring out from my heart, but I bite them back. Saying them now would be selfish and I care about him too much to bind him to me in any form. Something unfurls in my chest, like a flower, but instead of blooming, it withers.
Blackness creeps into my vision and I grab Rafael’s hand.
“Samantha? Are you all right?”
The blackness spreads and numbness follows in its wake. I can’t feel him holding my hand anymore. This feels off, different than my migraine attacks. Overwhelming numbness spreads from my chest and takes away my strength.
“Samantha!”
I try to form words, but I can’t grasp them in my mind. He lifts me into his arms and I think we are moving, but I’m losing consciousness. It’s like that one time I almost drowned. I’m sinking. Slowly, everything fades away, and the only tether I have is his voice.
“Samantha. You have to fight, love. Fight.”
I’m trying. I’m struggling. I’m losing.
“Please.”
I gather everything I have left. Every drop, even the tiniest crumbles of strength and focus. Try to let him know not to worry. The blackness takes my breath away and the words die on my tongue.
Desolation creeps in. There is no sight. No sound. No feeling.
And I lose.
The last thing I hear is Rafael’s anguished roar.