41. Hendrix
Chapter 41
Hendrix
E verything was terrible.
Without Meadow to offset the misery, detox had been a very particular hell. I’d slept more than I thought it was possible to sleep in a day, and when I was awake, I was torn between wanting to beat the snot out of Gary and begging anyone and everyone to let me see Meadow. A thousand times a day, I wondered if I’d die with my next breath. It never happened, even though there were moments I hoped it might, so I couldn’t fuck up so hard again.
I had disappointed everyone who had ever mattered to me. I’d hurt my omega. I’d…missed all the fucking signs that someone I trusted was abusing me. Acknowledging what I had put Meadow through opened up a bottomless chasm of shame. There was no way I could ever make it up to her, but dammit, if she let me when I got out of here, I would spend the rest of my life trying.
I had so much shit weighing me down, and even beginning to unpack all of it felt like trying to climb Everest with no training and no supplies, and after months of starvation. Was it even possible? What I had just gone through was the easy part. Now I had to face my mistakes, figure out how to stop myself from making them again, and become someone my pack deserved.
My first day of actual rehab after a week of clinical detox was nearly over, and it was as emotionally exhausting as the detox had been physically. Confronting your demons was not for the weak, and I was feeling pretty fucking fragile right now. Between my individual therapy, group therapy, and trauma therapy, I was wrung out and ready to sleep until they forced me awake for breakfast the next day.
“Oh, Hendrix, you have a visitor.” One of the nurses stopped me on my way back to my room. “I was just coming to get you.”
“Who is it?”
“Meadow Reed.”
My heart was trying to kick its way through my ribs. Maybe she didn’t hate me. I had put her and the entire pack on my visit list, but I hadn’t truly expected her to come see me in here. “Where is she?”
“In the visitors’ room by the front office. I’ll walk with you.”
Exhaustion disappeared, replaced by excitement.
Meadow’s mahogany hair gleamed in the sunlight streaming through the windows. She sat facing away from me, and in a sweep of movement, the moment the nurse closed the door behind me, she threw herself at me, lips pressed against mine.
Artificial sweetness assailed my nose, setting off a thousand alarm bells in my head.
No bump.
No white rose and lilac.
Not Meadow.
I shoved the woman away instantly, a growl tearing from my throat. She tumbled backward, tripping over the couch.
A swarm of staff flowed into the room, grabbing on to my arms.
“Hendrix,” one of the nurses snapped. “What is the matter with you? That’s your omega.”
“That’s not her!”
Ellie’s panicked eyes looked back at me. She carefully slipped around the staff and hovered outside the door. “I had to make sure you were all right. You’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted. Why couldn’t you have chosen me instead? She was just in the way!”
“She’s the one who hurt Meadow,” I bellowed. “Stop her!”
Ellie bolted before the staff could get their bearings, sprinting back out to the front doors and into her vehicle before anyone could chase her down.
“Hendrix, calm down,” another nurse ordered.
Another growl vibrated through me. “Calm down? You just let the woman who’s been drugging me for weeks run out of here.”
One of the program directors poked her head inside the door. “What on earth is going on?”
I took a deep breath, and then another. “They let in one of my abusers.”
The director paled. “ Excuse me ? Sorry, one moment, let me make sure the authorities have been called. The license plate on the vehicle that she signed in with will have been recorded.”
She dashed away to make sure that was taken care of, and the staff slowly released me, realizing I hadn’t been in the wrong. They let me go back to my room, where I instantly stripped down and showered to get every molecule of Ellie’s scent and fake omega perfume off my skin. I had just changed into fresh clothing when the director appeared to meet with me.
“I’m very sorry about the intrusion.” She frowned. “The ID she presented to us said Meadow Reed.”
“I assume it was fake,” I replied. “She dyed her hair, too, so I wouldn’t notice immediately.”
“Our staff did their due diligence with your visitor, but unfortunately she wasn’t truthful with us. The police are looking for her vehicle now, though. I truly apologize for the stress of this situation. Is there anything you need?”
“No,” I grumbled.
“Should I arrange an additional therapy session for you after seeing her?”
I sucked in a breath. My body was still thrumming with fury and lingering adrenaline. “Probably not a bad idea.”
She tapped away on her phone and nodded decisively. “There’s a slot available for you in half an hour. Why don’t you go for a walk, work off some of your nervous energy until your appointment time?”
“Sure.”
The grounds were genuinely beautiful, but I couldn’t fully appreciate them as I traversed the manicured trails through the gardens. My craving for Meadow was ten times worse now that I’d had my hopes raised and dashed about seeing her. I couldn’t fathom what Ellie had thought would be accomplished by coming here. She was lucky I hadn’t gone fucking feral on her after what she had done to Meadow and me. Thinking about everything that she and Gary had done to me was somehow still easier to take than the thought that she had been targeting Meadow, risking our baby.
I squeezed my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms as an anchor point. I had defended Gary to the guys for so fucking long, too blinded by his lies to see how much he had been hurting me. Were Ellie’s credentials even real? Had Gary lied about that too and brought her in just to fuck with us?
Therapy put me through the fucking wringer as I poured out all of my helplessness and anguish. It was good to talk to someone who understood the nuances and insidiousness of the kind of abuse I had been through. Even so, I felt like I could be told that Gary and Ellie were the ones in the wrong a million times, and I would still harbor the thought that it was all my fault.
“Therapy isn’t a magic fix, Hendrix.” My therapist offered a sympathetic smile. “There are a lot of things for you to unlearn and unpack, a lot of time that will have to be devoted to healing. I’m proud of you for being so open and honest.”
I didn’t cry, but the words hollowed me out. I was fucking trying, and no one in the world could say that I wasn’t. I would suffer through anything to be the person I needed to be, for Meadow, for my pack, for our child. They didn’t need me, and in many ways would probably be better off without me, but I wanted to be there. I wanted them to want me to be there, but I had to restore their trust first.
My dreams were a mess of grief and panic, but every so often, a rush of affection would eclipse all of it. More often than not, Meadow would flare bright as the sun through the bond, more love than I deserved flowing into me.
I would get back to her. The staff was well aware of my situation with a pregnant mate at home. They wouldn’t keep me here longer than I needed to be, and plans were already being made for me to continue my therapy at home, appointments being made to check my progress.
I couldn’t wait to hold Meadow again, to breathe in her perfect floral scent and tell her how much I loved her.
Soon.
Soon, I would get back to everything that mattered.