Chapter 31 The Date #2
I tensed and nodded, leaning back in my chair and folding my hands in my lap.
“Okay,” I said, a little lamely. “Yes. In that case, I agree. We should.”
He nodded, but his mouth had grown taut again and his hand briefly covered his eyes, massaging his temples before he dropped it. I could practically see him thinking as I looked at him, even running through word choices possibly in his head, but for once, not a single word escaped his aura.
I kept my own mouth shut with an effort.
I’d already told myself I would let him talk about this first.
“There are a few things.” He exhaled in what might have been frustration.
“The Antonia thing is the most obvious one. I don’t know what you thought when you read it, but I admit, it disturbed me.
” He swallowed, staring at me with faintly stricken eyes.
“It made me feel sick to my stomach, if you want the truth. That’s why I didn’t try to talk to you last night.
I needed to calm down, to sit on it a bit.
Before I did or said something really fucking stupid. ”
“Ah.” I nodded, feeling my face warm. “Okay.”
His eyes narrowed. His voice grew slightly annoyed. “I know you caught that thing with Forsooth. Him wanting to talk to us about something. I basically told him to wait, that I wanted to handle it, and, well…”
He trailed again.
I waited a few seconds, then frowned.
“Is that related somehow?” I asked. “What Forsooth said?”
He looked at me, and I saw frustration skate across his eyes.
“Yes,” he said, exhaling. “The short version is, he noticed something about us. Something that bothered him, that he thinks we should discuss. Probably the same thing Elsbeth noticed today and would have blurted out in front of fucking everyone if I hadn’t stopped her.”
Another few seconds passed.
I bit my lip, but decided I wasn’t going to prod him again.
Bones took a deep breath, as if steeling himself.
“He thinks, Forsooth, I mean, he thinks there’s something…
” Bones hesitated. “Well, a kind of connection between our magics. Something that usually means something pretty specific. He talked to me about it while I was still in hospital. He thinks you need to know about it, too, and what the implications are.”
He hesitated, avoiding my eyes.
“Since he mentioned it, I’ve been noticing it more and more,” he added darkly.
“It’s why I didn’t push things too much at the Tower, when my mother didn’t want us being together.
” His hands found one another on top of the table.
“I could have probably, well, made arrangements. I didn’t.
Same with trying to be alone with you yesterday. ”
I nodded, keeping my expression still with an effort. My mouth suddenly felt dry. “You think sex makes it worse,” I said carefully. “This connection.”
He startled me by flushing. After another bare hesitation, he nodded. “Yes.”
“But you can’t tell me what the connection means?” I asked.
He looked up somberly. “I think it’s why my father wasn’t able to hijack my magic that night.
When you were with me in my room at the Mansion.
” His jaw tightened. “I think Malefic even knew it was you. Suspected, anyway. He might’ve even felt you through me.
I definitely got the impression he saw you as a threat, and not only because of your blood. ”
I nodded, remembering what Malefic had said that morning. I bit my lip as I struggled to think about everything Bones was saying now. “You think it’s possible he couldn’t get to you because of this connection Forsooth saw? The same one Elsbeth sees?”
Bones’s gold eyes met mine, his expression serious. “Yes.”
“Do you think it’s possible, or do you believe that’s what it is?”
“I believe it,” he said, his voice certain.
I swallowed. “Okay. Does it only work when we’re together?” I asked. “When we’re in the same place at the same time? Physically, I mean?”
“I don’t know.” He hesitated, gauging my eyes.
“I would guess yes, at least right now.” At my frown, he added, “This is all theory, Shadow. There’s a lot I don’t know, that would probably need to be tested.
But I think the cause is this connection, and so does Forsooth.
There’s something about you and me that my father can’t get past. It’s stronger when we’re together. And there’s your necklace, too.”
I looked down when he pointed.
My fingers caught hold of the green crystal I wore, my mother’s crystal.
“Are you sure it’s not only this?” I asked, suddenly skeptical. “Maybe you’re just protected by the crystal when we’re together, Bones. My mother protected my whole family with this when we were kids. All of us. My dad, too.”
Bones nodded. “I just said, I do think it’s that, in part.
” He hesitated. “But you might not be fully aware of how that crystal works, Leda. I examined the magic in it, remember? I spent some time fucking with it, trying to determine all of its properties.” He flushed a little.
“I admit, my motives for that might’ve been somewhat selfish.
It had occurred to me that maybe I could use it to hide from my father.
I wanted to know if that might be possible. ”
I frowned, nodding. “Okay. And?”
“And, it didn’t work on me then,” he said.
At my silence, he flushed, but his eyes went back to gauging mine. “Back then, I experimented on it in a number of ways, and I couldn’t get it to hide my magic. It didn’t work on me,” he said, swallowing. “It’s coded to only work on family.”
He hesitated, still gauging my eyes cautiously.
When I didn’t say anything, he added, “That connection, the one Forsooth noticed, and Elsbeth, means it’s working on me now, too.”
“You’ve talked to Forsooth about this?” I asked, hearing the tension in my words. “About my mother’s crystal, I mean? You told him about it?”
Bones nodded again. “Yes.”
I fought to think about what he was saying, even as I tried to ignore the part of me that felt him holding back, and not telling me everything.
If I acknowledged there were still things he continued to sidestep and/or talk around, then I would have to ask him what those things were, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that yet.
I could already feel my heart hammering in my chest.
“Is this something we need to worry about?” I asked finally.
“So far, it sounds like it’s mostly a good thing.
Are you worried about what you read about the Antonia thing?
” I forced myself to meet his gaze. “Is it the idea that you might become…” I fumbled for the right word.
“…I don’t know, bonded, maybe? To someone else’s magic? ”
He hesitated. His eyes closed, almost like he was steeling himself for something unpleasant, then he opened them and stared right at me.
“Forsooth has books he wants us to read,” he said.
I felt the avoidance swerve in that, too.
“He’s given us a list,” Bones added. “That’s what he wanted to talk to you about yesterday. And me. He thinks it’s already…” He hesitated. “Well, he thinks it might already be permanent. That we need to understand it, because it’s not going away.”
My frown deepened. I was beginning to think I wasn’t the only one letting the other one sidestep sharing critical information. Maybe it wasn’t so much that Bones didn’t want to tell me something, but that he didn’t want to know himself.
“What are you afraid it is?” I asked finally. “Just tell me, Bones. You’re afraid of something. Is that why the Antonia thing made you sick? Are you worried you’re, like…” I swallowed. “Trapped with me?”
He stared at the table.
He didn’t move, didn’t blink for a moment.
Then, abruptly, he let out a humorless laugh.
His gold eyes rose to meet mine.
“You think I’m afraid I’m trapped with you?
” he asked, a touch bitterly. He stared at me, incredulity in his voice.
“Leda, I’m afraid my fucked up magic has done something to you.
Something Forsooth believes would be nearly impossible to reverse.
Something that maybe can’t be reversed. Not ever.
” He stared at my face. “Do you really not get that?”
There was a silence after he spoke.
I fought to think, to process his words objectively.
“I don’t think it’s quite like that, though,” I said finally. I spoke slowly, choosing my words. “Whatever this is… it doesn’t feel wrong to me.” I hesitated, back to watching his eyes. “Does it feel wrong to you?”
He looked at me, his expression even more disbelieving.
I fought to understand what I was seeing, but he looked away before I could make up my mind, right before his jaw hardened.
“No, Leda, it doesn’t feel ‘wrong’ to me.” His voice verged on harsh. “But I don’t think I’m the right person to ask, since I’m pretty sure I’m fucking addicted to it.”
My eyebrows rose. “Addicted to it? Addicted to what, exactly?”
He gave me another disbelieving stare.
“Leda, it’s the first time I’ve felt remotely normal for, well…
” He paused, and his jaw hardened more. “Ever. I’ve never felt normal before.
I’ve had to manage this shite for as long as I can remember.
I tried everything. Magic suppressants. Spells to siphon off magic.
Blood rituals. Human drugs. Sex rituals.
My father’s fucking brands. Even with all of that, I couldn’t use enough magic as a kid to deal with the worst effects of it, not without hurting someone, or hurting myself, or killing something in the ground, even if it was worms and trees and every fucking thing in the river at the back of our estate. ”
He was breathing harder, and I felt a pain in my chest when I realized he was holding it back, maybe even fighting to keep his magic away from mine right now.