Chapter 9 #2
I knew he wanted to distract me, and being distracted sounded kind of nice. I gave him my hands, letting him pull me up. I didn’t miss the delighted surprise that flashed across his face, but then the room spun as I stood, and I gripped his hands tighter instead of letting go.
“Dizzy?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Let me know when it passes,” he said, holding my hands and waiting.
“I’m okay,” I said after the room seemed to settle.
He tucked my arm in his. I stiffened but didn’t pull away. After a few seconds, he started walking slowly, reaching out to open the clinic door, and I walked with him.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“ ’Bout time for the dinner bell now.”
I frowned as we stepped outside and, sure enough, the setting sun lit up the sky with a deep orange color. I’d been out for about twelve hours. If Trey was right and this happened every time I used up all my power, I’d have to be more careful.
The air still smelled like smoke and burnt wood. “The fire out?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Lost about half the homes in the slums, though.”
“What’ll happen to those people who lost their homes?” I asked, feeling uneasy.
“Same thing that happens anytime there’s some sort of natural disaster,” Trey said, a dark edge to his voice. “Madame won’t do shit and the rest of us will scrounge up materials and help ’em rebuild.”
So many questions spun through my mind. I wanted to ask him how he could stand to work for Madame, how he justified the things she did, and why he stayed here at the Vault.
Instead, I kept my mouth shut.
Even if I hadn’t gotten an up close and personal look at what Madame did to people in that awful dungeon room, I’d heard enough small pieces of conversation to know that unrest simmered.
I had plenty of experience with unrest, and if I wanted to survive, I needed to keep my head down and stay the fuck out of it.
Survive, Wolf agreed, startling me. He’d been quiet lately.
“How many people died?” I asked.
“Seven.” Trey’s free hand brushed the top of mine where I held his arm. “Would have probably been triple that if you hadn’t been here.”
Guilt mixed with something warm in my chest.
“But we aren’t talkin’ about the fire anymore. We’re gonna do somethin’ else.”
“What?” I asked warily.
“You’ll see.”
We were headed for the barn, I realized.
A prickle of fear ran through me. I knew better than to blindly follow a man somewhere isolated.
Trey pulled the big doors open and tugged me through.
Even with Wolf snarling warnings in my head, my feet followed him inside, but my body had tensed so much that when Trey turned toward me, I flinched.
He paused, his eyes darting back and forth between mine.
“There’s a nest of kittens in the hayloft,” he explained. “You want to see ’em?”
Surprise and an unbearable softness overwhelmed me for a moment. Kittens. He wanted to show me kittens.
I nodded again, not trusting myself to speak.
“Stay here. I’ll bring a couple down.” He grinned, and the warmth of it made my heart lurch.
I waited as he disappeared up the ladder. The barn smelled like oats and animals, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Tools and various pieces of equipment lined the walls in an orderly fashion. Trey let out a curse from somewhere up above me.
“This little one has a strong bite.” He came down the ladder grinning and climbing easily despite holding a kitten in each hand. “Reminds me of someone else I know.”
I scowled at him and his smile widened.
“You want the little one who bites or the sleepy one?” he asked.
The small one hissed as I took it from him.
I had a point to prove now. The kitten had grey stripes and glared at me with blue eyes, baring its teeth as it growled.
I placed it on my chest directly above my heart and covered it with my sleeves so it didn’t feel so exposed.
As the kitten quieted, Trey tilted his head, curiosity turning mischievous.
“Are you using your powers?”
“No,” I said indignantly. “It’s scared. You gotta give it somewhere to feel safe.”
“Hmm.” A corner of his mouth twitched up.
“What?”
“Nothin’.” He grinned.
“What?” I glared at him.
“It’s good advice,” he said, but his grin changed into something that made terrifying feelings stir to life in my chest.
My pulse stuttered and my cheeks warmed.
“Never woulda thought you were a secret wild kitten tamer.”
“It doesn’t need to be tamed,” I shot back. “It needs to know you aren’t gonna hurt it.”
Gods, that smile.
“You’re right,” he murmured.
If he didn’t stop looking at me with that soft, warm gaze, I would do…something, something stupid. He wasn’t standing that close to me, but every part of my body buzzed with awareness of him like I stood where lightning was about to strike.
“Where were you tryin’ to go?” Trey asked. “When the mercs found you. Where were you going?”
Oh.
“I didn’t really have a plan,” I mumbled.
He looked taken aback. “You didn’t?”
“I wanted to get far away.” I could feel my cheeks warming again.
He blinked once. “So you set off into the mountains without a plan?”
He sounded like Wolf right now. “I was doin’ fine.”
His lips twitched. “You and I have very different definitions of ‘fine.’ ”
The kitten had calmed enough to poke its head out from under my sleeve, sniffing curiously. I shifted to hold it with one hand and used a finger to stroke the top of its head. After a minute, a rattling little purr filled the room. I looked smugly up at Trey.
“How did you do that?” he demanded.
“If you pet it like this,” I said, continuing to stroke its head, “it feels like a mama cat licking it, and it’s comforting.”
“You are full of surprises, Bones.”
“I had…I knew someone really good with animals once.” Why was I constantly telling him more than I meant to? My stomach twisted in panic.
He studied me with his head tilted as though he could sense my chaotic emotions, and I dropped my eyes to the kitten he held and frowned.
“You’re bleeding.”
He glanced at his hand. “Oh, yeah, that’s where that one,” he said as he gestured at my kitten, “bit me.”
“Can I heal it?” I asked.
A faint crease settled between his eyes. “You don’t have to. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.”
I gave him an exasperated look. “I think I can handle it.”
One side of his mouth tilted up in a crooked smile. “Alright.”
I stepped closer, freeing one hand to cover the small wound. My healing power ached, but it only took a few seconds to heal. Trey smelled good, I realized, like my lavender soap and the oil he used to clean his gun. As soon as the wound vanished, I quickly stepped backward.
“What’d you mean when you said it would never be enough?”
The sudden change in topics made me nauseous.
“It’s…nothing,” I lied.
“You can tell me,” he urged.
“I…I…” Gods, those damn brown eyes made it hard to think straight. “I have a lot of blood on my hands.”
He frowned.
“I have this…this power to heal…but I keep…I keep hurting people. I don’t know…I don’t know if I can heal enough…to make up for it.”
“Are you keeping score?” he asked, but not in a mocking way. He studied my face like he was trying to read past the words.
“No. I don’t know. I just…I want to…I need to balance the scales.”
“What scales?”
“The…scales.” I gestured vaguely with one hand, my face heating.
“Do you feel responsible every time you can’t heal someone?”
“I’ve watched so many people die,” I whispered. “People I could’ve saved with my powers.”
“You said Juck didn’t let you heal other people.”
“I could have…I could’ve tried.”
He shifted closer. “What would have happened if you did?”
I paused, terror fluttering in my stomach. He’s gone. He can’t hurt you. But gods, if Juck had caught me trying to heal someone—
Why the fuck was I talking about this?
“I should get back to the clinic.”
Disappointment flashed through his eyes, then vanished. “Okay,” he said.