Chapter 22 Laura
TWENTY-TWO
LAURA
There’s uproar, because of course there is.
“You’re fucking an alien? Welcome to the club!” Arabella crows.
I don’t bother to correct her, and I doubt she’d be so excited learning what I actually do with him.
“I had no idea, when were you going to tell us?” Ellen’s hurt face is quickly replaced by a cautious smile. “Well, as long as you’re happy.”
Gara looks between me and Dom, taking deep inhales with his nostrils flared, like he’s trying to smell the air.
“Is this of your own free will?” Ilia challenges Dom.
“Yes,” he replies, miserable. His scales are the dim purple of an old bruise. He’s lost weight and dark circles rim his downcast eyes.
Well, not for long. Once I fix us, we’ll both be back to normal.
“I got tangled in the Parthiastock mind-sync,” I explain.
Ilia and Gara take a step back, and Dom’s shoulders slump. “I swore not to tell.”
“Yes, I made him promise to keep our trysts a secret.” I stare Ilia down. “So don’t get mad at him.”
“Why would I be angry? He’s obeying a female’s command,” Ilia rumbles.
Ellen nudges him with her elbow. “Come on, you’re doing so well. They should have come to us as soon as there was a problem. Or, even better, they should have felt comfortable enough to let us know they were dating.”
Well, that’s a slap in the face. Likely Ellen feels the same way about me keeping secrets from her.
Gara asks, “Am I correct in surmising that you can hear the Parthiastocks, Law-rah?”
“You’re bang on the money. And it's driving me insane.” I try to keep my voice light. We say that word all the time, but now it lodges in my throat, clogged by the kernel of truth.
Time to ‘fess up.
“I’m not doing so well,” I admit.
“No shit.” Ellen puts her arms around me and squeezes me tight. Her wool sweater smells like hay and has grass seed all over it, so it'll make my skin itchy later, but I burrow my head into her shoulder and wish I could block out the real world.
But I can’t. I need to fix this.
I pull back from Ellen, facing them all. “This mind-fuck thing is ruining everything. I saw Morgan was up to something with Accu-care, but I can’t prove anything. I’ve been kicked off the inquiry, and he’s free to do whatever he wants. We’re going to lose. Everyone… everyone who matters will lose.”
The amusement leaves Arabella’s green eyes immediately. “Oh, Law, I'm so sorry.”
Ellen strokes my hair back from my face. “What about you? I know the inquiry is important to you, but what does being removed off it mean for you?”
“I… I had to take forced sick leave.” I swallow, hard. “But I’m not sick.”
Arabella and Ellen exchange a glance. “This link,” Ellen says, “it won’t be helping your panic disorder, will it?”
There it is, in black and white. “I got rid of that,” I say between gritted teeth.
“Anxiety doesn’t just go away, Laura,” Ellen reminds me gently.
“No, I know, but it was under control. I have to get back in there, prove… prove Morgan’s up to something.” I rub my temples. “I want to focus on this mind-sync. We’ve tried everything we can think of to break this connection.”
“Such as?” Ellen asks.
“Replicating how it was formed in the first place,” I reply, with delicate delivery. Like I'm some prim and proper princess. I turn to Ilia and Gara. “What do you know about this mental bond?”
Gara answers. “It's an ability unique to Parthiastocks. I have no knowledge of it, save that it works by sympathetic resonance.”
“I regret to say I don't know how it works either,” Ilia rumbles.
Dom strides to stand next to me, facing his leader. “We cannot fathom how it happened, nor have our efforts to reverse it worked. The only solution is to seek assistance.”
Gara’s brows pucker. “Where would we seek such assistance?”
Dom squares his shoulders. “Oloria.”
The aliens’ scales pale. Gara sucks in a breath. “You want to return to Oloria?”
Ilia moves his arm in front of Dom as if to shield him. “You’ll be a returning exile. They’ll kill you.”
My chest squeezes as if someone’s got it in a fist. “Not an option. We’ll… figure something out. It has to be today, tomorrow at the latest. I can’t be gone for, what, four weeks at the soonest?”
Everything’s quiet for a moment. Then Dom takes my hands. “We have been trying to break it, to no avail. This is causing interference in your purpose, and is also threatening the stability of my Apex.”
Right. I’m affecting Nevare with my panic attacks.
“It’s risky for you,” I remind him.
His eyes don’t meet mine. “Ilia and Gara came back.”
“Not without serious shit going down,” Ellen says, breathless.
“Didn’t you hear what happened to Gara?” Arabella chimes in, hanging off her alien’s arm. “Chased around the hospital by Parthiastocks trying to snap his neck.”
“Female, I am a Parthiastock. I can blend in with the other law keepers.” Dom speaks so clearly, so matter of fact, but inside I feel something else. A hardening resolve.
With a glance at me, he snatches the inkling away, locking it up tight inside. I open my mouth to protest, but close it again. Who am I to ask someone to tell me all their secrets? He’s allowed his boundaries as much as I am.
“They have these identifier chips, plus the Apexes will scan his mind and know he’s banished,” Arabella protests.
Her mate tells her, “You don’t have to worry about that.”
A bubble of hope forms in my chest. “No?”
Gara nods, face grim. “He’ll probably strangle himself as soon as you land. He received a punishment of exile and it’s death to return. He won’t be able to stop following those orders. It’s not how Parthiastocks work.”
“Right.” I knew that.
“Then give me new orders, Law-rah.” He gets to his knees, lilac eyes beseeching, open and clear, like a glassy lake. “Order me to take you back to Oloria.”
“No!” Arabella blurts at me. “Don’t say anything! You don’t know anything about the culture—”
The tightness in my chest expands. “You think I don’t understand? Yu think I don’t care?”
The garden rings with silence after my outburst. I've never been this out of control, never been this emotional.
Damn.
I massage my forehead. “He’s right. We can’t cope like this. We need… something, some way to get free.”
Dom steps up next to me, shadowing me from the weak afternoon sun.
Lifting my face up, I expect sadness, maybe a bit of defiance.
I didn’t anticipate the depth of understanding in his expressive eyes.
He takes my hands. “I know, Law-rah.”
The simple admission makes my eyes sting with tears. He’s always been understanding and gentle.
Wiping my cheek with his finger, he says, “We’ll solve it. For good.”
“Right.” I dash away my tears before anyone else can see. “But I also want you to be safe.” I turn to Ellen and Arabella. “Who’s the person who kept helping you on Oloria?”
“The All-Mother, Shara,” Ellen begins cautiously. “But she can’t really do a lot against Prif Samara.”
“That’s their, like, totalitarian director,” Arabella explains.
“She was voted in, apparently,” Ellen corrects her gently.
“She’s a total bitch-mobile, I wouldn’t cross her,” Arabella fumes.
I fold my arms tight. “But this Shara managed to get you two home safely, yes?”
“Yes, she helped, but I wouldn’t bet Dom’s life on it,” Ellen says.
The couples glance at each other. A wealth of information passes between each of them, almost as if they have their own psychic connections.
But if they did, they’d be feeling as shit and desperate as me.
“I can’t do this anymore, guys,” I tell them. “I have to have them out of my head. They’re making me angry all the time.”
Dom starts to say something, but stops.
I turn to him. “I’ve never been so out of control. My life was neat, ordered and laid out before we got together.”
His gaze drops to the floor. “I’m sorry.”
“Law, life just isn’t like that,” Arabella says, voice softer than I’ve ever heard from her. “Now, I know we’ve all been turned upside down by the aliens crash landing on us, but we’ll cope together—”
I round on her. “Have you been ripped from the most important case in your life? Have you got someone clamoring over all your deepest thoughts?”
She blinks at me. “No, but it sounds like that dick was asking for it. I’m glad you knocked him into next Tuesday, and I wish we’d gotten back ten minutes earlier so I could’ve seen it. And Gara knows all my thoughts anyway, I ADHD over him all the time.”
Oh, Arabella. She’ll never understand.
Ellen holds up a hand. “Having your privacy, um, invaded, must be distressing. Is there no way to tone it down or shut it off?”
“We’ve been practicing shields. Creating rooms in my head.
But it's a lot of effort, and it's not perfect. It's not enough to stop emotions boiling between us and causing issues with the other Parthiastocks.” I fold my arms. Why does this feel like such a betrayal of Dom? I’m just restating my boundaries. “I want it gone. I don't want to accidentally set Nevare off or cause anyone to get hurt, and, if I’m going to get my life back, I need to be focused. I can’t have the peanut gallery commenting every five seconds.”
Dom falls to his knees with a big crack on the creamy stone flagons. “I can’t help my thoughts, Law-rah. I’m trying to stop thinking for you.”
“Oh, my heart.” Ellen’s lip trembles. “What a sweetie.”
Ilia puts a huge hand on her shoulder. “I can stop thinking for you too, my love.”
She pats his knuckles. “I love you just the way you are, but let’s focus on these two for now. Is there anything that quietens you down for Laura, Dom?”
The huge purple alien slides me a look. Despite the situation, a little jolt of heat shoots straight to my core at the fire in his eyes. “Only when we’re working together in a scene.”
“He means sex,” I say quickly.
Arabella’s eyebrow raises, but she doesn’t say anything.
Ellen’s face creases at him. No doubt she feels pity for the alien, but when she turns to look at me, I see the same expression in her eyes.
I don’t want her pity, I’m trying to fix it. It will get fixed. I can’t live the way I have for the last few months. It’s impossible.
“Are you sure this is the only way?” my oldest friend asks.
“Positive,” I reply. “We’ve been trying Parthiastock techniques for weeks. We need help, and it seems like the only place we’re going to get it is Oloria.”
Dom gets up in a smooth motion, towering over me again. “Then we won’t delay. It will take two Earth weeks to get there, so we should start now.”
“What about Nevare?” I ask. “Doesn’t he need you?”
“Arik will be able to manage him,” Dom says quietly, not looking me in the eyes. The implication stands clear: he’ll be able to cope when I’m not there seesawing the bond back and forth with my anxiety attacks.
I wrap my arms across my chest. “Good. I don’t have any work, obviously. All I need to do is go pack a bag.”
“Please, don’t do this,” Arabella says.
“I have no choice. I can’t live like this. I can’t help anyone, I can’t get Morgan fired, and I can’t get justice for Accu-care’s victims.” All because I lost control of my life.
Dom’s hands settle on my upper arms, the warmth from them spreading up to my shoulders. “I’ll do whatever it takes, Law-rah. I swear.”
“And I’ll keep you safe and return you here as if nothing happened,” I promise. “All nice and separated.” At last, everything back in its place.
His thick thumbs stroke my shoulders. One upside: it does feel nice to be able to do this in the open, in front of my friends. “You cannot promise that,” he says. “But I trust you, so please trust me. I will rectify this.”
I want to believe him. I want to hand it all over to him and let him fix it, but we tried that.
Did I really? Did I practice as hard as I could with the exercises he gave me? Or have I given up too soon?
I shake my head. That’s fear talking.
So, to silence the alarm bells ringing in my mind, I take a deep, steadying breath of my planet’s fresh air. I’ve decided, so there’s no going back. “Let’s go.”