Chapter 4 #3
“Oh, jeez.” Gerald laughed. “Yes. This whole place is a nudist resort. Packed to the brim in the summer, but in winter it’s pretty slow on account of the cold.
Pretty nice today, though.” He gestured up toward the sun trying to peek through the clouds.
“Been a long winter. I am so glad to get some fresh air today.”
And so can your dick, apparently, I thought but managed not to say.
“Wow.” I struggled to speak. “I didn’t catch the part about the nudist resort on the tourist site I saw about the sundial. I’m so sorry for our shocked expressions. We just, uh, we weren’t expecting this.”
“It happens more than you’d realize.” He laughed, making no attempt to cover himself. “No big deal. Did you want that photo of the four of you? I’m happy to take it.”
I kept my eyes focused on his, staring so hard I realized I had stopped blinking. “That would be great. Thank you.”
“Of course.” He accepted the phone and took a step back. “Here good?”
“Doris, you need to turn around,” Alice whispered.
“I can’t look at another man’s…”—she lowered her voice—“weenie!”
“You’re making it weird,” Marge said from the corner of her mouth as she smiled at Gerald. “Turn around and smile, Doris.”
“Oh, I can’t! No! It’s not decent.”
I grabbed her by the shoulders, and she shrieked as I spun her around. We squished her between us, holding her still as we smiled.
“Cheese!” the three of us said together as we stared at the mostly naked man before us. Doris’s voice was absent as she stood with her eyes squeezed shut, body stiff as a board.
Gerald took the photo, and two more to be safe. Then he handed the phone back to Marge with a nod.
“Enjoy the rest of your visit. And good luck with the cancer battle. You’ve got this.” He flexed again, then casually strolled back toward the building, as if taking photos of us while he was nude was completely normal.
Though I supposed at a nudist resort, it was.
Nobody spoke until the door clicked shut behind him.
Then very quietly, Alice said, “You brought us to a nudist colony, Sylvie? Seriously?”
“I didn’t know!” I defended, but my laughter started to break through.
Marge let out a slow whistle. “Here I thought the Giant Lady’s Leg Sundial was the surprise. Wow. You really pulled off a good one, Sylvie. You even shocked me, and that’s hard to do!”
She clapped my back.
“I seriously didn’t know! I’m just as surprised as all of you.” I laughed harder, the full weight of this ridiculous situation settling in. “I searched ‘things to do in northern Indiana,’ and I saw ‘lady’s leg sundial’ and I stopped reading!”
“I need to tell Axel I cheated.” Doris made the sign of the cross, then lifted the rosary around her neck and kissed it. “And get to confession. Is this a sin? Did I just sin?”
“Doris,” Alice managed between laughs. “You did not cheat on Axel by accidentally seeing a nudist’s dick.”
“I looked!”
“You couldn’t not look!”
“I could have closed my eyes faster! I have seen another man’s wee-wee!
Other than both of my husbands’ and my children’s, of course.
” She pressed her hands together. “Oh, Lord. I’m so sorry.
I didn’t know. I didn’t look. Well, I mean, I looked, kinda, but only for a second.
I mean, it was just right there and—oh, Lord. ”
The rest of us were fully gone. Leaning on each other, tears starting, the kind of laughter that hollowed out any sadness inside and filled you back up with pure, magnificent joy. Marge was bent at the waist, hands pressed to her knees for support.
Alice wiped away the tears from her eyes, struggling to speak clearly. “Oh, sweet Doris. You saw a naked man. You did not cheat. You did not sin. You’re fine, okay? Calm down.”
Doris fanned her face, which was an alarming shade of red. “Can we just get out of here before I see another… naked man?” she finished in a whisper.
“Yes. Let’s go. Everyone back to Bertha.” I slung an arm around her shoulder, guiding her toward the office, the three of us still laughing as we walked. “Well, I guess this being a nudist colony explains the no-photography rule.”
We pushed back through the door, hurried through the office while yelling our thanks to the woman at the desk, who called after us, “You come back anytime!” Then we burst out into the parking lot and piled into Bertha, even Doris laughing with us now.
Marge had the engine running before everyone was fully seated. She pulled out of the lot and back toward the highway. We laughed harder as we hit potholes that tossed us into the air as we fled for our lives.
As we left, Marge erupted in hysterics and pointed to a sign on our right that said, “You Must Be Dressed Beyond This Point.” As we rolled back to the highway, laughter kept coming in waves—one of us would almost stop and then someone would giggle and it would start all over again.
Finally, I wiped my eyes properly and took a long, full breath.
This. This was what we needed.
Laughter. Adventure.
Each other.
“Captain?” Marge said. “Where to next?”
I put my Viking hat back on and settled in.
“Just keep driving south and we’ll see where the road leads.”