36. Chapter 36
Chapter 36
BECKY
W eeks of relentless effort had finally brought me to this moment—my first court hearing loomed a mere five days away. I was now the proud owner of a strict budget. But so far, I’d only gathered enough cash to cover a fraction of my debt. I had spent countless hours working extra shifts, assisting the head dietitian in prepping for next year’s campaign, and selling numerous items.
What made things worse was I’d not heard a single word from Weston. Even though I’d told him to leave me alone, I guess deep down I hoped he wouldn’t. Each day, I yearned for a phone call, a message, anything that would tell me he still thought of me. But as the days stretched into weeks, my hopes dwindled. I thought of reaching out, but my dignity held me back… or maybe it was my pride. Perhaps once I was out of the thick of these debt issues, I’d have the courage to call him.
My friends told me I should move on, to forget about him. But how could I? How could I forget the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled at my banter, or the gentle warmth of his hand in mine? In those moments, I felt a connection that went beyond words, a silent understanding that we were two halves of the same whole.
So, every day, I would spend my lunch break reading my Bible. Filling my heart with things from above so that I wouldn’t feel the need to seek comfort from other things. In those quiet moments, the magnitude of God’s grandeur and His boundless love unfurled before me. It was as if each verse I read was a gentle stitch mending the frayed edges of my self-worth, reminding me of a love so vast and unconditional that it transcended human understanding.
I had spent so many years weighing my value on the scales of human approval, somehow allowing God’s view of me to become a muted background to the cacophony of the world’s judgement. I suppose it’s easier to discount the opinion of someone you scarcely know. And I scarcely knew Him, not truly, not until these hushed, introspective days spent in His presence .
I had also been doing all the homework from my therapist, and it motivated me to grow and change. I thrived on harmony in my relationships, yet here I was, learning the intricate dance of setting boundaries. My relationship with my mother, whose approval I’d once sought like a lighthouse in the fog, had changed. Now, our relationship featured boundaries where open doors once stood.
But with every ‘no’ that hung heavy in the air between us, I found the strength to redirect my finances, to channel every penny into the chasm of debt that yawned before me. I wanted to make sure I did everything in my power to regain financial freedom.
I was even willing to part with my most loved clothing items. As a last resort, I’d organized an upscale garage sale for my designer clothes. They didn’t define me; God did. I spent the nights before my sale going through every piece of clothing, organizing them by size and style. My neighbor even lent me her fancy clothing racks to display everything professionally.
Over the last few days, I’d posted on all my social media platforms about my thrifty event. At least those pages came in handy for something. Although I’d continued to update my accounts occasionally, I’d consciously reduced my time on social media, and I planned to keep it that way until it had less of a grip on my self-worth.
Despite all my efforts to prepare for my sale, worry gnawed at me. What if no one came? What if I couldn’t sell anything? I knew I had to stay positive, but it was difficult.
On the day of the event, I sat outside in the garden space of my ground floor unit, sipping on a cup of coffee. I watched as people slowly trickled in. As the first customer picked up a shirt and scrutinized it, a wave of excitement rushed through me. I felt a deep sense of gratitude, that at least one person appeared intrigued. But then, to my surprise, more people arrived. They oohed and aahed over my clothes, and hope began to bloom.
I remained in the garden, maintaining a respectful distance to ensure my customers had ample space. My attention was suddenly drawn to my latest customer—Darcy.
She wore an elegant cotton skirt, perfectly tailored to complement her figure. Her hair was styled straight, not a strand out of place. She commanded attention. But why was she here?
“Becky,” she greeted, her voice tinged with a seriousness that immediately piqued my curiosity .
“Darcy, what are you doing in Atlanta?” I blurted out, my surprise rendering me momentarily tactless.
Darcy offered a small, hesitant smile, almost apologetic. “I’m here for a bit of work, actually. One of my students had a fight nearby, and since I was so close, I thought I’d pop in. Hope I’m not intruding.”
“Oh, no, it’s a pleasant surprise!” I reassured her, though my mind raced with thoughts of her brother. “How is Weston?”
Darcy’s expression softened, a hint of concern flickering in her eyes. “That’s actually why I’m here. I’m not trying to be nosy, but... what happened with you two?”
Talking of Weston tightened my chest. “We decided to part ways,” I replied, my voice steady but my heart constricting with unresolved feelings. “It’s for the best.”
Darcy’s brow furrowed slightly. “If it’s for your best, I get it. But if you parted ways for his best, I think you might be wrong. He’s not living his best life right now because of how much he misses you. He says he’s fine, but... I can see his heart hurts.”
I sighed, a mix of frustration and sadness weaving through me. “I never stopped him from reaching out. In fact, I even said we could talk another time. But he never called. I figured if he really cared, he would have. ”
Darcy leaned forward, her voice dropping to a near whisper. “What about the emails?”
“What emails?” My heart skipped a beat, confusion swirling with a sudden surge of hope.
“He’s written to you, Becky. Several times.”
Stunned, I felt my world tilt a little. “I... I haven’t received any emails from him.”
Darcy’s expression softened, filled with empathy. “He’s been sending them to your university email. The one you gave Gray for booking your vacation.”
My mind raced. That old account? I hadn’t checked it since before my vacation, assuming it would be nothing but spam and old college newsletters by now. How could I have missed this?
“I need to see them,” I said abruptly, the urgency clear in my voice.
She nodded, a knowing look in her eyes as if she understood the tumultuous journey of the heart all too well.
My mind raced, and I knew I couldn’t rest until I unearthed those lost messages. The thought that Weston might still care, that he might have been reaching out while I moved on in ignorance, made me want to cry. I needed to find those emails. I needed to know what he’d said .
Darcy gave me a warm hug goodbye. Without a second thought, I rushed inside to find my laptop, leaving my garage sale and bewildered customers behind for the moment.