Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Ilya
I got up before dawn had even touched the horizon. Not that I’d been to sleep. I’d spent the night with Daisy in my arms, kissing her, and trying to figure out what the hell I should do now.
Finally, I had given up sleeping entirely and gone to the home gym at the other end of the apartment so I didn’t wake anyone up.
I could have tried to lose myself in her body again, and it was as tempting as always.
She was as tempting as always, but in the end, I had decided to come here. Run on the treadmill and then lift iron until sweat coated my skin and my muscles trembled and threatened to give out.
Why couldn’t I make my mind up when it came to her? One second I wanted to make her pay, and the next I was losing myself in her wet heat and having to stop myself from telling her I loved her with everything I had.
It was because I still loved her that she was dangerous. I knew it, and so did my men. Once upon a time, I had given her everything I had, and she had broken my heart. She hadn’t even looked back to see the damage she had done.
So many people had paid the price that should have been hers.
She deserved all the pain; I wanted to see her pretty eyes fill with tears, but at the same time, I wanted my name to fall from her lips as she came around my cock and I left her trembling.
I wanted it all.
But how could I have it all when I knew the more time I spent with her, the further under her spell I would get?
Marguerite.
Her gorgeous face flashed in front of my eyes, and I dropped the weight to the mat with a groan. Marguerite was beautiful. She was the perfect woman. But I didn’t love her.
She wasn’t perfect for me because that was Daisy.
But if I couldn’t have Daisy, then Marguerite would have to do.
I would marry her, as quickly as possible. I’d make Daisy watch as I said my vows. Maybe I would even make her watch—
With a groan, I dropped my head into my hands. And this was where I kept going wrong. I had these fantasies of hurting Daisy so badly she mentally broke, but I could never do it.
As much as I hated her, I never wanted to see those kinds of tears in her eyes. Seeing me marry another woman and knowing it would now never be her would be punishment enough.
Maybe I would even let her go. She could still see Alec.
I wouldn’t deprive them of each other now, but she could have her own place, where she wouldn’t have to be witness to my marriage and where I wouldn’t be able to sneak into her bed in the middle of the night and make love to her until we were both panting, sweaty messes.
Yes, that’s what I would do. I would marry Marguerite but keep Daisy at arm's length until all my old feelings had gone away.
"Papa…"
Slowly, I lifted my head to find Alec standing there in his little train-covered PJs.
"Hey, you." Rushing over, I scooped him up, thrusting my nose into his sweet-smelling hair.
"Eww, Papa." He swatted his little hands against my shoulders. "You’re all sweaty."
Laughing, I dropped him to his feet. "I am all sweaty. What are you doing up so early?"
He shrugged. "I was hungry. I was going to see if Mama Daisy wanted to make pancakes."
My heart gave a twitch at hearing him call her mama. "We should leave Daisy to sleep in today. In fact," crouching down, I drew our eyes level, "I want us to have breakfast with someone else." I took a deep breath. "Do you remember the lady that came to breakfast yesterday?"
His eyes darkened as he frowned, but he didn’t say anything. He just stared at me with accusingly focused eyes. "The pretty one."
The corner of my mouth twitched. "Yes, Marguerite is very beautiful, and she wants to have breakfast with us again today. Maybe afterwards we could all go to the park and—"
He cut me off. "Daisy is pretty too."
Closing my eyes for a second, I nodded my head. "Yes, Daisy is very beautiful, but Marguerite is a special friend of Daddy's, and I would like her to be your friend as well."
Jesus, that was harder to explain to a six-year-old than I had thought it would be.
"Daisy is my friend."
Again, I sighed. "Yes, I know. Daisy loves you very much. Just like I do. But we can have more than one friend, Alec. And I want you and Marguerite to be friends. Could you help me make breakfast for her?"
I waited for him to say yes because he always said yes. He always wanted to please me.
"I don’t want to be her friend."
I blinked at him in shock. "What?"
"I don’t want to be her friend. I don’t want to have breakfast with her. She’s mean when she looks at me." He stomped his little foot.
I did a double-take, racking my brain for any memory that Marguerite had been mean to him, and I came back blank.
"Okay, we won’t cook. We can order in?" I held out my hand. He didn’t take it. "Alec."
"Why can’t we have breakfast with Daisy?" he countered.
"Because Daisy," my patience was beginning to wear thin, "isn’t family. We are family, and Marguerite will be our family too soon."
He stared at me, his mouth falling open. "You want her to be my mommy."
Taking a deep breath, I nodded my head. "If that’s okay with you."
Anger thinned his lips as he glared at me. "I want Daisy."
"You can’t have Daisy, Alec. Daisy doesn’t love me."
I watched as his eyes widened and regretted my words instantly. Why did I say all that to a little kid? He was far too innocent to understand the complicated feelings between adults.
"Papa." He took my hand. "Daisy could love you, if you were nice to her. I know she could love you."
I almost laughed at that. It was so sweet and so foolish. Once upon a time, I had given Daisy everything I had, including my heart, and she hadn’t loved me. I doubted there was anything I could do now to make her have those feelings.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew the only reason she was here was because of the little boy in front of me. Otherwise, she would have disappeared from my life again.
"Enough, Alec," I snapped, and instantly wished I hadn’t. "Daisy is—"
I didn’t get to finish as the buzzer on my phone vibrated. Lifting the cell to my ear, I told the concierge to send her up.
"Alec," I turned my attention back to him, "I want you to act like a gentleman and make Marguerite at home. Is that clear?"
Guilt ripped through me as he lifted his tear-filled eyes to me. "Yes, Papa," he whispered, and I realized why. I never spoke to him like that. I never scolded him.
"Look, I’m sorry." Reaching down, I touched his cheek. "Papa is just grumpy today. Why don’t you go and play, and I’ll call you when breakfast is ready."
The elevator pinged, and I turned to see Marguerite step out of it looking like a supermodel. It made me wonder what time she got up to get herself looking like that at this time in the morning.
"Marguerite." Crossing the sprawling space between us, I took her by the shoulders and pressed my lips against her waiting cheek. "You look amazing."
Her nose wrinkled. "And you look sweaty. Is this a bad time?"
"Of course not. I’ll call down for breakfast and take a shower. You and Alec can—" I watched him scuttle away. Without even saying hello. But not towards his room where his toys were. No, he headed straight for Daisy's room.
I wasn’t even surprised. I knew they would spend the next hour at least just curled up in their PJs together. It was their morning ritual. One that I had been dying to be part of.
Eyeing Marguerite up and down, I forced myself to smile as I motioned for her to take a seat, and deep down I knew I would never have those kinds of mornings with the woman I was going to wed.
"I’m sorry, he’s just—"
Crossing her legs daintily, she smiled. "Maybe it’s for the best, Ilya. We can have some alone time, without little grubby hands and shouting. I do like quiet in the mornings."
Frowning, I stepped away, unease flooding me. "That would be lovely." I lied, because given the choice of being out here with her or in there with them, I would choose them.
Only I couldn’t.
I had made up my mind. Daisy was my past, and I refused to love her for even a second longer. This wasn’t about love or happily ever after. It was about doing what was right and revenge.
So that meant I had to choose Marguerite.