Chapter 10 JULES #2
"Man y'all asked what happened," Chi'lo said, kissing his teeth, frowning.
I felt my insides heat up. Not rage exactly.
Something tighter than that. My daughter was out here letting her name get dragged through the streets like she was some fatherless hoe, and I was standing in my brother's living room hearing it secondhand like a stranger.
I was dumbfounded as fuck by what I was hearing.
This shit was out of hand. I'd let it get out of hand.
I stayed quiet. Juste made eye contact with me, held it for half a second, then shifted his eyes back to the boys.
"Upstairs. Now," he said. They didn't hesitate.
Didn't look at nobody. Just moved, shoulders tight, footsteps heavy on the stairs.
The sound of them going up felt loud in the house, like every step was a reminder of something already broken.
"Come on, brudda, let's go out back," Juste said, already moving.
I followed him through the kitchen, past the sliding door, into the backyard.
The air felt thick. Humid. Like it didn't want to move either.
The door shut behind us and the noise from the house cut clean off, leaving cicadas buzzing and the low hum of traffic somewhere beyond the fence.
Juste sat at the table and pulled out a blunt he'd rolled earlier.
Took his time lighting it, slow drag, eyes steady like he was lining his thoughts up before letting them loose.
"Brudda, you gotta get ahold of your household, dawg," he said, breathing the smoke out.
"I know y'all grieving and shit, but this type of shit can't be going on. "
I leaned back against the post, crossed my arms. The wood felt warm through my shirt. "It's like this shit slipping from my grip," I said. "I don't even know what the fuck goin on right now, man." That part came out quieter than I meant it to. Not weak. Just tired.
"Shid, yo daughter pussy poppin on a handstand sound like," he said, making me frown up at him.
"Nigga don't look at me like that." The words sat heavy.
Ugly. I felt heat rise in me full of pressure.
I could already imagine the whispers. The looks.
The way people talked when they thought nobody who mattered was listening. That shit made my stomach tighten.
"Ion know where the fuck she get that shit from," I said. "Her mama didn't raise her like that. we didn't put shit like that in my daughter head." That was the truth. I held on to it because it was one of the few things I was sure about.
"Nigga, she get it from you," Juste said, passing me the blunt.
"You better snap out of it and put ya foot down.
Or else you gon have grandkids sooner than you think.
" I took the blunt but didn't hit it right away.
Just held it between my fingers, stared at the ash glowing at the tip.
I watched it hang on like it ain't know when to let go.
"Shake back and get in control of shit, Ju," Juste said.
"Ion blame you for bein fucked up bout Juliana.
But you also gotta be present and parent your children that's still here.
" I nodded. It was no need to argue because he wasn't wrong.
"Yeah, I gotta get ahold of this shit with my daughter fa sho," I said. "Shit got my chest feeling funny." I didn't explain that feeling. It was the same tightness I felt on the inside when the cell door used to close. The same pressure and reminder that shit could get taken from you fast.
When I left Juste's, I headed home with my mind on a mission.
Not angry, just focused and That was worse.
Julise fucked up and she didn't even know it yet.
When I made it in the house, Nia was wiping down the counters, movements automatic like she'd been doing the same routine over and over just to keep herself upright.
The kids were sitting at the table eating, forks scraping against plates, quiet but not relaxed.
"Chiana called you?" I asked her, already moving toward the closet in the hallway.
"Sure did," she said. I pulled the toolkit down and dug through the bag until I found the drill.
I went to work without saying anything else or looking at anybody I walked down the hall to Julise's room and started taking the door off the hinges one by one.
The drill kicked in my hand, rattling up my wrist. The screws hit the floor sharp and loud.
Metal against wood. Every pop felt final.
When I was finished, I carried the door straight out the front yard and threw it beside the road with the trash.
without hesitating, I went back inside and bolted her windows down from the inside.
Then I pulled the TV down off the wall mount and walked it outside too, set it beside the door in the trash pile like it belonged there.
When I came back in, I walked straight to the table and snatched Julise's phone up quick., without warning or explanation. I went to the sink, put the stopper in, turned the water on. Nia stood back watching me, her face unreadable, but I could tell she wasn't stopping me.
"Daddy, what you doin?" Julise stood up from the table, voice shaking.
I dropped the phone in the sink as the water filled up, watched it disappear under the surface before I turned around to face her.
This wasn't about the phone, this was about me trying to get my hands back on something that was already slipping.
"Julise, you got your daddy all the way fucked up," I said.
"My nephews fighting at school defending your name?
" Her face dropped. Shoulders caved in. That tough shit she'd been wearing cracked right in front of me.
"I'm done with all this bullshit you got goin.
You hear me?" I said. I didn't raise my voice.
"This rude ass fucked up example you being for your sister and brother, that shit over with.
This disrespectful ass shit you got goin on with ya mama, that shit is over with.
The next time I hear your name tied up in some sneaky grown ass shit, I'ma whoop your ass, Julise.
I'm telling you." I let it sit. "Now you can finish eating or go to your room.
Choice is yours." She started crying and walked off to her room without another word.
"It's about time," Juelz said from his seat at the table.
"Shut up!" me and Nia said at the same time. I caught Nia fighting a smile she didn't want to admit to. I looked over at her with my eyebrow raised. "You say anything to her about that shit?" I asked. "This shit out of hand, Nia."
"This shit been out of hand, Jules," she said.
"You been the one walking around here like a ghost." That shit stuck.
She didn't have to explain it, I knew exactly what she meant.
I Just stood there, listening to the sound of water running in the sink, plates clinking, life continuing like it always did.
Standing in my own kitchen, looking at my kids, my wife, the mess I helped make and was now trying to clean up, I understood something clear and cold:
I couldn't afford to disappear anymore.
Not into grief.
Not into silence.
Not into pretending shit would fix itself if I waited long enough.
Whatever kind of man I'd been before, whatever rules I lived by, whatever distance I thought kept people safe, that shit didn't work no more.
And whether I liked it or not,
whether I was ready or not,
I was done being a ghost in my own house.
The next week I was stopping the kids my McDonalds for breakfast before I dropped them off at school.
Nia was gone before we got up and breakfast wasn't cooked.
I grabbed the food from the drive through window passing it back to the kids before pulling off.
The car smelled like grease and syrup. Wrappers rustled in the backseat.
The radio played low, something slow and forgettable.
I kept my eyes on the road, hands steady on the wheel, doing what needed to be done.
"Anyone of y’all talked to your mama this morning?
" I questioned glancing at them in the rearview mirror.
I already knew the answer. Still asked it. "nope" Juelz said.
"She did text saying let her know what we wanted to eat today.
" Jezel said making him smack his lips. That tracked.
Nia always did just enough not to be accused of leaving.
Always made sure the kids were handled, even if she wasn't there to handle them herself.
I nodded once, eyes back on the road, jaw tight.
She used to be up before all of us, pots clanking, eggs sizzling, coffee brewing. Now it was silence and drive-thru bags.
Nia ass had started pulling this disappearing act more and more during the week.
I didn't say shit about it. Didn't question her about where she was going or why. Part of me didn't want to know. But I noticed, and that was the problem.
Curiosity wasn't panic. It wasn't jealousy either.
It was more like noticing a door in your house that used to stay open was starting to stay shut.
I thought about how quiet the bed had been when I rolled over and she wasn't there.
How the bathroom light was off. How her side of the closet stayed neat now, untouched. No half-open drawers. No rush.
I watched the kids in the mirror as they ate, laughing over something stupid, ketchup on fingers, crumbs on hoodies.
They were okay. That mattered. That had to matter more than whatever questions were starting to stack up in my head.
Still, It felt like something was shifting under my feet.
Not loud or dramatic. Just steady. Like ground settling after a storm.