JULES #3
Everything we built was reduced to ink on paper. I sat there for a second after. Letting the weight of what I just did settle in without reacting to it. Then I set the pen down. Stacked the papers back the way they were.
I got out of the bed. Feet hitting the floor steady. I got dressed. In the same way I always did.
Buttoned up.
Put together.
Controlled.
I didn't look back at the bed. Didn't look for anything in that room. There was nothing left in there for me to hold onto. I walked through the house slower than usual. Taking in the quiet.
The small things.
The way the light came through the window.
The way the kitchen sat clean.
The way everything seemed to have already adjusted to me not being there.
I grabbed my keys off the counter. Phone still in my hand.
Text still sitting open. I didn't respond.
Didn't need to. I had already answered her.
I stepped outside, pulling the door closed behind me.
I stood there for a second before walking toward my car.
Knowing that when I returned, it would be to visit or pick up my kids. Not to come home.
I opened the car door and paused for a second. I spent years believing I was the center of that house. The foundation. The one everything rested on.
Sitting there with the signed papers in my hand a few minutes ago, I understood something I couldn't take back. I wasn't the foundation. I was just part of it. And she learned how to rebuild without me. And there wasn't nothing in this world that was gonna put me back where I used to stand.
NIA
One Year Later
I rushed through the house picking up my purse, keys, and everything else I seemed to need.
Juelz stood by the door with a mug on his face irritated that he'd been waiting on me and Jezel for more than five minutes.
"Jezel you keep running your hand through them braids they gon fall out. " He said to her.
"Juelz shut up." She mumbled to him.
"Out to the car, please, both of you," I said to them.
The older they got, the more they went back and forth.
I took in the house's decor. I'd remodeled, made updates, and redecorated once the divorce was finalized.
The color scheme was now blush pink, nude, and boho.
Juelz hated it, but I loved it. It made everything feel fresh and new.
It didn't feel like the same old same old.
I smiled at the picture of Juliana hanging on the wall before exiting the house.
We were headed to Julise's school. She had a speech to give today in her public speaking class, and the students' families were invited to attend.
Each student had a different topic to write about, a time they realized something significant, and why it was significant.
The air outside felt different these days.
Not lighter exactly, just clearer. Like everything that used to sit heavy on my chest had finally settled somewhere I could carry it without it breaking me down every time I took a breath.
I locked the door behind me and walked toward the car, watching Juelz already in the back passenger seat scrolling through his phone while Jezel sat on the opposite side checking her reflection in the mirror like she hadn't done that ten times already.
I got in the driver's seat and started the car.
"Seatbelts," I said without looking at them.
They clicked in almost at the same time.
That used to be something I had to repeat.
Over and over. Now it was just understood.
A lot of things were like that now. I pulled out of the driveway and onto the street.
The house got smaller in the rearview mirror, but it didn't feel like I was leaving something behind anymore.
It felt like I was moving forward from it.
That difference mattered. more than I used to admit.
We rode in silence for a few minutes. "Ma," Jezel said softly from the back seat.
"Yeah?"
"You think Julise nervous?" I glanced at her in the mirror. She was looking down at her hands, picking at her nails. "I think she’s ready," I said. "Your sister been working on that speech all week."
"She kept practicing in her room," Juelz added, not looking up from his phone. "Talking loud as hell, too."
"Juelz," I said, cutting my eyes at him.
"I'm just saying," he shrugged. "She been serious about it. "Serious was new for Julise. In a way that showed me something had shifted in her. In all of us.
I remembered sitting next to her in that nail salon.
Watching her break down in a way she had been holding in for longer than I even realized.
I remembered driving her to therapy that first morning and not knowing if she would walk in or slam the door and refuse.
She changed. Not overnight. But she did the work.
And I watched her do it without trying to control it.
That was something I had to learn. Letting people grow without forcing them to be who you need them to be.
I pulled into the school parking lot and found a spot near the front.
Parents were already gathering outside, some walking in, some standing around talking.
I circled around the parking lot and parked near the rest of the family.
I could see Evie and Saint standing next to their car.
Juste and Chiana were looking over their kids, and Noles and Ayida had just pulled up at the same time as Pierre and Amina.
I cut the engine and turned to look at them. "Y’all ready?" I asked. They nodded.
We got out and walked toward the rest of the family. We all spoke to one another, passing hugs and smiles. Jules pulled into the parking lot and hopped out quickly. "My bad. I was running behind," he said, hugging the kids before giving me a side hug.
The last year after the divorce had been finalized, things had been steady with us. We co-parented smoothly with the kids and remained cordial at events together. I was thankful we were able to be grown and make this part as peaceful as we could for the kids.
We headed inside, taking our seats, waiting for the program to start.
The auditorium was already half full. Parents lined the back wall, some standing, some sitting in those small plastic chairs that always felt like they were built for discomfort.
The kids sat up front, shifting in their seats, whispering, some nervous, some excited.
I found Julise with my eyes almost instantly.
She sat up straight. Hands folded in her lap.
Not fidgeting. That alone told me everything I needed to know.
A year ago, she wouldn't have been able to sit still long enough to get through something like this without rolling her eyes or shutting down completely. Now she looked grounded. Like she had found her footing again.
I eased back into my seat, crossing my legs, my hands resting in my lap.
The rest of the family filled in around me.
Evie whispered something under her breath to Saint that made him shake his head.
Amina leaned over to Chiana, already talking.
Ayida sat still, calm, her presence always carrying something deeper than what was on the surface.
Jules sat a few seats down. Not too close.
Not too far. Just where he belonged now.
That no longer made my chest tighten. It just was.
The teacher stood at the front, welcoming everyone and explaining the assignment. I listened, but my focus stayed on Julise. In ways, I hadn't always given her the space to show how capable she was.
The presentations started one by one. Kids stood up, voices shaking, some reading straight from their paper, some trying to memorize.
Stories about losing pets, moving schools, and friendships ending.
Small moments that felt big to them. That's how it always starts.
The things that shape you don't always look like much from the outside. But they change you anyway.
When it was Julise's turn, she stood up with no hesitation. She walked to the front of the room and turned to face everybody. Her eyes scanned the room for a second, then landed on me. Just for a moment. Then she looked forward again.