Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
SOFIYA
I s this what pure shock feels like? Numb and nothing else. I stare out the window as Mikhail drives us away from the club, Irina’s dead body seared into my brain. He killed her. He killed her right in front of me.
I know Bratva men are dangerous. I know Mikhail does things when it comes to his work—dark things I don’t question because it’s not my place. I am his wife, not his employee. I don’t need to know what he does for his job. How he became the strongest, most powerful man in Moscow. I just don’t need to know.
But tonight, I saw it first-hand. He did whip Andrei in front of me, but he didn’t kill him. With Irina, he killed her. All because she tried to kill me.
My fingers touch the cut on my throat. The blood has dried now, but it still stings. “I’ll need a Band-Aid,” I whisper.
Mikhail glances over at me. “What?”
“I’ll need a Band-Aid.” I point at my neck.
His eyes narrow, and his hands clench the steering wheel. “Of course. I’ll find you a bandage when we get back home.”
“And Neosporin. I don’t want it to get infected.”
“I’ll clean your wound. Don’t worry. I won’t let it get infected.”
“Ok. Ok. That sounds good.” I don’t even realize my fingers are shaking until I clench my hands together.
“Are you all right?”
The sound that leaves me is between a laugh and a sob. “No. You just killed someone. Right in front of me.”
Mikhail frowns. “She was trying to kill you.”
“But you and Irina were close at one point. You just killed her.”
“Because she was trying to kill you,” he repeats. “I’ll always protect you, Sofiya. You’re my number one concern now.”
“But you cared for her and were able to kill her. Will you do the same to me?”
He almost swerves the car off the road but gets it back under control. “What? I would never kill you, Sofiya.”
“But you killed Irina!” My shout is loud within the car. I think I’m panicking.
“Because she wasn’t my wife. You are.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Let me pull over.” He finds an empty street and pulls up to the curb, turning the car off. I flinch when he faces me head-on. “You’re afraid of me,” he says softly.
“I just … you killed her right in front of me.”
“I shouldn’t have. I realize that now. I didn’t realize you’d be this upset over it. But you haven’t seen much death, have you?”
“No. Never.”
“Your father kept you sheltered. Maybe he should have shown you what our world is like. What the Bratva is like. I killed Irina because she was going to kill you. She was becoming a problem, and I dealt with her. Now, she’s gone and can never hurt you again. Because I saved you.”
I keep my eyes glued to my lap. “How many people have you killed before?”
“I’ve lost count.” The way he says it so calmly and matter-of-factly is terrifying.
“You’ve seen a lot of dead bodies. Haven’t you?” I sneak a peek at his face and watch him frown.
Mikhail clears his throat and turns away from me. “I have. But none of that matters right now. I was only thinking of protecting you. Not how you would feel over seeing me kill another person. I didn’t think, and now, you’re scared of me. I don’t want you to fear me, Sofiya.”
“How can I not? You’re a murderer.”
“Deep down, you already knew that about me.”
I want to object, but he’s … right. I knew Mikhail did dangerous things. I can’t be naive right now. I’m married to a man who’s the epitome of dangerous. There’s still so much I don’t know about him, but that is one thing I know—Mikhail is dangerous, and there’s no denying it.
And I’ve found comfort in his arms. I let him take my virginity tonight. I let him inside my body. I let him make me feel safe.
He did save me tonight. Irina was going to kill me, and he stopped her.
I take in a deep inhale and let it out slowly. “Is there anything else I need to know about you?”
He doesn’t answer for a long time. Finally, “No,” he says and restarts the car. For some reason, I don’t think he’s being entirely truthful. I know about Natasha, his dead wife. I know he’s killed people. I know he’s the ruler of a powerful, dangerous organization.
And I still feel like he’s keeping something from me.
Mikhail has demanded I give him all of myself, and I have. But I don’t think he’s extending the same courtesy to me. I think Mikhail is keeping something from me, and it makes the small distance between us in the car feel miles wide.
Mikhail takes me into the bathroom the moment we get home. “Let me clean that up for you,” he says, taking out a first aid box from under the counter. I wince when he presses an alcoholic rub against my cut.
“It’s not deep,” he says. “You won’t need stitches. Just a bandage.”
I hold still as his fingers place the bandage on my wound. He could easily wrap his hands around my throat and strangle me to death, and then I’d be like Irina—dead, killed by Mikhail.
No. Mikhail doesn’t want me dead. He’s said so himself. I’m safe with him. So, why do I want to bury myself in his chest and run away from him at the same time? He’s my protector.
He’s also my enemy.
But I still want to be with him. None of this makes sense.
Mikhail trails his fingers along my neck, drawing goosebumps up my skin. I let out a slow exhale when he kisses my bandage. “You’ll be all right.” I’m not sure if he means my wound or my mental state.
“Hold me,” I whisper, clinging to his shirt.
Mikhail doesn’t hesitate to wrap me in his arms. “You’re safe with me, Sofiya.”
I know he’s right. But I also know the world we live in is vicious, one where parents are taken from their kids, women are forced into marriages, and murder happens without a blink of an eye. Being with Mikhail inherently puts me in danger.
Despite knowing all this, I sink deeper into his arms and stay like that for a long time.
I stand in the closet, staring down at the dress I wore. It’s so small. I think I forgot it was so small. I hiss as I slip my pajama pants on. My body is sore from Mikhail taking me. He didn’t hold back at all. Mikhail wanted to claim me before a crowd of people, and he did exactly that.
I step into our empty bedroom once in my pajamas. Mikhail is downstairs dealing with the Irina situation. Even though he owns most of Moscow, murder is still murder. He can't risk getting into trouble.
So, that leaves me alone tonight.
The tears hit me. The next thing I know, I’m curled into a ball, bawling my eyes out. I had a lot of firsts happen tonight. First time going to a BDSM club. First time having sex. And first time watching a murder. Normally, firsts are exciting, but I just feel drained.
I miss my mother more than anything right now. She would hold me and sing to me whenever I was upset. It didn’t matter what was going on with her. She would be there for me no matter what.
Without even realizing what my body’s doing, I get up, walk to Vik’s room, and knock on the door. It’s well past midnight by now, so I have to knock harder for Vik to hear me. Eventually, she opens the door.
“Sofiya.” Her eyes widen. “What …”
I can’t even speak as I cry harder. The tears just won’t stop.
“Come here.” She pulls me into a hug and runs her hand up and down my hair, just like our mother did. I know comforting someone isn’t easy for Vik. She’s not exactly the most empathetic person. But she’s making the effort for me, which just makes me cry harder.
Vik tugs me into the room and shuts the door, leading me to her bed. We lie down together, and she holds me from behind.
She doesn’t let me go, even as I fall asleep through my tears.
I wake up, not realizing where I am for a moment, but when I turn my head and see Vik sitting up beside me, staring down at me with concerned eyes, I remember.
“Hi,” I say, looking away from her, my face turning red. Vik will hold this over my head forever. I just know it.
“Hi, yourself. You were a mess last night. What happened?”
I shake my head.
“Sofiya, come on. Talk to me.”
“No. You’ll just make me feel bad.”
“I will not,” she says, affronted.
“Vik, you’re the queen of making people feel bad.”
She huffs, rolling her eyes. “Fine. But not right now. I’ve never seen you so upset. Not even when our parents died.”
“I had sex last night,” I whisper, keeping my eyes glued to the ceiling. I can’t see Vik’s reaction, but I can tell from her quick inhale she has a lot she wants to say.
“I guess I just assumed you and Mikhail had already …”
“No. I mean, we’ve done some … stuff. But not that. Not until last night. He took me to a BDSM club, and we had sex in front of a group of people.”
“I can’t tell if you’re being serious right now.”
I force myself to look at her. “I’m being completely serious.”
“Wow. That’s …” She lets out a slow breath. “That’s a lot.”
“And then this woman, Irina, tried to kill me afterward.”
Vik holds up a hand. “Ok. Slow down.”
“There’s more.”
“There’s more?”
“Mikhail killed her for trying to kill me.”
“Ok …”
“There’s more.”
“How can there be more?”
I look back up at the ceiling as I feel a single tear escape my eye. “I let him hold me afterward because he makes me feel safe. Even though he absolutely terrifies me. I still want him.”
“Is that it?”
“Yes.”
Vik shakes her head as she lets out another exhale. “And all of this happened last night?”
I nod.
“I guess … I’ll be honest. I don’t know what to say.”
“You always know what to say.”
“I know. But not this time.” Her eyes lock with mine. For once, they’re full of softness rather than her normal derision. “Are you ok?”
“I have no idea.”
“Well, you know I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Pushing myself up, I look at my older sister with shock. “How would I know that? You’ve done nothing but hurt me.”
Vik flinches before raising her head high. “I know I’ve been … intense before. But you know I don’t want you or Mila to get hurt. To die. You know that.”
“I do know that,” I say softly. Despite my sister’s faults, I know she’s telling the truth. “Do you have anything else to say?”
She looks up for a moment before turning back to me. “Yeah. I’m now glad I’m not the one married to Mikhail.”
Her words make me suddenly and violently begin laughing. She smiles with me, which is as much as anyone will ever get out of Vik.
“You really did want him, didn’t you?” I ask once my laughter dies down.
“Yeah. Because I thought he was worthy of me. Now I know that no man is. I’ll be a spinster forever.”
“You’re not going to be a spinster forever, Vik.”
She shrugs. “I don’t like to put up with anyone’s bullshit. And I feel like a lot of Bratva men are full of bullshit. So, I’m good being on my own.”
“Not if Boris has his way.”
The shudder that racks her body is almost comical. “Well, we’re here now. Boris can’t force himself on Mila any more than he can force me to marry another man.”
“Just don’t do anything stupid to make Mikhail want to kick you out again, please.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
VIKTORIYA
I barge into Mikhail’s office. “You’re supposed to be taking care of my sister.”
Mikhail slowly lifts his eyes from his computer to me. “What is this about, Viktoriya?”
“Sofiya told me everything about last night. I’m here to remind you to make sure she’s safe.”
“I did. And since you know everything, then you will know that’s why I killed Irina. To keep Sofiya safe.”
“I meant from you.”
Mikhail sighs and leans back in his seat. “Is this conversation going to last a long time?”
“No. I’ll keep it short. Never put Sofiya in a dangerous situation like that again.”
“Or what?”
Instinctively, I take a step back. “What?’
“You said I should never put Sofiya in a dangerous situation again. There was an implied ‘or what’ included in that. So … or what? What will you do if I put Sofiya in another dangerous situation?”
“Or … you’ll regret it. I’ll have no choice but to hurt you.”
Mikhail looks at me for a moment before laughing. It stings, even though I would never admit that. “You can’t hurt me, Viktoriya. You and I both know that. And since we’re on the topic of threats, if you piss me off again, I’ll have you married off to a man of my choosing. How does that sound?”
Sounds horrible, but I can’t let him know that. “Sounds great.”
He huffs. “You’re lying. I saw the way you turned your nose up at the men at my parties. You think you’re better. So, I think you wouldn’t appreciate being married off without your consent. But I will do that, Viktoriya. I will do that in a heartbeat if you make me angry again. And right now, I’m not angry, but I am annoyed. I will always take care of Sofiya. Physically, she will always be safe with me.”
But what about emotionally ? “I held my sister for the entire night while she cried in my arms. All because of what you did to her.”
Mikhail’s face is stoic, but there’s a tightening around his eyes.
“So, threaten me all you want,” I say, “but I will always fight for my family.” Keeping my head held high, I leave Mikhal to sit alone in his office.
SOFIYA
Mikhail left a note in our bedroom, telling me to meet him in the playroom.
The moment I step over the threshold, I feel my body quivering. It’s a Pavlovian response.
He’s standing in the room in his normal white button-down, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and his usual black slacks. No shoes this time. That’s unusual. The only times I’ve ever seen Mikhail without his shoes is when he’s in our bedroom and … last night when we had sex.
“Come here,” he says, motioning me closer.
My bare feet melt into the plush carpet as I walk over to him.
“Your sister and I had an interesting conversation today.”
I frown. “What?”
“Viktoriya. She wanted to make sure I’m taking good care of you. I need to know she won’t cause any more problems.”
“She won’t. I’ll make sure of it.” Oh, Vik. Why did you have to say anything?
“And I wanted to ask you. Do you think I take good care of you? You can be honest with me.”
“I think …” I lick my lips. His eyes notice. “I think you want to keep me safe. And you’ve done that. So … yes.”
Mikhail nods once. “Good. But just in case you weren’t sure, I wanted to show you tonight how much I can take care of you. I want you to take your clothes off and lean over that chair.” He points to a low-back chair in the corner.
“Are you going to punish me?”
“No, Sofiya. Tonight is not about punishment. I want to show you what kind of pleasure I can give you.”
I need to trust him. Mikhail has only ever protected me. He’s never hurt me.
Slowly, I take off my clothes. Mikhail’s eyes latch onto every inch of my skin as it’s exposed. Then I lay my stomach over the back of the chair and relax.
Mikhail walks up behind me and places his hands on my butt. My breath catches in my throat. “Fucking you last night was one of the best nights of my life. Finally getting to claim you as my own. Nothing could be better. So, know I’m going to claim you as my own again.” His lips touch my spine, making me gasp. He trails the length of my spine, following each bone up and down. “I want you to lie down on the bench and raise your arms above your head.”
I stand up and walk over to the bench, keeping my eyes low. I need to trust Mikhail. I can do this.
My body trembles as I lie down and raise my arms. Mikhail gently grabs my wrists and wraps a soft leather cuff around each of them. I gasp. The cuffs are attached to a rope embedded in the floor. I’m not going anywhere even if I want to. My breath comes out faster, and my head whips around.
“You’re ok,” he says, placing his hand on my stomach. It helps to steady me. “You need to learn to give up more control. I will make you feel good, Sofiya.” As he takes his clothes off, his erection springs forth, shocking me again. I think I forgot how big he was, but my body remembers. On instinct, my inner walls clench.
Mikhail pulls my lower body to the edge of the bench, stretching my arms all the way out. “Trust me.”
“Yes.”
He palms my folds, rubbing his hand up and down. I moan softly, unable to fight the pleasure he’s so good at wringing from my body.
“How’s my good girl feeling tonight? Still sore?”
“Yes,” I admit.
“You won’t be sore forever. Soon, your body will get used to mine.” He removes his hand from between my legs and replaces it with his hips. As his length brushes against my entrance, I remember the pain and the pleasure he brought me last night. “You will let me fuck you tonight, and I will make you feel so good.”
I gasp and arch my back up. “Yes.” I want this. Why do I want this again? My brain is scrambled. I just know I need Mikhail and nothing else.
Mikhail grips my hips and thrusts into me. I’m still tight, and with my soreness, it almost hurts more tonight than it did last night. I cry out.
“You will take me inside you,” he growls, grinding his hips against mine. I can feel him fill me up. Every time he thrusts back into me, it hurts, but there are those spikes of pleasure again coming out from the darkness.
My hands can’t hold onto him. I’m weightless. I clench my fingers around the cuffs to find something to steady me.
Mikhail growls as he drives his erection deeper within me. He’s not holding back. “Are you my good girl? Tell me.”
“Yes!”
“Tell me.” He holds my hips tighter.
“I’m your good girl,” I gasp, my eyes fluttering shut from the sensation of everything.
He thrusts into me again and again and again. I’m powerless to stop it. I don’t think I even want to stop it.
Every time he drives his length out of me and pushes it back in, I feel a jolt of pleasure shoot through me.
Mikhail lets go of my hips and places his hands on the bench, leaning closer to me. I wrap my legs tighter around his waist as I shift my hips up, trying to reach him even more.
“I want you to kiss me,” I say.
His eyes soften before he leans down and captures my lips within his. We’re chest to chest now. Closer than we’ve ever been.
The kiss doesn’t last long, though. Mikhail sits back up and increases his pace, thrusting into me with wild abandon. The sound of our bodies moving together is almost vulgar. The only other sounds in the room are my breathless pants and Mikhail’s deep growls.
“Come for me, baby,” he says, driving his length in harder. I make a sound that’s a cross between a moan of pleasure and a cry of pain. “Be my good girl.”
God, I want nothing else.
Without even expecting it, my release hits me. “Mikhail,” I gasp, my body trembling and shuddering.
Mikhail groans as he quickly follows with his own release. Once again, I feel his seed inside me. We haven’t discussed children yet, and I’m not sure why we haven’t.
He removes himself from me and then unties my hands from the cuffs. My arms drop clumsily to my sides. “Stay there,” he instructs as he walks over to grab a towel from the table and dip it into a bowl of water. He comes back and begins to clean me. It’s hard to focus on anything else except for his hand between my legs, wiping me down.
“Why did you stop kissing me?” I ask.
He pauses. “Because I got caught up in the moment.” He resumes rubbing the towel over my folds and inner thighs.
“I wanted you to keep kissing me,” I admit.
He pulls away and walks back over to the table, setting the towel down.
I sit up and wrap my arms around my body. “Why haven’t we had sex in our bed?”
“What?” He glances at me.
“We had sex at the club and now in here. Why haven’t we made love in our bed?”
“Because this is how I do things, Sofiya.”
Are you keeping me at a distance? I felt it the moment he pulled away from the kiss. Even though Mikhail has asked me to give my entire self over to him, he’s still keeping me at a slight distance. I can feel it.
“What if I want to have sex in our bed?” I ask.
“I’ll gladly fuck you for however long you want.”
I flinch. He didn’t say “in our bed,” though.
Sighing, he walks over to me and pulls me up to stand. “Come here.” He wraps his arms around me, and I cling to his back, stuffing my face into his chest. “Are you all right?”
“Yes.”
“Did you like what we did?”
I can’t deny it. “Yes.”
He cups my face in his hands. “My good girl.” He presses a kiss to my forehead, then steps back. Playtime is over. It’s time for me to go back to our bedroom, where I get the sense I’ll be spending the night by myself again.
Not wanting to be alone, I gather Vik and Mila, and we converge in Vik’s room. There’s an unspoken promise between Vik and me that we won’t tell Mila what happened between Mikhail and me.
Mila doesn’t need to know.
“I’ve missed eating chips,” Mila says, stuffing a handful of chips into her mouth. “During the season, I never get to eat anything unhealthy.”
“Ballet is our lives,” Vik says, snatching the bag of chips away. “You shouldn’t be eating these.”
“Come on, Vik. Let Mila eat them. In fact, I’ll eat some myself.” I grab the bag back, take out a huge chip, and stick the whole thing in my mouth, making Mila giggle.
“Remember when Father would stuff a heaping mouthful of food into his mouth?” Mila asks. “It always grossed Mom out.”
“I do remember. That man could eat like no other.”
Vik crosses her arms and leans back against the headboard. “And it was disgusting. Mom had it right.”
“Mom always had it right,” I say softly. “I miss her. So much.”
“Oh, no,” Vik says, wagging her finger at me. “No more crying over our parents.”
“Yeah,” Mila agrees. “Let’s share some fun memories of them. Think of the good times.”
“You were the only one who had any good times with Father,” Vik says.
Mila frowns and nibbles on a chip. “Not true.”
Vik and I share a glance. “It was true,” we say in unison.
“You were always Father’s favorite,” Vik says, grabbing a chip and tossing it at Mila’s face.
She flinches and flicks a chip at Vik in return. “Fine. Then how about our mother? We all got along with her.”
“Remember the time our parents took us ice skating?” I say. “Father kept falling over and getting embarrassed. I don’t think he was prepared to be bad at something.”
Vik smiles slightly. “Mom kept teasing him about it.”
“Oh!” Mila sits up. “Remember when Father took us camping?”
“Oh god,” Vik groans. “I do.”
“We ended up glamping instead.” I smile at the memory. “But instead of being disappointed he only had daughters, he gave in and let us glamp.”
“Mom brought an espresso maker with us,” Vik says. “Father just couldn’t understand that we didn’t want to camp in the woods.”
“I remember when some bird pooped on his head.” Mila laughs. “I thought it was the funniest thing ever.”
“That’s because you were seven,” Vik reminds her.
“It was still funny.”
“It was pretty funny,” I say, laughing to myself at the memory. Mila begins to laugh harder, and soon, we’re full-on belly laughing. Vik smiles, watching us.
As I laugh with my sisters, eating a bag of chips, all I can think is that I haven’t laughed this hard since my parents died.