33. Declan
While the loud bang from the gunshot still rang in my ears, it didn't appear that Brogan had actually shot himself, so when he pulled me to him, I wrapped my arms up and under his body. Pulling him to my chest, I rocked back onto my ass and heels as I held him tightly against me.
Still, I couldn't stop myself from running my hand around his head looking for any warm, wet spots. When I realized he’d escaped unscathed, the panic began to subside, but it was quickly replaced by something else—anger.
My nerves were completely shot, and the pain in my chest had yet to lessen even now that I knew he was fine.
Physically, at least, but certainly not emotionally.
I eventually pushed him away from me, but not far enough away to stop me from holding onto his arms. I then shook his body, forcing him to stare up at me.
“Don’t. Ever. Do. That. To. Me. Again!”
I was so fucking thankful he’d been spared, but that relief didn’t erase the stark terror I’d just felt, nor the agonizing pain if I would’ve lost him.
Fucking Russian roulette. When the gun had gone off, I’d thought the worst. The moment I screamed, I’d also prayed that I hadn’t lost the most important person in my world.
“You haven't been taking your medications, have you?” I didn’t care if it came off as an accusation or not. When he didn’t answer me, I shook him harder. “Brogan, I’m talking to you. When’s the last time you’ve taken your medications?”
He finally shrugged, making me narrow my eyes at him. “Sometimes I remember, and sometimes I don’t.”
His tone of voice had changed back to one more familiar to me now that the hollow deadness witnessed earlier was being replaced by an actual flaring of life. The last half hour had likely taken ten years off my life, but my man was coming back to me.
“You have to remember to take it every day. It's even more important now than ever before. You're under an incredible amount of stress with all these forces conspiring against you, so you need to keep yourself on an even keel.”
“Fine,” he muttered, and I smacked his arm.
“I mean it. You have to promise me that you’ll do better.”
“I promise,” he vowed, then I pulled him close and clutched him against me.
I was still shaking, but at least Brogan was alive.
And I was too. We were both going to be okay.
Today had been a long day, but this night had been even longer.
All I wanted to do now was forget this shitfest of epic proportions.
I let him go long enough to scramble onto my feet, then I pulled him up onto his own.
“Go in the bedroom and lie down, Brogan. I'll be there in a few minutes.”
He hesitated for a moment, then walked to the bedroom.
When I heard his body hit the mattress, I took a deep breath.
First and foremost, I picked up the gun and ammunition, then moved them somewhere he might not even find them, at least not so easily.
Next, I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator before walking into the bedroom.
I made my way to the bathroom and retrieved his medication from the medicine cabinet.
I pulled out the three different pills prescribed to him.
I still don't know exactly what’d caused his fragile mental state, but he’d been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder.
He'd have moments where he'd retreat from himself like he had tonight. It was vital that he kept on schedule with taking these pills. The doctors had told him they’d suspected everything was caused by some sort of trauma, and one intensified with stress.
I didn't know what the trauma was. If I had to guess, I’d suspect it had to do with his father, but I couldn't be sure.
I'd asked him once or twice, but he'd never elaborated, and it was something I figured I'd let him do in his own time.
He had a therapist, but I didn't know how often he actually saw him. Evidently, he went enough to get the prescription because this had been a recent refill, but barely any pills had been taken out. Since it was filled two weeks ago, I knew he definitely hadn’t been taking them as directed.
When I walked back into the bedroom, he was now lying across the blanket.
My breath hitched in my throat as I stared at him.
Brogan Sinclair was so fucking beautiful.
I know most men didn't like to be called or considered as such, but he was so devastatingly striking that the mere sight of him never ceased to take my breath away.
He truly was the air I breathed and I'd almost lost him.
I needed to get that thought out of my mind, but it kept echoing inside my head.
“Take these,” I instructed as I helped him sit up.
Brogan popped the three pills into his mouth all at once while I uncapped the bottle of water and handed it to him. He chased them down with three or four large gulps before handing it to me to put on the nightstand.
When I started to get undressed, he looked at me. “What are you doing?”
“It’s been a long day and night, and I'm not leaving you alone. We’ll deal with everything later, but right now I just want to hold you.”
As I finished getting undressed, Brogan did the same before joining me in bed.
Lying side by side, this normally would’ve been where I would’ve rolled on top of him to kiss him and more.
At the moment, everything was too palpable.
My anger... my anguish... So much pain that had my nerves completely shot.
I had been trying my best to get them under control since the incident in the living room.
I also needed to try harder to bottle up the anger still building inside of me.
I couldn’t begin to imagine what he was going through between the scandalous headlines...
unwanted attention from the media... the harassment of the detectives...
dealing with his bastard of a father... and now, everything that had gone down with Enslee.
I’d almost lost him… almost lost us... So much was going through my head as I held him in my arms. Brogan shifted slightly and I glanced down at his face as he turned it up toward me. There was so much swirling through those black orbs of his. From fear and sadness to more importantly, love.
“Dec—” he started to say something, but I cut him off.
“Get some rest Brogan. We both need it.”
A flash of pain crossed over his features, but he shifted again into a more comfortable position. As he snuggled against me with his head on my chest. I tightened my hold on him, then I drifted off to sleep with my man safe in my arms.