43. Enslee
Iwas completely taken aback the moment his lips touched mine.
Although I knew he was in a fragile state of mind, Declan was vulnerable in a way I’d never seen before.
I should’ve pulled away, but as his tongue thrust between my lips, I began to drink at his mouth, not realizing how much I’d been thirsting for him.
And for Brogan too. Just being back in Declan’s arms with his mouth on mine had been something I’d stupidly and foolishly wished for since the day I'd left that house.
When I offered no resistance, Declan’s hands ran down my back before he pulled me to him.
I could feel how hard he was because his erection was a rod of steel trapped between his body and mine.
Being as starved for his touch as I was, it was not a surprise that my core ached for more.
I could even feel my pussy weep. So many people across the globe would kill to be in the position I was in right now.
And if so, not a single one of them would be second-guessing themselves.
Brogan's face kept swimming in my vision, and I couldn’t stop thinking this was wrong, not only for me, but for him.
I knew that Brogan and Declan had split up, and Declan had said multiple times that there was no chance of them ever reuniting; still, I was torn between the two.
I cared about both men so much, even though a more rational person wouldn't have cared about either one of them after what they’d done to me.
The truth of the matter was that I’d seen a different part of them, even now that everything was out in the open.
I was now more convinced they showed me a part of themselves that they’d never shown anybody else outside of each other.
And I knew a lot of it had been for show, and to fill my head with memories that’d never existed.
There was also the possibility that they really did care about me like they’d said they did, and that somewhere along the way they’d wanted me the same way that I’d wanted them.
Not just so they could keep me quiet, but because I also brought them pleasure.
As if Declan knew what I was thinking, he ripped his mouth from mine and pressed his forehead against me. I could feel the thin sheen of perspiration on his skin, which was likely also on mine. His breath quivered with each deep inhale.
“After what I’ve done to you and Brogan, I shouldn't be doing this,” he said.
I reached up and cupped the side of his face with one of my hands.
“You had no way of knowing that all of this would’ve happened when you did what you did.
You did what you thought was for the best.” He was still so wracked with guilt.
I pulled my head back so I could stare into his conflicted eyes.
“What are you thinking?” I asked as his expression changed.
“When kissing you, I lose myself in the moment.”
“That’s a good thing, yes?”
I hated the insecurity creeping up into my voice. He forced a smile before responding, “I’ve wanted to feel your body next to mine for days… to feel your lips on mine…”
“You have?”
“Yes, even though I know it’s so fucking wrong.”
“S-says who?” I stammered.
“I know it. After what I’ve done to you, I can't believe you're even helping me. And this is… this is how I repay you.” He moved away from me, then started to pace. “I take advantage of you.”
“You’re not taking advantage of me. I wanted to kiss you as much as you wanted to kiss me.”
He stopped and stared up at me. “Why?”
“Because I care about you and I know you're hurting, Declan. These past months have not been easy for you, and especially not for Brogan. Having to stand by and watch the one you love go through this and being unable to help them… I know what that feels like because I also have to watch Brogan go through this. Granted, I don't have the lifetime that you’ve had with him, but I did love him in that short amount of time. I’d fallen so completely for him and for you.
I still love you both. You're hurting and not even together, having instead been ripped apart. I’ve always prided myself on being a fixer of all things, but there's not a thing I can do to bring you together.”
“There's no fixing what I've done, Enslee. Do you understand what I’ve caused? I basically helped Layla frame the man I love for her murder. I bet she laughed all the way to the fucking bank. How could I have been so stupid? I should have trusted that Brogan had this, but I’d wanted her gone so fucking badly.
Just her name and the sight of her face…
I couldn't stand it, and I wanted her nowhere near the man I loved.”
I walked over to him and placed a hand on one of his tattooed biceps.
“When I'd left New York City, I’d thought about going to the police, but I didn't want to be there a second longer than I had to. I’d gotten on the highway, then drove as far away as I could. As far away from Brogan and you because I wanted to be nowhere near the men I loved. And I might’ve been able to put you two in my past, but the moment I saw Brogan's arrest on television, even before you reached out to me, I knew I’d be back. ”
“And look what good it's done you.”
“Hey, this isn’t about me. It’s about Brogan and fixing what's broken between the two of you. I can’t even think about where I’d fit into the equation.”
“You fit in everywhere. Brogan and I grew to care about you very much. That's why we knew we would’ve never revealed those tapes, no matter how much we might’ve threatened.
It’d been another reason Brogan didn't follow you and just let you leave, even knowing you had the power to destroy his life.
Now, I feel guilty knowing that I'm taking advantage of you.”
I moved closer to him and ran one of my hands over his chest, inwardly cursing the fact I could barely feel his heartbeat through the thin material of his T-shirt.
I lowered my hand then slid it underneath his shirt, running my hands over his abs and feeling his muscles as they bunched beneath my palms. When I reached his chest, I held it there.
“You could never take advantage of me because I know if I asked you to stop that you would.
“Yes, I would,” he replied.
“But I don't want you to stop. I want to be here for you in whatever capacity that I can.”
“You’re so much more than a warm body.”
“I know. I could be a distraction too, and possibly make you forget your problems for at least a short while.”
He let out a slight groan. “Ever since we’ve arrived in Mexico, I’ve thought about kissing and touching you again.
” He leaned in and nipped at my earlobe before continuing.
“And fucking you. I’ve been inundated with visions of you on your knees, sucking my cock deep to your throat as I come down it…
perched atop me as you ride my cock… then on all fours strangling my dick as I slam into you. ”
I let out a whimper because everything he was suggesting and describing I wanted.
“Let me be here for you.” And when he stood still, I swallowed my pride. “Please.”
“Fuck,” he said in an exhale before he wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and pulled me to him.
His mouth came down on mine, and he spun me around…
or was the room just spinning? Soon, my back hit the hard surface of the island.
He lifted me up so effortlessly. And once he did, he ripped his mouth away, and I was now sitting.
I pulled him close until his head was resting against my chest, and I held him against me.
“I want you to use me. I want to be of use to you. Please, fuck me.”
“This is so wrong.”
I let out a weary laugh. “Hasn't everything between the three of us been wrong? After all, you and Brogan fucking recorded me when we were all together and individually.”
“And we're so sorry for that.”
“That's not the point. When has anything ever been right for us? It's all been wrong, but it's helped. The two of you filled my empty life, even if just for the briefest moment of time. I now know what I’d always been missing, so if this is so wrong, it’s never felt more right.”
He stepped back and stared at me for several seconds.
I thought he might walk away from me, but he reached for my shirt and pulled it over my head.
My bra soon followed, then he pushed at my chest until I fell back onto my elbows.
After he removed the rest of my clothing, he placed my heels on the edge of the bar before he spread my legs wide apart.
“So fucking wet,” he said in observation.
“It’s because I need you, and I need for you to need me too.”
“God, I fucking need you so much,” he rasped before lowering his head between my thighs. Seconds later, his tongue slid through my slit, and I cried out his name.
“Declan.”
He lapped at my flesh, and I heard the sounds of my wetness as he thrust two fingers into me before slowly starting what I knew would be an intense ramp-up.
Right now, though, it was so agonizingly slow, but this was what he needed, so I'd give him that. The truth was that I did still love him, and my dropping everything to run off to Mexico had been proof of that. My willingness to even come back and engage in a conversation with him had also been evidence of that. Even if we found Layla and he later decided that I was just a third wheel he and Brogan no longer needed, I’d still remember this.
“Declan,” I moaned the moment he removed his fingers and speared me with his tongue.
My body was in complete overdrive. My head fell back as I rode his face.
Declan then began to drag his wet fingers along the inside of my thighs as he continued to fuck me with his tongue.
It wasn't enough, not even his fingers. I needed his cock inside of me. “I need you to fuck me.”
“I will, but first, lie back so I can take my time.”